Kouga lay over Inuyasha, panting, foreheads touching, struggling to remain up on his trembling arms. Most of his vehemence had been spent and now his mind was clearing just a bit, the red clouding his vision receding to wherever it had bled from. The Inuyasha lay motionless, his breathing almost nonexistent, an itching worry scratched at the back of his mind. He let out a long sigh and collapsed, careful not to crush the frail human beneath his weight, taking his usual place beside Inuyasha.

The fire had died down, leaving only the glowing ruby coals to warm the deep cave. The wind changed direction for an instant, sending a shower of icy rain into the front of the cave. Struggling with exhaustion he pulled the warm body closer to him, a distant echo in his mind that he was to protect this man; who the human was he couldn't remember, but he was injured and needed to be cared for.

The rain was playing out a chorus of taps outside, chimes and thumps as it hit leaves, rock, and the deep hollow sound as it ended in a collection of water, each contact sending a different tune to his ears. Kouga took no notice, his eyelids suddenly too heavy for him, the distant thunder lulling him to sleep. A black veil blew over his vision, growing, thickening, until all he could see was darkness.

-

The fire had died completely, leaving the cave feeling cold and wet, as a cave should. It took only a moment for Kouga to adapt fully to the pitch-black darkness that now surrounded him.

Instantly alert and aware his sharp gaze traveled the rocky enclosure to pinpoint just what woke him. A tremor ran along his arms and he looked down to see the warm body beside him shivering in the cold. He swore, certain he should have been more careful then to let the fire die, Inuyasha was human and could not withstand the cold as he usually could.

Something was amiss however, and his mind struggled against whatever it was, then he noticed… Inuyasha was naked! His mind whirled through exactly what reason the human could have to be naked.

Human…

His mind stumbled over that word while his eyes tugged down to his own bare body.

Stifling a cry he struggled back, removing himself from the motionless form. What had he done? What the hell had happened? He covered his mouth with a hand, the night's incidents flooding his mind. He felt ill… soiled and filthy. The feeling of his rival pinned beneath him sent shivers through his body.

What the hell had come over him?!

Trembling he barely managed to stagger to the entrance of the cave before his stomach revolted and his previous meals covered the wet earth. He kneeled, knees sloping into the soiled ground, claws curling in the mud.

This wasn't real. It wasn't true. He didn't..he, he couldn't have. And with the mutt? The universe couldn't possibly be that cruel.

He needed to get away. The images in his mind wouldn't leave, the sounds of Inuyasha panting, too exhausted to fight back. Screaming. Pleading.

The cold merciless rain drenched him as he ran, pelting his body like needles. His mind raced ,his stomach clenching. He fought down the overwhelming disgust.

Tree limbs whipped by. Something crunched beneath his left foot with a short, chopped squeal of pain. It didn't make another sound, either dead already or too far back for him to hear. His speed was building. Soon the air that his legs kicked up behind him combined with the air he was slicing through, whirling around him batting the stinging rain away from his bare flesh.

A bolder loomed in front of him. He jumped. A tree sprouted from the darkness into his path, he angled and avoided it. A youkai appeared from nowhere, they were trampled. He didn't know how far he had gone or the distance he could cover or even the speed he was going, just that he ha to get gone. Leav. Disappear. Just flee and never come back and hopefully leave everything that he had just done behind him with all those obstacles.

But it didn't. The memories clung to his consciousness with sharpened talons. A misty grey specter, elusive as wind but as tangible as fog clawed at his shoulders, screeching in his ear. Accusing him, raging at him, begging and pleading with the voice of the hanyou. He turned sharply, charging to the right, hoping to elude this ghost of his actions but his feet sank deep into the mud and he pitched forward, falling down into the dark, cold slop of rainwater and forest earth. He lay there a moment, face in the mud, letting the shower from the heavens pierce him.

So degrading.

He was out here, bare, in the rain while the weakling hanyou was cozy in the cave. That pathetic little mongrel was the one at fault here, not him! He was the one who ran out and got himself injured, the one who fled the cave when he knew it was his human night, the one who couldn't guard himself properly from one fucking youkai. How the man survived all these years was beyond him!

Anger and rage building in him. He sat up, grabbing handfuls of mud and began scrubbing his flesh with the harsh slop. Nothing helped; he still felt awful, his skin tingling where it had touched his rival. He shuddered, unable to shake the memory. Pushing aside the red haori to reach warm flesh, delving into that hot mouth, that smooth pearly scar tissue so much softer than the rest of the skin especially beneath his tongue. Mortification swam through him as his groin stirred from images. Despite his disgust and loathing, the hanyou still dared to arouse him.

He shook his head.

It wasn't the mutt's fault.

It wasn't!

He had to keep reminding himself that. The rage that built within him when he blamed the weak human was what stirred his blood, screaming for him to dominate over his rival. No, it was his fault, he was the one who couldn't fight back the urges, couldn't turn a blind eye to the humans alluring vulnerability. It was his weakness.

So he sat there, wallowing in the muck, it the result of his shame. It seemed fitting right know. It was where he belonged after what he did.

-

InuYasha shivered, his body was freezing, but the heat from his body was overwhelming. Hot cold, hot cold. Why couldn't he decide which one. Bringing his legs to his chest he wrapped his arms around himself. The ache was a constant reminder of what had happened, what he was unable to prevent. He cursed his weak human body and his stupidity for believing for an instant that Kouga might have become a friend. An ally he could depend on so he didn't have to always be the strong one.

He shook his head; matted black hair clinging to the sweat on his face. He could depend on no one but himself. No one would ever help him, no one would protect him. There was no one he could trust… no one…

Just himself.

Just him.


Forgive the teeny update yes? This next part's rewrite is giving me lip and needs a firm hand, so I sent it to my faithful cough editors.

Don't worry, I don't abuse my writing, sometimes it just needs discipline.

So no calling any protection agencies on me mkay?