Doing Business, a fanfiction by Overbore

Legal stuff: I do not own Ranma ½, nor do I own any rights to the characters, places or plotlines therein. Please be kind and do not sue, I am a poor college student and have no money anyway.

A phone rings

"Hello...yes...yes...that's right...needs to be done immediately?...sure...two eighty two Market Street...right...double the usual rate...we can handle it."


"Ranma, We got a call!" Nabiki Tendo yelled up the stairs to Nerima's personal chaos magnet. She was highly excited.

"So what?" responded a voice from up the stairs. "You get calls all the time."

"No, Ranma. We. Got. A. Call." She stressed.

"Oh!" a cry of understanding came from up the stairway, followed almost immediately the pigtailed martial artist himself. He grinned. "Where and when?"

"Down on Market Street, and right now. Here's the address." she handed him a sticky note.

"What about the others?" he asked.

"I'll call the Nekohanten for takeout and call tell Ukyo that you're training. Akane should be out on her usual jog. I'll send her over with lunch as soon as she gets back. You can hop over the Kuno's on the way. It's Ryoga who worries me. He's missing like normal."

"Don't worry about it. P-Chan always shows up." he answered and blew out the door before taking to the rooftops, heading toward Kuno manor.


An large, old hotel stands in a state of decay. It's windows are covered with plywood, it's furnishings all removed, it's three stories empty. A chainlink fence surrounds the property, but inside it's perimeter, a young man in a red Chinese silk shirt practices a kata. He can feel them, closing in like sharks toward blood.. They will be here soon.

"Ranchan! Hey! I heard you were out practicing and thought you might like some lunch."

"Oh, Hey Ucchan!" Ranma smiled as the brunette with the battle spatula strapped to her back hopped the fence. "That's great. I was feeling a little hungry."

With a crash, a bicycle rammed through the fence, toppling it, and the purple haired rider gave a bubbly smile to the young man.

"Nihao, Arien. Shampoo bring too too good takeout." The Amazon held up a box of ramen.

"Back off, hussy! Ranchan's already taken care of." Ukyo glared daggers at Shampoo, as the buxom Amazon dismounted.

"Spatula Girl no know what talking about. Ranma Arien want Shampoo's noodles." Shampoo shot back. The argument was interrupted by an earsplitting laugh and a spiked gymnastics club.

"KOHOHOHOHOHOHO! None of you common harlots will have my Ranma-sama." Kodachi swung in from a nearby tree. "Begone peasants!" she flicked her ribbon at Shampoo, only to have it wrap around a bonbori handle as the amazon blocked the attack.

"Ribbon Girl is too too crazy. No match for amazon warrior." Shampoo grinned and yanked sharply on the taunt ribbon attacked to her weapon. Unable to resist the superior strength of the purple haired girl, Kodachi was tugged off her feet and sent flying, only to crash through one of plywood covered windows on the second floor of the hotel.

"Foul sorcerer Saotome! How dare you send your minions to attack the sister of the mighty Blue Thunder!" The male Kuno sibling arrived on the scene, ranting in fine style. "First you defile the Kuno manor with your mere presence, then send you servants after my dear sister! Accursed conjuror, today is the day you fall before the scion the house Kuno, and I claim my Fierce Tigress and Pigtailed Goddess from your tainted grasp!"

Kuno, you Jackass!" Ukyo yelled. "Leave Ranchan alone so he can enjoy his lunch with me."

Not to be outdone, Shampoo rushed up and glomped the pigtailed martial artist. "Arien have lunch with Shampoo, not Spatula Girl."

"I don't thinks so," growled Ukyo as she unlimbered her Spatula. Meanwhile Ranma was trying to extricate himself from the grasp of the amazon, knowing from experience, what would happen in approximately ten seconds if he didn't.

"RANMA NO BAKA! I come to bring you some lunch and find you flirting with you floozies again!" Akane's familiar cry was followed almost immediately by the whistling of her mallet.

"How dare you touch my Shampoo! Saotome, you enemy of love! I'll never let you have her!" The Spectacled amazon managed to launch a chain that wrapped around Ranma's free arm just before the mallet impact, the force of which dragged the duck-boy along with his rival through the air.

'Huh,' thought Ranma, 'Akane and Mousse are early today.' The pigtailed boy's flight ended abruptly as he crashed through the locked doors of the old hotel. He rolled with the impact, somersaulting backwards into a handspring that brought him back to his feet, only slightly the worse for wear. He shook off the offending chain only doge as moments later a spiked ball and chain smashed through the reception counter behind where he had ben standing a second ago.

"Die, Saotome!" yelled mousse as a multitude of edged weapons flew from his sleeves.

"Craven coward! You cannot escape from the mighty Blue Thunder!" Kuno strode into the room, bokken at the ready. "I strike!" a rushing series of slashes only resulted in a large whole in the wall as Ranma's evasive actions bounced him around the room. Skipping the stairs, he leaped up to the second floor landing and took stock of the situation. Mousse was attacking a pillar, Kuno was raving as he headed for the stairs, and the Fiancé Brigade, which had followed him inside was beginning to dissolve into a three-way brawl.

"Ranma-sama!" The cry caught his attention and he turned to see a recovered Kodachi coming at him down the second floor hallway.

'Man,' he thought, 'now all we're missing is...'

"Where the hell am I now!" A bandanna wearing boy burst through a wall on the other side of the lobby.

"Hey, P-chan! Where ya been?" Ranma called to the lost boy, immediately focused on his rival.

"Ranma! Because of you, I've seen hell! Prepare to die! SHI SHI HOKODAN!" The green depression blast roared out at the pigtailed boy, who had to dive down the hallway to the side opposite Kodachi to avoid it. The attack continued onward and upward where it smashed a hole through the ceiling and up into the third floor. "You can't escape, Ranma," Ryoga yelled, and preceded to smash through another wall, then jump through first floor ceiling in pursuit of his rival.

Meanwhile, the fiances had carried their fight deeper into the building. Mallet, spatula, bonbories, and the occasional flying body made short work of whatever door, wall, or structural obstacle that got in the way. Shampoo's greater strength was giving her the advantage until Ukyo began tossing explosive Okanomiyaki around like confetti. The explosions left little but rubble in their wake.

On the second floor, chaos reigned. Mousse, who had lost his glasses, mistook Kodachi for Ranma, and now gymnastic equipment and chains were flying back and forth like a crazy juggling act. Kuno was using his high speed pressure strikes to attempt to tag his elusive foe, but only resulting in more property damage. Ryoga had attempted to Breaking Point the floor only to realize that the technique was not a good idea when you are not on the first story. He had fallen through the hole he had made and was now lost on the first floor, randomly breaking walls and firing off Shi Shi Hokodans in an attempt to find his foe. The entire structure was now groaning and shuddering. The lost boy was becoming more and more desperate to find his enemy, which in turn fed his depression over not being able to do so.

Ranma jerked as he felt Ryoga's depression ki spike. A quick Moko Takabisha launched Kuno one way, while he leaped the other shouting "Ryoga's firing off the big one! Everybody out!" Immediately there was a mass scramble to exit the building through any convenient exit, which in some cases involved making one on the spot. As Mouse, the last straggler, leaped down from the second floor window he had chosen, a wide column of heavy green ki slammed down on onto the roof, punching through as if it were paper. This was the last straw and the virtually cored building collapsed in upon itself.

For a moment everyone was silent. Ranma then said "Everyone all right?"A chorus of affirmatives was given and he smiled. "Well, I think that went pretty well. Any get the time?

Mousse pulled a clock out of his sleeve. "A little less than an hour, but that's counting transit time."

"Not bad for a rush job," Ukyo commented

"Not bad at all." Ranma agreed.

"Is Ryoga going to be alright?" Akane Asked

Shampoo scoffed. "Violent Girl ask same question every time. Pig Boy be fine."

"She's right Akane. If Ryoga could survive having that five story parking garage fall on him this should be nothing." Ranma stated.

As if in agreement with him the center of the rubble pile shifted and out came an only slightly worse for wear Ryoga. He walked over to the group "Well, that was fun," he stated in an offhand manner.

"Indeed. A truly marvelous form of exercise for the mighty Takewake Kuno, the might Blue Thunder!"

"Oh, yes. My darling Ranma-sama always knows the most romantic recreation. I feel so honored that he chooses to spend such quality time with me."

"Right," Ukyo Agreed sarcastically. "Anyway, I've got to get back to work. See you later, guys."

"Good idea. Lets all split before people start getting the wrong ideas." Ranma leaped onto a nearby rooftop. "See yas tomorrow." and he was gone. The rest of the group quickly dispersed.

Two minutes later, Nabiki Tendo and a bald man in a business suit stepped out of a nearby restaurant, from which they had been watching the whole scene.

"As you can see, Takahado-san, finished on time, with no explosives, no permits and no fuss. Your cleanup crew can start right now and there is no evidence that this was anything but a routine day in Nerima."

The bald man smiled. "I can see why you come so highly recommended, Miss Tendo. Efficient and discreet. And a hell of a show, if I do say so myself. If I hadn't been here I never would have believed it. Your worth every yen. The money has been deposited in the account you requested. It was a pleasure doing business with you."

Nabiki answered with a smile of her own. "The pleasure was all mine. If you are ever in need of such services again, please feel free to call upon the Nerima Wrecking Crew."