Title: Some Days
Pairing: implied RenjixByakuya
Summary: Renji ponders the reason why he wants to be with Byakuya.
Warning: Yaoi. Implied slash and some innuendo, I think.
A/N: Based loosely on the song Say(All I Need) by One Republic
Disclaimer: All BLEACH characters belong to Tite Kubo and Say(All I Need) belongs to One Republic
Maybe it was the loneliness.
That made him want to stay with Byakuya, that is. Because the first thing that drew him had obviously been the challenge of trying to surpass him. That had always been his first goal.
But the thing that kept him at his taichou's side?
That had to be the loneliness. Because even when he lay beside him at night, their bodies sated and content, Renji could still feel an emptiness that continually emanated out from his captain's soul.
Emptiness and loneliness and loss. It was like being next to a fucking black hole some days.
And it was on those days that he wanted to be able to reach out, to call out, and to save Byakuya's heart from the void it had been lost into. It was on those days that he wished he could call Hisana back and drown her in the pain that Byakuya suffered, over and over again.
He wanted so badly to be able to show Byakuya that there was no need to keep that pain inside. That there was no need to hold onto it like he was.
But Byakuya held on, as though the pain were something he deserved to endure, something to remind him of his failure and his promise to a dead woman who hadn't even loved him.
All Renji saw was that it made Byakuya extremely lonely. It made him so much lonelier and more tired than anyone deserved to be.
And that had been the basis for his second goal.
The reason he had wanted to be with Byakuya Kuchiki was to show him that all a man needed in life was the air he breathed, the blood pounding in his veins, his sword in hand, and maybe a place to rest his head. He wanted to show him that all he needed to do was scream out for what he wanted, for what he needed, for the ending he wanted to believe in.
And so he had competed against the man. Challenged him, admired him, hated him, and loved him. Made him see that there was more to life than wallowing in loss and pain. Sure, it was there. It's not like you can just forget about it and all. But there wasn't any need to let it take over.
And sometimes it was on those days that he felt the emptiness ease off and felt that he had, perhaps, accomplished something more significant than just fighting with Byakuya or loving him.
But some days, he felt that maybe, he had nothing to do with it.
Maybe Byakuya would have fought off the emptiness and loneliness by himself, without any prodding from his nosy, red-haired vice captain. Maybe Byakuya had already been doing his best, praying that he would survive, praying that he would make it. And maybe he already knew that he would be able to find his way… a way that would be better than the one he had previously walked.
And on that day, he asked if Byakuya could see it- the end that he wanted? And even though Byakuya didn't answer him, Renji knew. And he told him, whenever that end is, we'll scream for it together.