This is in the 'I Come To You In Pieces' universe, but it can also stand alone. I did it for a Xmas ficathon on LJ. It takes place about a year after the SS arc, when Shuuhei and Kira were together.

Forbidden Words

"I'd like to take you out sometime."

Kira Izuru looked up from the files he had been searching through. "Excuse me?"

Hisagi Shuuhei chuckled and turned away from Kira's confused expression. He flipped through his reports one more time, making sure they were still in alphabetical order, and stood to place them in one of his filing drawers.

"I said," he repeated, "I'd like to take you out sometime. You know, like to dinner?"

When Shuuhei turned back to his desk, Kira was still regarding him with his brow furrowed. The blond did this whenever Shuuhei suggested something out of the ordinary, or brought him flowers, or cooked him dinner, or did anything resembling a romantic or sentimental gesture. He would sit and ponder what could have possibly possessed Shuuhei to act that way. What reason could he have to treat Kira like that? Except when it came to sex of course; Kira was pretty open to most of what Shuuhei suggested. The fact that Kira expected Shuuhei to treat him badly, to physically hurt him like it was common practice in relationships, pained Shuuhei all the way to his core. It hurt that for so many years, one of his best friends had been enduring unspeakable things behind closed doors, and no one had noticed or (gods don't think about it) cared.

Kira dropped his gaze quickly; he couldn't hold eye contact with Shuuhei for very long. But Shuuhei took it as a giant step towards recovery. In the beginning, Kira wouldn't look at him at all.

"Are you talking about… like a date?" Kira asked softly.

Shuuhei sat back in his chair and fought the urge to sigh. Something so simple, and Kira still had to wrestle with it.

"Yes," Shuuhei said carefully. "I mean like a date. We've been sleeping together for months and I've never taken you out. It won't be anything fancy of course, but it would… it could be fun."

Kira studied the floor for a few more seconds before he raised his eyes, and nodded.

"Okay," he said as he smiled softly. "I think that would be okay."

Shuuhei watched the corners of those soft pink lips turn up and his heart did a flip flop into his throat. Making Kira smile was an everyday must for the tattooed shinigami. When Kira smiled, Shuuhei felt the world was as it should be; he had done something right. It was when Kira smiled that Shuuhei had to watch his tongue. He wanted to tell Kira how he felt; wanted to let the blond know how much he meant to him. But those three words were not welcome in their relationship.

Shuuhei never told Kira that he loved him, because he had always told Kira he loved him. While doing hideous things to the pale Vice Captain - while he burned his skin and broke his mind - he would spew false praises and hollow confessions of love and endearment. So Shuuhei never said it; he just showed him through kind acts and gentle, careful nights of lovemaking.

Shuuhei's thoughts must have reflected on his face, because Kira's cheeks suddenly flushed and he went back to the stack of files in his lap.

A blushing flustered Kira was more than Shuuhei could handle, and the dark haired shinigami suddenly felt an intense need to kiss the blond.

"Kira," he half-whispered, and the blond looked up. Shuuhei made a 'come hither' motion with his finger, and Kira's smile returned.

Fuck, Shuuhei thought, now I have a blushing, flustered, SMILING Kira in my office… I'm going to die…

Kira stood and slowly moved around the desk. He put his hands behind his back, and leaned his ass against the wood. He tilted his head to the side slightly and looked at Shuuhei under heavy lids.

"Yes?" the blond teased.

Shuuhei grabbed one of Kira's slender wrists, and yanked the slighter man onto his lap. Kira made an undignified squeaking noise before Shuuhei's lips pressed against his own. The dark - haired shinigami placed his lover's pale arms on his shoulders as he plundered the smaller man's mouth. Kira's arms tightened around Shuuhei's neck and he groaned deep in his throat as strong hands gripped his thighs; the hot tongue played in his mouth.

But Shuuhei remembered where they were, and how high the probability was of someone walking in on them. He was working so hard to build up the Ninth Division's moral after the betrayal, and one of his subordinates walking in on him mouth-fucking the Third Division's Vice Captain… yeah, that would earn him respect - real fast.

He pulled away from Kira's lips, and breathed heavily onto the pale neck before him.

"We… we gotta stop…"

But Kira continued to kiss him. His lips found his forehead, and trailed down to his cheek. He bypassed Shuuhei's mouth and continued along his jaw line. The kisses became more intense as the blond flicked his tongue against the sensitive flesh underneath his ear; his teeth grazed the choker tattoo on Shuuhei's neck.

Shuuhei shuddered slightly. The sensation of Kira's soft lips on his skin mixed with the thrill of being discovered excited him and his cock twitched painfully underneath Kira's thigh.

Kira must have felt the small movement because he stood; his lips and tongue never paused in their dealings and he placed his hands on Shuuhei's thighs. He spread the taller man's legs and knelt to kneel between Shuuhei's knees.

Shuuhei felt his brain crack. He was not going to do what he thought he was going to do… was he?

"Kira!" Shuuhei hissed as the blond pushed up his kimono. "Kira, you're not serious!"

As Kira pushed up the black fabric and slipped his fingers under the top of Shuuhei's hakama, he glanced up and gave the older man a hungry look. This was the 'I'm going to be bad right now, and you better just sit back and shut the fuck up or I'm not going to do this again for a while' look.

"I want to suck your cock, Shuuhei," Kira whispered.

Shuuhei almost moaned out loud, but instead he leaned forward and gripped Kira's arm.

"Not right here in the middle of my fucking office!"

Instead of arguing, Kira palmed Shuuhei's erection through the folds of his hakama. Shuuhei's eyes slid shut and he let out a short breath.

"Come on," Kira coaxed in his rarely used, but extremely effective bedroom voice. "You know you want me to… right here with only an unlocked door and a thin wall between us and the rest of Soul Society."

Shuuhei shook his head. "If one of my subordinates comes in-"

"Then they'll have just another reason to be in awe of you when they see how big your cock is."

Shuuhei tried to slow his breathing as Kira pulled down his hakama just enough to release his aching member. He put one hand on Kira's shoulder, and the other gripped the edge of his chair. Kira rarely ever took the lead, regardless of Shuuhei's pleading, and doing it at all in a public place was unheard of. The sudden switch of the roles was driving the tattooed shinigami slowly into madness.

Despite the intense turn-on, Shuuhei still tried to maintain a sense of regard for his division and the soldiers he commanded. He made one last gallant attempt to stay the shinigami between his legs.

As he felt Kira's fingers wrap around the base of his cock, he breathed. "Kira, this not a good idea. I've worked really hard to make my- ahhh… oh fuck…"

He felt Kira's lips slide over his head to take his whole length at once. Shuuhei's breath caught as Kira's lips ran over his most sensitive skin over and over; his tongue was wet and hot against the pulsing vein. Shuuhei leaned back to watch himself slide in and out of that wet, perfect mouth. Kira looked up with eyes filled with lust, a look that was so rare during moments like this that Shuuhei almost cried out. The blond pulled back to suck just the tip of Shuuhei's cock; his tongue dipped into the slit, no doubt tasting salty precum. His eyes never left Shuuhei's and his gaze held the same intensity.

Shuuhei tried to keep his hips from thrusting up into Kira's mouth. He released his grip on the chair, and reached out to run his fingers through blond locks.

"Gods, this… ahhh… this is so fucking hot, Kira… why don't you look at me like this when I fuck you?"

Kira's only response was to lick the underside of Shuuhei's member slowly from base to tip.

Shuuhei moaned and gripped the blond hair tighter. "Will you look at me like this tonight when I fuck you, Kira?"

Kira replaced his mouth with his hand, pumping the shaft in a quick, steady rhythm.

"What makes you think you're going to be fucking me tonight?"

Shuuhei released Kira's hair. Oh shit! What did I do? Why is he saying no sex tonight?

Suddenly, the door opened. Shuuhei reacted so fast, he actually kicked Kira underneath the desk. He threw himself forward so his elbows rested on the wood and his exposed manhood was mostly covered. He commanded his breathing to slow; ordered his heartbeat to come down as Abarai Renji poked his head in the doorway. The tall redhead saw Shuuhei, and then looked around the room in confusion.

"Sorry, I thought I heard voices."

Shuuhei ran a trembling hand over his mouth and almost kicked Kira again when he heard the blonds' quiet snicker.

"Oh, um…" Shuuhei clenched his fists. "I was talking to myself."

Renji shrugged and stepped into the office.

Oh gods, don't come any closer…

"You need something, Abarai?"

Renji put his hands on his hips. "Uh, yeah. I just came by to see if you knew about tomorrow."

Shuuhei nodded. "Oh yeah, Matsumoto-san told me something about it. What's happening?"

Shuuhei suddenly felt fingers tracing the length of his cock underneath the desk. His whole body tensed, and he resisted the severe urge to kick Kira again.

Oh, he's SO not going to do it…

A warm tongue circled the head of his member, and Shuuhei bit his tongue so hard it bled as Kira's lips engulfed him once again. The blond went slowly to keep the noise to a minimum. It was torture, and Shuuhei could feel his face growing hot.

But Renji didn't seem to notice as he shifted and crossed his arms. "I got assigned to the real world again. It'll probably be a lot longer this time, so Ikkaku and Yumichika are throwing a farewell thing."

Shuuhei nodded again with difficulty. Sitting there, getting a blow job by the prettiest shinigami in Soul Society, while talking with walking wet dream Abarai Renji was more than any man should have to endure. Before Kira, many of Shuuhei's nights had been filled with dreams of sweaty, naked Renji writhing beneath him. His tattooed skin would taste like fire, and his body would be scalding to the touch. Now Shuuhei felt his climax approaching fast, and was terrified because the redhead was standing right there and he might just moan Renji's name if he didn't leave quickly.

"Um…" Shuuhei choked out. "Don't worry, I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it. I'll tell K-Kira too."

Renji nodded, his flashy grin splayed across his face. He opened the door to leave and Shuuhei felt relief until the redhead turned back.

Oh my fucking gods, just leave, Renji!

Renji's brow was creased as he leaned back into the office.

"Are you okay, Hisagi?"

Kira deep throated him again and he almost screamed.

Shuuhei nodded frantically. "Yes! Yes, I'm fine. Just tired. I'll see you later, Abarai!"

Renji gave him one last quizzical look before slipping into the hall and shutting the door behind him.

"Oh fucking Kami Kira!" Shuuhei leaned back and covered his face with his hands. "What are you trying to do to me? You… hmmm… tell me no sex tonight, and then suck me off while I'm trying to talk to Renji!"

Kira snickered around his cock and lifted his head for a moment.

"I never said no sex tonight, Shuuhei," replacing his lips, his movements became faster.

Shuuhei lowered his hands and fisted them in Kira's hair. "Ahhh… fuck… yes you did… shit that feels so good…"

Kira pulled away once more, and pumped frantically with his hand.

"I just mentioned that you might not be fucking me."

Shuuhei's head fell forward and his eyes screwed shut. "Hmmm… what are you saying… ahhh fuck yeah, keep doing that…"

Kira sucked on Shuuhei's sack as his hand worked. His voice was broken by loud slurping and wet kisses.

"I'm saying… that tonight… I want… to fuck you…"

Shuuhei's eyes snapped open. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had begged, pleaded, coerced, whined even, to try and get Kira to top. But the blond had always refused with an aggressive shake of his head and the look on his face quickly ended the conversation. Where did this new Kira come from?

The blond in question left his sack to deep throat him once more; it was all it took. Shuuhei let out a strangled cry as he came in hot spurts into Kira's greedy mouth. Kira drew out the orgasm, keeping a steady motion with his tongue as he swallowed every bit of Shuuhei.

When he pulled away, he placed soft kisses on the wilting member and up into Shuuhei's dark hairs.

"Mmm…" he breathed. "You taste so good, Shuuhei…"

Shuuhei was lost. His head was back, his arms were limp, and all he could do was sit there and stare at the ceiling. He felt Kira pull his hakama back on, but he made no move to straighten his kimono or obi.

Kira stood and almost laughed at the state his lover was in. He pushed Shuuhei's legs back together and straddled the taller man. He wrapped his arms around Shuuhei's neck, and pulled him forward to place a chaste kiss on the others' lips.

Shuuhei looked up into Kira's beautiful eyes and had to push those three words - those three unwelcome words back down again. This would be the perfect time to tell the blond he loved him, but he knew it wouldn't mean the same thing to Kira as it did to him. So he just pulled the slighter body tight against his own, and buried his face in his lover's chest.

I don't have to say it… he knows… he has to know…

Later that night, after a pleasant dinner together and they had returned to Shuuhei's quarters, Shuuhei accidently let the words slip for the first time. It had been so natural, almost like instinct.

As candles had burned around them and Shuuhei twisted his hands into the sheets, Kira had pressed into him for the first time. He felt so filled, so utterly completed. His back had arched and he had thrown his head back as he cried out Kira's name. Tears had streamed down his face; a result of the burning pain, but also from the unbridled emotion he felt overflowing from his soul. He had clung to Kira as he was taken; plundered, fucked so thoroughly he felt he would shatter. The blonde's mouth had been everywhere, licking him, kissing him, biting him. He had buried his face in the slender curve of Kira's neck as he met every thrust of the younger man's hips. His climax hit him so hard, he almost blacked out. When Kira had gone rigid above him and he heard his own name whispered into his ear, Shuuhei had tightened his hold and whispered those three forbidden words…

And then he began to cry in earnest.

"I'm sorry," he said into Kira's ear. "I can't help it… I know you don't like it… I know you don't like hearing it… but I had to say it… I had to make sure you knew…"

He pressed his forehead to Kira's shoulder as the tears slid down his face and neck. They trailed further and pooled in the dip between his collarbones. He felt so weak, so vulnerable like this. He tried to still himself, but couldn't stop the silent sobs from racking his body.

Kira rose up on his arms and Shuuhei looked away, covering his eyes. He couldn't bear to see the cold detached look in Kira's face. He felt like shit every time he did something to bring up painful memories in his lover.

But to his surprise, he felt Kira's soft lips on his cheeks. He felt a thumb wipe the wetness from his skin. He felt Kira gently touch his chin to turn his face.

Shuuhei lowered his hand slowly, and lifted his eyes to look up at his lover. The blond was smiling. Shuuhei lay still as stone as Kira lowered his head to kiss him on the mouth.

"It's alright, Shuu…" Kira whispered against his lips. "It doesn't sound so bad when you say it…"

Shuuhei let out the breath he had been holding and stared wide-eyed at the alluring man above him.

"You're…" he sputtered. "Then… you're okay?"

Kira nodded and caressed Shuuhei's cheek with his thin fingers.

Shuuhei was ecstatic. He rolled Kira onto his back and kissed the blond with renewed fervor. Kira laughed at his enthusiasm and curled his fingers into Shuuhei's dark hair.

"You ready for another round already?" Kira giggled.

Shuuhei moved to a sitting position and pulled Kira into his lap.

"Absolutely," Shuuhei growled. "Don't even think about leaving this bed for the next three days."