Title: Percentiles

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Matt works on his L impressions, much to Mello's disdain.

A/N: A bit of a crackfic. XD


"Want to play some Tekken 2?"

"Nah, not right now," Mello said, flipping the page in his text book. "I've got a long night ahead of me."

Matt blew air out the side of his mouth, staring up at the ceiling. He looked at his friend who was laying down on his stomach beside him, nose deep in a book. Matt eyed him through his goggles and Mello, without looking at him, said, "Don't look at me that way."

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Going into your I'm going to be Number One! mode. Come on, give it a rest, there'll be plenty of time to study later."

Mello huffed. "For your information, Matthew, we've got a Quantum Physics exam coming up in a few days. Maybe if L drops by again and I get the high score, I'll have something I'm proud of to show to him."

Matt let out an unexpected guffaw.

"What is so funny?" Mello asked, voice tight.

"So for once this isn't about Near, it's your L-obsession, eh?"

"I don't have an L-obsession!"

"Uh huh, sure. Don't lie to your best friend, Mel. I can hear you whimpering in your sleep." Matt sat up on the bed and clasped his hands to his chest, closing his eyes. "Oh, L, oh harder, faster! Oh God!"

"SHUT UP!" Mello threw his text book at Matt's head but he missed. "THAT'S A FILTHY LIE!"

Matt grinned suddenly, his eyes narrowing. He lifted his goggles to his forehead to settle against his auburn hair, then leaned back to fish behind one of his pillows. Mello watched, slightly confused and rather enraged. Matt emerged with a mask of some sort and then put it on, placing the string around his head. Mello stared for a second, taking in the pale mask, the funny looking black hair and the black circles under the eyes.

"Well?" Matt said from behind it. "What do you think?"

Mello's face reddened. "That thing looks crazy! Take it off!"

"What's wrong, Mello?" Matt asked, crawling forward. "Doesn't this turn you on?"

"St-Stop it!" he sputtered. He tried to get away but Matt grabbed him around the waist and held him close, cuddling the blond who was now fighting like a cat in a bath.

Matt deepened his voice in attempt to sound like the mysterious detective and coming close to the actual thing. He leaned into Mello's ear. "Mello, there is a 96 percent chance that I'm completely horny right now."

Mello whined soundlessly, his eyes bulging.

"Do you want to know what it means to succeed me, Mello?" Matt asked suggestively.

"Freak! You're a complete freak!" Mello shouted.

Matt pushed his friend down onto the bed and got on top of him, straddling poor Mello's hips and Mello was stuck looking at that weird mask. "Don't fight, Mello. I just want to see if you taste like strawberry cake is all."

"Nooooooooooo!" Mello howled, using all of his strength to shove Matt off of him and darted out of their room and out into the hallway, screaming something incoherent.

Matt blinked at the empty threshold and then lifted the mask. "Alright," he said, "come on out."

The boy's closet door, which had been slightly ajar, opened all the way and Near ambled out quietly with a plush bunny in his arms and a video camera taped to his head. He regarded Matt sitting on the bed.

"Did you get it?" Matt asked, smirking.

"I believe I did. But what will you do with it?"

"Show it to L on his next visit, of course!"

Near untapped the camera from his silver locks and held it out to Matt. "Alright." He paused. "But next time, I get to wear the mask."

Matt blinked at him and Near just smirked sheepishly.


A/N: Thank you for reading! Review if you liked it!