"Bella, where are you going?" He asked me. I wasn't sure what to tell him. I knew he would be angry at me for going-if he even did let me go, but I had to see my best friend again.
Jacob fixed the hole that continued to grow in size at that unbearable time. I shook my head as I remembered. It made me guilt ridden when I ditched him after he gave me what I needed most then. He accepted me when I was broken. I had to see him, I just had to.
"Edward, I was just," I paused to think things through and continued, "I was going to visit," It was harder to say his name than I thought it would be, "Jacob, It's just.. Been a while since I last saw him." Edward gazed at me with a tint of hurt and even less anger through those stunning topaz eyes. I felt as if I was drowning in them. I felt the guilt rising up the back of my head.
"Bella.." He trailed off, "You know that if you get hurt by any one of those damn dogs that I would wring their necks." I sat, stunned and wide-eyed at the vicious words that poured from his flawless mouth.
"I know," I whispered so softly I wasn't even sure I spoke the words myself, "You know that I need to be by him, keep contact with.. Jacob, he was my best friend and I wish he still was.." I shuddered at the past tense. He seemed to be taking this in. His blazing eyes started making me dizzy, or was it the flurries of his sweet scent flying around the small cab of my truck? When the rear-view mirrors stayed where they should be, the stabbing pain of injuring Edward flooded through me. That was one thing that pained me even more than not seeing Jacob. I felt moisture running down the side of my cheek, immediately I thought, damn, why did I always cry? Edward turned to me and gently, always gently, kissed my cheek. This was the second time I broke my promise to myself to never shed a tear for Jacob in front of Edward.
"Bella, you know that if you really want him more than me, you can go to him. I'll let you, as hard as it may be. I did mean the thing about wringing their necks if any one of them hurt you, though I apologize for losing my temper." I slowly slid the key into the ignition.
"Edward, I love you, a million times more than Jacob, I chose you, didn't I?"
"Normally, I wouldn't doubt that last statement, but, it's at times like this that I doubt it most," he pointed to the key in the ignition. Ouch. I didn't know this was hurting him so much. I knew that once I was married to Edward that I could never go back, I would never be able to see Jacob again-no matter how painful. This was mostly because soon afterwards I would become a vampire. Edward would be the one transforming me which overjoyed me more than I think it should.
"But.." I didn't know anything truthful to say to him, "I-I- love you, and I know who I can live without.. For long periods of time. Without you I am nothing. I literally would go senile if you left me-I did. I can not live without you, I just need to say good-bye to Jacob and tell him that this is it." I waited for him to get angry, storm out saying nothing at all. I stared at his face for what seemed like an eternity and it was the face of an angelic statue. I removed the key from the ignition though I never started it. I was torturing myself by causing Edward pain, why did he have to catch me going to La Push?
In a slow motion, his lips began to move, "You. Love. Him. The. Same. Way. You. Love. Me." He slowly turned to face me. I sat there with a deer-in-the-headlights look on my face; exactly what I felt like.
"Edward…No one…Could replace you in my heart. I do love him, but no where near the same way I love you. I did kiss him and that was his own trick and he MADE me realize it. That is why I could never love him the same way as you, because I was always in love with you, Jacob had to force me to realize that I was in love with him." He seemed to take this into consideration. I stared at his pained expression as I blurted out the truth.
"Bella, if you really want to see him, go ahead, I won't stop you. I love you too and won't give you pain." I winced at how selfless he was and how cruel I had been. I truly hated myself. He began to speak again, "If you go and you're truthful when you say that you are mine forever-" I cut him off there
"Damn it Edward, I am marrying you! How can you doubt that I want to only belong to you?! You offered me the choice to not be married and still get what I want and I said no and decided that I would officially attach myself to you forever! How can you doubt me?" I felt the warm moisture begin to build up in my eyes and soon overflow. He sighed.
"Bella, I Know. Go see Jacob, I'll park at the treaty line, his house isn't too far, right? I can register people's thoughts whose voices I know from max- 5 miles. How far is his house from where I used to drop you off?"
"Not far at all, I'd guess around 5 miles.."
"Well, that might serve a problem but I will try, if I pick up any wavering in his thoughts about harming you or that he did something and you didn't like it, I will cross the boundary line and come get you, screw the treaty." He looked pleased with himself but I knew him well enough where I could still see the hurt he possessed in his beautiful topaz eyes.
My eyes got big at his words, "Edward NO! You will NOT start a war because of me! You have already risked yourself so many times rescuing me!"
"I-" He began and stopped abruptly. He was staring out of my window; frozen. I turned slowly afraid of what I would see. There out in the black of the Fork's night, were two flawless crimson red eyes staring into my truck.