Author's Note: Here is a KotOR AU fic I wrote in early to mid-2007, and it's been in the editing room for the longest time, which is why it's taken so long to get here. Now, for my disclaimer.
Hawk and all non-game characters are mine. Game characters belong to LucasArts, BioWare, and Obsidian Entertainment. Yes, I put them back on their respective shelves when I was finished.
Chapter One - Good Night, Sweetheart
"She's so tiny," Revan Onasi whispered from where she lay on the bunk, gazing up at her husband as he cradled their newborn daughter. "I didn't think anyone could be so small . . ."
Carth nodded slowly as he gently rocked the sleeping baby in his arms. He stared long and hard at the child's serene expression, barely noticing when Revan drifted off to sleep in an attempt to soothe her aching body. He reached up and wiped droplets of sweat from his forehead, brushing his two stubborn bangs from his eye. He sighed heavily as he took a seat upon the floor, still holding the baby. He said nothing as he cradled the tiny creature against his chest, though he wondered to himself how in the Force he was going to be able to care for this new, helpless person. She had been born almost a month premature, and she was so small that his golden wedding band could have easily fit around her wrist. The birth had been difficult for both Revan and the baby, and it had taken place in one of the least suitable places in the entirety of the universe: the crew quarters of the Ebon Hawk. One minute, Revan had been napping in there peacefully, and the next, she had been screaming for help as her labor pains began. Carth closed his eyes and sighed again before gazing at his newborn daughter. She was so small yet so beautiful to him even though he had no idea whatsoever of how to bring up a little girl. He'd had plenty of experience rearing sons, however; two years previously, Revan had given birth to their son, Devin, and long before he'd even met Revan, he'd had Dustil. But now . . . Now everything was topsy-turvy. He was clueless to the finer points of caring for daughters, and he knew it. That fact frustrated him, but he decided from that moment on that he would try. He would give his precious little girl his all.
"If I could make it up to Fleet Admiral, then I can raise a daughter," he thought.
But even as he mentally formed the words, he realized that he wasn't too sure of this or himself. A lump formed in his throat as he tenderly rocked his daughter, softly humming a gentle lullaby as he echoed Revan's words.
"She's so tiny . . ."
Carth shook his head quickly, snapping himself out of his trance. He realized that he was standing in his daughter's pitch-black bedroom, quietly watching her sleep. He felt his stomach twist into a knot as he found himself staring at her. No longer was she a tiny, helpless baby; she was nearly fifteen years old now, and she was beginning to look more like her mother with each passing day. He unconsciously sighed quite heavily, and he had no sooner done that than his little girl stirred in her bed. She rolled over, rubbing sleep out of her eyes and looking up into the familiarity of her father's face.
"Dad," she said with a tired half-moan, "you're doing it again."
"Sorry, Hawk." Carth's cheeks flushed, and he looked away for a moment. "I guess I was just thinking about—"
"I know, I know," Hawk sighed, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "You were thinking about the day I was born, and how small I was, and how scared you were, and blah, blah, blah. Not to mention you were staring at me while I was trying to sleep."
Carth forced a small smile, taking a seat on the edge of her bed and reaching over to grab her hand in the darkness. When he found it, he squeezed it gently, thinking to himself how small and slender Hawk's cool hand was in his. In a way, it still felt as though she was that tiny baby he'd helped deliver nearly fifteen years before.
"That's just my way of telling you I love you," he said softly, leaning over and giving her a light kiss on her forehead.
Hawk grinned in the coal-blackness of her room as she wrapped her arms around her father's neck and hugged him. She breathed deeply of the lingering scent of the cologne he had put on the previous day.
"I love you, too, Daddy," she whispered.
She clung to him for a couple of minutes before he pulled back and motioned to the bright red digital display on the chrono across the room.
"It's ten 'til six," he said. "If you make it quick, I'll keep your mom off your back and let you sleep another hour."
Hawk smiled gratefully.
"Thanks, Dad," she said, rolling over and pulling the blanket up under her chin.
"Any time," Carth answered, tucking the blanket in around her before turning and leaving the room.
"I am one lucky son of a gun," he smiled to himself.