Title: Let Me Love You 1/1
Warnings: Strong language, sexual situations, angst, situations in general... just roll with it.
Main Pairing(s): Randy Orton/OC & John Cena/OC
Disclaimer: The terrible two strike a-Gain! Haha, yes-- Jericho reference. I own nothing you obviously know of-- although you should know my OCs by this point.
Notes: Okay, so I started this a million years ago and I'm finally posting it so just read over it and lemme know how bad it sucks. I realize this could go on but it's just a one-shot I was trying to get out of my way for bigger and better things. Enjoy!
Let Me Love You 1/1
"Bree, what in the hell would you like me to do, huh?! You can't tell me you would just be okay with John cheating on you with Liz, now would you?" I watched her, instantly sensing the difference in her attitude; I could tell her blood was boiling just by the mention of her name. She rolled her eyes at me though as she sat across from me in catering; the normal hang out spot for most of the talent. I knew she could tell I had been crying by the way she was looking at me; it was always obvious when I cried. My eyes were bloodshot, tried and I was utterly depressed. Even though I know I should, I still can't just let this happen; I can't just let him go...
"Ashley, you know damn well I wouldn't be just okay with John even talking to that slut! But, that's not the point. My boyfriend and I aren't the ones on the 'relationship bubble' here. You're married. You have to start the healing process sometime soon, before we all go completely crazy! Vince has been on Randy for the past three weeks because he isn't wrestling like he should. He's depressed too; he's not eating and he's working himself to death eight hours a day in the gym because he doesn't have you to occupy him anymore... I'm sorry, but I'm not going to watch you both slowly die in front of me without at least trying to do something about it... I won't have it you whore!"
I stared down at my water bottle, picking at the label with my fingers as I tried to pretend what she said wasn't true. I was afraid if I looked up at her I'd start crying again. I knew what she said was true, I couldn't deny that but… I just can't do it. I'm not strong enough and I know it. Did she think this wasn't killing me as much as it was killing my husband? I had canceled four signings in the last month because I couldn't pull myself together. Most days I could hardly pull myself out of bed long enough to do the things I had to do... Not to mention there hadn't been a night where I haven't cried myself to sleep, holding onto one of his old t-shirts in a death grip, constantly smelling his cologne... constantly thinking about him, where he was and who he was with...
There was silence between us until I felt someone walk up beside our table. Looking up I sent a fake, weak smile to him as he gently kissed the top of my head before sitting down next to Bree, kissing her on the lips. I wished my relationship was half as good right now as theirs seemed to be. Sometimes I couldn't even look at them together or be around them because I miss Randy so bad.
"Hey John," I barely whispered; I didn't have much energy at this point. No sleep, I wasn't eating either and I could hardly keep my head up. I was just so mentally and physically tried of everything I had to deal with at this point. I'm 24 years old and completely drained, this shouldn't be my life. I don't deserve any of this.
"Hey Ash… have you ate anything today? You're getting pretty pale." He asked as I shook my head no, watching him sigh and frown at me much like Bree has been for the last few days. But, luckily, this time he decided not to fight me on it, or press the subject like he usually did. John was my big brother; he had been since I walked into the WWE. He protected me, gave me advice and was always there when I needed him.
"I just saw Randy…" he said calmly, folding his hands over in his lap, leaning over on the top of his thighs. My face fell a little at the sound of his name. God, I want my husband... I need my husband.
"How is he?" I returned, trying to shake my broken voice as tears threatened to fall for the millionth time since my world came crashing down around me.
"He's getting worse, just like you. He looks sick, I know he's more depressed now than he's ever been and I'm really not sure how much more he's got left. One of the guys found him passed out in his locker room earlier today… he woke up a little later but refused attention. He was told he didn't have to wrestle but since he didn't receive medical attention they couldn't force him not to... Ashley you've got to do…" Bree suddenly cut him off, wrapping her hand around my wrist as she grabbed it up off the table, holding it up for God and everybody to see like a half-time show.
"Ashley LoRae Orton, where the fuck are your wedding rings?!" My heart fell into my stomach again at her discovery. I was trying to keep that on the down low but apparently Aubrey had different plans, as always. I suddenly felt the need to throw up... again. It took me a little over a minute to actually look at her to answer.
"I took them off the night I left him... Every time I looked down they were a constant reminder of what he'd done to me…" my voice trailed as I pulled the chain around my neck out from behind the top of the wrestling t-shirt I wore revealing my rings hanging from the end. She sighed, sitting back in her chair, flipping her hair behind her. I continued the conversation before she could say anything else to me, looking at my cell phone when I picked it up off the table in front of me.
"I'm sorry guys… about everything. I've got to go, the main event is almost over and I can't be here when he gets back... I just can't see him yet."
I watched her as she got up to walk out of the room quickly, afraid to be seen by Randy. I sighed again, something I was getting really tired of doing; I leaned over on John's shoulder, rubbing my cheek against the muscle of his peck through his t-shirt.
"What are we going to do?" I whispered to him, even though there wasn't much else left I could do, and he only confirmed that as he brushed his hand against my cheek trying to calm my nerves.
"Bree, baby, there's nothing we can do. She's hurting so bad because of Orton and his fuck up. No matter how much Ashley wants things to go back to normal it's going to take time and we have to just respect that. It's understandable the way she's acting. She can't just forget that her husband cheated on her with the one person she hates more than anyone..." I nodded, totally agreeing with what he was saying; I knew he was right.
I turned around in my chair as I heard new, somewhat louder voices coming from the hallway from behind us. Randy and Adam walked in from what looked to be the showers. Randy's hair was wet, and he had already changed into his normal street clothes; jeans and an Affliction™ t-shirt, as always. At least that much about him hadn't changed. They sat down across from us where Ashley had just been moments before.
"Where is she?" He asked almost on a reflex, wearing his heart on his sleeve. I watched his eyes, like Ashley, they always gave him away before his mouth did surprisingly. They were glazed over, bloodshot and to tell the truth, they honestly scared the hell out of me. He was just so blank; his eyes looked dead and broken, they were definitely the window to his soul. I looked over at Adam for a beat then back at Randy sighing again heavily pressing my hand to my temple as it started to throb.
"My guess is she's already headed back to the hotel. She left us right before you guys got back here… as always." His head went down to rest in his hands, elbows propped up on the table; he covered his eyes. I didn't know what else to do anymore and I absolutely hated feeling helpless, it sucked for lack of a better term. My best friends in the free world were literally dieing, physically and emotionally, right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. I was starting to wonder why I was even still talking to Orton myself-- he's the one that started all this bullshit...
Before I could start in on him again Adam sighed too, seeing the horrible destruction of his best friends as well; same as I did he began to speak now-- which I was a little thankful for. Yelling at Orton again would only make things worse at this point, there wasn't any use to that either.
Adam moved his eyes to look down at Randy, shaking his head as he threw his hand up on Randy's shoulder, gripping it a little. "Dude, you cheated on your wife… I've been there before, I know how you feel... Trust me, I really do; but the difference between our situations is I didn't do anything about my mistake because I love Amy, I love her with all my heart and soul... But I do know and understand how much I hurt Lisa by going about things the way I did and I regret that much of it. She didn't deserve to be hurt like that and I honestly didn't mean to do it..." He sighed again as I noticed the slightly hurt expression in his own green eyes. "I've been married twice now; I've been through the pain and the depression, twice... I've been through the suffering of divorce, twice... But you; Orton, you got damn lucky. You had the chance to marry the woman of your dreams. You actually were one of the lucky ones that got it right the first time around. Most guys are lucky to find half the woman you have and I think you know that. But, I know how happy she makes you and vice versa so don't be stupid about this, man... You've gotta fix this yourself; you can't let your marriage, your wife and yourself die over one drunken night that you decided to fuck up and make a mistake that you obviously regret. We all make mistakes, we make them every single day of our lives... But, if Ashley loves you like I'm pretty sure I know that she does, she'll forgive you... It's obviously not happen right away, but you've at least have to start the healing process; it's not her job to make the first move. Your mistake, your fuck up; you have to be the one to fix it for both of you..."
I watched Randy as he slowly looked up, his eyes still focused on the table between us. I'm pretty sure he was letting Adam's words sink in, or at least that's what it looked like to me from where I was sitting. I cleared my throat, biting my lip a little as I ran a thought quickly through my mind.
"Randy..?" I questioned slowly. He looked at me by the sound of my voice, but with still no more emotion than before. My eyes soften, reaching across the table to lay my hand on top of his... something I normally wouldn't do to a guy that fucked up and cheated on my best friend.
"Ashley loves you more than anyone or anything in this universe. Everyone and their brother, literally, knows that... I love you both; you're my best friends in the whole world so you obviously can't expect me to sit here and idly watch you both suffer the way you are... I know you haven't seen her much in the last month but she's killing herself just as much as you are, if not more. She hasn't slept, she doesn't eat, she's pale and looks sick… I know you made a horrible mistake... and I'm still pissed at you that you were stupid enough to do it in the first place… But... I also know how truly sorry you are, and I know you regret it… and I especially know you definitely don't want to hear this but… She's wearing her wedding rings around her neck on a chain, instead of on her finger..." He continued to just stare at me as chills ran down my spine. It was his eyes again; they seriously just fucking scared the hell out of me... My heart broke for the billionth time when I noticed a single tear slide down his cheek… That's it, I can't take it anymore... I have to do something!
"She's going to kill me for this but… I have to do this, if only for my own sanity; I can't take this anymore..." I picked up my purse from the floor beside my chair. Digging through it for longer than I would have liked, I finally found what I wanted. I slid it across the table toward Randy as he picked up the key card looking back at me, obviously waiting for me to explain the action.
"That's my key to her room; she always gives me the extra one since she's rooming alone now. She's in room 462, 4th floor, last room on the left once you're off the elevator... Now get your ass back to the hotel and fix your fuck up okay? Fix your wife before it's too late." I watched him slowly nod, noticing a lot more tear stains now on his cheeks that he either didn't feel the need to wipe away or he just didn't have that much energy left.
"Okay," he choked out in nothing short of a faint whisper. I passed him a weak smile upon hearing that positive answer for once. I'm glad he wasn't as negative as Ashley was being at the moment. I at least hoped that was a good sign.
"Good, it's about damn time... Come on fathead, we'll drive you. Get your shit together boys, we have a marriage to help save." I stood up from the table to have all three guys follow behind me toward the exit. Hopefully this plan didn't backfire in my face-- but I highly doubt she'll be just okay with me handing that room key over to the husband she didn't want to have anything to do with at the moment but if she wasn't going to step up, I'm going to step up for them both; it's what I do...
I pulled myself out of Cena's rental, grabbed my gear bag and slammed the door behind me as best as could. I felt like I was going to collapse again at any moment. I could barely keep my head up, the harder I tried the harder it was; I didn't have enough strength… especially after wrestling a 35 minute match tonight added on top of everything else I had to deal with it made me worse than I ever thought it could get. I couldn't even tell if I was walking on my own free will anymore. My heart was pounding along with the immense headache I've had for over a week straight. No amount of Advil or Tylenol could get rid of it, I tried... but nothing I did was right anymore, obviously.
I was honestly scared at this point, I was at least man enough to admit that much; I wasn't sure how she was going to take this, just showing up like this couldn't be the best way to go about fixing our problems but after a month without my wife… without my life... I'm living with the constant reminder that I cheated on my wife, the woman I love more than anything else in this world with her worst enemy, my ex-fianceeée Samantha. All I remember is getting drunk off my ass one night with the boys at some bar after the show... other than that, I'm pretty clueless as to what actually happened. All I really know is I can't live like this anymore. It was a mistake I'll live with the rest of my life. I'll never forgive myself for what I've done and I won't blame Ashley if she doesn't either... even though it will kill me if I lose her.
I watched Bree walk through the front door of the hotel a few feet in front of me, John snuggly beside her; their pinkies were locked together at their sides... I felt a heavy sigh pass over me as it broke my heart even more than it was before, if that's even possible. They were so in love with each other… Like Ashley and I used to be; God, I missed my wife...
She had only been home once in the last month and she didn't stay longer than needed; she had only come to get some of her clothes. I didn't know where she was staying; I knew it wasn't with Bree and if it was another Diva they sure as hell weren't saying so.
I had actually seen her maybe three times in all that time. Not that we were home a lot anyway but I was home when she had come by to get her stuff; I had tried to talk to her then but it didn't help my case any. She wouldn't even look at me, much less actually listen to what I had to say... and I don't blame her, there's no excuse for what I've done to her. It is the worst form of emotional abuse a husband, or anyone for that matter, can cause. But that day at home had only been almost a week after I had come clean to her about everything and I know that wasn't enough time to get to the point where we could talk about this-- but I honestly believe she hates me now, as much as she did then, if not even more...
Flashback – One Month Before
I walked in our hotel room, closing the door easily with my foot. I looked up to see her standing in the front off the room, staring aimlessly out through the sliding glass doors; the moon shining down on her face, the light reflecting off the glass. Her eyes sparkled even from this far away, I loved her eyes...
I sighed a little, uneasy, walking further in the room. I threw my car keys, cell phone and gear bag down in their random places like normal... but I knew this was anything by normal.
"Hey baby," she said slowly. She didn't look at me, or move. My heart was in my stomach at this point, it had been for quite some time. I honestly wanted to throw up right about now. Even now her voice was so sweet and light.. even something as simple as that was making this harder on me and I knew it was only going to get worse.
The light from the window caught the glare of her wedding and engagement rings and my chest instantly got tighter making it that much more harder to breathe. I was starting to think I couldn't do this...
"Hey sweetheart," I choked, my voice obviously cracking. She turned her head to look at me, her dark brunette hair brushing against her cheek as she eyed me carefully. I swallowed hard, watching her as the editable came out. The question I had feared since I realized what I had done; the question I wish I had a different answer for...
"Randy… where were you last night?" She questioned me; I instantly closed my eyes, afraid to tell my wife of only seven months the honest truth… I didn't even have enough guts look at her now. When I finally opened them she had turned back around to continue to stare out the window in front of her, her arms wrapped protectively around her body. I grimaced as I watched a single tear slid down her wine-colored cheek.
"I kind of figured you weren't coming back to the room around three this morning… I didn't want to believe it, but I had to… I had to accept it. I told myself there was a good reason, or, at least that you would think of a decent excuse.. Then this morning, when I woke up without you by my side and eventually when I walked down to the lobby to leave for the arena a few fans stopped me for an autograph…" She paused then to let more than a few tears rolled down her face. I felt the lump in my throat then... I knew that she knew what I'd done.
"...They were the ones that told me they saw you walk out of the hotel across the street with some… woman… who I later came to find out was... Samantha..." She completely broke down then, holding herself up only by the handle of the door. She was shaking, crying uncontrollably and breathing heavily. I felt tears rise up in my own eyes as I watched her quickly fall apart in front of me... because of me.
"Ashley… Baby... I'm so-- so, sorry. I never, ever meant to hurt you… I love you, and only you, you know that." She looked up at me again, her eyes already bloodshot, black make-up circles under her eyes as it ran down her face and her cheeks were red and puffy, covered in her tears. She sniffed a little, her eyes glaring at me a little from under all the emotion. If looks could kill I would already have been in the ground-- and just looking at her now made me wish I was.
"You're sorry Randy? You're sorry?! How do you think it feels to hear from a fan that your husband cheated on you?! Huh? How do you think that makes me feel?! …I love you more than anything in the fucking world and you go out and cheat on me with the one slut I hate more than anyone else in this universe?! I can't believe you, I can't believe you would do this to me… I can't believe I married you."
She killed me, I honestly died right then; hearing those words come out of her mouth like that made me honestly want to kill myself where I stood. I didn't know what else to say to her… I love my wife. This honestly wasn't my fault-- but I knew I shouldn't have put myself in that situation in the first place but I was honestly innocent... I didn't want to sleep with her, she had to know that...
I tried to step a little closer to her; she was still so hysterical, I just wanted to hold her, to take her pain away-- The pain I caused her... I didn't' even get two steps before she called me on it, trying to stand back straight.
"Don't." She hissed at me, throwing up a hand in protest. "Just don't fucking touch me... I want you away from me, I can't even stand to look at you-- I can't do this anymore…" All I could do was stand there and watch her pack her suitcase and watch her cry more than I ever wanted to, especially knowing that it was my fault. She grabbed her purse, cell phone and suitcase as she headed for the door. It tore me apart more than anything to know I had to stand idly by and watch my wife who I loved more than absolutely anything walk out of this room, and basically out of my life for good.
"Ashley!" I called out to her, her hand lying on the door knob, her back to my face. I could still tell her whole body was shaking as she continued to cry without trying to hide it, much less stop it. After a moment she finally turned around, just to stare blankly at me. Her eyes were empty, hollow; kind of like she was already dead inside because of me and what I had done.
"You know I never meant to hurt you..." I whispered to her as my voice cracked and broke just like hers. "I fucked up baby, worse than I could ever possibly have, but I know that. I made the biggest mistake of my life… The biggest one I could have ever made… and I know that's not an excuse but… I'm more sorry than you'll ever really know... I love you Ashley, I love you with everything that I am... please always remember that..." A few more tears slid down her cheeks as she sniffed a few times, wiping a hand over her face to remove them with the back of her hand.
"I'm sorry too Randy… I'm so sorry I wasn't good enough for you..." I watched her as she finally turned around and walked out of our hotel room and completely out of my life; I couldn't do a damn thing about it... I felt my body back up against the wall closest to me, I didn't even know I was moving. I felt utterly sick inside; sick at myself, sick at what had happened and sick that I had just destroyed the strong person I knew... my wife.
I slowly slid down again the wall, sitting flat on the floor with my head in my hands and my knees pulled to my chest… I just cried. I didn't know what else to do, there wasn't much else I could do... Fuck all those guys that thought 'real men don't cry' that's a bunch of bullshit. I love my wife damnit, she is my life and now I've forced her to walk out on me. I cheated on her and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to make it up to her… even though there probably isn't a way to make it up. I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to kiss her again, or touch her or even call her my wife… I had every reason to fucking ball my eyes out and that's exactly what I was doing. I needed the emotional release more than anything… But I didn't blame her for leaving the way she did; I deserve it… But, I really just didn't want this to end with divorce papers... I want my wife back.
1 Week Later
I couldn't stand this anymore. This empty house, the silence… I couldn't stand being home without her here with me. This wasn't really home if she wasn't here. God… why was I such a damn screw-up? Dad raised me better than this…
I just wanted to call her, if only to hear her voice. But, I knew it wasn't worth the time wasted. She wouldn't answer for me, and if she did, she'd hang up on me before I could even say two words to her. I'd only tried to call her what seemed like a million times in the past week. I knew she needed time but I'm dieing without her, I don't know how much more I have left. I can't do this. It's too hard… I'm not strong enough.
This was only the second time I've been home since she left me a week ago yesterday. I had seen her maybe twice since that night my life was completely destroyed. I had heard rumors she was doing special appearances for SmackDown… or something. When she made the couple appearances she did for our home brand of Raw I didn't get a chance to talk with her, or even get close to her for that matter.
She won't look at me, talk to me or even acknowledge my existence. Every time I had make an attempt to get her to talk to me there is always someone around who prevents it. All of the guys, on all three brands had totally exiled me. They hated me almost as much as she did at press time because of what I'd done to her. Most of them looked at her like a little sister or a daughter and for the time being they were also her personal bodyguards. I'd already been punched in the face by Hunter, a few times; Dave, Chris and Shane wanted to just jump me altogether. John, Jeff and Adam hadn't talked to me since they found out either.
I am completely alone and there's nothing I can do about it... But, the saddest part about everything is… I deserve every bit of the hell I'm going through right now… actually, I needed a lot worse. I feel dead inside… and without her, I am.
All I can do it sit here and stare at the walls around me. I have laid here on this couch since I walked through the door alone. I knew when I got here I wouldn't get up and repack until the last minute-- I can't stand the thought of being in our bedroom alone.
I thought I had fallen asleep finally and happened to be dreaming when I started hearing noises coming from outside. Before I even had the time of the strength to sit up I heard the front door unlock, open and close again.
My heart stopped when I saw Ashley walk in the room. She stopped too, staring back at me with the same lost expression. She was a shell of her former self-- wearing sweatpants, her hair was up in a messy bun and the only make-up she wore was a little eyeliner and gloss. Not at all like her normal self. But what hurt me the most was seeing her wearing my RKO sweatshirt. It hurt me because I knew that was the closest I've been to her in the last week and at the moment I knew my own wife actually... hated me.
I stood up as she walked pasted me finally. I could see her eyes were bloodshot, read and dried out. She walked right by me, not looking at me again. I tried to reach out to her but she pulled away from me before I had a chance to touch her.
"Don't Randy--just don't. I just came to get some more of my stuff." She snapped, her voice cracking and shaky. I felt glued to the floor at this point, just watching behind her as she continued up the stairs to our room obviously.
Finally, after a few minutes I followed behind her-- checking the bathroom first, just in case when I got to the top of the stairs but she wasn't there. I quickly walked down the hallway, even though my knees felt like jelly. I stopped in the doorway of our bedroom to see her suitcase open on the end of the bed, a few random pieces of clothing crammed inside.
My eyes traveled up the length of the bed before stopping on her-- she sat on her side of the bed, her back facing toward me. She held the framed photo of our wedding day from the nightstand and I watched her stare down at it for what seemed like forever. A few tears slid down her cheeks as she pulled it to her and held it to her chest; she finally let all emotion flow for her body, no reserves.
As each second passed she cried harder, trying to suck air into her lungs at the same time. I knew this was the first time she had been home since-- I had done the same thing to a different photo downstairs; sometimes we were more a like than I realized.
I swallowed hard as I felt my own eyes start to sting again. I silently prayed to myself, praying that my marriage wasn't over. I slowly walked toward the bed-- she still hadn't noticed my presences in the room until I got up on the mattress and my weight moved her.
Surprisingly she didn't move or get up and leave like I thought she would. She just continued to to cry hysterically with our photo in her much smaller hands. Carefully, I crawled up behind her on my knees. I held my breath as I reached out to wrap my arms around her neck, hugging her close to me as her back pressed against my chest.
I could feel her tears sliding off her face and onto my arms and my stomach rolled-- I can't believe how fucking stupid I can be sometimes... I suddenly felt her untense as she willingly leaned back against me and we just sat there together like that in silence.
After a minute I reached down and gently took the photo from her, sitting it carefully back on the table in front of us. I sat down then, completely against the mattress as she now sat between my legs. I gently tugged on her so she was facing me; I don't know whether it was because she wanted it or if she was just too drained to protest.
I took my hands to her face, instantly cupping them around her gently wiping her tears away with the pads of my thumbs. She still hadn't looked at me in the eye yet though...
"Baby, please-- please, don't cry over me anymore... I know I screwed up but I can't watch you kill yourself over me. I love you so much it hurts, and I'm so sorry for being so fucking stupid-- I never meant to hurt you... you have to know that... I miss you Ashley-- I want to be with you and only you."
I silently watched as a few more lone tears slid down her face but before I had the chance to relieve her of those as well she leaned over toward me to throw her arms around my neck, hugging the life out of me as hard as she could squeeze. I told myself I didn't want to let her go but sooner or later she pulled back and I released. Looking up at me, her eyes finally locking on mine.
"I lo-love you too Randy... but yo-you hurt me more than anyone else.. ever has... I don't want a divorce; I love you and I want to be with you.. but I still can't be--be around you yet either..."
She stared at me for just a second before leaning it and gently brushed her lips against mine; I deepened the kiss, wishing it would never end because God I missed it-- but then she stopped. She pulled away, leaning her forehead against mine, our noses touching. I could feel her hot breath against my now wet lips.
"I'm sorry Randy... I wish we could work this out right now-- but... I just can't... I've gotta go." And with that she got up, grabbed her suitcase and walked out of my life for a second time...
End Flashback I stepped on the elevator, following in behind Aubrey, John and Adam. I watched the numbers above the door light up as we increased floors. My breathing shortened every time it changed. We stopped on 7 as Adam pushed forward and pulled his suitcase on wheels off behind him.
"Later man," Cena called after him-- finally breaking the awkward silence. Adam nodded back at him.
"Night Adam," Bree smiled toward him, obviously trying to be light-hearted but it wasn't working much.
"Night Breeface..." he trailed before looking back at me, right in the eye.
"Good luck man." He nodded again before the doors closed finally between us. We moved up two more floors to 9 as the bell sounded again. Bree and John picked up their stuff too to head out. Bree was the last to say anything as she turned back around to face me.
"Fix your wife Orton-- fix your life... someone call me tomorrow." All I could do was nod back at her as the elevator finally left me alone for just one more floor.
When I got off, I pulled the key-card out of my pocket only to start twisting it around through my fingers. To say I was nervous as hell would be the understatement of the year... My heart was pounding, or maybe it was my head-- I couldn't tell the difference anymore.
I continued down the hallway, watching all the numbers on the wall as I passed them. Finally, I came to the only thing that stood between me and my wife. I thought about leaving to be honest, I didn't think I could do this... Then I thought about knocking, but I knew she would more than likely just slam the door in my face as soon as she saw it was me... Bree gave me a key for a reason..
I held my breath as I slipped the key into it's slot on the door before turning the knob. Opening the door as quietly and easily as I could I tried just as easily to close it behind me. Walking further into the room the only light shown in from under the curtains by the nightlife of the city below us.
I stopped as soon as the bed came into my view and I saw her-- her face toward the wall, her back toward me. I waited silently, my breathing still elevated as I tried to see if she was in fact asleep or not. I stepped a little closer, just staring at her; I was just happy to be in the same room with her and not have someone punch me in the face.
"How did you get in here?" She suddenly whispered out of no where as I felt my body go completely numb. She obviously wasn't asleep anymore, even if she had been in the first place.
"...Bree gave me the extra key.." I paused, sighed heavily. "I had to see you Ashley.. I can't live like this anymore. I love you baby, you're my wife and I want to be with you.." I went silent then, waiting to see if she would say or do anything in response. I expected the normal 'leave, just get out' ...something, but all I got was the sound of her breathing picking up and I could instantly tell she was crying again...
I contemplated my next move-- it was overwhelming for the both of us to just be in the same room with each other at this point. It had been so long since we had been behind closed doors, alone at the same time. My heart, body and soul needed my wife back. Neither one of us could take this 'lifestyle' anymore.
I walked over to the side of the bed that was opposite her body. I pushed the blankets down, pulling myself in toward her. I felt better right at that moment; it had been over a month since I had felt the warmth of her body by being in the same bed. But in the same breath I wasn't sure what she would do..
I rolled over, closer to her and sat up a little so I could look over her shoulder to see the side of her face. I softly took my fingers and gently brushed her hair back across the pillow and out of her face. I came even closer to her as I gently pressed my lips against her cheek. I could feel her wet tears against my lips and I could feel my own start to rise up against my will to stop them.
"Randy..." she started, her voice almost nothing. "It hurts... it hurts so bad. I mi-ss you so much... and you kn-know I love you too.. but.. I don't want to hur-t anymore..." I sighed again, feeling her words ring through me. She had yet to look at me and I totally understood where she was coming from. I deserved every bit of hell I was experiencing but she sure as hell didn't...
"I know baby-- I know. I know I hurt you, and I can't tell you how sorry I'll be for the rest of my life-- but I don't want to lose you; I can't. The day I asked you to marry me, the day we said 'I do'... all those moments I keep replaying in my mind-- wondering why an amazing woman like you would actually want to be with someone like me... God, I'm so sorry-- I'm so sorry I cheated on you. I've regretted that every single day since and I will for the rest of my life... But please let me back into yours-- please come back home and please be my wife again..."
My voice fell at the same time as the tears from my eyes. I was so physically and emotionally spent, I couldn't pretend I was okay anymore-- I wasn't strong enough to fake it anymore. I laid back on my back and just let them go-- I let them fall freely as I felt them roll down my cheeks.
After a few minutes I felt her move beside me, turning over to face me finally as she leaned against me, her head laying on my chest. I looked down at her, our eyes connecting; hers were watery too and I could see the obvious pain I was putting her through.
It had to have been only a minute or less of her staring at me before she rose up over me a little to plant her lips against mine. The ease and softness of her kiss reminded me of all the times we'd spent together. I closed my eyes as I reached up to run my hands through her hair; I could smell her shampoo again and it almost made me smile, even during our sweet kiss.
I finally felt her pull away and I reopened my eyes to see her staring down at me. "Promise me you'll never hurt me again... promise me you'll never cheat on me again, Randy.." I looked her straight in the eye, cupping her face in the palms of my hands.
"I swear to you, God and everyone else imaginable, I'll never hurt you again as long as I live-- much less cheat on you... I love you baby, more than anyone or anything on earth-- I'm lost without you and I'm never, ever going to let you go again... God, I missed you more than you know..." She brushed her cheek against my hand before I pulled myself up, sitting back against the headboard.
I pulled her to me, hugging her for all I was worth. I never, ever wanted to let her go again out of fear she might disappear and this would turn out to be just another dream. "I missed my wife.." I whispered softly to her, brushing my lips against her cheek.
"I missed my husband..." she replied back, her hot breath against my skin. She looked up at me, her eyes on mine but she stayed silent. After a few beats she pulled her right leg over me as she sat up to straddle my lap. Her eyes never once left mine.
I watched silently as she removed her RKO sweatshirt to reveal a black, lace bra; she tossed the garment to the floor beside the bed. As soon as her attention was back on me her lips were instantly pressed against mine; it was hard at first, then faded to light and passionate. God, I missed this...
I found my way to the secret spot on her neck that only I knew about and I felt her fingers glide through my short, stubbly hair. A small moan escaped her, "make love to me.." she whispered huskily, almost too soft for me to hear her-- but I did. God, I definitely missed this...
Her warm breath brushed against my shoulder blade as I relished in the feel of her lips on my skin as she kissed her way down my neck over the top of my shoulder. A shiver passed over me and my head felt like it was spinning out of control, but it was the best feeling in the world-- and one only she could cause.
I moved my hands through her hair this time as I moved it over to one side so I could focus on more of her neck. She moaned lightly against my cheek, driving me forward even more. She brought out my most animalistic side with her smallest gestures, movements or sounds.
I slowly pulled away from her, her deep brown eyes watching me closely now; she was probably thinking the same thing I was-- I had to keep reminding myself this wasn't a dream but if it was, I didn't want to wake up, ever.
"Are you sure this is what you want? I don't want to push you into anything you aren't ready to do; if you need more time, I'll wait.." She was the one to cup my face in her palms this time, passing me a small smile, it instantly made me feel better about the situation.
"Randy-- I asked you to make love to me.. and that's what I want... Please Randy, I miss my husband-- I miss being with you-- don't make me wait anymore." She leaned forward again, pressing her lips against mine in another soft kiss. I tangled my fingers in her hair once again, pulling her ever closer to me and deepening the kiss as much as humanly possible. I loved the feel of her lips on mine...
She sighed contently against my jawline as I felt her pulling at the hem of my t-shirt. I smiled to myself as I moved my arms to let her pull it from my chest. She threw it to the floor, her mouth immediately on me again, sucking and nibbling at the skin of my collar bone and pecks, along with the hollow of my neck.
A deep moan pulled from my throat as she continued with the sweet torture of the warm sensations her lips were creating. I could feel her fire, her breath hot against my skin as she started picking up speed. It was almost as if she thought she had to rush-- like I might disappear if she were to close her eyes.
I pulled back, looking down at her as she watched me. I pressed my fingertips against her lips before leaning down toward her again. I pressed my lips lightly against her cheek all the way back and down toward her earlobe.
"Take it slow..." I whispered hotly in her ear, feeling her shiver under me. "Baby, just let me love you..."