Summery: In which, the Akatsuki have a new feature installed in the hideout - which causes fear and confusion in the members - and Hidan does not appreciate it. HidaKaku Yaoi. Crack!fic.

Disclaimer: I do own the characters of Akatsuki - I lost them on ebay fair and square. Please resist the ever yeilding desire to sue.

A/N: Hey there. This a very belated christmas/new years gift to my sister, who has been waiting for me to post it for a while now, and I was finally able to finish it. Dedicated to: Vampyress-Freak6. I hope you like it.

To those of my lovely readers who are awaiting my update for Clay and Puppets - I appologise that I am taking so long, and will continue soon.

Anywho, this will be a little three part story - Kakuzu and Hidan yaoi, with all the obvious sidepairings. I've had this idea for a while, and I hope it worked out. This chap is quite short also, but the other two will be longer.


Technophobia: Abnormal fear of or anxiety about the effects of new technology. (ex. Computers, cars, telephones).

Part 1/3:

Strange Noises

"Wow..." Deidara breathed, the blonde's voice quiet and amazed, as he stared at the strange object in front of him, his tone giving way to the obvious awe he felt.

"It's so... beautiful!" Tobi cried, tears springing to the young man's eyes as he was overwhelmed by the feeling of great wonder the object in front of him induced.

"Wha' do we do with it?" Kisame asked, his large blue eyes wide in cautious appreciation, leaning closer to the object to inspect its many features, his mind whirring over the many purposes the object could perform.

Itachi shook his head as he stood next to his partner, fixing a firm and intimidating glare on the object as he took a step backwards away from it. "I don't like it."

"Hn." Sasori kept a firm hold on Deidara's hand, feeling himself agree with the Uchiha as he kept an eye on his younger partner, restraining the youth from touching the object - should it decide to jump out and attack the blonde.

"We cannot see the need for it." Zetsu's double-toned voice put in, he himself feeling rather disillusioned with the supposedly 'new age' gadget that had been installed on their kitchen wall.

Hidan stood perfectly still, ridged and apprehensive as he merely stared at the object - for once not accompanying any thoughts of his with swear words and praises of Jashin - as his wide eyes betrayed nothing of the gripping fear that held his mind.

"Stop complaining, the lot of you!" Kakuzu yelled over the top of them then, giving a haughty glare to general room as they all turned to look at him. "Sir Leader ordered we have one, and it was damn expensive to get, so we'll all just have to live with it!"

They all jumped then, alarm rising within them suddenly, as the object made a strange and frightening noise -

-Ring, Ring- -Ring, Ring-

They all stilled - Deidara having jumped into Sasori's arms when he had feared the object would leap out at him, Itachi glaring at the object to stop making that annoying ringing noise from where he hid behind Kisame, while Tobi had burst out crying.

"What do we do?!" Kisame panicked, using one arm to hold Itachi behind him protectively as he suddenly felt the need to flee the shaking, ringing object.

"I... I don't know!" Deidara cried dramatically from where Sasori held him.

"Save me, Zetsu-sempai!" Tobi wailed, as he flung his arms around the indifferent plant man.

"Oh, for Kami's sake." Kakuzu grumbled as he stepped forward, many of the members gasping in fear as he took hold of the object's handle and lifted it from the base of where it was nailed to the wall, "Get a hold of yourselves, you're supposed to be S-Class criminals!" He scolded them, before holding the receiver to his ear, "Hello?"

The room was still, all watching their fellow Akatsuki member as he seemed to be... speaking to the object! Could he perhaps understand its language? Was it giving them orders? Was the object their new leader?

"No, we don't want a premium package!" Kakuzu suddenly yelled, and to the confusion of the other startled and fearful Akatsuki members, slammed the object back onto its receiver.

A gasp resounded about the kitchen, as everyone's eyes widened accusingly.

"W-why did you do that, un?!" Deidara asked frantically, on the brink of tears in his fear.

"Oh, now you've just angered it!" Kisame scolded, looking to the now-still fixture apologetically.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, "It's just a telephone!" He yelled, now thoroughly fed up with his companions' ignorance of the technology.

It was then that they all heard the strange sound that seemed to be filling the room - a gasping, wheezing noise - and proceeded to look about in confusion.

"What the hell is that?" Sasori asked, raising one delicate eyebrow in question as they sought out the noise - all of them instantly looking to the telephone (it had, as of late, seemed to be the source of strange noises) but found it not to be the culprit.

It was then that they all turned to see not what, but who was making the strange gasping sound -

Hidan stood still in the kitchen, his eyes wide with fear, as he gasped and wheezed for air - his lungs closing up in horror - the stress on his mind too much...

"Hidan!" Kisame yelled then, the blue man walking over to the Jashinist imploringly, as many other voices began talking to the immortal.

The silver-haired man in question vaguely registered that Deidara seemed to be clasping his arm, while Itachi had slapped him in the face - all of which did nothing for his condition, as his mind seemed to be closing down...

The last thing Hidan heard was Kakuzu - as the man walked over, shaking his partner harshly by the shoulders, and yelling;

"Breathe, you fucking idiot!"

Before he fainted.

A/N: There we are. I hope you all enjoyed that little first part. The other two will be longer and will focus on Kakuzu and Hidan - I promise! This was a kind of set-up for the rest of the fic.

Anyway, any feedback is welcome and appreciated.

Until the second part!