Title: House's Harmonizing
Author: Lady Yueh
Disclaimer: Not my property and no infringement is intended.
Author's Notes: For Monty.

"If anything resembling music floats from your mouth I will be forced to do something drastic."

Cameron snapped her mouth shut and her eyes widened, making her look like a befuddled wood creature.

The ducklings exchanged "discreet" glances.

House was acting more disgruntled and irascible than usual.

Foreman took the initiative. "Is something wrong?"

"If anything was wrong would it be any of your business?" House taunted.

"If you're going to threaten me every time I try and say 'good morning' it is." Cameron glared feebly.

"You mean I don't threaten you every morning?" House questioned with assumed bewilderment. "Make a note that that will change. I will threaten at least one of you in increasingly explicit and disturbing ways until someone has a psychotic break? How's that work for you?"

House's smile was a terrifying, razor-sharp parody of the real thing and his fellows stayed silent as the man went into his office, shut the blinds and started blasting music that discouraged anyone from entering.

"Well, I feel reassured," Chase muttered.


"Why are the children jumping at shadows and cringing at the sound of your very name?"

James Wilson was not deterred when House ignored him.

"You look like crap."

"Thanks, dear. You always know just the right thing to say to perk me right up," House mocked in a falsetto.

"Seriously, how much sleep did you get?"

House covered his face with his hands, a picture of pathetic exhaustion.

"I'm going to kill them. Though I probably shouldn't have told you that. Plausible deniability down the drain and premeditated murder on the table."


"What kind of insane people roam the streets singing? This is America! Why do we have to condone this inane tradition? That's it, I'm moving to Vietnam. They're Buddhist right?"

"Carolers?" Wilson couldn't help but grin. "You're the victim of carolers? They probably only affect a portion of the population like this, you know. All the truly miserable people find themselves unable to withstand the sound of goodwill and peace."

House snorted. "More like the sound of cats in heat. Shouldn't these people be certified? At least check to see if they can hold a tune. And that portion of the population represents the only people who are immune against the brainwashing known as "Christmas caroling". The rest of you bastards fall into line with a smile and subject yourself to that torture."

Wilson glared.

House smirked.

"I'll just turn the hose on 'em."

"You don't have a hose."

"Hose. Super-soaker. Tomayto. Tomahto."