Battle of the Semes

A/N: Dude guys so sorry for the freakishly long wait. I tend to do that to my poor readers a lot....D: I'M SORRYY!!!!! I'll try to be better about this from now on...:C Thank you all for your support so far! (: I can't even express how happy your reviews make me :C I'm seriously sorry for being such a bad updater :sobs:


Sasuke, lead model, was practically forced to work for Uke!icious, where Naruto reigns supreme uke. He falls for the blond after a trip to a local new models gallery and ramen dinner. Gaara warned Sauske of something with fear in his eyes. On set, Sasuke couldn't hold back and slammed his lips onto Naruto's with no warning at all, causing Naruto to freak and start crying, and Sasuke learns that he's never had a kiss with any of his co-workers before. Tobi arrives after Naruto's long angry rant at Sasuke and offers him lollipops if Naruto'll go on a date with him. Sasuke tags along, hoping to redeem himself to Naruto.

Chapter 8

Tobi brought them to a hot sweaty Korean barbeque restaurant close to the city limits. It was located in a cozy neighborhood that included various small markets and three-story apartments, wedged between a grocery store and a McDonalds.

Sasuke was on edge. He didn't feel right. It wasn't that the community was too dingy or anything, but he felt a sort of…premonition that something was going to go wrong.

He glanced at Naruto, who abruptly looked away from him and started talking animatedly with Tobi again. Sasuke clenched his teeth, forcing the ill will that was probably boiling up in his body down.

A waitress walked up and asked with a charming smile, an order pad out and ready in her hands, "What can I get you sirs?"

Tobi looked up through the one hole in his mask and Sasuke watched suspiciously as his eyes crinkled into what he assumed was a grin. "We'll have the barbeque beef special!"

"Alrighty then." She jotted down a quick note, stuck her pen behind her ear, and walked off to another table after a small, shy glance at Sasuke, who snorted in exasperation.

Turning back to Naruto, Sasuke watched as his hair blew gently in the slight breeze coming from a vent located right above their heads. He was all smiles, giggling with Tobi over who-knows-what they're talking about. A small scowl formed at the tip of Sasuke's mouth, threatening to pull his entire mood down into the deep green seas of jealousy.

"…don't you think so, mini Uchiha?"

Sasuke kept his cool at the degrading nickname Tobi had carelessly thrown onto him. He's going to make a good impression on Naruto if it kills him, and so Naruto's friends were his…tolerances.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Tobi tilted his head stupidly, amused, and Sasuke wanted to punch his fucking mask until the broken shards ripped his cornea into tiny little blind pieces.

"I was just wondering if you also thought that Naruto will be good bait for all sorts of ravenous monsters?" Tobi chuckled at the slight twitch that descended upon Sasuke's left eyebrow.

Naruto blushed and hid his face behind his hands, his ears flaming red. From behind his shield, he whined in a hurry, "What kind of stupid question is that? How did we get on this topic? We were just talking about my stupid fear of the dark! Toooobiiiiiii why are we talking about such embarrassing things?! Don't answer him, Sasuke!!"

Sasuke smirked as Naruto's ears got redder and redder. Leaning forward and arching a finely carved eyebrow, Sasuke answered in his smoothest voice, "Why, he'd be gobbled up in a second."

What seemed like a grin spread across Tobi's hidden face and he slapped Naruto heartedly on the back. "Hahahaha I TOLD YOU!"

Naruto popped his head back out with a pout, along with a glare in Sasuke's direction. "Shut up, Tobi! That's not a good thing!"

Sasuke felt the urge to laugh bubbled up in his lungs at the sight of a disgruntled Naruto whining to some freak in a hideously ugly mask. Good thing the food arrived just in time to quell that need. With a gratifying look to the waitress who gave a surprised start at it, Sasuke picked up his chopsticks and began to place the pieces of meat on the grill, absentmindedly listening to Tobi and Naruto's pointless banters.

"Tobi, you're an asshole."

"No way Naru-chaaaannn! Tobi's a good boy!"

"Yeah right! Why do you enjoy enticing me with your lollipops so much?! And then making stupid comments about me and my monsters!"

"Who can resist?!"

"THE NON-ASSHOLES. Thanks for the meal though, by the way."

"Haha no problem. I like my Naru's stuffed. I'M NOT AN ASSHOLE."

"Oh really now?! Gross, stuffed?"


"Prove it."

"…Wait, prove which point? That I like you stuffed?"


"…oh well uhhhhh proving that right this second might be sort of a problem, see, 'cause I was kind of hoping you'd uhhhh… help me out with something."

At this Sasuke's interest perked up and he started paying more attention to their conversation than to the onions he was laying out nicely and symmetrically on to the grill.

"...What? What do you want?"



"Well this is kind of odd, but…can you…helpmestalkDei-senpaipleasei'llloveyouforeverifyoudothiswouldmeansomuchtome!!!"

There was silence. Only Sasuke's relieved sigh could be heard breaking the thick atmosphere. At least he wasn't asking Naruto to like…actually go out with him or something disgustingly along those lines…

Naruto was staring bug-eyed at Tobi like he had grown an extra face. Not that you could see if he had, due to that mask of his. Slowly but steadily, Naruto breathed in… and then out. Pining Tobi to the spot with his astonishment, he said deliberately, "You…want me…to help you…stalk…DEIDARA?!"

Tobi winced at the large crescendo at the end of his sentence. He gave a silly nod, hoping playing it cool will allow Naruto to accept the idea easier.

"WHY, may I ask, am I supposed to spy on my dear Deidara-senpai?" Naruto was eyeing Tobi calculatingly, stroking an imaginary mustache on his chin thoughtfully. Sasuke couldn't tell if this was a serious situation or not.

"Well, Naru-chan, have you heard…about…Dei-senpai's new…um…" Tobi didn't finish, feeling a bit stupid for doing all this now. Maybe he should just give up…

Naruto's eyes widened in realization. With a snicker, he waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner and elbowed Tobi in the ribs. Sasuke choked on his own spit.

"Ooooohhhhh so you're concerned about Deidara-senpai's new BOYFRIEND, eh? Awww how sweet of you, Tobi!" Naruto clasped Tobi's gloved hands in his own and brought them to his heart. Sasuke swallowed the spit he previously choked on.

"Don't worry, my dear friend, I will most definitely help you on this quest! What would you like me to do?!"

Tobi looked sheepishly into Naruto's helpful face. Oh man. "Well the thing is…I'm not so much worried as like…jealous…so I was hoping…wecouldsabotagetheirdate?" He trailed off, looking away from Naruto's startled face.

"SABOTAGE THEIR DATE?!?!?!" he finally exploded, waving his arms animatedly.

"Yes." Tobi squeaked, withdrawing from Naruto's flailing appendages.


Sasuke dropped the piece of beef from his chopsticks before it reached the grill. WHAT?!

"REALLY?!" Tobi squealed, clasping Naruto's hands in his gratefully. Naruto gave a huge mischievous grin and nodded.

"Sounds like fun. Plus I have to make sure his new boyfriend is suitable for my Dei-chan as well! And what better way to test him than with an ex-boyfriend's scheme!" Naruto started snickering, Tobi joining in too.

Sasuke was sure he didn't want to be part of this plan.


Of course, this would happen. Sasuke should've seen this coming.

He sighed, pulling the white cotton button-up shirt over his head and then slipping the black slacks on. Standard waiter uniform.

He didn't know that his family actually owned this restaurant, or that Tobi had brought him along so that he could get them into the back and into these…disguises. Sasuke looked at himself in the body-length mirror and grimaced. He looked like a common pedestrian! But better looking, of course. The black slacks were too loose and didn't have that shine that Armani brand pants did, and the white shirt was itchy and…was that a hole?!

"Sasuke, cheer up! This should be a blast of fun! Just follow our plan, and if Deidara doesn't kill me by the end of tonight, I might just forgive you." Naruto gave Sasuke a taunting grin, knowing that he'd be stupid to let this offer go. Sasuke knew it too, and so gave a defeated sigh and nodded. Oh well. His dignity had left the moment he started being submissive to Naruto anyways so what more harm could this little spree do? Damn Naruto and whatever effect he had on him!

Tobi peered into the window of the kitchen door that led into the restaurant. With a grin, he turned back to Naruto and motioned for him to go over. Naruto, giggling and snickering like Tobi had just cracked the biggest joke to ever hit comedy central, stuck his head in the other door's window. Sasuke just stood there praying to God that he would come out of this with as much pride intact as possible.

"HE'S HERE!" They both screamed at the same time, and started doing a happy dance of glee and anticipation that consisted of butt shaking on both their parts. Sasuke stared intently at Naruto's and pointedly ignored Tobi's fat ass that was, unfortunately, constantly right next to Naruto's cute bum.

The kitchen chefs and assistants were all ignoring the very annoying duo that blocked the entranceway.

"Hurry it up," Sasuke muttered, half hoping they'd hear, half hoping they wouldn't. As it worked out, Tobi was the half that didn't hear and Naruto was the half that did.

"Chillax, Sassy-pants. We have to observe first! You know, like…look before you leap type stuff." Naruto smirked and directed his attention back through the round window to where Deidara and the back of his date's head could be seen.

After ten minutes of intense concentration on their part and utter boredom and dread on Sasuke's part, they finally announced the first stage of their plan was to be commenced soon.

"Ready guys?" Tobi asked, looking at his two accomplices through the hole in his mask. Naruto nodded enthusiastically and rocked back and forth on the soles of his black shoes. Sasuke gave a tip of his head when Tobi glanced at his direction.


All the workers gave a sigh of relief as the crazy bunch left their now peaceful kitchen.


Deidara gave a smile and extended his hand out to encircle their similarily ring-adorned fingers together. The red-head across from him stared at his menu, unaffected by the loving gesture, but Deidara didn't seem fazed. Instead, he scooted to the edge of his seat so that their knees banged together underneath the table.

Naruto snickered at Deidara's oh-so-smooth come ons. Sheesh, they could hear their legs colliding all the way from behind the pillar they were inconspicuously hiding behind. And by inconspicuous, it meant they were totally conspicuous to everyone but the two lovebirds.

Naruto had seen Deidara and Tobi's relationship before their tear-jerking break up, and Deidara had always been the one to look around stoically as Tobi fused over everything Deidara-related. And now, seeing Dei's position switched to the obviously uke one, it felt kind of weird to him. Tobi twitched by his side, watching his once-lover ogling the young red-head.

Naruto, sensing Tobi's jealousy radiating off him wave after wave, patted him comfortingly on the back. "Relax Tobi, we'll make sure you left Dei-senpai in very capable hands, mmk?" Naruto smiled and gave Tobi a quick one armed hug.

Sasuke felt like wriggling into their casual embrace.

...Damn he was going crazy.

Soon, Deidara and his date had gotten their meals and started chowing down in silence as Deidara glanced every once in a while to the other male through his bangs.

"Operation start-o!" Tobi whispered after a few more seconds of silence. Sasuke sighed. At least his part in this god-forsaken plan was at the beginning so he could get it over and done with.

Actually he had no idea what the rest of the plan was after his part because he kind of uncharacteristically zoned out during their prep time thanks to their very close huddle and Naruto's mouth inches from his face. He had asked why they had to huddle anyways since they were already alone in the back storage room, but he had just received glares, so he took that as the answer being because it added to the drama and feeling of the whole situation. Morons.

Flipping his bangs so that they shadowed most of his face, Sasuke took a previously prepared glass of red wine and started walking towards their table. With a small "oops!" he pretended to trip and spilt the red liquid right onto Deidara's white shirt.

"HEY! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING DUMBASS! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY SHIRT!!" Deidara screeched, shooting up and out of his seat and seeing the huge red splotch get bigger and bigger as the liquid bled through the fabrics of his very expensive dress shirt.

Sasuke bowed really really low so that Deidara wouldn't be able to see his inflamed face and said in a voice that was higher than his usual deep growl, "I'm sorry sir I'll go get a towel!" With that, he sped back to the kitchen and closed the swinging doors behind him with no intention of fetching a towel. He turned around and now peeked through the windows, wondering what they were planning to do. Whatever it was, at least he was free now. Mostly.

Deidara stood there for one minute, waiting for the afore mentioned towel. When none came, he gave an exasperated growl and stomped towards the restrooms to clean himself off, muttering something about 'bad service' and 'blow this fucking place up'.

Tobi now gave Naruto the signal to go in. With a smirk, Naruto sauntered up to the red-head date.

Observing this new development, Sasuke didn't like it one bit. He sneaked back out into the fray and joined Tobi behind the pillar once more to get within hearing distance.

"I'm so sorry about that accident, mister. Here's that towel," Naruto took out an also previously prepared towel and laid it down on the table. "I hope we can make it up to you mister..." Naruto looked at the red-head expectantly, waiting for a name to come.

The red-head slowly looked up into Naruto eyes. Naruto took note that the man looked around 20 or 22 or something like that and had very smooth pale skin. He almost looked like Gaara except his hair was wavier and his eyes were a few shades darker than his red hair while Gaara's were light green.

"Sasori." His voice was deeper than his features let on and struck Naruto by surprise. He didn't let it show though and continued on with the show.

"Mister Sasori. What can I," Naruto putting stress on the 'I' by half-sitting on the table and leaning down towards him, " make it up?" Naruto reached out and played with Sasori's black tie, a seductive smirk on his face.

Sasuke almost screeched and stormed out there to rip Naruto from the older man, and if he wasn't completely sure that if he ruined their plan he'd never be forgiven, he totally would've. But instead, he bit his tongue and just shook with fury behind the pillar. Tobi saw Sasuke restrain himself and gave a little chuckle that went unnoticed by the fuming boy. It seems he wasn't the only one jealous...

Sasori calmly took his tie out from between Naruto's thumb and pointer finger and scooted back a few inches.

"I'll do anything you need..." Naruto propped one knee on the chair next to Sasori and leaned into his ear and finished with a breathy, "Sasori-sama." He gave a grin and slowly pulled back, their faces centimeters apart.

Sasuke could feel a nose-bleed coming, even if Naruto's little show wasn't directed at him. Damn, that kid could act the whore when he wanted! But then again that's to be expected from his job.

Sasori firmly stood up and took his jacket from the back of his chair. With a condescending look down at Naruto who was still shooting lust filled looks at him, Sasori flicked him the finger and headed off to the men's restroom to find Deidara and to tell him that service really sucked here.

Naruto bounced back to Tobi with a bright smile on his face, even if he just got rejected harshly. "I think this one'll be good for Deidara." Naruto gave a huge hearty slap to Tobi's back. Tobi sighed, dejected, but glad that at least Deidara was happy now. His shoulders slumped in resignation and he moped all the way back to the kitchen.

Naruto turned to Sasuke and his smile faltered for a bit, but it slowly came back full force. Sasuke forced a smile onto his face too, not sure what he should react to that little scheme. A part of him wanted to slap Naruto in the face and a part of him wanted to gouge Sasori's eyes out and he was sure neither one would turn out good...

"Thanks for participating in our little test, Sasuke," Naruto thanked him sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "I know it must've been pretty boring and pointless for um yeah...thanks..." Naruto trailed off, not sure what to say now. It was still a bit awkward with Sasuke and for some reason, his thoughts kept going back to that kiss...and every time it throbbed with hurt and betrayal.

"Naruto..." Sasuke whispered, seeing the blond retreat back into his depressed mood. Sasuke lifted a hand and reached out towards him, but before he could caress his whiskered cheeks, a hand shot out from around the pillar and pulled Naruto back with such force that Sasuke had no time whatsoever to react.

Naruto gave a yelp as he felt himself get thrown back into a table. His head crashed into an empty plate and a resounding crack filled the suddenly quiet room. The whole table broke and both it and Naruto slid onto the floor with a clatter.

"NO ONE TOUCHES MY SASORI YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU FLIRT WITH HIM YOU LITTLE BLONDE PIECE OF SHI—" Deidara stopped shrieking at Naruto when he saw clearly who he had just slammed into the table. "NARUTO?!"

Sasuke rushed out and helped the blond sit up, not missing the confused and dazed look on Deidara's face. Sasori was also there behind him and he actually seemed concerned about Naruto.

"Naruto, are you alright? Naruto?" Sasuke shook Naruto a bit, looking all over him to inspect him of injuries. To his horror, he saw a shard of plate glass embedded into Naruto's skull. With the greatest care in the world, he gripped onto the piece and pulled it out swiftly. Naruto gave a small hiss when a bit of blood poured out of the wound. Looking it over again, Sasuke sighed. It had only went through a bit of skin and was far from reaching the skull. The cut would completely heal in two weeks.

"Naru-chan I'm so sorry! I-I didn't know...Sasori said... wait... what are you doing here?"


All heads turned towards the kitchen doors as they banged open, a flustered Tobi in its gateway screaming at the top of his lungs. Deidara gasped and Sasori narrowed his eyes as the masked man ran to where Naruto was sitting. He brought an ice pack wrapped in a towel with him and quickly pressed it to the back of Naruto's head. "Are you okay? What did mean Dei-senpai do to you?"

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! TOBI SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Deidara yelled, enraged by the sudden appearance of his ex. Sasori took a step forward and put a comforting hand on Deidara's shoulder. "It's okay." Deidara visibly calmed down after that, although he kept shooting glares at Tobi.

Naruto felt a bit woozy from the head collision, and when he tried to stand, he immediately plopped back down onto the floor. Sasuke, seeing Naruto struggle to regain balance, took Naruto's arm and swung it around his neck, and picked Naruto up bridal style.

"Sasuke! You bastard put me down!" Naruto said frantically, getting embarrassed that practically the whole restaurant was watching them.

"No. You can't even stand and sitting on the floor is unhygienic," Sasuke reasoned, readjusting his grip on Naruto so that his hold was stronger. Naruto blushed but couldn't argue with Sasuke's logic, and so gave in to being held like a girl.

"We'll be leaving now." Sasuke announced and started walking towards the door. Tobi followed, since he was their ride.

Naruto looked over Sasuke's shoulder and smiled to Deidara's concerned face. "It's okay Dei-senpai. I deserved that, hahaha. Sorry for the scheme! But I just want you to know that...I approve of Sasori over there. Good luck with everything!" Naruto blew Deidara a kiss and grinned, satisfied.

Deidara grinned back and caught Naruto's kiss in his hand and brought his palm to his lips and kissed it as well. "Thank you, Naru-chan!"

Sasori gave a little smile and held Deidara in his arms. Deidara looked back into his lovers face and gave it a quick peck. "That was interesting, eh?"

"You have weird friends."


Sasuke slowly placed Naruto into the backseat of the car and was about to close the door and get into the front passenger seat when Naruto stuck his foot in the way.

"Sit with me, Sasuke. My head's alright now. It's even stopped bleeding!" Naruto smiled and tapped the sore spot on the back of his head to prove his point. Sasuke obliged and scooted into the seat as well, shutting the door behind him.

"You sure you don't want to lay down?" Sasuke fussed, feeling like a mother hen. Wow that's never happened to him before.

"I'm fine. Thanks, Sasuke." Naruto smiled and leaned his head against Sasuke's shoulders. Sasuke gave a small grin at the action and relaxed.

"Well, I never go back on my word, and since Deidara didn't kill me...I forgive you Sasuke," Naruto looked up at Sasuke and saw his eyes crinkle in mirth.

"Thanks, Naruto. I didn't think you were serious about Deidara killing you though," Sasuke laughed, his deep voice reverberating through Naruto's heart as well, making it throb again. Although hurt and betrayal couldn't possibly be the reason like last time... Naruto ignored any confusing thoughts and laughed along with the dark-haired boy. He'll figure things out later. For now, he'll just enjoy the quiet ride back with his new best friend, Uchiha Sasuke.

He smiled at the thought and fell asleep, his head never leaving Sasuke's soothing shoulder.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!! I think Naruto's feeling a little something something now as well :smirk:


Zarokin - Haha thanks! Random comedy would make anyone's day heheh (: Glad to make you fall on your arse xD

Warrior Nun - ROTFL insanity is a pretty awesome psycological entity, eh? xD

DeliciouslyGood - sorry for not getting this through you first! I've deprived these ppl so long that I wanted it out as soon as possible xD Can I still count on you next chapter? (:

UKELICIOUS - ROTFL THIS IS SUCH A COINCIDENCE XD Well, now u can feel personally connected to my plot xD (:

SoSickOfNyQuil - Oh man if Sasuke refused this chance he'd NEVER win Naruto's trust back lol

Gosangoku - Hahahah thanks! (: Your multi-colored socks (that I rock, apparently) sound really awesome O: :goes and buys some for myself:

ComaWhite.X - Haha that sounds a bit stalkerish xD But thanks for following me around, even without a fanfic account! (:

Lil-lo - Hehee thanks for calling me cute :3 I luff Saiiii and I'm so glad you and everyone seems to love him as well (:

Novelist Pup - ROTFL THANK YOU SO MUCH! (: I am pretty awesome, aren't I? :god strikes me down with lightning bolt for being egotistic:

kakaroshi - Oh mai I love recruiting new fans of SasuNaru! :insert evil laugh:

Suzume - More KakaIru? Hahah sure thing I'll see what I can do about that (: Thanks!

UchihaAkimoto - The seme battling comes after Sasuke and Naruto's bond become a bit stronger and a bit more character development xD

MoonlitXPursuit - ROTFL yaoi-induced diabetes? Sounds deadly xD Thanks for the review!! (:

Aarosha - Oh man I hate overly OOC-ed Naruto's. I mean once in a while is okay but if he acts like a little betchy girl all the time what's the point of man on man action?!?! It'll be just like het! ROTFL but thanks for the review and compliments! (:

SengetsuPwnzU - ROTFL I'll gladly join you in the percentage of insane people that Sasuke needs to get used to xD WEEE!