Title: How do I torture thee? Let me count the ways...
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentions of slash and whatnot.
Summary: A list compiled by Will in which he describes how he annoys/embarrasses Jack Sparrow.
A/N: Maybe Jack will get to make a list of his own. :D


How do I torture thee? Let me count the ways...

1. I refuse to acknowledge you as Captain – especially in bed, much to your dismay.

2. I cut off your rum supply when I feel you have simply had too much. (Despite the wild passion that comes from your drunkenness, I still prefer you sober.)

3. I implement the use of manners in bed. (Saying "Please" really does get you a lot more.)

4. I occasionally make fun of your hat.

5. I never admit to fault; I always leave the apologizing to you.

6. I cannot let the subject go of you in a woman's dress for Barbossa to lust after. It really is a beautiful image, not to mention quite hilarious.

7. I come within your invisible territory every time you wish to use your compass just because I know it will point to me.

8. I steal a different ring off your finger each night while you're asleep and refuse to give it back until it is time to take another one.

9. I call the shots in bed. I'm the captain in such cases. If it were up to you, we'd be suspended in an afterglow haze and state of slight fatigue every next day.

10. It is obvious, the power I use when claiming your exquisite body, when the crew observes you walking about stiffly in the mornings.

11. You can no longer indulge excessively in debauchery when we make port.

12. I can say things in your ear that will make you blush childishly; especially when you are surrounded by the crew.

13. I recount the number of times I've rescued you.

14. I keep you confined to the bed on certain days and occasions (of course, you benefit from this as well.)

15. I let it slip to the men that I gave you a tattoo of my name on your hip.

16. I let it slip to the men that it makes you tremble and whimper for more whenever I touch it.

17. I watch you drown yourself in self-pleasure, delighting in the surprising embarrassment you show when you open your eyes to find me in the room.

18. I can tell you "I love you" in such a way that will make you go weak in the knees every time.

And truly I do, Jack Sparrow. I love you.

Will