HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! IS IT TRUE?!?!?!
AM I BACK ON? I MISSED YOU ALL AND THIS SITE::tackles/glomps/whatevers readers::
sorry for the long wait...there was something evil called writer's block and mounds of homework :D but I managed to write this...
BUT WITHOUT THE HELP OF DEMON BRAT, I WOULD HAVE DIED ON THE ROAD SOMEWHERE!!
and by the way..if you haven't noticed...its a Final Fantasy and a Legend of Zelda parody...:D
It was a very peaceful night in the Kingdom or Rikkaidai. Everyone was asleep in this peaceful kingdom. Except for three very exceptional people...
"What...is...that?" Niou asked squinting in the bright light.
"20 percent chance it's a bright comet headed our way, 50 percent it's someone's lantern, and 30 percent it's a fairy."
"Fairy?" Kirihara asked groggily. "Those things that live in flowers?"
"No. The things that come out of your butt." Niou snapped.
The orbs of light came closer through their open window. There were three to be exact. A pink one, an orange one, and a blue one. If you looked closer, the fairies turned out to be three boys. Weird. Especially for the pink one.
"This is why we should leave the window closed." Niou muttered. "HEY LACKEY!! GET OVER HERE!! GET RID OF THESE THINGS AND CLOSE THE WINDOW FOR US!!"
"Niou...I'll close it...it's rude to call him the in the middle of the night." Renji said standing up.
"That's not really nice..." the orange one said looking at Niou. "We came here to help you. But if you don't want our help..."
"No! We need their help desu! We can't just leave desu! They're our last hope desu!" the blue one shouted flitting around Kirihara's head.
"Yeah! I mean they might be able to turn me into a human!" the pink one shouted.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop buzzing around my head..." Kirihara said batting them away.
"Oh he's a cute one" the orange one cooed.
"Might I ask what you're here for?" Renji asked.
"OH! Sorry about that...we get carried away very easily..." the orange one laughed.
"Well...you see desu...you three are the new warriors of light that's going to-" the blue one started.
"-to save this world, from the grasps of darkness!" the pink one announced.
"...Huh?" Kirihara gaped at the fairies.
"Excuse me?" Renji looked up.
"Eh?" the lackey said stumbling into the dark room.
"WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?!" Niou roared.
"Sorry, sorry...I didn't hear you..sheesh..." the lackey muttered. "By the way...what are those?" he asked pointing to the fairies.
"We're fairies." the orange one said proudly. "We're the special patrons to the head nymph!"
"...Riiiight..." the lackey nodded.
"ANYWAYS..." the pink one started again. "You have to go to the castle in the morning, because the Emperor have a problem that's related to your saving of the world."
"Do we have to?" Kirihara whined. "We were going to have a barbeque..."
"Aww..." the orange one said hovering over Kirihara. "You're so cute..."
"Dude...you're creepy.." Niou said stifling a yawn.
"By the way...what are your names?" Renji asked.
"We're nameless." the fairies said in unison.
"So we have to go on a journey right?" Niou asked.
"Yeah...basically." everyone nodded.
"I don't want to go..." Kirihara pouted.
"Well..." the pink one said. "SUCKS FOR YOU!"
"Hey...you were the one that got turned into a fairy..." Niou said.
"Great timing desu!" the blue one said flitting around the window. "It's almost daybreak desu!"
"And half of my precious sleeptime wasted..." Niou muttered.
"Lucky!" the orange one shouted. "As a matter of fact...LET'S GO NOW!!"
"LET'S NOT!" Niou roared.
"You're a grumpy one aren't you?" the orange one commented.
"Yeah when little fairies come and bother me when I'm supposed to be sleeping...yeah...I could be just a tadgrumpy...don't you think?" Niou muttered sarcastically.
"We should get ready..." Renji said getting up.
"But...I don't wanna..." Kirihara said again. "I don't want to save the world..."
"Hey..." Niou motioned to Kirihara. "I heard it goes really good on your college records..."
"Really?!" Kirihara exclaimed. "I'm going then!" and he marched out the door.
Niou slowly got up and proceeded to walk out the door also.
"Hey lackey! Make us breakfast!"
The pink fairy suddenly flew in front of Niou's path.
"Don't we need breakfast too?" it asked innocently.
Niou looked at it. The fairy looked back. After a while, Niou said, "No." and left.
"He's a rude one isn't he?" the orange one said.
"Yeah..." the pink one said sighing.
"That's not nice desu! He might actually help us and the world desu!"
"I really doubt that," The pink one said.
"Took you long enough!" Niou scoffed at the lackey.
"Sorry, sorry…" The lackey dude mumbled.
"I was almost starved!"
"Niou-sempai… aren't you being a bit… weird today?" Kirihara said.
"23 percent he's having a monthly… 77 percent he's still mad…" Yanagi calculated quietly to himself.
The pink fairy flew by Niou's bowl. "Ne… can't I eat as well?" He fluttered around Niou's head. "PLEEEASSEEE?"
Niou swatted the pink thing away, "You're annoying…"
The pink fairy "pouted" and flew to Kirihara. "Ne… you'll share right?"
Orange fairy flew by, "Nah… I'm taking this one!"
Kirihara stared at the two, he turned to the pink one, "Ne… are you really a boy?" He asked randomly, poking the pink one.
"OW! DON'T POKE ME!" The pink fairy screamed and flew away.
"Lucky! I'm not the one being attacked this time!" The orange one said.
"Ne… you say lucky a lot, can I call you Lucky?" Kirihara asked.
"Hmm? I'm not a dog though," the orange one said.
"But… you're orange… and I wanna call you Lucky…" Kirihara muttered.
The blue one flew by the table and next to Yanagi, "Are you a mage, desu?"
"Yes," Yanagi replied, eating his breakfast civilly (Kirihara shoves food into his mouth, Niou picks his food.)
The pink fairy flew by Niou again, "GIMME YOUR FOOD!!" He shouted, lunging for Niou.
"Back off pinkie," Niou said, flicking the fairy away.
"OW! WHY AM I GETTING HURT SO MUCH?!"
"You're not even a guy…" Niou muttered, picking out morevegetables outta his breakfast.
"Ooh! You can call her Pinkie!" Kirihara exclaimed, pointing to "Pinkie."
"NOOO! AND I'M A GUY, DAMMIT!" Pinkie—er… the pink fairy shouted.
"NO YOU'RE NOT! YOU HAVE BOOBS!" Niou shouted.
"What're boobs?" Kirihara asked curiously.
"Something you don't need to know," Yanagi replied, cutting off Niou before he could mind rape Kirihara anymore.
"WHAT'RE BOOBS?!" Kirihara shouted.
Niou picked out more vegetables outta his food, "Akaya… don't scream that out… there're neighbors next door, you know…"
"But I wanna know what boobs are!!" Kirihara whined.
"Lucky" chuckled, "You wanna know?…" He asked in a low pervy-like voice.
"Noooo! Don't brain scar people, desu!! That's bad, desu!!" The blue one shouted, hovering around Lucky.
"NOOOO! DON'TTTT!!!" The blue one continued shouting.
The orange fairy flew closer to Kirihara, "You wanna know?…"
"I'll tell you when you grow up."
"EHHHH?! NOOO! I WANNA KNOW NOW!!" Kirihara wailed.
"I DO NOT HAVE BOOBS!" The pink one screamed, hovering around Niou once again.
"Sure you don't…" Niou muttered sarcastically. "And I thought I told you to get outta my face, Pinkie."
"After this, we should head out to the Emperor's place…" Yanagi said.
"Who said I was going?" Niou asked.
"But… but… YOU HAVE TO GO, DESU!!!" The blue one screamed.
"Whoa, whoa… stop being so spazzy…" Niou said.
"His name can be Spazzy then!!" Kirihara said.
"Let's go then," Yanagi said, pulling Kirihara and Niou by the collars.
"OW! CHOKING!" The two were cried, trying to breathe.
"Ore-sama has been waiting…" Atobe said, annoyed.
Sanada grunted, "Renji…" He greeted.
"Genichirou. Nice to see you again."
"Why don't we get greeted?" Kirihara complained.
"Stop whining, princess…" Niou said to Kirihara.
"I'M A GUY DAMMIT!" Kirihara shouted.
"DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE IN ORE-SAMA'S PALACE!" Atobe bellowed.
"Keigo… please… it's still early," Sanada said, "comforting" his dear um… wife.
"DON'T YOU DARE STOP ORE-SAMA!"
"Keigo, TARUNDORU!!" Sanada shouted, smacking Atobe in the face.
The other three (not including fairies) sweatdropped, and just watched this funny little scene.
"HOW DARE YOU SLAP ME WHILE OUR DEAR DAUGHTER IS GONE!" Atobe shouted, smacking Sanada back.
"Is he having his monthly?" Niou whispered to Kirihara, who was just asking curiously what he meant.
"NO, ORE-SAMA IS NOT HAVING HIS MONTHLY!!"
"…" Sanada was just sitting there.
"Genichirou… why did you call us here?"
"ISN'T IT OBVIOUS? ORE-SAMA HAS ALREADY TOLD YOU HIS DAUGHTER IS GONE!"
Niou gasped, "NOT MY YAGYUU!!" He cried.
"YES IT IS HIROSHI, BUT SHE IS NOT YOURS!" Atobe said.
"MY DEAR PRINCESS YAGYUU!!" Niou said dramatically (like… shojo style).
"Niou-sempai is scaring me…" Kirihara muttered.
"YES, SEIF STOLE MY DAUGHTER, ORE-SAMA COMMANDS THAT YOU GET HER BACK." Atobe ordered. "AND GET THOSE UGLY BALLS OF LIGHT OUTTA ORE-SAMA'S SIGHT! ESPECIALLY THAT UGLY/FAT PINK ONE!"
"I'M NOT FAT!!" The pink fairy screamed. "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME FAT… YOU… YOU UGLY OLD GEEZER!"
"ORE-SAMA IS NOT AN UGLY OLD GEEZER!"
"Mou… I can't sleep when you're screaming, mother…" Jiroh walked out in his jammies, said.
"JIROH, KICK THOSE FAIRYS OUTTA HERE, NOW!" Atobe commanded his son.
Jiroh yawned, he looked at the pink fairy…
One second…. Two seconds… Three—
"OH MY GOSH!! SHE'S SO PRETTY!!! CAN I HAVE HERRRR??!" He shouted. "CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?"
"IT'S A STALKER!!!" Pinkie shouted. "AHHH!! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"
"I'm starting to wonder if life suddenly just died from his over dose of crack…" Kirihara muttered to himself.
Sanada was getting a headache, why is everyone screaming?!
Yanagi… just stood there serenely as if nothing was happening. If you looked at him, you'd probably think he's zoned out or something, but he's not.
"…" Sanada twitched.
"TARUNDORU!" He bellowed, kicking everyone outta the palace besides Atobe (yes, even Jiroh).
"THAT was a total waste of my time..." Niou grumbled.
"Well...you got your mission now right? Desu?" the blue one asked.
"THEN LET'S GO!!" the orange one shouted.
"We did..." Renji said. "But don't we need equipment and weapons?"
"..." the three fairies were stumped.
"Uhh..." the pink one said. "Can't you brave it?"
"You want us to die now...Is that it?" Niou asked.
"NO! YOU HAVE TO TURN ME BACK INTO A HUMAN!!" Pinkie shouted flitting around all of them.
Kirihara pointed at Renji. "He can do magic..."
Pinkie flitted up to Renji. "CHANGE ME BACK NOW!!"
"Well..." Renji trailed off.
"I need a wand or a staff of some sorts..." Renji said smiling. (Is this an evil smile?!)
"UGHH..." Pinkie sighed. "Fine..." it looked at both the orange one and the blue one. "C'mon...pull out your savings guys..."
"I don't want to!" the orange one said. "I saved it up for hundreds of years!"
"Yes desu!" the blue one agreed.
"How old are you?" Kirihara asked them.
"At least five hundred years old" the orange one said proudly.
"...Shouldn't you be dead by now?" Niou asked.
"No...they're actually immortal..." Renji said like the smart-aleck he is.
"Ahh...now about that money..." Niou said smirking. "The Warriors of Light need it to save the world...if we don't have that money..." Niou looked painfully stricken. "The world is going to succumb the darkness..."
The two fairies looked at each other. The orange one rolled his eyes and the blue one looked defeated.
"Fine..." the orange one said. "You can have it."
"Good! Now let's go buy some stuff and go save my Yagyuu!" Niou announced marching down the road.
"Yes! Let's!!" Kirihara said running after him. Renji also picked up his pace and met up with them.
The orange one sighed. "What a con-artist...we have to depend on someone like him to save our world."
"Wow...this is a really nice sword..." Niou said swinging it around dangerously.
"I like this hat!" Kirihara said jamming a hat adorned in jewels onto his head.
"Hmmm...Renji was checking out the thick stack of books they had on display. Why did they have books in an armor shop? WE DON'T KNOW!
"I thought we came here to buy you a staff..." the pink one said.
"...I don't recall saying that..." Renji said looking at another thick volume.
"Yes you did…"
"OOH! YANAGI-SEMPAI!! CAN I HAVE THE HAT?" Kirihara shouted, pointing to the pretty hat.
"Of course, Akaya…" Renji said, not paying attention to a word Kirihara said.
"Ya know…" The orange one said, hovering around Kirihara, "If I a human… I would be jumping you now…"
"Why? Do you like wrestling?" Kirihara asked curiously.
Lucky chuckled and contently flew away.
"Ano… Mr. Costumer dude, stop swinging around my swords!!" The shopkeeper shouted at Niou. "YOU CAN CHOP OFF SOMEONE'S HEAD LIKE THIS! (That's how my brother lost his arm… oh, woe.)"
Niou stopped, "Che…" He pulled the sword back in it sheath, but once the man turned his back on Niou, he quietly slipped the sword away at his belt.
"Ne… isn't it weird that they have so many weapons here but no one even bothers shopping in here?" Kirihara asked, now looking at some random daggers. "Ooh… shiny daggers…"
"HEY YOU! LISTEN TO ME!!" Pinkie screamed at Yanagi. "GET YOU STUPID STAFF AND TURN ME BACK ALREADY!"
Yanagi had totally ignored the pink fairy and was reading random segments in the books.
"HEY YOU! YOU! ARE YOU LISTENING? HEY!! HEY!! LISTEN!!"
Suddenly Yanagi snapped his book shut and announced, "I'm buying this book."
"YOU WEREN'T EVEN LISTENING TO ME!!!!" Pinkie screamed at the top of his lungs.
"You were saying?" Yanagi asked, now looking around for a suitable staff. "Hm…this is nice and…" he said to himself.
"DAMMIT! LISTEN TO ME!" The fairy screamed.
"Yes, I am listening…"
"No your not..."
"You wanted me to buy a staff so I can turn you back into a human...no?" Renji looked at the pink fairy.
"SO BUY ONE DAMMIT!"
"Does this bring out the color of my eyes?" Niou randomly asked looking at the sword. "I wanna impress Hiroshi when I rescue her."
Renji and Kirihara ignored him because they were too immersed in their own affairs.
"I want these!" Kirihara said pointing at some mail and shoes. "THEY MATCH WITH MY HAT!!!"
"Yes, yes whatever..." Renji mindlessy said now looking at some thick cloaks and more books.
"Can you buy the things more quickly so you can turn me human again?" the pink one asked rather impatiently.
"By they way..." Niou said looking up from a nice selection of mail that Kirihara was looking at, "What else do we have to save?"
"Ah...we didn't tell you that did we?" the orange one laughed. "Well...you have to look for the legendary-"
"GOLDEN TENNIS BALL!!!" the pink and blue one announced proudly.
"A tennis ball is going to save the world?" Niou asked.
"Not just any tennis ball-" the pink one started.
"A GOLDEN TENNIS BALL!!" the orange one said flitting around Kirihara.
"...?" Niou and Renji exchanged looks.
"See...it looks like this..." and Sengoku took out a picture. (Where did he get it from? WE DON'T KNOW!)
Niou took the picture and looked at it. "It would make a nice medallion..." he placed the picture on his chest.
"No it wouldn't!!" Kirihara whined. "It would make a nice jewel for my hat!!" he held up the jeweled hat.
"No it wouldn't!"
"Yes it would!"
"No it wouldn't!"
"Yes it would!"
Renji quickly took action and shoved biscuits into both their mouths. He took the picture and looked at it.
"Mfphhh..." Niou mumbled.
"Mhhh!" Kirihara shouted. Or at least attempted to.
Renji just looked at the picture. "...I would...make...a nice paperweight..."
Niou managed to swallow the biscuit. "NO! IT'S BETTER AS A MEDALLION!"
"A paperweight seems fine..." Renji explained. "It looks heavy and sturdy..."
"B-But! It's a nice jewel for my hat!"
"Shu-" Niou started
"CAN WE JUST AGREE THAT THIS IS THE THING WE NEED TO GET FROM THE EVIL PEOPLE!?" the pink one shouted.
"...Whatever." Niou said looking at another sword.
"So when are we going to leave?" the orange one asked.
"Soon." Yanagi said.
"Someday…" Niou replied.
"Munch Munch," Kirihara was eating his biscuit.
The pink fairy twitched (you can't really see it), "LET'S GO ALREADY!! I WANT TO BE HUMAN AGAIN!"
"Would you like Yanagi to make you mute and give you bigger boobs with that?" Niou asked absentmindedly because he was busy looking at swords.
"I AM NOT A GIRL!!!!!!" Pinkie screamed, bobbing up and down in the air crazily.
"God, you'll kill our ears before we can do anything…" Niou muttered. "Yanagi, make her deaf when you turn her back to a human."
"Hmm… I should get this staff… but this one is sturdier…" Yanagi mumbled to himself. "There's a 90 percent chance that we would need a sturdy staff…"
"I DON'T CARE, MAKE ME A HUMAN!! WITHOUT BOOBS!"
"Niou… Akaya, do you hear some loud sound yelling something about breasts?" Yanagi asked, totally ignoring Pinkie.
Niou shrugged, "I dunno… I was looking at the swords…"
"I want the hat," Kirihara commented randomly.
Yanagi shrugged and continued on staff-browsing (haha, staff-browsing… pun).
"TURN ME INTO A HUMAN NOW!!!"
"I think there's an annoying cry somewhere…" Yanagi commented.
"I don't hear anything…" Kirihara responded.
"Must be your imagination," Niou replied, looking at another sword. "Hey… does this look cool or what?"
"Or what," Kirihara answered. "It looks like crap."
Niou scowled, "No one needs your negativity!"
"CAN WE HURRY IT UP SO WE CAN TURN ME INTO A HUMAN AGAIN!?"
"And save the world, desu!"
"TURNING BACK INTO A HUMAN IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE DAMN WORLD!"
"B-but we have to save the world, desu!"
"W-world… desu…" The blue fairy was getting scared of Pinkie.
"O-o-ok!!! HUMAN, DESU!!!"
"Thank you!" Pinkie cried relieved.
"Actually… I think it's important to make a good bond with the humans!!" The orange one stated flying towards Kirihara. "STARTING WITH THIS CUTIE!"
"NO!! TURNING INTO A HUMAN!"
"D-d-does anyone care about saving the world, desu?" Blue asked quietly.
"Not really…" Orange said. '
"I CARE ABOUT BEING A HUMAN!!"
"I'm doing this to save my Yagyuu…" Niou said bored.
Kirihara looked at the blue fairy, "I'm doing this 'cause it's fun…"
"I'm doing this because of data…" Yanagi replied.
"YOU'RE ALL HELPLESS, DESU!!!" Blue shouted. "HOW ARE WE GONNA SAVE THE WORLD LIKE THIS, DESU?! CAN'T WE JUST GIVE UP NOW?!"
Pinkie "glared" at Blue and said, "NO!! I NEED TO BE HUMAN AGAIN!"
"I think we need to make a good bond with humans! Starting with this lucky cutie! Ooh, lucky indeed!"
"PERVERT!!" Pinkie screamed at Orange.
"I'm just trying to bring bonds closer!!" Orange cried, offended.
"Please stop flying around my head…" Kirihara said, swatting Orange away.
"How long are we gonna stay here?" Pinkie asked impatiently. "I wanna turn into a human… like… now."
By this time you're probably wondering where the shop's owner was. He was still here...staring at the trio and the fairies.
"GET OUT OF MY STORE NOW!!!!" the owner yelled kicking them out. "With these balls of light!!!" he somehow threw the fairies out also...like a baseball.
"What about our equipment?" Niou asked.
Suddenly, there was a flurry of flying swords, staffs, and clothes. Everyone jumped (or in the fairies' case flew) out of harm's way.
"OOH! THE HAT!!!" Kirihara said picking it up and jamming it onto his head.
"The sword..." Niou smirked.
"The sturdy staff..." Renji murmured.
"Don't we have to pay you desu?" the blue one asked.
"GET OUT!! I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR MY STORE EVER AGAIN!!! YOU GOT THAT?!" the store keeper yelled.
"Sheesh...you didn't have to be that insensitive" Niou muttered.
"LET'S GO DAMMIT!!!" the pink one shouted.
"...This is such a cool hat..." Kirihara whispered.
"Weirdo..." Niou muttered.
"So...where are we going to go?" Niou asked.
"Hmm...probably to the Forest of Mitei...after all...if the fairies' leader lives there, then they may be able to give us information..."
"CAN WE GO NOW?!" Kirihara asked jumping up and down. "I WANT EVERYONE TO SEE MY NEW HAT!!"
"Aww...you're so cute when you're all excited..." the orange one said.
"Let's go..." Renji muttered walking into the distance.
"Sure...anything to leave this stupid kingdom ruled by a Queen with monthlies and a grumpy King..." Niou muttered.
And so the warriors of light accompanied by balls of light walked down the road to fufill their destiny. As one story completed, another one started.
Crappy ending I know...but the second chapter can get crackier...oh the ideas...TTwTT