Not mine. Not making any money.
Warning: Angsty and eventually smutty
Song is "Angel" by NIN. Open up a new window and look it up on youtube. Trust me, to get the feel of this story, you need to listen to it.
I Won't Let You Say Goodbye
By Jaime andEmerith
Her last words to me echoed in my head, leaving an unholy ache in my chest.
"I'm moving in with Joe. I've agreed to marry him. We're going to move to New York City after the wedding."
Who knew that three sentences could hurt me so badly. I couldn't even find the words to respond to her. I just dropped the cell phone and left my office. Nobody tried to stop me as I took the stairwell to the garage and climbed into the Turbo. Nobody tried to stop me as I screeched out of the garage. I guess by the look on my face, they knew better than to get in my way.
I don't know where I am now. I've been driving for hours. It's dark out now, has been for a while. I'm a little surprised that I haven't been pulled over. I've been well over the speed limit since I tore out of the garage. I didn't care, though. I didn't care about anything anymore.
I lost her. This time was for good. I never thought she would actually marry the cop. I never imagined that she would give up her apartment, her life as she knew it, to marry the man who has been trying to change her for all these years. Not only that, but she was leaving her home for him. Following him to another state. She was leaving me behind.
God, why didn't I try to stop her? Why did I ever send her back to that son of a bitch? I should have grabbed onto her and refused to let go. She was mine. Mine! I knew she loved me. I can read her like a book and I could see the love in her eyes every time we were together. So if she was in love with me, how in the hell could she marry him?
Ay Dios Mio. She was actually going to marry him. She would be Mrs. Morelli. I can't wrap my brain around that. I thought we would have our someday. I actually believed that someday was coming sooner than I expected. Fuck, I should have said something to her. Should have told her. Now it was too late. She was probably moving into the cop's house at this very moment. Being held in his arms. Being fucked by him in his bed.
I gripped the steering wheel. I used to have such control over my emotions. Stephanie blew that out of the water today. I was falling apart. Honest to goodness falling apart. I never thought the day would come. I never imagined that one little white girl could tear apart my defenses. I never thought I would lose her. I never stopped to imagine my life without her in it. Stephanie was such an integral part of my life. She was my constant. And those three fucking sentences ripped the rug right out from under me.
I shook my head, hoping to clear it. No such luck. I gritted my teeth together and reached out to turn on the radio, anything to drown out my thoughts. The song that was just starting sounded vaguely familiar. Maybe if I concentrated on it, I wouldn't think about my heart slowly ripping apart in my chest.
I've tried to take this
all just one step at a time
I'd love to reason but I'll end this waver signed
'Cause it's so lonely I feel like I have died
I thought angels never learned to say goodbye
emotions like I've never felt before
Felt such devotion that it's spilt upon the floor
Now I'm so empty there's nothing left to hide
I thought angels never learned to say goodbye
to find you, and remind you how it is
My life's been shattered but inside I've found love exists
Now I'm so frightened, I'm so afraid to die
I thought angels never learned to say goodbye.
Now I'm so lonely, I'm so afraid to die.
'Cause I know that all the angels say goodbye
Bye bye, Angel.
I swallowed hard. God, that song didn't help me at all. I could feel the knife in my heart twisting. Fuck, what have I done? For the first time in my life, I was terrified. If I lost Stephanie, what would I have left? Money didn't make me happy. My business didn't make me happy. Nothing in my life made me as happy as Stephanie did. And I threw it away. I was a fucking idiot.
The song lyrics stuck in my headI've got to find you and remind you how it is.My life's been shattered but inside I've found love exists.Gripping the steering wheel as hard as I could, I made a split second decision. Barely slowing down, I pulled a U-turn, almost skidding off the road and into a tree. No way in hell would I let her marry that son of a bitch. No way in hell would I give her up. Stephanie was mine. Morelli thought he would take her out of the state and away from me? I'd fucking kill him first!
The needle crept up on the speedometer until I was going too fast for it to register. The song kept playing in my head, just as clear as if it were on the radio.
Now I'm so empty, there's nothing left to hide.
Yeah, that was pretty accurate. I've got nothing to lose. As it is now, she's practically a married woman. What could it hurt to go to her? To tell her how I feel. To remind her of how everything is between us. How good we could be together. God, together we would be incredible. Unbelievable. No way in hell was I giving that up without a fight.
"Not gonna happen, Babe," I hissed through clenched teeth. "You're mine."
The song played on repeat in my head.I thought angels never learned to say goodbye.No. I wouldn't let her say goodbye. Morelli would have to rip my heart out of my cold, dead body before I would give her up.
I was in a zone. I was focused. I knew exactly what to do. If she wasn't at her apartment, I'd go to the cop's house. I wasn't worried about him. He wouldn't be able to stop me from telling her what I needed to say. She needed to know how I felt. I thought she knew how I felt about her, but apparently, she didn't. I knew if she did, she would never have said yes to him. Never. I know my Babe too well.
Before I knew it, I was screeching into her parking lot. The lights were on in her window and I could see her shadowy form through the blinds. Good. She was still up.
I was out of the car and running up her stairs before I could stop myself. I had wasted too much time already. That was going to stop right now.
I made quick work of her locks and was in her apartment seconds later. Ignoring the boxes stacked by the door, I made my way into her living room. She was crouched over another box, closing it with packing tape, but jumped to her feet when she noticed me.
"Ranger," she choked, her eyes wide. "What-"
"I won't let you say goodbye," I said, my voice dangerous. She stumbled back, a hint of fear marring her beautiful face.
"What…I mean…" she stuttered. I stepped over the box she had been packing and grasped her arms, pushing her back against the wall. I leaned forward until our foreheads were touching.
"Tell me you don't love me," I hissed, staring into her eyes. Her baby blues widened even more at my words, but I didn't give her time to answer. "Tell me you don't think about our future. Tell me that you'd rather be married to him. Tell me that you need him more than you need me."
"Why are you doing this?" She whispered, her voice trembling. "You made it perfectly clear what I was to you."
"What do you think you are to me?" Somehow, I don't think she knew exactly how I felt about her.
Her eyes filled with tears and my heart clenched. God, I wanted so badly to kiss them away.
"I'm entertainment," she choked out, anger flashing in her face. "Someone to flirt with. A one night stand. No relationship, no ring, no children. I'm just a challenge to you, Ranger." Standing up straight, she stared directly into my eyes. "We don't have a future. You won't let us have one. That's your fault, Ranger, not mine."
I felt sick to my stomach. God, I really did fuck up badly with her if that's what she thought. "Tell me you don't love me, Babe. Tell me you don't look forward to seeing me every day. Tell me you don't want a future with me." I leaned closer and brushed my lips softly over hers. "Tell me you don't want me, Stephanie."
A sob escaped her throat and she tried feebly to push me away. I didn't budge.
"It doesn't matter what I want," she cried, averting her eyes from me. "You made it perfectly clear what you want, and it's not me."
"I want you more than I've ever wanted anything in my life," I ground out, turning her face so she was forced to look at me. "I need you more than I need air. When you told me that you were going to marry him and move to New York, I felt like my life was over."
She gasped and her mouth opened but nothing came out but a squeak. She was speechless.
"I love you, Babe," I whispered, nuzzling my face in her hair. "I don't let myself love people, but somehow, I fell in love with you. Tell me that you don't love me. Tell me that you love him and that you want nothing more than to marry him and leave me and your home and everything you love behind. Tell me!" My voice was harsh and grating even to my own ears, strained with the effort of fighting not to yell and pound the walls to make her understand how I felt.
"I…I can't," she whimpered. I felt her legs give out and I pulled her against my chest, holding her tightly.
"Don't leave me, Babe," I pleaded, desperately pressing kisses to her wild curls. "God, don't marry him and leave me. I need you too much to let you go." I moved my hand up to the back of her scalp and grasped a fistful of her curls, pulling her head back so she was forced to look up at me. She gasped and I took the opportunity to cover her mouth with my own. Our tongues battled and she was kissing me back with an almost desperate force.
All sense left me then, and I began tearing at her clothes, throwing scraps of material aside until she was naked before me. Pinning her to the wall with my body, I unzipped my cargos one handed and shoved them down, releasing my aching erection. Reaching down, I grasped her behind her thighs, lifting her off her feet and bringing her down on me in one swift motion.
Dios mio! She was tight and wet and ungodly hot around me, gripping my dick like an iron vice. She cried out at my invasion and wrapped her arms around my neck. With a desperation that only she makes me feel, I began to fuck her hard against the wall, her legs dangling over my forearms as I pounded in and out of her. She met me thrust for thrust, as best as she could for what little range of motion I left her. I gave her everything I had in me, made her feel everything I felt for her. How much I needed her. How much I loved her. I took her mouth with mine, kissing her with a bruising force, and she returned it with just as much hunger.
Tearing my mouth away from hers, I stared into her eyes, keeping my thrusts steady and deep and hard. "You're mine, Babe," I ground out. "I can't let you go. I won't let you go!"
I watched as the orgasm tore through her. I watched as her eyes widened and her beautiful face scrunched up. Her mouth dropped open as she screamed. I felt her pussy clench around me, dragging my own orgasm from my body in a blinding flash of light. I felt my release spilling into her and her hot, wet walls tightening around me, draining everything I had.
I stood there for a long moment, holding her against the wall, until my legs gave out. I dropped to my knees, bringing her down with me until she was straddling me. For long minutes, all I could hear was our hearts pounding and our short, panting breaths. Her face was pressed against my neck, so I buried mine in her tangled curls, breathing in the sweet scent of her citrus shampoo.
The feel of something wet on my shoulder brought me out of my stupor and I gently pulled back. She was crying. Oh God, I hurt her! My heart clenched painfully at the thought. Tilting her face up to meet mine, I stared into her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, Babe," I whispered, kissing the tears away. "Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head and clung to me, her nails digging into my shoulders. "Do you really want me? For keeps? Or was this just one last fuck for the road?"
God, she couldn't possibly think that, could she? I couldn't let that happen. "I want you so much, Babe. I want you with me. Forever." I brushed the damp hair out of her face and leaned forward to kiss her softly. "Stay with me, Steph. Please. If you want the ring, I'll buy you one. If you want to get married, I'll throw you the biggest wedding the Burg has ever seen. If you want children, we'll have a houseful. Please, Babe, just don't leave me."
I had never begged before in my life. This was as good of a time as any to start.
Stephanie let out a sob and clung to me, burying her face in my neck. "I don't love him. I don't want to be with him. God, Ranger, I don't want to leave you!"
And with those three sentences, I felt all the weight of the world lifting from me. I pulled her against me, so tightly that I didn't know where I ended and she began. And she clung back, just as desperate not to lose touch as I was.
No, she wouldn't be saying goodbye. Not now. Not ever.