Summary: Two years is a long time to indulge in dysfunctional feelings, its also a long time to keep your mouth shut about how you feel. Three Ducks find themselves lost in sea of agnst and feeling. PortmanJulieFulton
Disclaimer: I don't own the Ducks, or any of the music the I mention in the fic. I kinda wish I did though.
Anatomy of A Crush
Julie Gaffney sat in homeroom, her dark blonde hair in a ponytail. She was wearing dark blue denim jeans, and a blue sweater. She looked around the room. Of course, he wasn't here. Probably cutting again. Now that she was seventeen, halfway through her senior year of high school, and largely over her bad boy complex, Dean Portman's antics, which had once attracted her, just got on her nerves. She knew what was coming once the bell rang and she walked out to the hallway after the bell rang. And she knew what her response would be, it was always the same.
"Julie," She sighed and turned around. "Hey, cover for me today?"
"Dean," She said, "What could you possibly be doing?"
"A bunch of us are heading over the border," He shrugged, "I turned 18 remember?"
"Yeah, I remember but," She started and he cut her off.
"Please?" He said grabbing her arms gently, "I'm begging here!" She looked up at him, the minute her blue eyes met his brown she melted. She couldn't help it..
"Fine," She said quietly, looking down. "But you totally owe me."
"Ah, you're the best babe!" He smiled and hugger her. "I'll see you later."
"Yeah," She sighed, "I know." She shook her head as he jogged away.
"You need to put an end to the dysfunction," Fulton Reed said, that afternoon as she sat in study hall with him, her head flopped on the desk. "He's my best friend and all but he's going to keep walking all over you unless you stand up for yourself."
"I can't help it," She said. "I can't say no to him."
"Yeah," Fulton nodded, "I know, he knows. Why do you think you're the one always covering for him?" She nodded and started to recopy her history notes into a second a notebook. "What are you doing?"
"This is important, it's going to be on the midterm," She said.
"I know," He said, "But who's the second notebook for?"
"Connie," She lied, "She's taking this class next semester, and she asked me,"
"Don't do it," He shook his head, "You're enabling him."
"I don't even like him most of the time," She threw her pen down. "It's like an addiction."
"You're not still," Fulton started,
"No," She said cutting him off, "No, we never did. He didn't really want to anyway, it was just his little carrot on a stick, you know, maybe this time babe." She sighed, "Anyway, I told him I wasn't ready."
"Step one," He laughed. She nodded. "I'm glad you didn't." He said it quickly and then looked away.
"Yeah," She nodded, "Me too."
Later that day, Julie walked into her room, dropped her book bag and kneeled down to the milk crate full of old vinyl albums she had removed from her parents basement. She smiled pulling the plain white cover out and pulled the perfectly round black disk out of the envelope and put it on her turntable, she moved the needle to the right spot, let it drop and flopped onto her bed. She closed her eyes and listened as Eric Clapton's wailing guitar and George Harrison's soft voice stroked her angst.
I look at you all
See the love there that's sleeping…
"The White Album?" She sat up, and saw Dean standing in her doorway. "Really babe? You're such a cliché!"
"I like The White Album!" She snapped.
"Ooh, someone's testy," He laughed. "Did you get a B or something?"
"Aren't you supposed to be in Canada?" She changed the subject.
"We got stopped by border control," He shrugged, "So we turned around." She nodded. "Did you get,"
"On the desk," She said, "It's today's and the stuff you missed last week."
"What would I do without you?" He smiled. She nodded. "Are you pissed at me or something?"
"No," She said, "No, I'm just tired." He nodded and sat down.
I look at the world
And I notice its turning.
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake
We must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps…
"I don't get how you listen to this stuff," He shook his head. "It's so,"
"Melodic?" She said, "Understated? Non violent?" Her love of classic rock was completely lost on the metalhead Portman.
"Boring," He said. She smiled. "Ah, got you to smile." He looked down, "So listen I've been thinking."
"Don't hurt yourself," She said. He laughed.
"Cute," He nodded, she shrugged. "I know you said you weren't ready, but that was six months ago and," He kissed her gently, "I thought maybe you'd be ready now." They kissed softly for a few more minutes.
"Dean," She whispered, as he moved down to her neck. "I don't want to." He pulled back and looked at her.
"You need more time?" He asked, she shook her head.
"No," She said, "I don't want to, with you."
"Oh," He nodded. "But I thought,"
"Things change," She said quietly, "You should go."
"Yeah," He said quietly, "I will." He stood up. "Um, I'll see you around I guess."
"Yeah," She nodded, he walked out and she fell back again. The song ended. She stood up and went through the bin again, looking for something else. Strangely the first thing she grabbed was Led Zepplin IV.
Portman walked back to his and Fulton's dorm room, completely thrown off. He walked in the door.
"I thought you were going to Canada?" Fulton said.
"Change of plans," He said, "Did Julie say anything to you?"
"Um, what about?" Fulton looked at him.
"Me," Portman said, "I just left her, she turned me down."
"She's just not ready," Fulton said with a shrug, knowing the truth.
"No," He shook his head, "She said she just didn't want to." Fulton smiled quietly.
"Maybe if you'd stop using her," He shrugged, "She'd be more receptive."
"Using her?" Portman said, "I never laid a hand on her!"
"Oh yeah because physically is the only way you can use a person," Fulton rolled his eyes, "She covers your ass when you screw up, does most of your homework, puts up with your shitty taste in music,"
"My taste in music is not shitty!" Portman said defensively.
"Whatever," Fulton sighed, "The point is, she's in love with you, or she was, she's getting over it, finally, and you treat her like complete crap."
"I love her too," He said, again defending himself. "Or, it's like love." Fulton nodded.
"There's a lot to love," He said softly, "I mean, she's so beautiful, and smart, and fun, when she's not freaking out." Portman looked at him.
"You're in love with her!" He said. "Dude! Since when?"
"I don't know," He shook his head.
"You should have told me," Portman said, "You're my best friend, if I had known, I would have,"
"Backed off?" Fulton laughed, "It wouldn't have made a difference, she still wouldn't be into it."
"You don't know that," Portman said. "You should tell her. I always regretted not telling her."
"Julie!" She heard her name in the hallways after classes were over. She didn't stop.
"Not today Dean, I'm not in the mood," She shouted.
"Wrong bash brother," She stopped and turned. Fulton smiled.
"Sorry," She said, "Last night just,"
"I know," He nodded, "He told me."
"Of course he did," She rolled her eyes, "What's up?"
"I need to talk to you," He said. She nodded. "So, I know, that you turned him down and everything, and I was thinking that,"
"Did he ask you to talk to me?" She said, he stared at her. "This is so like him and his stupid passive aggressive bullshit! God!" She shook her head, "You're the one who's always telling me to stand up for myself, that I deserve better," She fumed, "And now you're pleading his case for him? What the hell Fulton? I thought that," He couldn't control himself anymore, he cut her off, by taking her face in his hands and kissing her as hard as he could. She pulled away, breathless. "What was that?"
"I love you," He said, she blinked and stared at him.
"Excuse me?" She said. He took a deep breath, "Fulton, you don't love me. You can't,"
"I know how I feel, you're the coolest, most beautiful girl I've ever met," He said, "I love the way you laugh at the most inappropriate times, I love that you go back to your room after class and listen to vinyl. I love the when you concentrate you get this little crease in your forehead, that you're not afraid to eat a Big Mac in front of a guy, that you never wear skirts, and I hate that because for the past two years my best friend has shit all over you, and you probably can't ever love me back."
"This is really big," She whispered. He nodded. "I need time on this." She walked away. He stood blankly staring.
She walked into her room and went immediately to the albums, she rifled helplessly through them all. She couldn't pick one, until she settled on Cream's Wheels of Fire. She pulled it quickly and violently out of the package, dropped it onto the turntable, dropped the needle and turned the volume up. Even "White Room" blaring couldn't drown out her thoughts.
"Damn it!" She shouted and fell back onto the bed crying. This wasn't fair. She was just putting herself back together. She had just scraped together enough self esteem to stand up to Dean, to be independent and this had to happen. She could have maybe handled it, if it were anyone else. But not Fulton, who had listened to her bitch and moan for two years, who had comforted and encouraged her, who had been her best friend while she was in love with, she stopped. Fulton knew everything about her, he listened and shared and been there for her. Was it possible that all this time she had just been blind? The more she thought about it, the more she started to realize. They had everything in common, they liked the same music and movies, they laughed at the same jokes, he even read most of the same books, although she preferred Cat's Cradle to Slaughterhouse 5, they both chose Vonnegut hands down as their favorite writer. He agreed with her that if possible you should always listen to an original record over a rerelease. He had given her a copy of The Doors self titled album for her birthday, because he said she was too invested in British Rockers, (The Beatles and Clapton) and needed a bigger sampling of the real American stuff. Was she crazy? She stood up and ran as fast as she could to the boys dorm when she got the chance she knocked on the door. Fulton opened it and she kissed him. He pulled her inside and close to him.
"I love you too," She said softly. She smiled. "I don't know what was wrong with me, that I didn't realize it. It was you, it was always you."
"You were listening to Cream weren't you?" He said. She laughed. "God, how many times do I have to tell you,"
"Hendrix can't touch Clapton," She said holding a finger up, "Neither can Morrison, I don't care what you say!" He kissed her. "Of course, I can be persuaded."
"This is going to be complicated," He said. She nodded.
"It can be complicated tomorrow," She whispered, "Tonight, I just want it to be." He kissed her again, they were lost in each other.
A/N: Just a quick little piece of agnst fluff I started writing, it turned out a lot different than what I first had in mind, but that's always nice, when you surprise youself right? Anyway, I hope it was liked. Review it please!