… I have no idea if I'm giving out spoilers or something…my knowledge for this anime is a bit scattered so yeah. Sue me if it sucks.
Inoue's a bit dark in here…Holy Mackerel, I hated her cheery disposition…in other words, I don't like her character that much. No offense to those who like her.
…I think it's pretty obvious that I don't own Bleach…
It has always been her hasn't it?
I've harbored feelings for you ever since the very first time I met you, even though I know you didn't even knew about my existence at that time. Those feelings I felt for you became more, you could even say that I have started crushing on you.
At that moment I was determined to make you notice me for more than just a faceless and nameless schoolmate that you pass in the hallways.
And finally, after years of waiting, you have finally noticed me.
My heart fluttered joyously at that time, you finally noticed me, we were friends and I squealed and relished at that hope…I hoped that someday we will be more than mere friends.
I started dreaming, before I can even realize it, and I couldn't help myself but to fall for you. I loved those little frowns that seemed to always adore your face, the scowl that you put up to shun the world as to how you're feeling
I've taken on observing you from a distance…no, not observing, admiring, cherishing, loving you from a distance hoping that one day you will gain knowledge of this attraction I felt towards you.
I loved everything about you, I love how you care about others, and I love how you would jump in the face of danger to protect the ones you cared for…
I love how you seem to always protect and care for me.
I felt somehow triumphant at this thought; I was finally becoming someone who means a lot to you! I felt relieved, seeing as I rarely see you this close to someone of the opposite sex the way you are to me, maybe except for Tatsuki-chan and I know that you only see each other as childhood friends and nothing more.
You can tell that I've grown obsessed with you; I've gone from crushing, infatuating, loving, and even worshipping you.
This commitment even scared me, questions keep popping in my head, but I brushed it off. I was too determined to please you. I didn't even care if I would get hurt…
I didn't know that my heart would only get broken…
I was confident on winning your heart. I mean, we were already friends; and I saw no reason to retreat my plan. I was already walking in a straight path that would take me to my goal.
Then there she comes.
At first I though that she was no threat, just a new girl, I considered her as my friend.
She wasn't someone that I can say who can be a suitable…someone… in winning your affections. As far as I know, you two know each other and are annoyed by the mere sight of the other.
I thought that you disliked each other.
That was easy to think of, seeing as the only words exchanged between the two of you were insults and distasteful words.
I had no idea that she would become the biggest hindrance in my dream.
That she would become a formidable rival.
Even though you deny it, I know that you care for her dearly, under the tirade of insults you can muster, you have cared for her from the very beginning.
I've seen the way you look at her.
When she had been severely injured and I was healing her, you looked like there was a part of you that was slowly and painfully dying, as you looked at her beaten form. I healed her of course, but she had remained unconscious at that time. I watched enviously as you gently carried her body. I had volunteered to walk with you to your house, you had nonchalantly agreed. I can still remember our conversation at that time.
"It seems that you're very concerned about Kuchiki-san, Kurosaki-kun…" I said.
"Huh?" You asked, a bit surprised at my question. "Well, I should be, if she even get a scratch on that midget sized head of hers, Byakuya would slice me into a million pieces" You replied laughingly, but your eyes have betrayed you, you obviously cared for her.
"Why?" I wasn't stupid, but, I just had to ask.
"Her brother assigned me as…well…her guardian, I'm not even surprised if Renji comes now to take the little midget away" I can hear the hurt in your voice. It was apparent that you didn't want her to leave.
But you were right, just a few days after I healed her, we were back at school, and I can tell just by looking at you that she was gone. She was back to the Soul Society.
I wanted to yell, rejoice and laugh at that time, but I keep on remembering the haunted look on your face when I glanced towards your direction.
Your eyes were glazed over; you were hurting because of her.
And that hurt was something that even I can't heal.
Somewhere inside of me, I knew that I had lost to her; I knew that she had your heart and that she still has it up to now.
But I had remained deaf to these constant naggings inside my head. Especially when you have talked to me again, I had butterflies in my stomach at that time; I was full of hope and my undying love for you.
"Inoue, arigato" You told me sincerely, as you tried to put on a smile.
I wanted to scream at you that time; I didn't want your sincerity! I want you to love me! I want you to love me more than you loved her!!!
Why can't you love me?
Why can't you just forget about her?
Am I not beautiful enough for you? Am I too weak? Am I too worthless?
That night, I cried myself to sleep, feeling absolutely worthless and pathetic.
I felt worthless; because I can't even make you smile…no matter how hard I try.
I felt pathetic; I keep throwing myself at you, when I already know that you have already fallen for her.
I can't bring myself to stop loving you; I couldn't bring myself to hate her either.
I learnt to revel in your greetings and sincere words, knowing that that's the only thing you can give me now. Seeing as you've already taken out your heart and presented it to her in a silver platter, something I can only wish for.
You've probably given her your mind, body, and soul already.
Your shadowed eyes tell me that she isn't back yet. It's like you are only a soulless empty shell without her.
I hated seeing you like this.
I hated you for being like this all because of her.
I blame her for everything.
This is all her fault.
I had no idea how long I've been standing here in front of your house, staring listlessly off into space.
All of a sudden, I hear your voice, I quickly hid behind a post, I didn't know why I did, but I felt like I shouldn't be seen by you, of all people, right now.
You stood there, the usual scowl present in your face, but your eyes say otherwise. There was no doubt about it, you were happy.
I wondered for a moment…
She…it can't be…
You told me that her brother had taken her back permanently! Why is she back now?!
When I was already here, more than ready to tell you that…
I had thought that you and…I…
"Oi, shortbread, hurry up! We're gonna be late for class!" You shout back into the house as you walked out into the porch.
"Yeah right, doofus, you're the one who spent an hour inside the bathroom" Her voice rings inside my head.
She was back.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm a doofus…" You mutter, walking ahead of her.
She catches up and punches you lightly in the arm.
I feel a surge of jealousy and hate towards her. How dare she? Hasn't she already done much damage to my life? Doesn't she already have his love? Why is she back?
What more could she want?
"What the hell is wrong with you, Ichigo?" She asks as she turns you to face her, a hand ready to hit you. You grabbed her hand and pulled her flush against you.
"Shut up, and quit your bitching" You say
She opens her mouth to say something. But it never came. You had pulled her much closer to you, and finally closed the gap between your lips.
I felt my heart shatter when I saw what you have done. I saw you kissing her; you had pulled her against you and were kissing her vehemently.
I choked out a sob. No, no, no, no….
You pulled away, resting your forehead against hers, her face was flushed and her breathing ragged.
"Don't you ever shut up, Rukia?" You say to her, hugging her to you. And I felt the tears well up in my eyes and threatened to fall.
"Because if you don't shut up, I'm gonna be forced to shake and slap you around or something, and if that happens, they're gonna take you away again…I can't let that happen… I can't freakin' lose you again, Rukia…"
She pulls back from your hug. "That was so pathetic, you idiot" she mutters and pulls you back for a kiss.
My heart wrenched as you say those words to her…how can you kiss her? When here I am more than ready to give my heart and soul to you? How van you pick that Death God over me, who have loved you unconditionally?
I felt the tears that I had fought so hard not to fall, run down my cheeks, I grasped the post tightly as you broke apart, she runs away sticking her tongue out at you jokingly as you ran after her. I broke down completely, my knees finally giving out. I cried out, clutching a hand to my chest where my heart had once been
I wanted so much to hurt her…make her feel the pain I'm feeling right now…but I couldn't…I just couldn't…
What was the point of hurting her anyway? Hurting her won't make you love me back…
I didn't even bother going to school.
I couldn't bear seeing you with her.
I cried my heart out, this was pathetic, and I was pathetic…
I still love you, even though you love her.
…Even though I don't have a sliver of chance of you loving me back…
I should've just given up from the very start of this infatuation…
I should've listened to those naggings in my head that my love for you will never be returned.
I should've known that it was her…
…that you loved…
…valued more than your life…
I should've accepted the fact that you will never be mine…
I should've just stayed in my little corner and kept quiet…
Because I know that it had and will always be…
A/N: Whoo…finally got that out of my system. It was a tad overly dramatic for me, I made Inoue too OOC ne? But, I'm just glad I've finally typed this out, this had been haunting me for days…I mean, literally haunting…So, please tell me what you think…Or else…
I'll send a hollow after you…or probably Kon….