songfic to the Dave Matthew's Band song Stay or Leave. I always think about Remus/Tonks for some reason when I hear this song-it really is a beautiful song

Stay or Leave

Maybe different, but remember winters warm there you and I,
Kissing whiskey by the fire with the snow outside
And when the summer comes the river swims at midnight, shiver cold
Touch the bottom, you and I, with muddy toes

Stay or leave, I want you not to go
But you should
It was good, as good goes
Stay or leave, I want you not to go
But you did

Wake up naked drinking coffee, making plans to change the world
While the world is changing us, it was good, good love.
You used to laugh under the covers, maybe not so often now
But the way I used to laugh with you, was loud and hard

Stay or leave, I want you not to go
But you should
It was good as good goes
Stay or leave, I want you not to go
But you did

So what to do, with the rest of today's afternoons, hey
Isn't it strange how we change, everything we did
Did I do all that I should
That I could'a done

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be you and me

I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you left me?
What day is this
Besides the day you went?

So what to do, with the rest of the day's afternoons, hey
Well isn't it strange how we change, everything we did
Did I do all that I could?

Remember we used to dance
And everyone wanted to be you and me
I want to be too
What day is this
Besides the day you went babe

What day is this?

Remus remembers that summer like it was yesterday. Okay, so that was a bit cliché, he thought to himself. But that couldn't change how true it was. It was strange though, how it seemed all a blur, but yet he never remembered something so well. How when they arrived at King's Cross that end of term, she came bouncing up to him and wrapped her arms around him so tightly he thought they would fuse. Not that that would be so bad…He returned her hug and buried his face in her neck and hair, breathing her in. She pulled back a bit and sniffled, her vibrant green eyes sofulloflife gazing into his eyes. "My mom said that you could stay with me over the summer. She and dad are taking Lyra to some horse thing in Morocco. Not really my thing," she finished with a sad smile.

Remus looked down at her, surprised, "Yeah, okay," he said nodding.

Her face broke into a smile and Remus could swear his heart stopped for a second. She laughed and kissed him fully on the lips. The kiss soon turned passionate as her happiness turned to desperation. Remus shivered and felt goose bumps rise on his arms as she ran her tiny hands through his hair. She broke the kiss and rested her forehead against his, their eyes closed, breathing heavy. "I'll write to you about it," she said after catching her breath. Remus just nodded, not trusting his voice. She pressed her lips to his once more and let them linger for a moment before one last look into his eyes and smiling. She then turned toward where her father was loading her trunks onto a trolley and walked out of the station with her parents and sister.

They would sleep most of the day, sometimes spending the whole day in bed, only getting up to retrive the Thai noodles they ordered and ate in bed. Most days they went down to the beach. Time was something of the past, something they didn't use anymore, didn't pay attention to and didn't need to. They would lie in the sun, wading into the water when it was too hot. They kissed in the surf, and then collapsed onto the wet sand, breathing heavy. As Remus lie in the damp sand he looked over at her, her dark brown hair wet and clinging to her face and shoulders and back. Her eyes were closed as she tried to calm her breathing, her arm resting across her forehead. He looked at her toned body, the sand on her warm tan skin and he suddenly felt that she was vulnerable lying there, her beauty there for the taking and that he needed to protect her. He had something so beautiful in his life, and he of all people knew with the current situation they were in waralwaysmeansdeath how easily she could be taken from him. How that wonderful little flame burning so bright could be put out in a second. He rolled on top of her again, determined to cover every inch of her with his body, shielding her from the harsh world.

Nights were filled with heat, lust and desire. They went out to her many muggle friend's parties every night. They were mostly a blur, but he could remember her breath on his neck, her tiny, warm body still radiating with the sun's rays pressed up against his, hands sticky from spilled alcohol. She sat on his lap around a campfire, sipping a beer, his hand on her smooth thigh, playing with the hem of her too-short mini skirt, his other hand on her exposed back feeling her silky strands of hair. When they got home, he could still smell the beach on her from earlier that day, the campfire, and the alcohol on her breath as he kissed her for the millionth time that day. They would go down to the beach with a few blankets and watch the stars, slowly sobering up. Then they would go back up to her room where Remus felt the need to protect her and cover her with his body arise again, and they would spend the night skin on skin.

As Remus looked down at her pale face against the crisp sheets he realized how he failed her. He didn't protect her. That flame that used to be burning bright was slowly dimming, and there was nothing he could do about it. His time for action had come and gone, and he had failed to do anything. He leaned back in the chair by her bed and looked around the room. It felt like a cage. His beautiful bird was trapped in a cage, her wings clipped, unable to fly. Remus held her hand as he struggled to hold back tears. He hears what the Healers say. They talk in hushed tones by the door, thinking that what he doesn't hear will only help him. Well he does hear it. He catches words; phrases. Head trauma. Internal bleeding. The longer she's in the coma the less likely it is she'll wake up. He knows the prognosis, knows what it all means. He picked up her hand and leaned his forehead on it, pressing his eyes tightly shut. Maybe if he tried hard enough he could change it all. He could have stunned the Death Eater he was dueling quicker so he could have seen Bellatrix point her wand at her niece's back. He could have jumped in the way, or yelled or something, anything. Anything to end this nightmare that he was living.

He looked down at his beloved girlfriend's face again and wondered where she was. "Come back to me Dora," he whispered so softly he wasn't even sure he said it out loud. He wondered if she was happy wherever she was, if she even wanted to leave. As he looked down at her face again, he felt a hot tear run down his cheek and hit the St. Mungo's Hospital sheet as he thought; would she stay or leave?

Disclaimer

Anything that is recognizable from any of the Harry Potter books is property of J.K. Rowling and I make no profit from it.

Stay or Leave belongs to Dave Matthew's Band.