Unfinished business – an SN oneshot (immediately post Fragment)
Consider this disclaimed.
Consider them loved.
"But why you Dean? Why wasn't I the one affected?" Sam asked looking between Dean and Laura.
Dean shrugged, "I don't know... you got anything?" he asked squeezing her hand briefly, glad she was back, and basically alright, but knowing there were things that were wrong now between them. Nothing we can't fix... we just need to talk... you can't keep doing this...
She shrugged, clearly preoccupied, her eyes were far away, her body ramrod tense despite the flash of warmth in her smile at his touch, Someone have mercy, Cernunnos... help me... help me stop loving him like this... I can't live with this feeling... it's gonna kill me...Why was it so much easier with the wannabeDean as he called him, why didn't I feel this guilt, why didn't my guts feel like I'd swallowed a bucket of millipedes with him? a little voice inside answered softly, because he wasn't mine... I couldn't love him the way I do this one at my side right now... not in a million lifetimes...
"I'd guess you're just sensitive to other realms... you've been in other dimensions before so..." she shrugged blandly and squeezed his hand gently, "That's all I got..." she rose and wrapped her arm around his neck from behind then planted her lips atop his head, "I'll be back in a bit..." she headed for the door.
It had taken about a week in the Sidhe realm to get acclimated to a life lived largely out of doors, and now, being bound by four walls felt... tight.
"You mind some company?" Dean asked exchanging a look with Sam who nodded and smiled his understanding.
She shook her head already crossing the threshold as he joined her.
He took her hand and interlaced their fingers as they meandered across the parking lot toward the frontage road and a tarry darkness on the far side of it.
"I'm afraid..." they blurted together at the edge of the road.
"Afraid of what?" he asked.
On the opposite side of the tarmac, on the shoulder of the road she turned, meeting his eyes, "You."
"Yeah right..." Dean chuckled hoping she wasn't, but knowing she was serious. Oh God no...what did she see? what did that wannabe bastard tell her? She's got to know I could never do those things... he thought frantically, his expression torn between a fear of what she might say next, Oh man it's Cassie all over again! She's gonna break up... funny Dean... she's gonna break my heart... please don't say it sweetheart, please don't hurt me... and the light of his nature shining through his eyes, She's gonna make me ask...
"Dean... I look at you and I..." she swallowed hard taking his bandaged hands gently into hers, "I look at you and I feel, down to my core, and it scares me to death..." she chuckled and looked away, squeezing his hands gently before pressing herself into him, "Nevermind... I'm sorry sweetie..." she shook her head smiling wryly again.
What?... is that a good?... what are you saying Laura? "Don't... don't do that... please don't just... shut it down, or laugh it off, or chuck it away Laura... you do that all the time and one day... one day you're going to throw off so much that there won't be anything left..." he insisted fiercely, "Talk to me... I mean hell it's the least you can do! You OWE me that much..." he grasped her shoulders firmly his heart pounding in his throat but his mouth unable to stop as his head poured out everything he'd been letting ferment in the more than two months since her disappearance, "I mean..." he chuckled dryly, "I mean you disappear off the face of the damned planet for over two months! No signs, no word, no warning, no NOTHING... not a God Damned WHISPER! You could've been dead and NO ONE would've known! I..." he pointed to himself, "I wouldn't have EVER known! I mean maybe... maybe it wouldn't bother you if the situation was reversed or maybe you would know... I mean I'm certainly not the emissary of a GOD so what do I matter? What does it matter what I feel?" he scoffed feeling a film cover his eyes, God this isn't what I wanted... I can't shut up... I can't stop myself... what if she doesn't want to hear this crap? She's about to break up with me... I can't let her do that... I can't lose her! I can't let her walk out of my life not after everything... not after KNOWING this feeling... I can't live without it... Don't you know how much I love you? Every time we're forced to go our separate ways and I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again... don't you know it kills me just a little bit more?
"Dean..." she said softly, her brows furrowed as she reached up, her finger stroking his cheek as he took a shaky breath and continued.
"...and please... don't EVER say you're afraid of me... please... I could never hurt you... tell me you believe that..." he blinked his eyes clear, looking deep into hers while she thumbed away that one track of shine that came so much more easily from his right eye than his left, "Tell me you know how much I love you..." those crystal clear green eyes of his pleaded, Please don't hurt me...
"Of course I know... you tell me every time we're together, whether we're...well no matter what we're doing..." she chuckled letting her own tears fall too. It's hard to watch someone cry and not join them, "I've never asked you to say it... I've never had to... you've always said it in your own way, and it's not YOU I'm afraid of..." she sighed and cupped his cheek, her heart pounding hard as he turned his face into the palm of her hand, his eyes closed as a faint beatific smile accentuated his light, "I've loved you from the moment you showed up in my ER... I know more about you than you think..." she smiled drawing her sleeve up to his eyes and wiping them dry gently, "it's what you make me FEEL that scares me... I've never felt anything like this, I didn't know it was possible to survive feeling like this... and I'll tell you I'd rather die right here and now, than to ever know a second without it..." she half whimpered.
She still loves me! Oh man... Oh thank you honey... thank you for that... Dean dropped his head, his forehead against hers, his hands on her shoulders while hers came to rest on his hips, "Were you ever going to tell me what happened in Chicago?" he asked softly then waited, watched, and sensed everything he could before she spoke again.
"No..." she breathed, "I wasn't..." she shook her head, their foreheads still together, her eyes fixed to his. His pain at her admission, clear and bright as she swallowed, he deserves some kind of explanation... "I couldn't stand to see you hurt Dean, I couldn't bear your pain... he... uh... he just got the upper hand is all... guys like that... you know as well as I do... they're all about fear and power and control that's all..." she nearly whispered, then tilted her head back and looked once more into his eyes.
He breathed in deep and squinted, searching, "But what about YOUR pain? Didn't you trust me? Didn't you think I might want to... NEED to be there for you?... For as many times as you've been here for me...what gives you the right to carry that weight all by yourself!?" he asked sharply, her chin between his thumb and forefinger, "Love isn't just about the smiles and the laughter... it's about sharing the load, it's about leaning on each other when no one else will have us... I thank whatever God there might be, every second of every day that I've got Sammy by my side... and no, I can't tell him that LIKE that... but you know as well as I do... I make damned sure he KNOWS... you work alone and sad as we may be sometimes Laura... you've got me'n Sam, and Bobby and Tiny... you don't have to carry it alone..." he breathed pressing her forehead to his lips, "damned silly stubborn woman..." he sighed.
"Yeah but I'm YOUR damned silly stubborn woman..." she chuckled guiding his lips to hers, taking them captive for a moment that stole both his breath and his train of thought.
"He's lucky YOU'RE the one who killed him..." he said softly, running his thumb down her cheek to her chin.
"I don't doubt that," she smiled leaning forward on her tiptoes, her mouth hungry for the taste and feel of his lips against and within hers, taking turns at dominance. "Just for the record... all the tests came back negative..."
"Good..." he smiled nodding, feathering a kiss across her smile, "Let's have a toast to our health..." he grinned nuzzling his lips under her hair, at the base of her ear while he picked her up.
Her legs wrapped around his waist and he cast a glance into the runoff ditch while he shrugged out of his leather and descended the slope holding her to him and looking for just the right spot to lay his coat and his girl down.
Sam let the curtain drop back in place when he could no longer see the top of his brother's hair.
Cracking open a beer he turned on the t.v. where a local station was playing the original version of The Blob and settled in. He cast a glance at the window, raised his bottle in a silent toast to the pair and returned his attention to one of his all time favorite movies.