Man, it's been forever since I've written! Was in the middle of a move to the big N.O. (New Orleans for those who don't know!). Anyways, I'm gonna start small for right now like this one-shot here and work my way back to the big leagues! This is just a humorous story about our mysterious Sesshomaru and Kagura and the "love" they once had for each other. But be warned! The characters are out of character, the time-frame is present day...sort of...but this is the way I like it! You are free to not read it if you can't handle it!

Disclaimer: I own none of the Inuyasha characters. Rumiko Takahashi owns all of them, though I wonder how much I could bribe her with in order to own Sesshomaru?


"What'd I do?"

"Why are your pants so fat?" These were the first words that were told to Sesshomaru by the love of his life. Kagura had been the new girl in his kindergarten class, the girl that everyone wanted to be friends with. He was too young to know what love was but knew enough to know that he really wanted to be as close to her as he could. Well, he got his wish. And a lot more that he didn't wish for.

He looks back on that day with a bemused smile, because at the time it seemed so catastrophic that the girl he had admired from afar seemed to think little of him. Those who know him now would never think that he was the kind of person to everhave feelings for anything or anyone. And yet...if only they did know...well, that's beside the point. Sesshomaru closed his eyes and took himself back in time...

"Why are your pants so fat?" The girl asked with a snicker. All the other kids around them stopped doing their art projects to watch. Sesshomaru licked his lips. Then he licked them again. He scratched his head for a moment, not paying attention to the little white flakes that fell when he did. Then, with a shrug he said, "I dunno. My daddy said they're for my 'third leg' to grow into." The teacher hadn't heard his comment and the children didn't know what he meant. Heck, Sesshomaru didn't know what it meant. The girl considered his answer for a moment, then said, "Well, they look like balloons," and turned away from him without another look.

He had gotten up the courage to speak to this girl and that's all she had to say? "I like your hair ribbons," Sesshomaru said, trying to start the conversation up again. She only nodded, opened the plastic tube of Elmer's non-toxic glue, squeezed some on her hand, and ate it. He was shocked. His precious Kagura ate glue? Just like him?! Oh, what a match the heavens did send! He immediately did the same thing, and chocked. Okay, so he'd fooled himself into believing that he ate glue as well. Hiccuping, a glue bubble came out his mouth and exploded in Kagura's face. She didn't cry, only giggled and ate some more of the paste. And thus began their friendship.

It became their ritual to each eat a glob of glue every time they got to do an art project (which in kindergarten is just about every day. And Inutaisho wondered why his son stayed holed-up in the bathroom!). In fact, they even started eating it off each other's hands, lapping it up like a dog licking its masters' fingers. When they went outside to play, they always were together, sharing a snack of kitty litter sandwiches and for dessert, ABC gum (already been chewed) that one of them had found on the ground earlier that day. When they were alone, it was as if the rest of the world didn't exist. They were young, and lost in their childhood naivety.

One of their favorite games to play was house. They made the hollow plastic turtle in the corner of the playground their home and invented different foods using flowers, rocks, sticks and anything else that appealed to them (and even went as far as using Sesshomaru's shirt as a table cloth sometimes.) Kagura played the traditional role of stay at home wife, "cooking," "cleaning," and whatever else things that stay at home wives do. Sesshomaru tried to act like his father. He sat down on the "couch" and burped a lot. Every now and then he would yell out, "Get me a beer, woman!" and scratched his midsection constantly. Only twice in the five-millions other times that they played this game did he leave the house to do "manly things" as his father had put it to him when he'd asked where he was going.

Things didn't seem like they could get any better for them. And they didn't. On the second time that Sesshomaru came "home" from doing "manly things" Kagura was "up" (as though she'd been asleep) waiting for him. She put a hand on her hip and said, "You're cheating on me, aren't you?" Sesshomaru blinked, shuffled his feet, scratched his teeth, looked at the plaque on his nail, then ate it . "What?" was all he could come up with. Kagura gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Sesshy, you're supposed to be my hubby! If you don't tell me the truth right now, I'm never speaking to you again!" And she did the little stomp with her foot that she looked so cute doing to prove that she meant it. Sesshomaru could only continue re-eating his plaque. Then: "I haven't cheated on anything, Kagura, I pinky-promise!" He held up his little finger for emphasis.

Instead of meeting him half way and hooking her pinky with his, she screamed, "I don't believe you! My mommy says that men are dogs and will cheat on their wives the first chance they get. That's why mommy left daddy and I'm leaving you!" She stuck her tounge out at him, the ruddest childhood gesture of all, and stormed off. He ran after her, calling her everything he knew to make her come back. "Woman! Wife! Kagura! Wait!" She didn't stop and she didn't slow down. She went over to the last unoccupied swing, and started pushing it with her feet as fast as she could. He caught up to her and said, "Kagura, what'd I do?" She ignored him and swung higher. He stepped in front of her to catch her attention. "Tell me, Kagura! What'd I do?" He never found out. As she came down from a very fast swing, she kicked him in the chest, sending him flying out of the sand box that it was located in and onto the hard ground. This hurt more than when she stuck her tounge out at him, probably because it was physical.

Even then he wasn't into the habit of crying. He stood up, brushed himself off, picked a booger and ate it, and went over to the pavement to play with the Hotwheels cars. From then on, Kagura never spoke to him. He would bring her little things that he knew she liked like a handful of dog food and a milk bone but she never spoke. He even tried to re-start the glue eating thing, but still her mouth remained shut. Luckily, he didn't have to endure his school years with her ignoring him. Later that year, she and her mother moved away, and Sesshomaru was taken out of school, his father seeing school as a waste of time and that it should be better spent learning weaponry. On his father's beside table, there's a picture of little Sesshomaru with his shirt off and a chain of bullets across his chest, wearing army fatigue pants, him standing on a hill as though proclaiming to be king of something with the Japanese flag waving in the background. A memoir from military camp.

A/N: This is an example of my sick humor. Unfortunately, there really are kids in other countries (you can probably figure out what certain country I'm thinking of) that actually do send kids to battle. This was simply an idea I'd seen from a movie...too much Hollywood for me!

Sesshomaru comes back to present day and opens his eyes. By a stroke of fate, he and Kagura have met again. She's still the feisty girl he once knew and he's still...Sesshomaru. By another hand of luck, they don't live too far from each other, only an hour's flight away. She still hadn't spoken to him. He decided for old time's sake to give it another try. He waited for her at a place that was supposed to be one of her secret haunts. As she came walking down the beach to her hidden cove, he casually walked up to her and asked, "What'd I do?" She smiled and said, "You cheating dog."


Ah, feels good to have gotten that out! The story, not a fart! Or anything else! Ya'll are nasty! Anyways though, please review and tell me what you thought of this!