This is my first fanfiction ever. I hope you enjoy it.
also the lines signal the begining and end of a flashblack.
It was Friday night, well technically it was now Saturday morning, and she was sitting at her big mahogany desk checking the homework her students turned in that day, when she heard the low, steady rumble of a motorcycle. Of THAT motorcycle.
Her eyes widened as she dropped her pen on the desk. Heartbeat increasing, breath coming in short gasps, hands trembling. The beginnings of a panic attack showing it's ugly head as the roar of the motorcycle that she hadn't heard in three years got closer.
Behind her the door opened to reveal a disheveled and equally shocked, pajama clad Scott.
"Did you hear?" He asked out of breath. She nodded numbly, mouth slightly open. "You know you have to tell him"
"Yeah. I know." Tears staring to slide down hear face as her hand absentmindedly went to her throat to play with dog tags that she no longer wore. "I just can't do it right now. I just can't. You don't think he'll come to see me first thing do ya?" He gave her a look that said you've got to be kidding me. She sighed.
"Don't worry. I'll do my best to run interference. I'll grill him about my bike." He smiled sadly at the young women who was now his best friend.
"Thanks Scott." As he left, closing the door behind him, she jumped into bed and begged for sleep to overcome her quickly, as she tried to work out her feelings of Logan. How was she to deal with him being back? Will he be staying? How long? How will she tell him about…? She didn't even want to think about THAT right now?
Eventually her subconscious took over, bringing her thoughts back to the night he left.
"Need help, Kid?" Logan asked, walking into her room unannounced like he usually did. They were best friends, partners in crime (so to speak), two of a kind. They would go out to bars, hustle folks in pool (he taught her well) and then try to drink each other under the table.
"Nope. Just finished." She stated, proud of herself as she placed the stack of papers into a folder. He was glad she was still not facing him, he was taking in her outfit. The smallest white tank top he ever saw, navy opera gloves and blue pajama pants that sat dangerously low on her hips. He laughed softly at the small bears that adorned her pants.
"Good! Let's celebrate." She turned to find him holding two bottles of whiskey. He almost choked when he realized she wasn't wearing a bra, and he could just make out the outline of her areolas and his dog tags nestled in-between. He felt a slight tightening in his groin. Damn it. Stop thinking about her like that. She's just a kid. A very legal, very sexy, twenty one year old kid.
"What exactly are we celebrating, Sugah?"
"You." He stated with a smirk, as if it was obvious. "You have survived grading your first test as a teacher. And you did it in a few hours, it's a big deal."
"Ah only got two classes, Logan. But your right, it was touch and go there for a while. Didn't think Ah was going to make it." She teased. They made there way onto the bed. Once settled, Logan pulled out a pair of leather gloves from his back pocket and slid them on and then held out his hand waiting. Rogue sighed, took a deep breath and placed her own cotton gloved hands in his. He removed her gloves and threw them to the side. He was wearing what he usually wore when he hung out with her, his skin tight jeans, of course and a long sleeve thermal shirt, which was also tight. She doesn't have to be covered up with me, he thought.
They sat watching the end of the hockey game, taking drinks from their bottles. They talked about how she was handling the stress of teaching. "Ah love it, and Ah have the best students.", and how he liked having Peter as a teacher's aide "He's a hard worker, still taking a college class, so some days he can't assist but he more than makes up for it with his ability to hold his Vodka.", and just laughed about nonsense. After the game, Logan started to change the channel trying to find something to use as background noise as they drank and talked, finally settling on an action movie. He knew she wouldn't protest, she liked action films almost as much as he did.
After an hour and a half the friends were leaning against the headboard for support. Logan was finished with his bottle and turned slowly to look at Marie. Her brown hair held high out of her face by a pencil, the silver streaks framing her face, chocolate eyes heavily lidded by too much liquor, her lips parted slightly as she watched the screen. The bottle he gave her half empty held by lax hands. Sensing her limit and his desire to have more, he reached out and grabbed the bottle, she softly grunted out in protest hands tightening around the neck. He chuckled, that must have been me in her head just then.
"No darlin', you had enough and frankly I'm not done yet." He tried a little more forceful this time succeeding but at the same time spilling a good amount of the amber liquid all over Marie. Her pants and most of her top were soaked. She didn't seem to mind as she burst out in giggles right away.
"Shit! Sorry." He put the bottle down on the nightstand next to the bed and turned back to her. It took him a second to process what he saw. Marie looked as if she had entered a wet T-shirt contest. The whiskey soaked through her already semi-transparent white shirt making it completely see through, exposing the dusty pink color of her areolas and the harden tips of her nipples. The strain in his groin before was nothing compared to now. He must've been staring, because Marie stopped laughing, which broke him out of his trance. When he looked up at her she was staring at his face with a sly sexy smile on her lips and her eyes still hooded but now with desire, locked on his hazel ones causing his erection to swell to uncomfortable new heights in his tight jeans.
"Logan?" It came out barely a whisper as she looked at his lap, eyes wide, breath hitched. He caught the scent, mixed in with the whiskey, vanilla and the intoxicating natural scent was her arousal. It drove him over the edge. Turning behind him to grab a scarf that was tied to one of the post on her bed, he draped it across the lower part of her face. He leaned in fast and hard, his lips crushing hers. Her blood racing to her head. His tongue dipping into her mouth, he smiled when her tongue started to massage his back. His hand snaking its way up her neck, grabbing hold of the pencil and releasing her hair.
He pulled away from her to look at her. Hair tousled, eyes wide, lips swollen beneath the translucent silk. He groaned at the sight and he started to kiss her again. One leather clad hand gripping her neck, keeping her locked to him, the other tracing down her neck, down between the curves of her chest, then cupping a breast. Her eyes opened in shock for a second but then closed again to get lost in the sensations. He kneaded them, rubbed his thumb across the nipple, pinching softly, causing her to moan into his mouth.
Before her overloaded mind knew what happened, his mouth was no longer on her lips but on her breast. Kissing the mound of flesh through her shirt. When his flat tongue ran across her nipple, her hands curled into his hair, silently begging him to stay put. She felt light-headed and very exposed, sure she was twenty-one but she was a virgin, in every sense of the word. You don't have too many guys knocking your door down when you have poison skin. This was all new to her, but she definitely knew the tightening in her lower abdomen was a good thing, a very, very good thing. She felt it herself on days when her arousal became too much and she had to take matters into her own hands, but this was better. A million times better. An infinite number of times better.
Logan moved his attention to the other breast, sucking, licking, biting. She was moaning and wiggling her hips in reaction, every so slowly. He moved a hand slowly down her body, once his hand got to her stomach he flatten it and snaking it into the waistband of her bear pajamas, fingers resting just above her curls. ::Ha, no panties:: They looked at each other when she gasped. He was gorgeous as hell and sinfully sexy, eyes darker than their usual hazel shade, hair a mess from her attempts to keep him close and the fucker was actually smirking at her. He knew he was getting her close with very little. ::Wait until she gets a load of this::
He inserted a finger into her tight passage. "Oh God!" she let out. Even through the leather he could feel how wet and hot she was. He continued working his finger in her then another, as he went back to paying attention to her chest. Her legs spread apart and her fingers grabbed onto his forearms tightly. She felt close but she wanted to feel him. Silently cursing the removal of her gloves, she settled for rubbing him through the rough material of his jeans. Once her small hand clamped onto his erection, he damn near came on the spot. She gave him a smirk of her own, when he pulled away with a half growl, half moan. ::Enough of this shit::
He flicked a thumb across her clit a few times, trying to bring her over the edge. The coils were tightening to an excruciatingly blissful place and she bit her lip, drawing blood, to shy to cry out. He chanced a look at her to see if she was close, he was surprised to see a small drop of blood trickling down her chin. Wondering why he didn't smell it, he answered himself thinking with the strong scents of whiskey and arousal in the air he'd be surprised if he'd be able to smell Sabretooth standing behind him.
"Come for me" He growls out as he gently bit her nipple. It was enough to send her freefalling over the edge as the coil burst free.
"Mm… Oh my…oh…LOGAN!" She screamed out not able to control herself. He pulled his fingers out of her, bringing them to his nose briefly::Couldn't help myself. God her scent is intoxicating:: Leaving his shirt on, he unbuttoned his jeans and slid then off slowly, teasing knowing she was watching. Letting out a low rumble of a laugh as her eyes opened wide in anticipation. He reached for a condom in his wallet and after putting it on, pushed her onto her back.
::I can't believe he's naked in front of me, ok well semi-naked. He left his shirt on. But whateva skin he is showing is impressive. Really, really impressive::
"You trust me?" he asked as he let out a solitary claw with a SNIKT
"Of course." She stated quickly ::A little too quickly. Whoa, why does that scare me?:: He shook his head, determined to stay in the moment.
"These your favorite?" He asked, pulling at her pajamas. A smile spread across her face as she realized what he was going to do.
"No, sir." He cut an adequate sized hole in the crotch and pulled the claw back into place and laid himself over her, an elbow on either side of her face hold him up
"Marie," His voice was soft yet serious. "Are you sure about this?" ::Hell I am sure about this?:: Logan was so unsure of where this would lead. Would they be an item? Friends who fucked? or was this a one time thing? Could he take this last amount of innocence from her? His eyes connected with her smoldering eyes, so full of desire, of want. All the what-if's vacated the premises.
"Yes" her voice husky. He positioned himself at her opening, pushing the head of his erection into her.
"This is going to hurt, ain't no getting around that, but I promise I'll do my best to make it as brief as possible." He looked genuinely sorry and she simply closed her eyes and shook her head. He rocked into her slowly, making himself slick with her wetness, until he reached her natural barrier. Kissing her through the scarf, he broke through taking away her virginity as she yelped into his mouth, a lone tear sliding down to her ear. He stilled his movements, letting her get accustomed to being filled, as he whispered his apologizes for hurting her.
The two laid there for a few moments, connected, just breathing, until she moved her hips indicating it was ok for him to move. He pumped into her every so slowly, not wanting to hurt her but when she let out a whimper and curled her legs around his waist, he lost all control. His eyes darken as he thrust into her over and over again. Overcome by the sensations of being inside Marie, he was reaching his release hard and fast. Wanting Marie to go over the edge with him, he latched on to one of her nipples, maneuvered a hand between them to caress her clit with his thumb and pumped faster all at the same time.
"Lo…oh…god…Yes!…YES…LOGAN!" She came tossing her head side to side, and he followed a half a second later with the most forceful mind blowing release he remembers having.
"Marie." He lay on top of her, both spent, sleep already coming for Marie. He pulled out of her and she winced, feeling empty. Walking into the bathroom, he pulled off the condom, wrapped it in a tissue and threw it in the garbage. By the time he made it back to stand by the bed, Marie was sleeping. The embodiment of beauty.
He was already feeling the pangs of regret. What did he do? What if this isn't what she wants and she goes back to the best friend thing they had going on? He didn't think he could handle being her friend again after that. He cared too much. But on the other hand what if she wanted to be with him? She was too young to have to settle down, be with one person for the rest of her life. Because that is what he'd want. If they got together it would have to be forever. Forever or nothing. Blame it on the Wolverine in him who didn't like to share. And if they got together, if they became an item she would leave him. Either she would find something better or he would outlive her. He was never so confused before. Not even when he woke up naked, alone and in the woods with no memory.
He looked down at her, she looked peaceful, radiant, a lock of silver laying across her face. He moved it away with a finger and she turned her head and still sleeping, muttered softly, "Ah love you.". He pulled his hand back as if she burnt him with her words.
He panicked. He didn't know what to do with that information. Did she mean it? Or was it a dream? He was overwhelmed, and confused and panicking, and did he mention panicking? So he did what he always did when he felt that way. He ran. With a feather light kiss to the top of her head and one last good look, he covered her with the comforter from the end of the bed and said good by to Marie. Not realizing that he would be leaving her with a little more than a broken heart.
She managed to avoid him until noon the next day. No that's not right. She wasn't avoiding him, she was just not going out of her way to find him. He caught her leaving her bathroom. She had had a small food accident earlier and came to change. As she opened the door from the bathroom to her room, she saw him sitting in the armchair, arms resting on his knees, head hanging, staring at the floor. He looked up when she opened the door and she secretly thanked her lucky stars for getting dressed in the bathroom instead of walking out naked. He looked the same as the day he left; flannel shirt, sleeves rolled up, unbuttoned over a wife beater, jeans, still as tight as ever and boots. His hair was still styled in two points and he still had his trademark muttonchops. As much as she didn't want to admit it, he still took her breath away.
As much as he looked the same, there was an underlying sadness, tiredness in his hazel eyes, instead of his usual smugness. It was weird for her to have him here. In her room, like old times. The women in her hated him for leaving. But another part of her was happy to have her best friend back home. Her heart was undecided, so was her brain for that fact. She walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to speak. He did after all sought her out. After a few of the most tense minutes of her life, he spoke.
"Rogue. You lost the right to use that name when you left right after you took my virginity." she spat out harshly. Apparently her heart and brain decided to go with anger. He winced as if she slapped him.
"Fine, Rogue. I'm…I…SHIT, this is hard." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for what I did to you."
"Forget it. We fucked. You had a good time, I had a good time."
"It wasn't like that. Ma-Rogue. You know that."
"I know that." Her voice dripping with disdain. "Iknow that. I KNEW I was going to wake up that day to find you still in bed, or at the very least still in the house. I KNEW that you would never hurt me. Looks like I don't know shit." She had gotten up and started to pace the area near her desk.
"I never thought I would hurt you. I hate myself because I know I did. It's…I just freaked. I came back from the bathroom and you were laying on the bed sleeping and you looked relaxed and so fucking happy. I couldn't believe that I did that to you. I made you that content. Then you said you loved me. It scared me. So I ran. Not the smartest fucking thing to do, but it's something I'm…was comfortable with." He watched as she paced without saying a word, just breathing and thinking, for a long minute.
"I said I loved you? When?" Her brow was furrowed in confusion.
"When you were sleeping. I knew you meant it." His eyes sought hers for approval and when she closed her and nodded briefly, he continued, "It was the first time that anyone said that to me. At least that I could remember."
"So let me get this straight so far. You took your best friends virginity, was happy about being with her, she tells you she loves you, a first for you, and the first thing that pops into your mind is: RUN. You didn't even leave a note. You didn't call. You even blocked yourself mentally."
"The Professor tried to find me? Why?" He was looking at her worried.
"I asked him to."
"What happened?" He knew Chuck wouldn't use Cerebro unless it was something huge.
Her voice got soft when she spoke to him. "I needed to find you, to tell you something."
"What?" He growled as he jumped up. His mind started running threw all the possible dangers she could have been in, and he cursed himself for not being there.
"Oh no. One problem at a time. We'll get to that, believe me. But now we are dealing with this." She did a lot of pantomiming with her hands, and he noticed the skin on her gloveless hand. In fact she was showing a lot more skin then he remembered her showing. She work a short sleeved forest green t-shirt and black jeans. Tight. A strip of skin was showing were her shirt didn't quite reach her jeans. Her hair was loose tendrils that fell past her shoulder, the silver streaks practically glowing against the chestnut.
He glanced around the room quickly. He couldn't see any gloves laying around and the scarves that were always wrapped around her bedpost were gone. Realization dawned on him. He wanted to reach out and touch her to confirm his suspicions, but thought better of it when he knew she wouldn't be to happy about that.
"You've controlled it, your skin, haven't you?" Staring at her fingers.
"Yeah, I have."
"When? How?" He was tripping on his words. His mind kept wondering what she felt like.
"Seven months after you left. I trained everyday with The Professor and then I could control it. On or off, I control the switch. I wanted to have touchable skin by a certain time. I needed it." He was about to ask why she NEEDED to have control, but she cut him off. "We'll talk about why I needed control later. Right now I want to know why are you back? Now after three year. Why now?" She seemed tired not physically, physically she looked fantastic, all tight, hard muscle, but emotionally and mentally.
"I did a lot of thinking."
"Yeah. About what?" She looked like she was trying very hard not to punch him in the face.
"About me, you, us. I know I hurt you. I can't take it back, no matter how much I wish I could. I left because I was afraid of losing you. I know…I know that makes no sense. I mean I was afraid you would … get tired of me eventually, realize you need more and I didn't want to lose you. I could never take you leaving me in that way. So I left. I was a prick, I know, but I needed to get my mind straight."
"It took you three years to get your mind straight?" She was getting angry and her voice colder.
"No but it took me years to get the nagging voice to quiet down. The voice that keep saying, I'm too old for you. Too rough, too unpredictable, too much of an animal for you. That your too young, too innocent to settle down and live a life with me. I wanted you so bad, still do, but I didn't want to ruin you. You were everything that was good in me and I wanted to be good for you, I just didn't believe I was. I came back because I couldn't stand not having you in my life anymore. These past three years were the worst in my life. I've never missed anyone or anything in my remembered life, but I missed you like crazy, Marie."
"I told you, it's Rogue now." she yelled.
"NO. You will always be Marie to me. My Marie." he yelled back. Her eyes closed and a single tear escaped sliding down her cheek. Her mind was working overtime trying to process it all. Her heart was betraying the pact it made with her mind to be angry. She desperately wanted to touch him. Even for a second. She always wanted to know what he felt like, to touch him but it was impossible (the two time she did touch him in the past didn't count),and now that she could she was to angry, confused and proud to do it. He took a step towards her, her eyes popped open and she took a step back, more tears accompanying the first. "Marie, I trying to say that I lo-"
"STOP! You don't know me anymore." She was crying harder now, tears streaming down her face onto her shirt. "I've changed. You don't know everything."
"What aren't you telling me? What's wrong?"
"You'll see. Give me a minute." She composed herself, taking a few deep breaths and wiping the tears away. When she felt she had her crying under control she picked up the phone and dialed three numbers, letting him know she was calling somewhere inside the house. "Hey, it's me. Bring him up. Quick. Thanks." Then she hung up and turned back to Logan. "I'll explain everything when he gets here."
"I'm too late, right? You have someone in your life, don't you?" He was defeated, and as determined he was to keep it to himself, Rogue took notice.
"Kinda." She smiled sadly. He felt ill and sat on the edge of the bed. He should've known. He left her with a broken heart for three years, what did he expect? To find her sitting in bed, waiting for him and to be happy he was back. A knock on the door yanked him out of his wallowing.
Marie jumped at the knock and ran to the door her hand on the knob. Before she opened it she connected eyes with Logan and she gave a silent prayer to whoever was listening that this would work out for everyone.
Logan's heart skipped a couple of beats when she looked at him and just before she opened the door he smelt the nervousness and fear coming off of her in waves. He stood up as the door opened to reveal that ice kid - what was his name? Billy? Bobby, that's it. How could she be with him again after he cheated on her with that small, quiet girl. Sure she stayed friends with both of them but she couldn't have possibly given him another chance. Then he heard it.
"Mama!." Logan let his eyes wander down to the child he hadn't seen, holding Bobby's hand. Great, he thought. I come back, confess my love and she's with someone and has a kid. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid Logan.
She bent down and lift the small boy into her arms, said a rushed thank you to Bobby and closes the door behind her.
"So this is why you needed control. You and Bobby have a kid." That wasn't supposed to come out so depressed.
"What?!? Bobby? No. This is in no way Bobby's little boy." He was about to ask who's kid is it, but the boys appearance finally registered to his brain. Thick unruly black hair, hazel eyes and if that wasn't enough he was wearing around his neck, the tags that he once gave to Marie and a scent that reminded him of himself mixed with the slightest hint of vanilla.
"Oh my god." He seemed to forgot how to work his lungs. His breath was erratic and he was feeling light-headed.
"Logan, I think you should sit down." Her voice heavy with concern.
"That's why The Professor used Cerebro to find me, isn't it. Isn't it! Because you were having my BABY! MY SON!" He screamed and Rogue jumped, the baby merely watched with interest. "Oh Jesus." He cried out on the verge of tears. He needed to scream, hit something. So he ran, out the room, down the hall, down the stairs, out the house and into the woods. Plunging his claws into a tree with a growl so loud, Rogue heard it from her room.
It was three weeks since Logan took off after taking her virginity, only Scott, Jubilee and Kitty knew why she was depressed. She was having dinner with her friends in the cafeteria when Jubes leaned over and whispered "You have an extra tampon? I thought it was over but I guess I was wrong." Rogue was confused at first, why did she need a tampon? The three of the always got their periods at the same time and they weren't due to get it until…five days ago::Oh my god:: She was so depressed about Logan leaving she didn't realize she didn't get it this month.
"Oh my god, guys. Come here." She dragged Jubes away from their dinner, Kitty following, into the hallway.
"Chica, what's up with you?"
"I didn't get it." She was panicking.
"You didn't get what?" Kitty asked innocently.
"Oh my god. Are you, like a hundred percent sure?"
"I would know if I got it?" Rogue whispered angrily.
"Got what?" Kitty asked confused.
"But didn't you use a you-know-what?" Jubes lowered her voice, as a kid walked by, causing the trio to move further away.
"Of course I did. I'd kill him otherwise."
"Kill who?" Kitty asked frustrated that she wasn't following the conversation.
"Well it could be a whole shit load of reasons why it didn't come."
"Really?" Rogue looked desperate.
"Sure. Depression, stress, change in sleep and appetite. You have all of that right now. I'm sure that's why it didn't come."
"What didn't come?" Kitty asked a little loudly, tired of being ignored.
"God, Kitty, keep up. Her period."
"oh. Oh…Oh my god!" She yelled as she finally understood.
"Shut up, Kitty, we whispering at the end of the hall for a reason." Jubes chastised her. "I'll be right back."
"Where are you going?"
"To the store to get you a pregnancy test."
"No, I'm sure it'll come."
"Take it from me, I had a scare once, you won't get a good night's sleep until you know." And with that she turned towards the garage to borrow one of the house cars.
Rogue waited in her room pacing. She couldn't believe this was her life right now. Poison skin, check. Virginity gone, check. Guy who took her virginity, who was also her best friend gone, check. And to top it all off she was waiting to take a pregnancy test. A fucking pregnancy test. Twenty minutes later she heard a knock at the door, then Jubes slipped in with out waiting for a response. She handed Rogue the bag.
"You ready to do this?"
"I will be. I think I need another minute or two…or a few hours." She laughed sadly. "You could go. I kinda want to be alone when I do it."
"O K. But if…if it's positive I want you to promise me you will find someone to talk about it with, I mean it. The moment you find out" Jubes hugged her, showing support.
It wasn't until past eleven that she even opened the bag and took out the box. It advertised two test for the price of one. It was well past midnight when she found the courage to take the test. With a deep breath she dragged herself into the bathroom. She felt foolish and nervous sitting on the toilet hand between her legs holding a stick in, what the directions called, her urine stream. Placing the test on the bathroom counter she sat on the edge of the tub, looking at her watch, waiting the longest two minutes of her life. When it was time she walked slowly towards her fate that lay on the counter.
After fifteen minutes of staring at the twin plus signs in her hands, she walked to find someone to tell, like she promised she would. Her trembling legs carried her blindly until she reached a door. Her hand was raised ready to knock when she snapped out of it long enough to realize she was standing in front of Scott's door. She didn't want to bother him, even though he is the only one now she could trust with this, It would have been Logan she would go to for help but you know what happened there.
Scott had lost Jean last year on a mission, and even though everyone thought he was already back to normal, Rogue knew better. He was truly in love with her, you don't get over something like that so quickly. He would never 'get over' something like that but he was no longer depressed and that's a start to moving on. Before she knew it she was knocking on the door. She heard movement and knew he was changing out of his sleeping goggles into his glasses.
"Who is it?" He asked from near his nightstand voice drenched in sleep.
"It's almost one o'clock in the morning. What do you want?" He sais through a yawn as he opened the door. "Rogue are you Ok?" He was worried about her. She looked pale and tears were forming in her wide, unfocused eyes.
"They both have plus signs." she stated numbly.
"What?" She was making no sense.
"They both have plus signs." she repeated, handing both test to Scott. He took them and sighed heavily, muttering an almost silent 'oh shit' and ushered her into his room closing the door behind them. He walked to his dresser and quickly put on a long sleeved shirt and carefully hugged her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I took two test and I'm almost a week late. How could this happen Scott? It was my first time and I used protection." She started to cry.
"Aw, honey, it doesn't matter if it's your first, second or hundredth time. As for the protection, condoms are only ninety seven percent effective."
"Great, so I'm the three percent it didn't work for and now I'm gonna have a baby." She ran a hand through her hair. "Oh my god! I'm gonna have a baby. What am I going to do? Oh my god, Logan. How am I going to tell him? How am I going to find him? I have no clue where he might be." Her crying was becoming hysterical, the tears flowing freely.
"Don't worry about that right now. We'll help you with that. Your not alone here." He sooth her with his words as he urged her with his hands to lay down in his bed. "Sleep now. Tomorrow we'll go down and see Hank. Your not alone. You have us." He sat next to her on the bed and ran his fingers through her hair, comforting the girl he loved like a sister until she fell asleep.
She hadn't heard from or seen Logan in a week. He didn't run. No, this time he was locked in his room. She was positive he only came out to eat when he was sure every living soul in the mansion was sleeping. She was a nervous wreck wondering what was going through his mind. Was he upset he had a kid? Was he upset with her for giving him a kid? Did he hate her now? She prayed that he didn't, because god help her, she still cared for him. She understood Logan better than anyone would and she knew how scary it must have been to find out someone loves you. She got that. She didn't understand why he stayed away for so long but that was Logan. When in doubt, run. That's what hurt her the most. That he doubted her. Couldn't trust her with his heart. That hurt, but she also completely understood it.
She was walking through the empty halls of the school, making her way back to her son's room to wake him from his nap. It was Thanksgiving Holidays and most of the students went home for the week. She liked when they had vacation time, more time to spend with her boy. When she found the door to his room ajar, she didn't think anything of it. That boy had enough 'aunts' and 'uncles' in this house to check on him. What she hadn't expected to see was Logan sitting on the edge of his toddler bed looking down at him.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb ya." She began to turn around when his voice stopped her.
"No. It's ok. I should be leaving." He grunted as he got up from the bed. "I didn't mean to stay so long this time." She walks towards him as he looks down at his son.
"You been to see him before?"
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I just wanted to see him and I figured it be best to do it why he's sleeping"
::Why did he think he had to see his son when he was asleep?:: She was about to ask him why when he spoke again.
"What's his name?" He looked at her and his eyes were pleading with her to tell him. ::Why is he looking at me like that? Does he think I wouldn't tell him his own son's name?::
"James Logan Xavier." He eyes lit up with pride and he turned to look at his sleeping son. "I gave him your name for a middle name and I always like the name James. From James Dean. I knew you didn't know your last name and I didn't want him to have the last name of those people who disowned me, so I gave him The Professor's last name. I figured he's the closest thing I have to a father."
"I like it." He looked back at her, gave a nod and quickly left the room, leaving behind a very confused Marie.
"Push, Rogue. His head is almost out." Hank instructed from between her legs, which held high in the air by stirrups.
"Oh my god, Rogue. I can see his head. He's got black hair." Kitty choked out, tears swelling in her eyes . With a push, his head came out.
"Chica, your doing great." Jubilee comforted her, as she held her hand.
"Alright now Rogue. I need you to give me one more push. A big one."
"I can't." Rogue cried out, sweat dripping down her face, hair sticking to her neck. "It burns so bad."
"You can. One more push and it's all over with." Hank locked eyes with her and her confidence seem to be renewed. Gripping her friends hands tighter she lifted her back off of the bed and push with everything she had. Eyes closed, teeth bared in a primal growl. "Rogue, open your eyes. Look down." She obeyed, watching the miracle as her son came into the world. Hank caught him and was prepared to cut the cord.
"No. I want to do that." She managed to get out between gasp of air. He nodded and handed her the scissors. Wishing it was Logan, making their son an independent person, she cut the cord. He suctioned his mouth and the baby wailed, bringing a tear to his mothers eyes. Hank walked away with him to clean, weigh and measure him.
"That was such a…a beautiful miracle." Kitty cried out.
"Yeah. Messy, but still a miracle." Jubes muttered, causing Rogue to laugh. Hank returned a few minutes later, handing over a cleaned up little boy wrapped in a blue blanket. She sat there, for a few minutes, holding him. Looking at him. ::He looks just like Logan::
"Can we come in?" Scott asked peeking into the room from the hallway. Rogue nodded yes. The doors to the medlab opened and in walk what looked to be the entire faculty. Scott, followed closely by 'Ro, Bobby, The Professor, Peter, Remy, and John walked in making the room crowded. She started to tear. All these people cared about her and were here, and all she could think about was Logan.
"May I?" The Professor asked holding out his hands. Rogue simply leaned over and gently laid her newborn in his waiting arms. "There he is. The first birth in our school. Have you decided on a name yet?"
"I always liked Rebel Without A Cause, soo-"
"Please don't tell me your naming him Rebel." John laughed.
"No. James after James Dean. James Logan Xavier." The Professor looked up from the baby quickly, eyes misty, blinking several times. "What do you think? I always saw you as a father, and saw you being grandfatherly to him." Her cheeks getting pink at spilling her feelings for the man in front of an audience. "I mean I can use a different last name, if you wa-" She was cut off.
"No. I am honored." Then looking around at the rest, "Did you hear that. I'm a grandfather." A tear sliding down fragile skin, as he looked down at the baby. "I'm your grandpa." There wasn't a dry eye in the room, even if John, Remy and Peter tried to hide it.
"Come on, Sweetie." Rogue had just finished tying his shoes.
"Where goin, mama?" Bright hazel eyes looking up at her.
"I need to find someone to watch you for a while. Mama has to do something important. You understand?"
"Yes, mama." She bent to pick him up, he could walk fine but this was faster, and walked quickly down the hall to Scott and 'Ro's suite. Sometime during the months she was pregnant with James, Scott and Ororo started to see each other. They were perfect for eachother. Now they're married with a baby on the way.
After knocking on their door with no answer and on Kitty and Bobby's door again with no answer, She headed down stairs to the rec room. No one. At least no one she was looking for. ::Where the hell is everyone?:: Finally deciding to check the garage, she found Peter and Scott.
"Hey guys. Where is everyone? I've been looking for the girls." She asked walking down the few steps carefully.
"Hey. The girls went shopping." Peter answered rolling his eyes.
"Yeah, baby clothes. I swear the kid has more clothes then me already and she's not even born yet." Scott laughed.
"Unca Scoff! Unca Pedar!" James held his arms out and Scott took him and Peter ruffled his already messy hair. Rogue laughed. It was amazing how two manly men could be reduced to mush simply by having her son say their names wrong.
"What you need the girls for?" Scott asked in-between silly faces.
"I need someone to watch him."
"Not sure. I need to talk to HIM." Scott and Peter looked at each other, knowing exactly who she meant.
"We could do it. The girls will be back soon anyway." Peter offered.
"I don't want to bother you guys. You sure?"
"You never bother us. That's what we're here for. Besides he's a great kid, never gives us a problem." Scott reassured. This kid was loved by everyone in the house. Even tough guys like Peter and bad asses like John had a soft spot for him.
"Alright. Only if your sure." She smiled, landing a kiss on all three of their cheeks before going back into the house.
"Unca Pedar mefal?" James asked happily.
"Ok, ok." Peter answered and turned himself into a man shaped block of metal. James giggled, clapping his hands, ecstatic. Peter and Scott couldn't help but laugh. The kid's laugh was contagious.
Rogue stood over her son's crib, looking down on his sleeping form. Gorgeous. Curled up tight, sucking on his closed fist.
"I wish your daddy was here." She spoke softly to her child. "I'm sorry he's not. It's not your fault, you know. Not mine or even his, for that matter. He left before we knew about you. I know your dad better than anyone in this world, and if he had the faintest idea that you existed, he would be right here with us. Nothing on earth would keep your daddy away from you. Your daddy can be a very scary man. But never to you. No. You see what people don't know about your daddy is he's very gentle. People think he's all brawn and no brain. He's actually one of the smartest men I know. He helped me with my college work. Whenever I didn't get something, I knew he could help. He's the type of person who can read something once and just get it." She sighed, remembering late night study sessions with him.
"They say he is an animal. But their wrong. You see sweetie, your daddy, your mommy, the people in this house, even you, we're all mutants. There's nothing wrong with that. You remember that you are not wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Your perfect. It's just daddy can sometimes have two sides to him. Logan and Wolverine. Everyone thinks Wolverine is evil or bad. I don't. You mustn't either. He's just hard-headed. If you know how to handle him and repeat yourself a lot, he ain't too much." She laughed, knowing no one besides her can calm Wolverine. The only one not scared of him. The only one he listens to one hundred percent of the time.
"I know all these things about your daddy, because he is my best friend. Actually he's more than that. I love him." Her voice cracking. "I know he loves you. He just don't know it yet, don't know you yet. But I promise you he will. I promise you I will do my best to find your daddy. I will tell you all about him. Everyday. So you will already love him when he comes back to you. I promise." She whispered, the tears stuck in her throat not allowing her to speak louder. "Here Sweetie. This was your daddy's and he gave it to me once with the promise he'd be back for them. I make you that promise now. Daddy will be back for these and you will be the one to give them back." She reached around her neck and removed the tags. She tied them tightly to the hanging mobile. Looking at them, her heart ached. She may be mad at him for leaving her but he didn't leave their child. So she will swallow her anger and do everything she can to unite father and son. Her son deserved to know the wonderfully complex man that was his father.
"Logan, open the door." Rogue knocked again. "Logan, open the door. Fine. I'll just wait for Kitty to get home and I swear I'll get her to phase me in." She heard movement and the door opened a second later.
"What do you want?"
"We need to talk." she answered, pushing past him into his room. He closed the door behind her and turned to look at her.
"So is this where you tell me your with Scott," he sniffed in her direction, "or is it Peter?" Her eyes flashed red with anger.
"Yeah, of course, NOW your nose works." She instantly regretted her words at the hurt expression on his face.
"You think, I knew you were pregnant? We used a condom, and I was having a panic attack about … us. I wasn't even looking for that smell. I swear I didn't know. I swear it." He sat on the edge of the bed, talking to the floor. "You think I would leave you alone to raise a kid. Our kid."
"No. Of course not. I said it just to hurt you. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it" She sighed softly. "As for Scott and Peter, I'm not with either of them. Their just watching James for me, he loves them. They're his favorite uncles. Plus didn't you know? Scott and Storm got married a while back, she's having his baby." She smiled at his shocked expression.
"I've been gone for too long." He said sadly.
"Listen, we have to talk. Not about us. That ship might've sail." She said quietly, but then regained her normal volume. "I'm hear to talk about you and James. Why are you visiting him when he's sleeping?"
"I'm sorry. I just…I wont do it again." He sounded weak. It scared her. He was many things but not weak.
"Is that what you think I want?"
"I don't know. I'll do what ever you want." It was the truth. If she told him to get up and leave them both alone, he would do it. He would hate it. It would kill him, but he would do anything to no longer cause her pain.
"What do you want, Logan? I'm not going to force something on you that your not ready for."
"I don't want to hurt you anymore." He yelled out. Why was this so hard? She thought. It wasn't supposed to be like this.
"He knows about you." He looked surprised and elated at the same time. "I told him all about you. He doesn't know what you look like, of course. It's funny. All the years we were friends, I never got a picture of you. Too busy saving the world to buy a camera, I guess." She let out an empty laugh. "He knows your name. Knows your abilities. He tells people his daddy has claws. He knows that sometimes you're the Wolverine. He even wears your tags. I gave them to him when he was a day old. I promised him I would find you for him. I promised him you would be in his life."
"You want me in his life?" He asked carefully, thinking it was too good to be true.
"Of course I do! I tried to find you. I swear we did. The Professor tried using Cerebro. Scott went out once a month in the beginning, checking out some places I knew you used to cage fight at. Hell I even went up to Canada for a week in my seventh month, with Jubes, John, and Peter. We looked in every bar we could find asking around. Eventually the motel beds started hurting my back and we went back home." Logan groaned at the thought of a pregnant Marie anywhere near those places. "I even asked some of the graduates that I knew to keep an ear and eye out for you. But I should have known. Your good at hiding when you don't want to be found. I just prayed you would come home or call for some reason."
"I want to be in his life."
"I want you in his life, but only if your gonna stick around, ya hear. I won't having you coming and going, breaking his heart like you did to m-. Just don't leave him." Her face flushed at revealing to much.
"I promise." And she knew he would never run out on his kid.
"Good. 'Cause I know he's been waiting to meet you."
"What's his…When was he born?"
"June twenty-first. He decided to make an appearance at my last class of the year. Kids started screaming when my water broke. I think I scarred them for life." She laughed remembering the horror in their faces. "We even had a small baptism for him. A friend of The Professor performed it. A mutant, too. Kurt. A teleporter. Bluer than Hank, just less hairier. His godfather is John."
"Pyro?" She nodded. "I thought it would be Scott, Peter or even Bobby."
"John reminds me a little of you. Doesn't follow the rules, lack of respect for authority. I just wanted someone like you having a big influence in his life. Plus we became really good friends after you left. He volunteered to be the touch test dummy when I was trying to find the switch on my skin. He helped a lot in the beginning. He doesn't look like it but he can be so sweet. Anyway how about you come to his room after dinner. That way you can see him. Awake. And we'll tell him together that your back. Ok?" She gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'd like that." She turned and was half way out the door when he ask her something that broke her heart. "Marie, do you think he'll like me?"
"Aw, Of course he will. He loves you." He seemed a little nervous and she knew what he was thinking. She walked over to him. "Logan, don't. Don't doubt yourself like…like you did us. You're your own worst critic sometimes. Your gonna be a great daddy." She grabbed his hand with the intent to give him a reassuring squeeze. The moment her skin touched his, he lost his breath. It was the first time she was touching him, touching without draining. She gasped softly and jerked her hand back. She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. Once on the other side of the door, she looked at her hand. She could still feel his, strong, yet soft touch. She made a fist, shook her head to wake herself up and walked away.
Logan sat thinking for a long time after that. He touched her. We'll actually she touched him. He could tell that she did it without thinking, but he was still glad it happened. The moment her skin touched his, he was prepared to cut out his own heart and offer it to her. It was, after all, hers. He'd just have to try to get her to trust him with hers again. And this time he won't fuck it up.
But that was later. Now, he was a daddy and he liked the sound of that. He couldn't believe the mess he made of his life, and not just his life but Marie's as well. He could just imagine how difficult it must have been for her, raising their kid on her own. Being pregnant, scared and without her best friend. He promised to protect her and he ended up hurting her the most. And his son. having to grow up without him. Wondering why he wasn't with him. He would make it up to them. He would do anything and everything to make it up to her and to his son.
Later that evening Logan stood outside his son's door, trying to find the courage to knock. He was scared, not that he'd admit it to anyone. What if the kid didn't like him? What if he hurt the kid by accident? He's never been around a child before, except around the school and he always tried to avoid the little ankle-bitters. He was nervous as hell and was telling himself if he could just find the courage to knock he'd reward himself by sneaking into The Professor's private stash of booze. Taking a deep breath and giving himself a mental kick in the ass, he knocked. After what felt like a lifetime, in which he heard his own heart rate increase, Marie opened the door.
"Come in." She said, standing to the side allowing him access to the room, then closing the door behind him. "James. Sweetie. There's someone here that I want you to meet."
James merely looked up from his spot on the floor, where he was playing with cars. "Who mama?"
"Do you remember who's chains that is that your wearing?" she asked sweetly, walking back over to her son.
"Well, sweetie, remember that I promised that daddy would come home one day." James shook his head yes. "You see that man over there." James looked in the direction of the door. Logan stood near the door, hands in his pockets clenched into fist, he was so scared. Looking back at his mom, he shook his head "That is your daddy."
James eyes got wide with excitement. He raised himself on little legs and hurled himself towards Logan. "Daddy!" He screamed as he hugged his fathers leg. Logan looked like a deer caught in the headlight. He was relived the kid liked him, but at the same time this was all new to him, he didn't know what to do. Marie giggled softly, and Logan gave her a glare. She mouthed out 'Pick him up' which he did. "Daddy I missed you foreva." He kissed his fathers cheek and wrapped him arms around his neck. Marie watched as Logan melted into his son.
Logan didn't think there was anything more beautiful or peaceful as his son calling him Daddy. He hugged his son back, Kissing the top of his hair and taking in his scent. He smelled of lavender and earth, probably his soap and dirt from playing outside, and vanilla, that was Marie. He smelled of innocence. He loved it. He loved him. His mind became hazy and his vision darkened….
"Mine." He muttered. Rogue recognized the slight difference in the voice.
"Wolverine?" She asked in a voice previously reserved for her child. He looked up from James slowly, expression blank.
"Mine." He stated again, glancing at the child in his arms. He could smell that this child was his and the women's offspring.
"Yes. Yours. And mine, and Logan's." Wolverine began to nuzzle the child with his head. James giggled. "James, say hi to Wolverine."
James looked confused. "Daddy?"
"Yes, but remember, mama told you daddy is two people in one. That's what makes him extra special. This is Wolverine. Say hi, because he has to go away in a little while."
James still looked confused, and who can blame him. Here he is, just found his father and now trying to grasp that the man in front of him is not the same as a minute ago. It's enough to confuse grown men, and he was only two and a half, almost. "Hi daddy wolf." Looking back to his mother for approval, she merely gave him a smile that said 'close enough'. He turned smiling, and gave 'daddy wolf' a kiss on the cheek. Wolverine howled in delight at the gesture. James giggled.
"Ok. Wolverine, you gotta let Logan come back now." He merely glared. "That don't scare me. You got to let him back so James, that's his name, so James can get to know his daddy."
"Mine." He said yet again. Rogue sighed was about to talk when James beat her to it.
"Mine." The baby said, looking into Wolverine's eyes with a giggle. He obviously thought it a game, but it seemed to calm the beast. Rogue walked very close to him.
"You see." she whispered in his ear. "He knows you. He will remember you. But now you have to let Logan back. I will be counting on you to protect him. Ok? Because he belongs to the three of us." She looked into his eyes, as he shook his head in the affirmative, and she knew he understood.
"You, mine?" he asked, and she was taken aback at how much weight that question had. It wasn't the first time he'd ask it. He asked it a couple of times years ago, before the whole sex thing. Usually after they completed a mission. She always laughed and said 'sure'. But now after wiping away a stray tear, she answered differently.
"Of course, sugah. Forever and ever." He grunted approval and his eyes started to lighten back to their original hazel beauty. "Logan?"
"Yeah. Wolverine came out, didn't he?" She nodded. He looked panicked, checking his son over in his hands, looking for bruises or signs of harm. "He ok? You ok? He didn't-"
"No, no. He behaved himself. Just wanted to see his son, and make sure we knew James was his, just as much as ours."
"I won't let him out again, I'll make sure he won't hurt-" He was talking quickly.
"Logan. Don't do that. He loves James. He would never hurt him. I saw it in his eyes. It was cute actually. James called him 'Daddy Wolf'. He called James 'Mine' and James said it right back. He promised to protect him, from the inside so James can have you as a dad." She left out the part of him claiming her and her allowing it.
"You sure he didn't do anything."
"Yeah, he only repeated the word mine over and over. Anyway, you know he behaves for me." she smirked.
"That's because for some strange reason, your not afraid of him, you actually don't mind when he's out." She shrugged her shoulders.
"I'm gonna leave you two to get better acquainted.-"
"What!?" Shit! She must be out of her mind to leave me alone with him.
"Logan, it's only for a half an hour. Then it's his bedtime, I'll be back before then. Don't worry. He's always at his mellowest right before bed. He don't brake. You'll be fine. You can come get me next door, only if it's an emergency." And with that she was gone, leaving a very nervous Logan with a very real child.
Rogue went to her room, not knowing what to do with herself. This is the first time in years that she didn't have to be an active parent. She trusted Logan. She knew he would figure it out eventually, she did, without any lasting damage to James. He was a tough kid. Like his father. And it's about time they got to know each other. She sat in her bed with a book she started two months ago, determined to at least get to the halfway point. After reading the first paragraph, exhaustion caught up with her. She was sleeping before she finished the page.
"So." Logan was lost, and scared. He could face Magneto, Sabretooth and Mystique all at once, but leave him alone with a child, his own son, and he starts sweating bullets. Spotting the toys on the ground, he settles them both next to them. "You like cars?"
"Yeah. Unca Scoff has lotsa cars." What the hell is an unca scoff? Think, Logan. Think. Unca Scoff. Unca Scoff. Oh, Uncle Scott.
"Yeah, but I know all about them, and how fast they go. You see this one?" He asked picking up a motorcycle. "This is my favorite. I drive them better than Uncle One-eye."
"Yeah. An you see this one. This is a Camaro…" He spent the remainder of the thirty minutes, showing his son the names of all his toy cars and threw in how fast they can go. He was actually having a good time, he son had a huge interest in cars. Or maybe his son just had a huge interest in him. Before he knew it, James was yawning and rubbing his eyes. Picking him up he walked over to Marie's room. Knocking once, then twice, he peeked his head in. She looked beautiful sleeping, hand holding a book. She also looked like she needed the sleep, so he decided not to wake her. But that didn't mean he knew what he was doing.
Walking the halls, searching for someone to help him, he bumped into Scott.
"Scooter." Scott was shocked that he spoke his name with relief.
"Where's Rogue?" he asked as he smiled at James.
"She left me with him for a while and then she fell asleep. I don't want to wake her, but the kids tired." Please don't make me beg Scooter.
"You know what, why don't I help you out." He had a couple of smart lines to throw at him but thought better of it, seeing that the guy was trying. They walked back to James' room and Scott found his pajamas and handed them to Logan.
"Wait. Your not going to do it?"
"Oh no. This is all you, buddy." Scott watched thoroughly amused as Logan awkwardly changed his son's clothes. "Now tuck him into bed. Just lay him down and cover him. I'll be right outside." Then he retreated to the hallway to wait.
"Daddy. Hug." James asked with big hazel eyes. Logan sighed then smiled, knowing he would do anything the kid asked of him.
"Sure." He held him tight and then covered him up.
"Daddy. Your promise" James removed the tags and put them in his fathers hand.
"Thanks for keeping them safe, champ. Goodnight." Just as he was leaving, his sensitive hearing heard his son whisper sweetly, "Daddy home." and Logan knew his heart was split in two living outside of him. One piece lay in the room he just left, the other was next door, lightly drooling on her book.
"Wanna go to the kitchen and get a beer?" Scott asked. Logan merely grunted in reply. In the kitchen Scott removed a six-pack of Molson's and sat at the table were Logan was. "So how you doing with the whole father thing?" Scott asked handing over a bottle.
"It's…surreal. I come back to find I have a son. I should have been there for him. But he's a great kid. I don't know how she did it by herself and still manage to raise a fine boy."
"She wasn't completely alone. She had some help. She amazed us all with how well she managed her life. Waking up early, so she could spend time with him before she had to drop him off with one of us who didn't have classes or work, so she could go teach. Grading papers and test while she fed him. Being extra cautious on missions so she could come back home to him. Juggling her career and her son and doing a damn good job."
"She still goes on missions" He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of the mother of his son risking her life.
"Yeah, don't even waste your breath trying to talk her out of them. We told her she could take a break or even quit the team. She told us that now that she had a son she was more determined to make sure mutants were safe."
"How is she doing?" His voice was serious, but concerned. "Really?"
"During the day she smiles, plays with her kid, jokes around with her friends. She's our most beloved teacher. But at night, when I walk past her room just to check on her and James, I can hear her crying. She missed you. You really tore her heart apart went you left." Logan winced. "Sorry. You probably don't want to hear this."
"No. I need to hear what happened. Everything." He hated hearing how much he hurt her, but he had to know everything, if he was going to fix it.
Scott sighed before continuing. "She locked herself in her room for almost a week when you left. Jubilation and Kitty brought her food, and kept her company, but she was in a daze. Completely heart-broken at not only losing the man she loved but also her best friend. I think that hurt worse. Finally Kitty and Jubilee had enough. They picked her up and threw her in the shower, clothes and all. I heard the screams and by the time I got there, the three of them were holding each other in the shower, crying. She got better after that. She did a one-eighty when she got over the initial shock of being pregnant. But she still cries, every night." Logan felt like shit. He left because he didn't want to hurt her with his inability to decide how to handle what was happening between them. Instead he nearly killed her emotionally.
"I really fucked up, didn't I?" He asked in a rare moment of vulnerability and honesty.
"Yeah, you did." Scott took a deep breath. "Logan, you can't hurt her again." and then in an almost inaudible whisper, "I don't think she'd survive it."
"I won't. I'd die first." The men finished their beers in silence. He'd make it up to her. He'd make sure of it.