The Golmore Jungle, Late Saturday

I swear, if these awful thorns don't stop getting in my hair, I'm going to kill something.

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The Golmore Jungle, Later Saturday

Vaan tells me that I should keep a diary, so I am. He keeps going on about this making millions of gil when we get out of this, the chronicle of how a couple street rats saved the world (and, you know, a Princess and some sky pirates and a dead knight, but who cares about them, anyway?) He swears this is going to make us filthy rich someday, because apparently my work pays for his lunch. Unfortunately, most times it does.

What Vaan doesn't know is that the chances of me not dropping this off some cliff, accidentally setting fire to it, or simply letting people see it are not good. And by "not good" I mean, "There's no way in hell." Vaan can deal with it.

At any rate, a bit of background. We are currently wandering through the Golmore Jungle like a pack of fools, trying to find some way out of this god-forsaken place, hopefully in the direction of some big mountain with an unpronounceable name. I have recently discovered a deep-seated hatred for the Golmore Jungle. Oh, yeah, it's pretty, but it's weirdly cold and humid and filled with a lot of deadly, freaky, huge, hungry monsters that apparently like the taste of Young Rabanastrans in Leather.

(With a side of Silent Viera in Metal and Annoying Rabanastrans in Vests. Ashe and Balthier and Basch freaking rape their ways through this place, and I want it known right now that I hate them for it. At least Larsa has the decency to trek back from the Monster Killers Extraordinaire to toss me a potion when I'm clinging to Vaan's leg, begging him not to let me die all alone in this unfamiliar place.)

(Or Fran's leg, but she's not as nice about it. You'd think she'd be able to spare us a cure spell or two, but she spends all her MP on trying to kill the monsters who want to eat us.)

I'm in an awfully angry mood right now. I suppose this happens when you watch your comrades beat paths for themselves and leave you to be ambushed by a mass of jaguars and freaky plant-ish things with crowns. And it doesn't help that the trees around here are droopy and like to catch unsuspecting dancers around the head and get thorns in uncomfortable places.

Ever had thorns stuck in leather? It's not fun. Not fun at all.

And to top everything off, it's Vaan's day to cook, which translates into "it's Penelo's day to throw out whatever Vaan cooked and make something herself."

I should make them Malboro Vine Spaghetti. Then we'll see if they leave me to die with Vaan and Fran.

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...Oh gods, they ate it!

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Eruyt Village, Sunday

Is this a Viera thing, the, uh, metal thongs? I mean, I get a wedgie pretty bad with my leather pantsuit, but ouch. I'm glad I'm not a viera. I can't even begin to understand how that's supposed to work. (Do they go to the bathroom? I haven't seen anything resembling a bathroom, let alone a toilet. Oh, what if they go on trees, and I've been leaning against them the whole way here? Eww.)

(...I think I need sleep.)

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Still In Viera-Land, Sunday Afternoon

Do you have any idea how hard it is to convince xenophobic bunny-ladies to let you sleep in one of their many abandoned huts? The only way I managed it was through the grace of Balthier, explaining that I was desperately ill (what frightens me is that I looked it) and needed sleep. He offered, smirking, to stay with me, but I declined. For one, Balthier is girlier than I am when it comes to sleeping arrangements and cleanliness, but more than that, I don't want Ashe to give me one of her many glares.

Oh, come on, even Larsa's noticed the way she eyes him, and Larsa probably still thinks children spring up from cabbages.

Though it was kind of flattering. Then again, that's the sort of thing Balthier does. He's a flirt. He probably doesn't know how to act when he's not trying to get up a girl's skirt or in her pants.

Anyway, Balthier helped me get a place to sleep, and then left Vaan to wake me up when it was time to go. Fortunately, Vaan actually did remember me, so I didn't get left behind with a bunch of thong-wearing Amazonian rabbits.

So we're about to head off for the Henne Mines. Because apparently I haven't seen enough of mines. Vaan is also trying to look over my shoulder and read what I'm writing, claiming that if we're going to use this to get rich, he wants to make sure I'm not writing anything too incriminating. Yes, because Vaan knows what other people will take offense to. Yes, of course.

Must go, leaving for magicite mines.

Wish me luck.

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Vaan is just about the hottest thing on two legs, you know. All big and strong, with that sword and everything, I could fall into his arms any day.

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Henne Mines, Ungodly Hours of Sunday Night And/Or Monday Morning

I am going to kill my best friend.

You would think that being stuck in gloomy mines just packed with monsters ready to rip us to shreds would keep him in check, but nooo, he has to go steal my diary and write ridiculous entries in it that make no sense whatsoever. I mean, seriously. Big and strong? Ha. If I want to fall into someone's arms, I'll aim for Balthier, or at least Basch.

Hell, I'd even aim for Larsa, even though there's a good chance I'd crush him. Anyone but Vaan.

...Okay, so there is an explanation for this. I did kind of trip over some rock formation, and I did - sort of - fall into his arms. But it wasn't really the romantic kind of thing, you know, because I faceplanted his chest and he fell backwards and tripped up Fran, who did possibly the most undignified thing I've ever seen her do, and hastily reached out and ended up grabbing Ashe around the knees, making her collapse into Balthier, who crashed against the wall with Ashe's face - literally - in his crotch. And Larsa stared, while Basch tried very hard to control his laughter and help the blood-red princess up.

(Balthier, it should be noted, only snickered.)

I blamed Vaan. No one questioned me.

Yeah, I'm a horrible person. But, you know, he'd do the same to me. Of course, I am the dancer, so I should, in theory, have balance. Usually, I do.

I'm still mortified about the whole thing, though not as much as Ashe is. She won't even look at Balthier. It's great. In a... "laughing at the anguish I've caused other people" sort of way. But, hey, I'll take what I can get.

But at any rate, ignoring the events of the past several hours, we're somewhere in the bowels of the Henne Mines. I think - though I wouldn't say it out loud - that someone got us lost. Probably Vaan, but then again, Fran kept telling us not to go that way, that the mist was leading her here. So it's all confusing and none of us know where we are.

Larsa says there's some giant monster locked up here somewhere. I told him to keep things like that to himself. Vaan asked him how to find it.

I really don't want to run into some giant monster that's been locked up in nasty old mines for thousands of years. I wouldn't be happy if I was that monster, and I think I'd attack whatever pretty little dancers happened to innocently wander into my midst.

Ugh. We finally stopped for the night, but thanks to my little nap earlier, I'm not very tired. Then again, Vaan took the space next to me, and it's really hard to sleep near Vaan because he sleeps all over the place. I mean it. He'll throw his arms out, steal my blanket, kick me in the stomach, smack me in the face, and then wake up the next morning without knowing a thing he's done. But I'm used to this, unfortunately.

I'm also smart enough to trick someone else into sleeping next to him, but it didn't take long for them to figure me out. Usually, we can all wait for Vaan to settle down and lay our bedrolls appropriately far from his, but there's not so much room in the mines and we're all on top of each other, trying to sleep without getting too many rocks in our pants.

Basch is on first watch. Maybe I'll bother him.

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Basch isn't very interesting in the dead of night, just so you know. He nodded and smiled in all the right places, but I think he was too busy keeping an eye on Balthier, to make sure he didn't pull anything on (or off, for that matter) Ashe. I wish I had friends who looked out for me like that, but I left them in Rabanastre.

Actually, come to think of it, I never had them. Except maybe Reks. But Reks always slept like a log, and wouldn't have stayed up all night just to make sure Tomaj wasn't feeling me up.

I'm pathetic.

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Henne Mines, Early Dawn, I think

My spine is aching where Vaan kicked it.

Why didn't I opt to go home, again?
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(A/N: Yes, it's ridiculous. I know. Merry (late) Christmas, sapereaude13!)