"Have sex with me."

"For the last time, NO!"

"Ok sweetums, see you at the meeting tonight, try not to miss me too much."

"Yeah, that'll be a tough one," Hermione sighed, rolling her eyes at the Head Boy's retreating form. Of all the cocky, self-centered men in her year, she had to get stuck sharing a common room with the cockiest and the most self-centered egomaniac of them all—Draco Malfoy. It wouldn't have been quite so bad, she had thought upon first learning who her counterpart was to be. She figured they could separate business and personal life, and basically just ignore one another completely outside of the business aspect.

How wrong she had been. Not only did Draco insist on conversing with her at every waking moment, the only things that would come out of his mouth were sexual. If he wasn't requesting sexual favors or demanding that she sleep with him, which he did on a regular basis, then he was vividly describing just when, where, and for how long he had bedded his girlfriend, Pansy Parkinson.

She shook her head, trying to clear out any thoughts of the blonde bastard so she could make the most of her time without him. She dipped her quill into the ink and picked up where she left off on her Potions' essay.

'After further examination, I have found the uses of runespoor eggs to far outreach…'

The nerve of him!

Her essay was a lost cause for the time being. She moodily shoved her things back into her bag and knocked on the portrait of Godric Gryffindor, who woke up immediately to allow her passage to the Gryffindor common room.

"Have sex with me," Draco said casually as they exited Transfiguration later that week.


"Please?" he whined.

"Please stop asking."

"Just one time Granger, that's all I need to convert you. Is that really asking too much?"

"Is it really asking too much to ask you to stop asking me!" she replied exasperatedly, rubbing her temples with her thumbs.


"You are infuriating."

"You know you like it."

"Ugh…" she groaned at the ceiling, shoving past him and praying to Merlin he wouldn't catch up with her.

"Have sex with me?" he asked her in a sickly sweet voice, batting his eyelashes at her in his best attempt at puppy-dog eyes. She didn't look up from the book she had immersed herself in, so he slumped into the chair across from her, casually leaning back on it and running a hand through his shaggy blonde locks. They were in the secluded back corner of the library, where hardly anyone ventured in to. Draco leaned forward and covered her book with his hand.

"Now will you have sex with me?"


"Really?" he asked, his eyes lighting up.

"NO!" she said, snapping her heavy book shut on his fingers. He pulled them away, shaking the injured digits in the air before inserting his pinky into his mouth. She laughed out loud at him.

"Think that's funny, do you? Well I don't. I may never recover from this. Now you owe it to me to sleep with me."

"In your dreams, Malfoy."

"Is that a promise?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

"No… not anymore," he said softly, lowering his head and instantly becoming withdrawn from her.

"Oh… I'm sorry," Hermione said consolingly. "What happened?"

"She… she couldn't handle… so much sex… I'm just… so big…" he said, adding a few fake and largely over-exaggerated sobs in for good measure. Incensed, Hermione shoved the table away from her so it knocked into him, grabbed her things and turned on her heel.

"Wait, so is that a yes on the sex then?" he called out after her. Without turning to look at him, she raised her hand in the air in her favorite Muggle gesture, while continuing to storm from the library.

"Have sex with me."

"Don't you have better things to do?"

He looked over his shoulder and shrugged before replying, "No."

"Well find something then, because I do have better things to do than listen to your pathetic attempts to get some."

"Ouch," he said dramatically, faking like a knife was stabbed into his chest. "And to think I brought you a present today…"

"Oh really?"

"Yup." He reached in his bag and pulled out a red lollipop shaped like a heart. Written in white letters were the words 'Kiss Me,' only the word 'Kiss' was crossed out with what looked like permanent marker, and was replaced with the words 'Have sex with'.

"Do you ever just give up?"

"Not until I get what I want."

"And what about Pansy? Don't you love her?"

"You see Granger, love is a funny thing. There is a big difference between love and sex. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. So I figure, have sex with the one that loves me the least, and I'll be loose as a goose."

"And people think you are the smart one? Crabbe and Goyle can't possibly have a more twisted view of reality than you do."

"Have sex with me and I'll show you just how twisted I can get," he replied smoothly, wagging his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

"Ugh…" she shoved him away from her, and shaking her head, continued on her way to the Gryffindor House table for dinner.

"Did you do the essay for Potions yet?" Draco asked nonchalantly, taking a seat next to her on the common room couch they shared.

"What?" Hermione asked, completely caught off guard.

"Did you do the essay for Potions?"




"Hah!" he shouted triumphantly.

"That doesn't count."

"You said yes… You said yes. Granger wants my balls… Granger wants my balls…" he sang. She pinched him roughly on the shoulder and he stopped in an instant.

"Oww," he mumbled, rubbing his arm. "If you wanted it rough, all you had to do was ask."

"You're really not going to give up, are you?"

"Not until I've had the sweet taste of victory. A little bom-chicka-bom-bom sundae with a Granger cherry on top."

"Fine, if it will get you to shut up, I will sleep with you. On one condition."

"Your wish is my command, my dear."

"You have to hand deliver a singing valentine to every single person in our year, and I'll sleep with you on Valentine's Day."


"And Mr. Filch, he looks like he could use a little lovin'," she added as an afterthought.

"That is completely unfair. I have a reputation to protect."

"Suit yourself," she shrugged, running her tongue along her upper lip, a devilish glint in her eye.

"You're mean," he grumbled lamely.

"Oh and you can't ask me to sleep with you again until it's done."

"And how do I know that you will really go through with it if I win?"

"I guess you will just have to trust me to not back out on a bet. But if it makes you feel any better, I promise I will have sex with you, if you somehow manage to write and sing a nice valentine for each and every person in our year, and Mr. Filch as well." She held out her hand for him to shake, but he hesitated to take it.

"Is Potter included in this?"

"Of course," she replied sweetly.

A serious inner battle was raging on in Draco's mind. Hermione distinctly heard him mutter something that sounded like "Cruel and unusual punishment" under his breath. After a few choice swear words, and a light sheen of sweat on his brow, he reluctantly took her hand.