Author's Note: If I owned Harry Potter I wouldn't be doing this for no money, would I? For you stupid people out there (believe me you don't know who you are), the answer is no.

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Harry was sitting at the Dursleys' house. It was the middle of June and all across the world there had been chronic shampoo shortages due to someone blowing up nearly all the factories. Everyone's hair was really dirty. Harry turned on the TV to see if there was something good on. He flipped through channels until he saw Voldemort in a commercial.

Voldemort was saying, "Are you all tired of the dirty, greasy hair?"

Suddenly the scene changed and a beat started. Voldemort began to rap with Lucius DJing.

"I'll tell you what I can do

Sell you all some freaky shampoo!

Lather, rinse, and obey

It's time to wash your hair today!

You may think I'm a villain

You know what, just chill it

Come on let me hear you say

Lather, rinse, and obey

I'm a playa just playing his play!

My product's in a rap song

Time to get your wash on

With Doctor V's brainwashing shampoo

And cranium rinse!"

Seeing this, the Dursleys went to the store and bought tons of "Dr. V's Brainwashing Shampoo". So did nearly every other person in the world. Harry did not trust it, but nearly everyone else, including Dumbledore, used it a lot. They acted weird.

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Voldemort sat in Death Eater H.Q., thinking about his shampoo brand. Wormtail walked in.

"What is it, Wormtail?" asked Voldemort

"My lord, sales of the shampoo have skyrocketed ever since you destroyed all the competitors. Nearly everyone in the world uses it now."

"Excellent, now I can use my ultimate weapon on Harry. It'll torture him a lot before killing him. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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Harry woke up the next morning to find the Dursleys staring mindlessly at the TV. Voldemort was on it.

Voldemort said, "Alright my brainwashed minions, it's time to do what I've wanted to do all along. Now that I'm broadcasting to every radio and TV on Earth, Harry won't escape my secret weapon. Now, let's begin"

A tune began playing. Harry recognized it.

"Oh no, anything but that!" Harry screamed.

Voldemort began singing,

"You put your

LEFT foot in

You put your left foot out

You put your left foot in and you shake it all about

You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself around

That's what it's all about! Everybody now!"

Every single person on Earth began to sing that ridiculously annoying song and do the dance. Harry screamed and ran for it, but everywhere he went, he could hear the annoying song being repeated endlessly. He collapsed and writhed in agony.

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Voldemort had hacked into security cameras and was watching this while conducting the song. He and his minions were wearing earplugs to protect themselves from the deadly effects of the song.

"Ha ha ha! Soon, it will all be over for you, Harry! Ha ha!" he thought to himself.