Oh, look, an all-dialogue fic. Something that I'm very proud of accomplishing in a decent and sort of understandable manner. I know I say in my profile that I write one shots. See, this was going to be a rather loooong one shot: five days of surveillance, five 500-700 word sections. But then I realized that it would be cute as five shortish chapters. So hopefully I'll get all five of them up before June. This is Day One, Kakashi and Sakura are doing surveillance and it's rather boring, obviously. KakaSaku here if you squint, far more in later days I hope. I'm sorry if the format is slightly confusing, I think that I made it pretty clear who's speaking. Generally its back and forth unless indicated otherwise. Sorry for the rambling and here I go.


Day One



"Your kunai is poking into my leg."

"Oh. Sorry. Is that better?"





"Your elbow is poking into my stomach."

"We're doingsurveillance. I can't help it."

"Okay, well- ow! Bloody… don't move more to the right!"

"Oh, is my foot poking into your groin?"


"I'll move it if you stop complaining."


"Heh. See, Kakashi-sensei, this is why you don't complain. For the record, your knee is embedded in my hip and you don't see me mentioning it."

"I apologize sincerely for your pain and sorrow. And it still can't hurt as much as what you did just did."

"Hmm. You know how we could make this work?"

"Not at all."

"You let me sit in your lap."


"Well, not that I'dwant to, obviously, but my hip might be in need of medical care soon."

"Sakura, you're a medic ninja. Can't you heal yourself?"

"Not when your knee's there and there are a few layers of protective clothing below that- that your knee isstill penetrating."


"Maybe you sitting in my lap would work out."

"Oh, Kakashi, youthink?'

"…ouch, you menace!"


"Okay, that's better. That's fine."



"Yes, Sakura?"

"Would you rather be beaten to death or buried alive?

"What kind of question is that?"

"Just answer it will you."

"Fine. I suppose that if I had to pick between two rather disgusting and painful choices I would rather be buried alive."

"Your turn to go then."

"Hm. Sakura, would you rather kiss Rock Lee or Naruto?"

"That is equally as depressing as what I asked you."

"No, it's not, it's just repulsive."

"Naruto. He wouldn't think it was anything, I think. Would you rather have me or Naruto punch you?"

"Naruto, not you, she of the deadly fist. Even before you learned to enhance with your chakra you could throw someone to the other side of the room."

"Yeah, I know."

"You're not proud of it, are you?"

"Like hell I am. It's very useful in a fight."



"Yes, Sakura?"

"You have very comfortable thighs."


"And no, you can't sit in my lap to test out the same. You'd crush me, I'm certain of it."

"I'm not fat."

"You sure about that? As a medic, I could-"

"Sakura, shut it."

"Alright, alright… who do you think is prettier, me or Ino?

"Do I even need to answer? Ino, obviously."

"Kakashi-sensei, do you have a death wish?"

"No, really, in all seriousness you're much prettier. I particularly like your hair. It reminds me of cotton candy. And your eyes are nice. Your eyes remind me of grapes."

"…are you hungry or insane?"

"Hungry, obviously."

"Too bad, we're stuck here for at least three more hours."

"Damn it."

"You can treat me to ramen later."

"Or, Sakura, you can treat me."

"No. So, you really think that I'm prettier than Ino?"

"Yes, yes, your resemblance to food aside."

"Good boy."

"What? Sakura, I'm fourteen years your senior and your old teacher."

"Your point?"

"I'm not Naruto; I don't need to be leashed."

"You know, Naruto would actually make a really cute puppy."

"That leaves me with especially strange mental images."

"Er, don't your Icha Icha books do that too?"

"No, that's the difference; those you see are good mental images."



"Aaaah! What the hell was that for Kakashi? I was enjoying the comfortable silence."

"Ah, but to me it was an empty void in need of a filling. Preferably a chocolate or cream one."

"You are a strange, strange man."

"So I've been told."

"How many times a day are you told?"

"I don't know, it's not like I take an average."

"Hmm, you know what? You really should."

"Yes, I should except an overwhelming majority of those comments would have been received from you."

"No, they wouldn't have. You're wrong."

"No, I'm not."

"Alright, maybe."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei?"


"Have you noticed that in all our hours of surveillance-ing here that nothing has happened?"

"Besides you injuring me and clambering into my lap?"

"Like, no people, no shady deals, nothing."

"Oh, well, who knows. Maybe we'll get lucky tomorrow."

"Maybe. I hope so."



"You're quite strange also."