I own nothing.

Okay, so the premiere was amazing! Longing stares and wishful thoughts are my favorite Leyton lol. Here's a little something that goes with this weeks stuff and based on what we saw, next weeks stuff. I was waiting for someone to write something about it, but nobody has yet. Inspiration has to be back for some ppl. Get writing lol.

The first time it comes out as a mumble.

A word barely spoken because he knows the response he'll get. He doesn't even know why it's the first thing he chooses to say to her. Maybe he needs to remind himself of that. Just verbally announce that he has another woman so that he won't be completely consumed by her. Her hair is different. It's longer and slightly darker then he remembered. He can feel himself getting sucked in. He has got to mask his happiness with anger.

Why the hell is she even here? Last time he checked she was out in LA trying to live her dream. A dream that didn't include him. God, but she was here. And not just in Tree Hill, but at the Rivercourt. His Rivercourt. Their Rivercourt.

He watches as a ghost of a smile graces her lips. She takes a step forward and barely breathes out that she's missed him. He sees her stretch her arms out. He takes a step back and tells her he has a girlfriend. Her smile falters and he knows she heard him perfectly, but she needs to hear it louder. So, he says it again. Forcefully and with finality. That small smile vanishes. Honestly, it looks like someone kicked her puppy. His need to shoot around is quickly forgotten because he knows he can't be around her for too long, not right now.

It takes all his might to turn and walk away from her hurt expression.

And the sob he knows she desperately tried to suppress.


He told her he was going to write. She was thrilled because now she could stop getting yelled at. He sits at his desk with his laptop open and a blank document begging to be used. She's asleep in his bed. He stares at her long brown hair, and slightly large nose; although he would never utter that comment aloud.

He thinks back to the days when he would stare at the person in that bed and the words would flow freely. Enough of them to write five novels if needed. Even when they were simply friends and she had been attacked. She would sleep on her side of the bed and in the middle of the night he would open his computer and it was like his fingers had a mind of their own.

So, now he stares at this girl and waits. He waits for the words to enter his mind and flow from the tips of his fingers. When nothing happens he looks around his room and his eyes rest on the framed mini-collage that he brooded over just hours before.

Peyton had been there. She had come to see him at his book signing and of course their God awful timing made things look different then they were. He and Lindsey weren't together then. The only reason he went out with her that night was because he wanted to get drunk and forget that Peyton never showed. He didn't even consider that a first date. Apparently she did.

He can't help but to think about the 'what if's'. What if Peyton had gotten there two minutes earlier? What if he had called her instead of going out with Lindsey that night? Would things be different? Would his life be different?

He closes his eyes and sighs. He can picture her darker curls. The short dress that left her legs perfectly exposed the first night she came back. The way her lips parted as the small smile she tried to hide broke through. The sweet words that she spoke to him earlier. They made him want to touch a whole lot more then her soul.

Before he realizes it, he's writing.

What do you do when the girl you once told would forever be in your heart comes back into your life? Do you pretend that she's not there anymore? No, you know you cannot do that. She's had too many people disappoint her in her life and you know that even thinking of doing that brings you one step closer to being like those other guys. And you've always prided yourself not being those people.

Do you mask your emotions like you did so many times in the past? You know the heartache it will cause. The pain and tears. You've been there before. Same girl, same story. A little bit older and hardly any wiser.

She looks the same. Actually, she looks different and her intensity has died down. You can't help but to feel like that's partially your fault. You were always the one pushing her and telling her she was destined for greatness. Now that she hasn't lived up to your expectations she feels like a failure. You know she's not . . . never will be. But, you aren't sure that you can show her that.

So, this is the question. Do you stay with the woman you've loved for the past two years? Or do you open your arms to the woman you've been in love with your entire life?

He doesn't know if it's any good. He knows he'll never show Lindsey. That's like blatantly asking for a fight. He decides to save it anyway, in a file nobody would ever think to check; That's Me Inside Your Head.Maybe he'll show it someone one day.

Because his art matters. It's what got her here.

And maybe it's what will make her stay.


"Peyton's not just another ex-girlfriend and everybody knows that."

Stupid Haley. Who was she to say something like that? Okay, he had proposed. She was the first girl he had ever considered spending the rest of his life with. But she made it clear that that wasn't what she wanted and it sucked, for a long time it really sucked. It still kind of sucked actually.

He's at the new home of Clothes over Bros. It was once his mother's café, but since she and Lily are traveling the word it had been closed. He couldn't think of a better person to own this space. It's the night before her grand opening and in true Brooke Davis style, she's having a celebration. Everyone's here. Even Nathan. He's heard through the grapevine that Peyton had taken him to the pediatric unit in Tree Hill Memorial, since she got back a week ago she's been doing all she can to kick Nathan into gear. It's finally worked and he's proud that she still has the ability to inspire people.

He needs to stop focusing on that. Right now there are more important issues. Like the fact that Brooke and Peyton are talking quietly at the register that is currently the bar. He can tell it's important because they have that serious look on their faces. Brooke places a comforting hand on Peyton's arm and Lucas needs to investigate.

Slowly he walks over to both his ex's and perks his ears a little.

"You guys are meant to be together, it's the way it's supposed to be."

He nearly faints because never in a million years did he expect the raspy voice of his former girlfriend to utter those words. Haley's statement rings in his ears and he suddenly thinks that maybe she's right. Everyone does know it. Everyone, but him.

"What are you doing?" Nathan asks him. Lucas jumps from the shock and spills his drink in the process.

"Damnit", he grumbles and reaches for a napkin. He looks back at his brother and scowls at his smirk. It's obvious he knew what Lucas was doing and he knew the reaction he would receive.

He walks over the bar strictly with the intent of ordering another drink, but before he knows it he's interrupting their conversation.

"Brooke, don't look now, but your mom's whoring up the dance floor", Peyton says teasingly. The brunette grumbles and she's in pursuit of the older Davis.

"And then there were two", Peyton whispers and he's instantly brought back to Nathan and Haley's wedding in senior year. Before he can speak the bartender places both their drinks at opposite ends that neither sees. They reach for them and both freeze.

The smell of vanilla and lavender haunts his nostrils, like smelling salts helping to bring him back to life. He's more then thankful for Lindsey's small bladder and her need to use the bathroom nearly every hour. Her body is pressed against his; their lips are a mere inches apart. He wants nothing more that to lean down and capture them softly between his.

He licks his lips and his eyes shoot to hers. She must have seen his movement because her green orbs are begging him not to. He stares harder and sees the true pain and sadness. He backs up and clears his throat in hopes of calming himself down. Her eyes are thankful and he thinks her being thankful is the most ridiculous thing in the world.

If anything he should be thanking her.

He's gotten three chapters done in the past week.


He stands outside of Nathan and Haley's house. Normally he wouldn't knock, but he's hoping Haley answers the door and he can pull her out onto the porch because he doesn't exactly want to have this conversation in front of anyone else; or have anyone question why he was there.

Last night, after the party he and Lindsey had gotten into a fight.

When they first got home she put on the radio walked into the bathroom. Lucas walked into his bedroom and felt sick at the noise. He turned it off without thinking and began to unbutton his dress shirt.

"Hey, I was listening to that", she placed her hands on her hips as she stepped from the bathroom. He turned to face her with a frown.


"That song, I was listening to it", she further explained. He nodded his head and turned it back on.

"Thanks", she walked back into the bathroom and he let himself listen to the song. He walked out onto his porch and shut the door behind him. He couldn't be in there with that on.

A moment later, Lindsey was out there with him. "What's with you?"

"That song", he mumbled without thinking.

She furrowed her brows. "I thought you like Dashboard Confessional?"

He nodded his head. "I do, it's just that song . . ."

"I know it's a little old, but Stolen is one of their best songs", she had no idea what his point was.

"Yeah, I know, there's just some history with that", she nodded her head and let out a sigh. She knew where this was all coming from.

"Should I be concerned, Lucas?"

He hadn't answered her. He simply mumbled that he wasn't doing this tonight and asked if she was coming to bed. That's why he was here. He needs his best friend to confirm that his current girlfriend is being ridiculous. That all girls go through this when an ex suddenly reappears. That he can tell Lindsey she has nothing to worry about.

The door opens and he feels like he stepped right into every dream he ever dreamt. She's standing there with her hair in a messy ponytail; a few stray curls are lining her face. She's in a simple wife beater and jean skirt. James is hoisted up on her hip.

The only thing that's different from his dreams is that James doesn't have curly blonde hair. He doesn't have green eyes. And his nose isn't slightly upturned. He doesn't have an inherited birthmark on his hip.

He's not their child.

It's in that moment that he realizes Lindsey should be concerned.


He waits outside of TRIC one night. Watching as the dozens of people stumble from the club. Ever since he gave her the space she's taken this once small time love back under her wing. Amazing performers have come for repeat performances, Jack's Mannequin, Augustana, The Fray, and many others; including Fall Out Boy, much to Lucas's dismay. On the bright side Pete was married now, so Lucas could breathe a little easier.

His whole point of standing out here was to talk to Peyton. Last week after she opened the door his face paled and he basically ran from the porch. They hadn't talked since, but hopefully tonight will change that.

He's got it all planned out. Pizza's at his place, anything on them she wants and a movie. He's hoping to watch Fight Club, but considering they watched it together about thirty times throughout their relationship, romantic and plutonic he thinks she'll veto that. The main point is that he wants them to get back on track. If not as lovers then friends. Lindsey's out of town tonight and he almost feels guilty for not telling her of his plans.

The second he sees the mass of curls that guilt fades. She's shutting all the lights and closing the large metal door. He hears the lock click and his heart races. Her heels clink against the steps and his palms sweat. She's the only girl that makes him this nervous.

He was so focused on her noises and features that he didn't notice the person she was with. They step into the street light on their way to the car and it's the first time he notices her company. The man is tall and slightly grungy looking. Not in a dirty way, but in the way he knows she secretly loved men. He hadn't shaved in a few days and his hair was sticking up in various directions. Upon closer inspection, Lucas realizes it's the bartender. Oliver – Rowan – Roman . . . Owen! His name is Owen.

They are laughing and talking and for a minute Lucas feels his fists curl. She playfully pushes him away and the blonde relaxes. He watches as Owen comes back at her and wraps his arm around her waist. He's still holding out for a brother sister type relationship.

And then he kisses Peyton.

He suddenly feels like someone took his heart and threw it into a blender. Not just because she's kissing another man. But because he knows how she felt all those times he and Brooke were together.

And he's sick at the fact that he ever did that to her.


Lindsey gets back from New York four days later and he breaks up with her. He doesn't know if Peyton and that Owen guy are together, but he does know that he can't keep acting around Lindsey. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to him.

He'd rather be alone then play a part in his own personal soap opera. He almost wants to pat his own back because it's the first time he's stepped up and realized that his own stupidity. He wasn't in love with Lindsey, simply holding on to something because it was less scary then being alone.

The knocking at his door hasn't stopped like he hoped it would so he decides to open it.


"Hey, can we talk?"


He motions to the swing and they both sit in silence until she finally clears her throat.

"Peyton's not dating that guy", he opens his mouth to argue that what she does is none of his business, but she continues before he has a chance.

"He kissed her because he saw you lurking in the distance", she stops to shoot him a look, when he shrugs and smiles sheepishly she continues, "He's the first person she's leaned on other then one of us and so he knows all about you two. He didn't want her to risk getting hurt so he kissed her. It didn't mean anything", she assured him.

"I thought a kiss always meant something", he echoed her words from years before.

"Not that one."

"I don't think—"

"Lucas, I went out with him that night. He and I had flirted the night before and we had our first date that night. We have another one tonight actually."

Lucas sits there completely speechless.

He thought he had lost her. He thought she was going to be happy with another man. She wasn't. She was single and now so was he. Peyton didn't know that yet, but he was going to make sure she did.

"I have to get ready for my date", Brooke announces and she stands to leave.

"Can I get a ride with you?"


He rushes into her house; not bothering to knock. He takes the steps two at a time and before he can blink he's in her room. It's empty. She's not here. He takes the free moment to calm his frantic heart and breathe deeply. One would think he hadn't exercised in years, but that's not the case. The fact that he's in Peyton Sawyers bedroom has his heart beating furiously and brow sweating. His mouth is dry and it hurts to swallow.

"What are you doing here?"

Her voice isn't demanding or rude. It's fragile and truly questions his presence in her home. He wishes that he had heard her come in because it would have helped him prepare for this. He turns to face her and his breath stops.

At first he wonders why she so dressed up until he remembers that Brooke said she had a meeting with an artist. That was one lucky artist.

She's wearing a navy colored dress that shimmers in the right light. Her hair is down and the curls that he used to lose his hands in are more prevalent then ever. Her make up is simple; her eyes pop and make him get lost. Her lips are shiny in the simple way that he loves. All he wants to do is kiss her.

So he does.

The feeling of her body pressed against his is familiar yet still exciting. He can feel her heart beat faster and soon enough their beating in sync. She's stiff at first, but that doesn't stop him from cupping her face and caressing her cheek with his thumb. After that she has her hands locked around his neck and is playing with the hair at the base of it.

Their tongues are dancing in a way neither has felt before and in that instant he knows she's well aware of his breakup. He knows she would never consider being the other woman again. If he's being honest she was never the other woman, she was always the one.

He's getting lost in the moment and he doesn't care. He hasn't kissed her in three years and he forgot how amazing it felt. It feels like hope and summer and a new beginning all wrapped up into one.

They finally break apart when air becomes a necessity. Her lips are swollen. Her face is flushed. Her curls are frazzled. And her eyes are three shades darker. He can only imagine how he looks.

And when she asks him why the hell he did it? What he thinks gives him the right to do something like that?

He doesn't hesitate to give her his answer.

Because kissing her is like breathing. He would die if he didn't do it.


A year after that he's standing on the beach. It's dark and there's a breeze in the air that goes against the summer heat. He's got his hands in his pockets and he nervously plays with the black box. It's the same ring from the first time four years ago, but now there's an inscription inside. My Forever is a term he gave to her first and has never forgotten that fact. He only hopes she doesn't either.

He hears the sand crunching behind him and turns to face the blonde he loves. He hasn't seen her in three days because she had to go to Charlotte for a last minute signing. She's got a grin on her face that he wants to always remember. She throws her arms around his neck and leaves a wet kiss on the spot just below his ear. He spins them around and places her back on her feet, making sure to keep her hands clasped tightly in his.

She tells him she loves him purely because she does. She has no idea what his intention are tonight. He made Brooke swear on her favorite pair of heels that she wouldn't say a word. He tells her he loves her too and they stand in silence for a moment. She squeezes his hand as if to ask him what's going on.

And when he gets down on one knee he tells her things she has heard before. Some things she hasn't. He gives her an endearing speech and then asks him to be his forever, to make what they have last forever.

She doesn't hesitate to give him her answer.

Okay, this is my ending. My wish for season 5 lol. Please let me know what you think. I hope it's obvious that the first set of italics was his writing and the second was a flashback.