How awkward, two updates in a month by someone who barely writes fanfiction, let alone Prince of Tennis stories! Maybe today's your lucky day! That or I'm trying to apologizing for probably falling off the face of the planet for like…what, six months or so? Yeah, I'm terribly sorry.
By the way, thanks for 300 reviews, people. I never thought a story could even get that many reviews!
50 Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Rikkaidai
Number 21: I will not say Inui Sadaharu's more superior than Yanagi Renji.
It was yet another peaceful day at Rikkaidai Gakuen. The birds were choking out broken up worm crap to their annoying, chirping babies, the flowers were blowing bits of their own reproductive parts into the air and possibly making someone who has a flower allergy die, an old lady was walking her pet poodle who looked like it wanted to just run into the street and kill itself. Beautiful, isn't it?
Tennis practice had gone along perfectly fine that day for everyone, including dear Kirihara, who didn't receive a Sanada-trademark slap from his dear fukubuchou yet. Well, everyone except a certain Yanagi Renji. The poor man was stalking back and forth in the club room, looking as if he was doing something very important.
Yukimura, who just finished his buchou-related activities which had nothing to do whatsoever with tennis, walked over to poor Yanagi. He gave a soft pat on the other third year's shoulder. "Renji, are you alright?" he asked worriedly. After all, if Yanagi were to suddenly go crazy and stop playing tennis, they couldn't rub it in Seigaku's regular's faces that they had the smartest person possibly known to man besides L or B, but that's spoiling a good book!
"Oh, it's nothing Seiichi. I was just thinking."
"Thinking?" It was quite strange to hear THE YANAGI RENJI think. I mean, his brain was probably functioning so fast that thinking was the least of his problems. He probably thought about math in his sleep! Yukimura Seiichi, for one, was somewhat amused that THE YANAGI RENJI actually thought. (This was not supposed to sound insulting, rather…not insulting. Whatever.)
"Yes, I was thinking about how to be smarter than Sadaharu again," Yanagi answered, looking not at the least, happy about his lack of results. "I'm now on plan 34787B."
"Thirty-four thousand seven hundred and eighty-seven B…?"
"Yes. Or if you'd rather, just say 34787B. It'll make typing easier." Good to know Yanagi Renji liked to break the already crumbling fourth wall.
"Alright then, I'll go do more buchou-related-stuff-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-tennis now. Have a nice time thinking, Renji." Yukimura gave Yanagi the most pleasant smile he can muster out and left….pleasantly.
"What a pleasant guy," a random first year said when Yukimura walked by him.
Renji continued to pace. 'How am I going to one up Sadaharu? Better yet, what haven't I one uped him in yet?' Renji pondered. He continued to think and think. Enough thinking to make someone's normal brain explode.
Somewhere near-by, a random freshman who recently joined Rikkaidai in hopes of being number one's head start to hurt a lot. It was as if a genius was thinking so hard that his brainwaves were affecting whoever reached within a five hundred yard radius of him. His head started to hurt so much, he decided to quit the tennis team and live a life of priesthood—well, we were just kidding about that part. He actually just went home.
Actually, half the non-regulars that day decided to go home due to strange headaches.
Kirihara Akaya, surprisingly, did not go home. Yanagi's brainwaves did not affect him at all. Strange.
At that exactly moment in Seigaku, Inui Sadaharu was finishing up his latest Special Awesome Amazing Remixed version of his Inui Juice. However, this time the drink has five percent more protein than usual! That's right, five more percent of protein! Go buy it now, for just 150 yen! How cheap, no?
Ahem—anyhow, moving on. Inui had just finished stirring what seemed to be a rainbow colored drink with dashes of sparkles and…what was that? Cinnamon? Well, it certainly smelled like cinnamon in the changing room.
"At last, I have developed a drink that shall surpass Yanagi Renji!!" Inui let out a mad scientist laugh, only with more monotone.
That day, everyone in Seigaku decided to skip changing and just go home without their stuff. Luckily for half the regulars, they leave their stuff outside.
It was a normal Sunday afternoon. A day of which the regulars of Rikkai practiced for hours and hours until their arms practically fall off. Inui Sadaharu was making his merry way towards Rikkai's training courts, a giant briefcase in hand. One could assume he was trying very hard to cosplay as Kaiba from Yu-gi-oh since they practically had the same voice. However, he wasn't trying to dress up and he wasn't rich…like Atobe. But, of course, we all know that Kaiba was probably ten times richer than Atobe. Plus, Kaiba had a kickass coat. Beat that, Atobe.
Anyway, continuing with the story. Inui made his ways through the somewhat crowded paths towards the courts where he spotted his dear friend Renji. He quickly made his way towards the man and greeted him.
"Hello Sadaharu, I half expected you to be here. Well, over half expected. More like 68 percent."
Inui pushed his glasses up and put his briefcase on the bench, opening it expertly. "And there is a 56 percent chance that you will be impressed by my new creation."
"There is a 56 percent that I will not, actually," Yanagi countered, earning a somewhat glare from his childhood friend.
Inui pulled out his thermos of Special Awesome Amazing Remixed version of Inui Juice and poured the sparkling rainbow goodness into a small cup. "I created the greatest drink ever, and it has five percent more protein!"
The professor of Rikkai peered in the cup with his somewhat squinty (or were they closed?) eyes. "What does it do? Not that I already don't know, but feel free to explain."
"Well, it boosts the immune system, makes your muscles stronger, keeps you fit and fills you up with energy. Plus, it sparkles. Apparently kids these days like sparkly things. There is a 48 percent chance that if we added sparkles to vampires, the kids will just come running to get them."
Yanagi nodded. "That seems logical, but what do vampires have to do with tennis?"
"…" There was an awkward silence between the two data masters. Finally, Inui answered with a short, "I…don't know. They don't. I was just using it as an example."
The two remained silent, with Inui clutching his thermos as if it was the only thing worth living for besides tennis and Yanagi looking at the drink as if spilling a bit would melt a hole into the bench.
Just then, a worthy victim—err…candidate came walking by and noticed the two data masters. "Hey there, Yanagi! What's up?" Marui asked, seeming a bit cheerier than usual. Apparently his fanboy, Jiroh, didn't show up that day to molest him on the spot. What a great day!
"Well, Sadaharu made a new drink…"
"Oh! A drink, great! I'm dying of thirst after practice!" Marui grabbed the cup and didn't bother looking at the strange sparkling color. "Well, bottoms up!" He took a gulp and swallowed the whole drink. "Hmm…tastes like mom's homemade muffins."
Yanagi looked expectantly at the redhead for some sort of reaction while Inui was somewhat dumbfound about the taste. Inui mumbled a bit to himself something along the lines of, "must have been when I dropped half my breakfast in there…"
"Do you…feel any different, Marui?" Yanagi questioned, pulling out a small notebook and flipping to the "Marui Bunta" page. He pulled out a pencil, getting ready to write.
Marui blinked. "I suddenly feel a bit stronger, if that's what you mean. I can probably run a few more laps…Not that I want to."
And as if the world hated Marui, Sanada came by and ordered Marui to run sixty laps for not running his earlier laps. What a strange twist of irony. But this time, instead of Marui's usual groaning about running, the boy just dashed almost as fast as Kirihara to a Twilight signing. And that's fast. Believe us.
"It looks like I am more superior than you, Renji." With that said, Inui took his things and left. Along the way, he accidentally hit a random freshman on the head with his giant briefcase. Poor freshman, he passed out right away.
Renji just stood there, for once, dumbfounded.
He wanted revenge.
That very night, Yanagi Renji started to mix his own Super Special Awesome Amazing Remix Yanagi Power Drink. Sadly, he did not get any sleep, but that's okay. Geniuses don't need sleep.
The very next morning, Yanagi showed up with two—not one, count them, but two—briefcases. It obviously showed that he was far superior than Inui because he had two cases to bring and that he's obviously not Kaiba.
"Hey Yanagi, what's up?" Yanagi's victim—err—Marui asked that very afternoon a bit after practice. He was in a good mood today as well since he had aced a math test and that Sanada didn't order him to run laps for no reason.
"Just the person I wanted to see. Marui Bunta. Would you like a taste?" The professor of Rikkai handed the redhead a cup of glowing red liquid. It looked like lava, except it was cold. Ironic.
Marui didn't bother to inspect what was in his cup and just drank it down as if he never drank any type of liquid in his life before. "Ahh… Tasty and refreshing! What is it?" Strange for him to ask after he drank it. Seriously, what if it was poison? The poor genius would have been on the floor dead by now.
"Well, if you want to know the ingredients, they're strictly confidential. I will tell you this, it'll boost your immune system way more than Sadaharu's drink. You'll grow stronger and you'll have way more energy than you ever would. Plus, I'll give you a free bendy straw if you buy one. Oh right—before I forget, I also have to mention that this drink has six—that's right—six percent of protein and three percent zinc. That's obviously better than Sadaharu's drink. I call it the Super Special Awesome Amazing Remix Yanagi Power Drink, or the SSAARYPD. Either way it's a long name," Yanagi explained as if he had rehearsed the whole night. He barely had to take a breath!
"Yeah, but it's missing something…"
Yanagi looked up from his notes. "You mean the bendy straw? Which color would you prefer? I brought lime green, neon blue, and hot pink." The professor pulled out the straws from his bag. It was amazing that none of them were crushed under his books.
"No…it's just not…sparkly enough for me. I'm a flashy person, you know."
"…" The taller of the two reached into his bag and pulled out an emergency "in case they want sparkles" pouch. He sprinkled what seemed to look like fairy dust on top of the drink. "Happy now?"
Marui didn't say a word, instead, he drank another cup…then another cup, then another. He looked like a drunken man in a bar after his wife decided to take their two kids and ditch him. Only he wasn't drunk…nor does he have a wife and two kids (well, at least we think he doesn't).
"Marui, it's not good to overdose. I never looked through the symptoms—" Poor Yanagi was cut off by an extremely hyper red haired genius.
Marui let out a screech as if he went crazy (well, he did) and raced out the door screaming as if Sanada was wearing a pink frilly apron and wanted to cut his head off with a kitchen knife, all the while holding on to an equally as frilly teddy bear in his left hand. Now that's scary.
"Hmm… Drink excites subject. Subject will scream, flail, and run out the door as if the world was ending…" Yanagi jotted down.
That very night, Yanagi decided to call his good friend Inui to watch the news with him.
"You see Sadaharu? Marui is still running and it's been three hours. Obviously my drink is better than yours."
"…Renji, isn't that dangerous?"
"Oh, you're right. He's about to crash into the Tokyo Tower… However, he's still running at a rate that even Kamio from Fudomine cannot beat, am I right?"
"That wasn't what I meant, but…is this a challenge, Renji? Because I will make a better drink for your Marui-san."
Yanagi could only hide a smile. "Why thank you, Sadaharu. I'm sure Seiichi would appreciate you helping Rikkaidai with our strength."
"Wh—I don't mean it that way! I'm not trying to help you!"
"Sorry Sadaharu, but it seems like I won. I'm obviously smarter than you." With that said, Yanagi hung up on Seigaku's poor data master.
"Hello everyone! Today is XX Day XX Month, and we have a special report live from Tokyo! We seem to have found a strange red haired…male…? Female? We're not sure, but this person has been running around Tokyo for at least six hours straight. Who is this mysterious person? Why is he running? Tune in later for more information! Oh my goodness, he's just not stopping!"
It was from then on, the rest of Rikkai swore not to mention the words "Inui", "is", and "better than Yanagi".
It was also from then on that Kirihara Akaya decided not to go to anymore Twilight book signings. It was starting to bore him anyway.
And of course, somewhere in Rikkaidai, Niou was grieving that he never got a cameo in the chapter. If this chapter was about Yanagi, and the last was Jackal, that meant that all the minor characters were revolting! Oh no!
Somewhere out there, Jackal sneezed.
Before anyone asks, yes, Kaiba Seto and Inui Sadaharu have the same voice actor. Imagine that. Hell, Bakura Ryou's third voice actor and Satoshi had the same voice! Mokuba was Naruto! (This last sentence was edited because the author was stupid enough to write "Yanagi Renji" instead of "Inui Sadaharu". That's just how awesome Yanagi is.)