Warning: Wincest and mpreg

Disclaimer: don't own them, so sad, I know :(

P.S. I love you

Chapter 1

Sam sat on the bonnet of the impala that was parked near a beautiful river. The water was flowing softly and the wind was blowing a gentle breeze through the old oak trees. Sam kept his gaze on the flowing water; he refused to look at his brother, who sat beside him. He wasn't mad at Dean; he was hurt… because they only had two hours left together.

Dean's year was up and it was time to pay his debt. Time had run out and soon Dean would find himself in hell, literally. Even though Dean was about to die he was pleased with himself. Why? Because he had managed to keep his baby brother alive and out of harms way and now Sam could live his life to a rightful age.

"What am I going to do without you?" Sam asked suddenly.

"You don't need to ask me that" Dean said looking at Sam who still refused to look back "You're gonna be just fine without me ok."

"How do you know?" Sam snapped while keeping his gaze firm on the river.

"Because I just do," Dean snapped back "Sammy, please look at me?"

Sam pealed his eyes away from the river and turned to face Dean, he had unshed tears glistening in them "What?"

"Sammy everything's gonna be ok" he placed a hand on Sam's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Sam brushed Dean's hand away and jumped off the hood and spun around to face him "How can you say everything's gonna be ok Dean?" he shouted. "You're gonna go to hell and I am gonna be stuck here on my own, how do you think that makes me feel?" he placed a hand to his chest and he let tears run down his cheeks.

"Sammy I'm sorry" Dean shouted back with unshed tears in his own eyes "I couldn't let you die, I couldn't live without you."

"What makes you think I can live without you Dean?"

"Sam you're smart and bright you'll do just fine without me."

"Dean…" Sam stuck his hands into his pockets and looked down at ground.

"C'mon Sammy" Dean said jumping of the car. "Be brave for me."

Sam's eyes snapped and locked with Dean "Be brave!" he shouted "Dean you're about to leave me in a world so full of evil that it scars me! I don't' want to face this world alone! I can't face it alone!"

"Sammy you're not alone" he placed a hand on his shoulder "You have Bobby, Ellen" he gave Sam a smile but Sam didn't even a crack a grin "and you have the Impala, she's great on lonely nights."

Sam shook his head and turned around, he couldn't stare at Dean any longer, it hurt too much.

"Sammy you will be fine" Dean tired to assure all though he wasn't sure if he believed it himself.

"What if I go dark side?" he snapped still not turning to face him.

"You're not evil Sam" Dean said firmly "There is not an evil bone in your body."

Sam sniffled then turned to face Dean, tears ran down his face and his shoulders shook from the sobs "Why didn't you leave me?"

"I couldn't" Dean answered knowing what Sam meant.

"Damn it Dean!" Sam shouted, "I was dead! I should have stayed dead!"

"Yeah well I was as good as dead and dad gave his life for me so I might as well do something useful with it!" Dean shouted back.

"And you think selling your soul is useful?"

"Sam I'm not meant to be alive and since I am, I'm gonna use it to save you" he shouted, "I didn't deserve to be brought back but you did Sam! I gave up my life so you could live. Because you deserve it a lot more then I do." he lowered his voice at the last part.

"How can you say that?" Sam asked with a hurt expression. "You deserve to live just as much as I do."

"Yeah but I'm tired of living" Dean said dryly "I'm tired of hunting and of putting our lives in danger!"

"So going to hell is your answer?"

Dean looked down at the ground and turned away from Sam. Dean didn't want to go to hell and he knew Sam knew it but what's done is done and Dean had a one-way ticket to hell. There was no going back now. He let out a long sigh and stared up into Sam's hazel eyes, a small smile graced his face and he reached out embraced Sam in a hug.

At first Sam was confused by Dean's actions but he welcomed the hug. He wrapped his arms around Dean and hid his face in Dean's shoulder as he cried silently. He felt Dean place his hand at the bottom of his neck, he stared to massage the base of his neck and Sam soon found himself more relaxed. He felt Dean pull back but he didn't stop rubbing his neck.

When Dean pulled back he felt an urge that was so wrong yet felt so right. He placed a hand on the side of Sam's cheek and stroked his cheek gently, his thumb lightly brushed over Sam's lips and he found himself longing to taste them. Before he knew what he was doing he had pressed his lips to Sam's, at first it was a soft kiss but he quickly deepened it until he realised what he was doing.

He quickly pulled back and took a few steps away from his brother. His brain was working over time, what the hell did he just do? Ok so he knew what he just did he just couldn't believe he did it. He had just kissed Sam, Sam his baby brother and what confused him more was the feeling before he kissed Sam. In the moment before kissing him he wanted so badly to do it now he regretted it. What the hell had he done?

Sam's heart was racing and a million questions where speeding around his head. His first question was why the hell did Dean just kiss me? The second was why the hell did I enjoy it? Either way Sam was completely and utterly confused. He wanted to voice his questions but every time he opened his mouth nothing came out. What the hell just happened?

"Sa… Sammy I'm sorry" Dean said after he pulled himself back together "I have no idea why I just did that… or why I wanna do it again" Dean suddenly fell silent, did he just say that? Yep he sure did. He wanted to kiss him again, he wanted to hold him in his arms and never let go. He quickly pulled Sam into his arms and returned his lips to his.

Sam kissed back with the same passion and he felt something that deep down he knew was always there. He felt love, not just brotherly love but real love, the love he had always felt for Dean yet tried to hide. The kiss deepened and soon kissing wasn't the only thing they were doing. Their hands roamed freely over each other and they soon became lost in the heat of the moment.

Dean piled Sam's jacket off and then his button up shirt followed. He felt Sam tug at his leather jacket and he shrugged it off and let it fall to the ground without a care. When he moved to unbuckle Sam's jeans realization set in, he was about to have sex with his brother and he sure wanted it but he didn't know if Sam did.

He pulled back and stared into Sam's hazel eyes "do you want this?"

Sam replied by kissing him then pulling back and giving a slow nod and he muttering a 'yes'.

Dean nodded slowly as well then he found himself kissing Sam once more. He kissed him feverously then broke it, but he didn't move back, instead he had his forehead resting against Sam's "This is wrong."

"No one has to know" Sam replied while kissing his brother forehead softly "It can be our little secret."

Sam sat resting against the Impala staring out at the flowing river. The past hour and half replayed in his mind and he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He saw Dean walk up to him and crouch down beside him; he smiled softly at him. He reached for the gold pendent that hung from his neck and he removed it then placed it around Sam's neck.

"I love you" he stood and Sam stared up at him with teary eyes "Take care Sammy."

Dean spun on his heel and walked off towards the horizon, he disappeared from sight and a single tear ran down Sam's cheek. He quickly rose to his feet ad ran after Dean, who had neared the end of the clearing. "Dean!" he yelled.

Dean stopped and before he knew it Sam had thrown himself into his arms. He stared into Dean's eyes and they looked so beautiful in the afternoon sun. He had never just stopped to stare at Dean; he had never stopped to just let Dean know how he really felt about him. And now there would be no more chances to gaze into his eyes or to fell his arms wrap around him and hold him close.

"I'll always love you."

Dean smiled and kissed Sam with so much passion. Never in his life had he kissed someone like this, not even Cassie. He kissed Sam with pure love, love that had been burning inside him ever since he could remember. He broke the kiss and placed both hands on the side of Sam's face "Be brave for me."

Sam nodded slowly and tears fell freely from his eyes "I'll try."

Dean pressed one last kiss to Sam's lips then he turned and walked off.

Sam watched Dean disappear into the dense woods as his heart broke. He would never see him again. Tears streaked down his face and collapsed to the ground and heap and cried like he had never cried before.

It took all of Dean's strength to leave Sam behind, knowing he'd never see Sam again broke his heart and he felt tears sting his eyes. He wished he and Sam had been as close as they were today all of the time. He and Sam were perfect and he was mentally kicking himself for not realising that years ago. Now he was about to die and he would never see Sam again.

He let a lone tear escape but he quickly wiped at it angrily. He wasn't going to go a blubbing mess; no he was going to die with dignity even if he felt like breaking down. As he trudged through the thick undergrowth he heard the sound of barking, his heart started to race. He wanted to be out of site when the hell hounds came to get him.

They would take him to hell and Sam would come and get his body after. They had picked a place where Dean would wait and then at the end of the day Sam and Bobby would come for him. He had now reached the spot and he could hear the hellhound in the distance, his heart pounded and sweat beaded on his forehead. His time was almost up.

"Sugar, you seem tense," said a female voice.

Dean turned to face a woman with long dark hair and bright red eyes "Well you're a long way from the crossroad."

"Trust me Dean I'd rather not be here," she said walking forwards "But I had to see you… one last time."

"Well I'd rather die alone" he said bitterly.

"I'm sure you would" she stalked towards him "But see I have something to offer."

"What can you possible offer me?"

"Your soul."

"C'mon! I'm not a moron I know you're not gonna give me my soul back!"

"That's what I'm going to make you a deal with you" she said dryly "You let a friend of mine use your body for awhile and I'll let you have your soul back."

"You're bluffing" Dean shouted.

"I'm not," she said firmly "But if you'd rather go to hell then fine" she spun around and the sound of howling grew nearer and nearer.

"Wait" Dean yelled and she stopped. "If I do, you promise to give me my body back."

She turned around slowly, a sly smile on her face "A deals a deal." She moved to stand right before Dean "I make it and I can't break it."

"How long would you need my body for?"

She started to walk circles around Dean and he felt his heart pound harder as the hellhounds appeared a few feet in front of him "A year."

Dean looked at the snarling dogs and his heart skipped a beat. If he did this he would be able to see Sam again and it sure beat going to hell, so with a deep sigh and one last look at the hellhounds he nodded yes "Deal."

"Good choice" she moved to stand in front of Dean and he lips touched his in a passionless kiss.

The kiss broke and she stepped back and Dean did so too.

"Well?" he asked.

"It's done."

Dean watched her step back and a black shadow appeared beside her and that was last thing he saw…

Sam walked back to the car; his head low and a few tears still fell down his cheeks. He saw Bobby's pick up truck and he knew he had come to help Sam cremate Dean. But Sam couldn't do it; he couldn't watch his brother be consumed by flames until he was nothing but ash. He couldn't even bare to see his lifeless his body.

So instead he would let Bobby do the work, because it was just too much to go through right now. He would just head back to Bobby's and have a rest and think everything over. He saw Bobby standing by the truck and he could see the unshed tears in the older hunter's eyes. Bobby moved forwards and stopped before Sam, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You ok?" Bobby asked softly.

Sam shook his head and wiped away the tears that were still falling "I just wanna head back to your place."

"What about Dean? Do you want to be there when I…" he trailed off.

"I can't Bobby" he sniffled "Its too much right now and seeing Dean…" he swallowed the lump in his throat and forced himself to continue "I just can't."

"I understand" Bobby said giving his shoulder a firm squeeze then he turned and walked off leaving Sam to his thoughts.

Sam took a deep breath and walked to the driver's side of the Impala, he unlocked the door and slid in behind the wheel. He started the engine and it roared to life. He placed his hands on the steering wheel and he stared out into the distance, the sun had set and darkness and taken over. He took one last look at the following river and a small smile graced his face. This place would forever hold Dean's memory not just as his brother but as his soul mate.

"Goodbye Dean."

TBC

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