A/N My tenth fanfiction! I want a divorce! ;)
I know this doesn't fit quite right in the OVA "Ciao Sorella', but it should be okay for a general understanding of where the bits and pieces fit in. And hopefully enough for you guys to like and appreciate it.
I must admit that, this has been one of my most difficult to write. For some reason the feelings in this one felt more palpable to me as I was writing... It also turned out to be a long piece, so make sure you have a cup of java close by ;)
And Yes. I know this is in Swahili, but could you just pretend it's perfect English? I promise to send ten Florentine senbei to everyone.
Anyway. Please enjoy, my favorite couple, Sachiko and Yumi, coming to terms with love, the universe, and everything.
I want to hear Sachiko-sama's voice, too.
I want to see her this very moment.
I wish I could get her to understand this feeling of wanting to see her.
Japan and Italy...
Right now, we're only separated by distance.
If I got on a plane and went home, I could see her again
But what should I do if we were eventually torn apart because of vague reasons like our surroundings or time...
It's no use to think now about what happens after Onee-sama graduates, but...
I want to see her.
I want to see Onee-sama.
Yoshino flopped to her side, looking at Yumi, who was starring at the ceiling, seeing nothing as her looks never reached that far. They were lying in their beds at Hotel Giorgione in the heart of Venice in Italy.
"Are you in love with her?" Yoshino asked gently. In a way knowing that it really wasn't any of her business. But it hurt her seeing her friend in so much... hurt, over not being able to come to terms with her feelings. Yoshino knew what was going on, she knew those looks all to well, she had had those same looks, not too long ago.
"Yoshino?" Yumi turned her head, blinking a few times in the half dark of the room.
"In Sachiko-sama?" Yoshino gave a little smile, trying to convey, that she wasn't attacking with her question, just merely a friend Yumi could talk to.
"Yoshino!" Yumi exclaimed. "She is my Onee-sama!" Yumi's eyes had gone impossibly big.
"So? Rei is my Onee-sama too." Yoshino gave a little laugh and made her pillow fit her head a little better. She would never come to terms with these soft feather stuffed things the Europeans called a pillow.
"Yoshino!? A-Are you in love with Rei?" Yumi's voice was hardly more than a whisper as she looked at Yoshino's relaxed demeanour.
"Does it shock you so, Yumi-chan?" Yoshino couldn't help finding Yumi's shock amusing.
"Ma...n-no... maybe not." Yumi blushed a little "I mean, you act almost as my mom and dad."
Both girls flew into a fit of laughter. And Yoshino yanked her soft pillow and hit Yumi with it playfully. It took a few moments before the room was quiet again. Yumi too flopped to her side, and for a second or two, she was trying to search for mirth of the joking kind in Yoshino's demeanour but finding none. Just sincerity.
"So you love... each other...?" Yumi asked a little cautious.
"Yes." Yoshino smiled gently.
"I see..." Yumi blinked, trying to fit this in with the picture she had of her two friends. And also...maybe with...
"And you and Sachiko-sama?"
"... no..." Yumi had spoken low "...we don't love...each other..." Yumi looked towards the foot of the beds and made a little inwards sigh.
"I see how you are around her. This whole trip you have done nothing but think about her, Yumi. I would have thought that you had told her by now."
"Yoshino!" Yumi's eyes snapped back up, finding her friend's eyes, but to her surprise, finding, still, no hint of teasing or mirth just, a friendly smile.
"Oh come on Yumi... If you can't even admit it to yourself, how will you ever tell her?"
"I don't... I'm not... I mean..." Yumi made a sigh from hell. "I'm not even entirely sure of my feelings myself, Yoshino. I mean, I have all these feelings for her, but I'm not sure they reach her. She can be a little dense about that sort of thing."
The explosion of laughter in the room is liberating. Both girls did indeed know the way Rosa Chinesis could be when it came to emotional issues.
"Maybe those feelings I have are just normal, you know, because I admire her." Yumi said when they were both laying comfortably again.
"Well, what kind of feelings?" Yoshino asked inquisitorial making a little pout.
"Yoshino...? Yumi's blush is deep red and she could fell her cheeks burn. She was happy the half dark was partially hiding her teint.
The silence between the girls lasted only a second or two before the quick Yoshino caught on.
"Oh!... Sorry, I get it. Well, at least that shows that you feel for her in an erotic way, and trust me Yumi, those feelings are not because you admire her. Even though it's obvious that you feel love for her in a platonic way too. So basically it's a recognition of the mind we seek." She nodded once as if she was certain her deduction and presentation of the problem was rock solid.
"Yoshino, all you are doing is trying to tell me that I'm in love. When I tell you already that I'm not sure." Yumi smiled a little sadly at her friend, knowing that Yoshino only wanted the best for her, but that she probably couldn't help in this, no matter how much she would like to...
Yoshino reached across and took Yumi's hand. She gave it a little reassuring squeeze.
"Is it because you are afraid she will push you away if you tell her...?" Yoshino asked quietly. Knowing many of the feelings Yumi must be going through by heart.
Yumi closed her eyes and pressed Yoshino's hand to her cheek for a few seconds. The touch felt comforting. The sounds of small waves from outside the window were the only sounds evident in the small room.
"Thank you, Yoshino. You are a good friend. But I think I need to figure this out for myself." She gave Yoshino a little smile as she let go of her hand.
"I understand." Yoshino said with a little smile of her own.
For a while the girls went to their separate reveries of life, the universe, and everything. Yumi thought mostly about Sachiko and her feelings, and what to do with them. She flopped to her back and continued her previous stare at a ceiling she never seemed to see.
"Yumi?" Yoshino said after a bit.
"Y-Yes?" Yumi turned her head. Seeing a little sad smile on her friends face.
"When I told Rei that I loved her. It wasn't easy for me either. I was so afraid that my feelings would be rejected. That I would be rejected... But, I knew my feelings were true, and at the moment I realised that, I also knew, that what ever happened, I had been true to myself. What can be truer than telling a person you love, that you love them?"
"Yumi-chan, I'm glad I did. It was the best moment in my life..." And her face just transformed into one of pure love. One Yumi had never seen on Yoshino. One so pure and beautiful, that it left her rather mum.
"Good night, Yumi-chan." Yoshino said and flopped all the way over, where she had a little struggle with her pillow before she settled in.
"Good night...Yoshino-chan." It was a while before Yumi found internal rest enough for sleep. Yoshino's words kept playing in her head. True feelings? But what are my true feelings?
Yumi had long since given up any thoughts about gender specific sexuality. The thoughts of Onee-sama left little doubt, and she was okay with that. She wasn't from a strict household in that sense, so she wasn't concerned much about it or her family's reaction to her being gay. No, it was all about Sachiko... Of Onee-sama...
I want to see her...
I want to see Onee-sama soon.
"So I wasn't the only lonely one." Sachiko said as an afterthought, as she stopped for just a second with a little sideways smile, before she went back inside the Rose Mansion.
"I'll remember it as long as I live..." Yumi stood left in the door. "...she says." She was fiddling her earlobe as she thought about Sachiko's words of her postcard and the words she had written.
So that's how it is. I get it. Yumi smiled as she understood the true meaning of the words. So when Sachiko-sama feels embarrassed, she acts a bit miffed. Yumi blushed slightly as the words left her warm and fuzzy.
"O-Onee-sama!" Yumi called. Sachiko had just stepped onto the landing before the door to the room with the others.
Sachiko turned and looked down at Yumi quizzically. "What is it Yumi?"
"Onee-sama... Onee-sama, would you please come down again? I... I have something I would like to tell you... Without the others listening." Yumi smiled with the words of Sachiko's little admonition still running though her veins.
Sachiko looked at Yumi's smile. The words of 'why' and 'what's wrong' stopped before reaching the cavity of her mouth. Instead she turned, and speculatively went back down and out. Something was up. She could see it in that smile of hers.
"Onee-sama..." Yumi closed the door after her, leaving her no choice but to stand by the facade of the Rose Mansion again.
"I-It wasn't really what I wanted to write... on the postcard." Yumi looked at her with a beaming smile, for just a second before she quickly looked down.
"What I wanted to write was... I wanted to write 'I love you', Onee-sama, but, I changed my mind... It was something I wanted to tell you in person..." Yumi looked at her a little shyly.
"Onee-sama, I want you to know that I love you." Yumi looked her straight in the eyes, and even though a blush was seen on her face, she left no doubt in her demeanour, that she was serious about getting her words across.
Sachiko looked confused a second, then said, a little timidly "I love you too, Yumi." This was only the second time she had said it. And the first time had been very emotional. This was the first time were they, in plain, nice summer weather, had said it calmly, face to face.
"Yumi looked down and blushed, but gathering some nerve, she looked up, finding the deep blue of Sachiko's sapphire eyes.
"Onee-sama. I love you a little deeper than that." She smiled shyly and continued.
"I think I have for some time really. I guess it took a trip to Italy to realise just how much I really do love you... How much in love I am..." Her voice faltered a bit shakily towards the end, but every word came across clear as day and couldn't be misunderstood.
She smiled a little timidly as she took a little step towards Sachiko.
"I love you Onee-sama. With all that I am, in every way possible." She was fidgeting and suddenly realised, she threw her hands on her back on and smiled a little self-consciously as she blushed deeply.
"Yu...mi..." Sachiko was thunderstruck. Her whole being was in shock as she was standing with her mouth open.
"I didn't mean to surprise you so, but... I'm sorry..."
"I guess it wasn't as much finding out that I was in love with a woman, but finding out it was my Onee-sama... Onee-sama? It made me so happy." And she blew up in a wonderful smile full of love.
"Onee-sama, if there was anybody in the whole world I would like to love, it would be you." Yumi reached in and took out the little pearl set heart and gave it to Sachiko who raised her hand to receive as if in slow-motion.
"This is from Venice" Yumi said a little shyly. "It isn't much but... it is beautiful, just like you..." Yumi's cheeks were almost crimson as she looked down a little emotional about her own admonition.
"Yumi..." Sachiko said in a raspy voice.
"Y-Yes, Onee-sama." Yumi looked up with big eyes.
But no words came over Sachiko's raspy breath. She was simply not in any condition to speak, so she didn't.
"It was too much all at once wasn't it?" Yumi looked at little timidly at Sachiko. Trying to gauge the feelings of her Onee-sama. But there was no indication of neither rejection or embrace of Yumi's admonition of Love. She just looked... shocked...
"I'm sorry Onee-sama" Yumi reached up and closed her hands around Sachiko's holding the heart, sealing it inside. "Please keep it." Yumi says softly. "It is beautiful." And with a little cautious smile, she went inside the Rose Mansion again.
"You seem troubled Miss Sachiko?"
Sachiko turned from her reverie at the balcony door and looked at Gorkina speculatively for a second. The maid was making her bed ready for night. She had always trusted Gorkina to tell her the truth, probably as the only one in this household. She was the only who always stood by her, and she had always been there for her.
"What is love, Gorkina?"
Gorkina smiled gently. Gorkina had been Sachiko's personal maid from the girl had been in the crib, and she had of cause expected the day to come when her sexual interest would show.
"It's a big question to put into so few words, Miss Sachiko." She sat on the edge of the bed.
"Are you thinking of a special someone?" She said mild and noticed the faraway look in Sachiko's eyes as she was running her fingers over... something in her hand...
Sachiko turned to her blind stare out the door.
"So romantical love then?" Gorkina said gently and waited patiently. She had known Sachiko's mannerism to be thoughtful, and it was one of the things she cherished most about the girl. She was a bit surprised at the timing though, as far as she knew, Sachiko hadn't been seeing any boys. As a matter of fact, she seemed to shy them with a passion.
"Yes, someone..." Sachiko's voice was nothing more than a whispering for the night breeze to carry away.
"Well... Love is a fickle, yet powerful force to try and describe." Gorkina folded her hands in her lap, and continued after a second. "Maybe it would be easier to try and describe some of the feelings my own love leaves in me. Would that be okay?"
Sachiko turned surprised, as far as she knew Gorkina wasn't married. The very concept seemed so far beyond Sachiko as to be an impossibility. Gorkina was her trusted maid and had never let her see anything remotely resembling strong personal feelings for anything outside this house.
"Are you in love Gorkina?" She blinked a few times.
Gorkina chuckled a bit at Sachiko's reaction.
"Miss Sachiko, just because I serve you doesn't mean that I don't have feelings. Her smile was as gentle as ever.
"No." Sachiko took a quick step towards her. "No, I didn't mean it like that Gorkina..." She looked rather forlorn.
"It's okay Miss Sachiko." She had a loving smile on her. "Yes, I have indeed someone special in my heart." And she folded her hands, holding them to her chest.
"And you love him?" Sachiko still could not get over the fact...
Gorkina was amused. This was certainly going to blow Miss Sachiko's casket.
"Yes Miss Sachiko. I love her. And she loves me." She looked Sachiko straight in the eyes.
For a moment, well two actually, the room was silent. As Sachiko was frozen, a little mirthful grin was playing around Gorkina's mouth.
"She...?" Sachiko asked incredulous.
"Yes. She. Actually she is one of the cooks, Miss Sachiko." Gorkina was having a ball looking at the shock on Sachiko's features.
"... I see..." Sachiko turned slowly and went stiffly back to the balcony door.
"Pardon my surprise Gorkina. It was not so much hearing that you were in love with a woman, but hearing that you were in love with a woman... too."
For a second Gorkina didn't understand. Then suddenly she stood up, her smile was gone as if by magic.
Sachiko turned and looked at her a little sadly. "Well... maybe... I don't know..." She sighed and looked out the door. "...I have all these thoughts and feelings... for her... about her... but is this love...?" She finished a little timidly.
Gorkina was still trying to come to terms with 'her baby' being gay, too. Suddenly, a whole bunch of stuff made sense to her, but still.
"Miss Sachiko..." Was all she managed.
Sachiko looked back "Not very ladylike is it, Gorkina?" She smiled apologetic, sadly.
Gorkina sat back down. Or rather, let her rear plop back. "I guess we surprised each other." She giggled, but seeing no mirth on Sachiko, she got it under control. She stroked the sheets next to her for a second, trying to handle this properly.
"Miss Sachiko, Love is a good thing, no matter what. It doesn't matter if it be a man or a woman. Those are only boundaries determined by society and man. Love doesn't care about those."
"It's not so much that Gorkina... Is it love, that way, though?"
"By 'that way', I take it you mean romantical love, a love more than just lust or platonic love?"
"Yes..." Sachiko was pinching the upper ridge of her nose, as if she was trying to understand, as if she had all day in fact, and was getting nowhere. She drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, she turned and leaned against the doorframe looking in, looking at Gorkina.
"By definition, Miss Sachiko, do you just differentiate different kinds of love by an urge to have sex?" Gorkina was looking at her quizzically. Just a neutral face asking.
"I..." Sachiko looked bewildered and uncertain. "I guess... maybe..." she finished meekly. She looked down. She wasn't shy around Gorkina, but...
"So in that case, as soon as you would find someone desirable, they would be falling into the category 'true love'?" Gorkina looked at Sachiko's uncomfortable posture with love, and with her question trying to get the girl to think.
"Would you like to kiss her?"
"...yes..." Sachiko almost whispered.
"Would you like to...?"
"Yes!" Sachiko interrupted her while looking at her in defiance. "But is that love!?"
"Well, if said thesis should hold true, then it would be, wouldn't it?" Gorkina's demeanour was still mild, having taken no offence.
"You don't sound as if you believe that?"
"No. Not in itself. It does indicate though that you find her desirable."
"...yes..." Sachiko turned halfway, leaning her back against the doorframe, as if too tired to stand on her own. She looked at the half moon coming over the horizon.
"What is love...?" She muttered, nothing more than a whisper.
"Love is the total surrender of your heart to her with the security of knowing she will treat it better than you will. Knowing that if you had her love, you would treat her heart with everything you are" Gorkina sat with her eyes closed and a little smile.
Sachiko turned and took a few steps towards her, listening.
"Miss Sachiko. In my case, when I close my eyes, and purge everything from my mind but an image of my loved one, my heart will speed up as if bursting from my chest. And sometimes, sometimes I have to open my eyes in fright that it might actually do so. It is the calling of love Miss Sachiko. That force living there calling out."
"Miss Sachiko. Try closing your eyes, relax, and then picture your someone, and let your heart tell you."
Sachiko looked skeptical for a moment then, sighed, realizing there was nothing to loose in doing so.
After a few seconds, Sachiko's fine teint started getting some colour as she slightly bowed her head. She visibly blushed as she slowly opened her eyes.
Gorkina could clearly see the visible change, and she nodded inside. 'Her baby' was indeed in love.
"Would you live without her?" Gorkina asked gently.
"Absolutely not!" Sachiko's eyes flared with a dangerous fire.
"...absolutely not..." She repeated. None of them spoke for a moment. Then Sachiko walked slowly over to her and looked her in the eyes, and with a new understanding in her eyes repeated.
It was a weird evening. Yumi had this lightness to her step, and she couldn't stop wandering around the house just to...feel. It was as if a load she had been carrying a long time was suddenly removed and her whole body felt relieved.
She felt no embarrassment about having told Sachiko that she loved her. She was happy that she had. She was very happy that the one she loved, was now aware that she loved her.
She had to close her eyes from time to time and feel her love. It was such a wonderful feeling running through her. She was a little sad, that she hadn't realised her love earlier.
I wonder if Sachiko could ever love me this way too? She thought and blushed. She was adamant about telling Sachiko that she loved her at least once a day from now on.
She was also certain that Sachiko wouldn't turn her away. At the most keep her at a little distance. Yumi was prepared for that. She had told her true feelings and that thought in and of itself, was very dear to her.
The doorbell rang, which was odd. This time of night made it very unlikely that it would be just a house call. But Yumi was right by the door during one of her walks around the house, so she went and opened it.
"O-Onee-sama!" Yumi exclaimed, blinking a few times in surprise.
For a good long moment, or two, nothing stirred. Then Yumi went to her, and gently put her hands on her shoulders and leaned up on her toes.
"A-Are you sure, Onee-sama?" She whispered softly with an alluring blush on her cheeks.
It took Sachiko half a second to react. She smiled gently before she put her hands on Yumi's hips, supporting her, and then lean her head slightly down for a soft kiss.
When they parted lips, it was just for a fraction of a second.
I truly appreciate you reading this one as it is dear to me. If you should feel so inclined, please let me know what you thought and, perhaps, also what you felt. I would appreciate the effort :)