So, here's a little something after watching the last episode. I wasn't too happy with Nate, but he's just so beautiful that I have to make excuses. And Jenny wasn't quite so innocent as she used to be either but I guess it was kind of Blair's fault for being so mean to her.
Anyway, after saying all those mean things to Blair, I decided to have Chuck's narrate on why he said it and how he's feeling. Hopefully, you'll enjoy.
Chuck took another sip of his drink as he turned his head to watch Blair walk out the door. It was too late - she was already gone. "I don't want you anymore." He had said. "And I can't see why anyone else would."
But that was a downright lie. He was still in love with her, perhaps even more than he had at the beginning, he couldn't deny it to himself. She may have only come as a last resort but he still would have taken her back. He wanted more than anything to take her back.
But he also understood her, as he understood Nate and he knew that Nate would return for her, and that she would gratefully take him back. And he knew she would regret doing anything with Chuck Bass as soon as things started working out with Nate again. He had known this the last time too, when she and his best friend had just broken up for less than 20 minutes, but had proceeded anyway. And where had that led? A position no better than Blair's own. He had ditched his best friend for the girl, and now, he had neither. He had nothing now except for a pocketful of cash and as much alcohol as he could possibly consume in one night.
Her coming wasn't a complete surprise. Chuck had expected her to come crawling back after being rejected by Nate and everyone else on the Upper East Side. Once more, she needed him. But this time, he had refused. He couldn't do it again - not to Nate, and not to himself.
Nate had been his best friend since childhood, and he had let a girl come between them. Everything had changed in a whirlwind. Blair had come to him that night asking for some way to escape; he had given it to her, knowing full well to what it might lead. That had been a fatal mistake.
But he hadn't refused today without regret or course. She wasn't anything like those other girls he had played in the past. She was different, and so much superior. And his feelings around her were different-it was impossible to explain. He'd never in his life felt it before. He remembered what he had told her on the night before her birthday. Butterflies in his stomach. Yes, they were still there, more restless than ever. He agreed with Blair. Butterflies have just got to be murdered. This was the first time Chuck had ever pushed away anything that he'd wanted because it was the right thing to do. And it was as hard as he had imagined. Chuck promised himself that this would also be the last time he would go through such an experience.
But there was also another feeling weighing him down. This emotion was even more foreign than love. It was guilt. Guilt for double crossing Nate, and guilt for saying what he did to Blair.
Nate had trusted him for so long, and Chuck just threw that trust away. Nate had always come to him for help, with the belief of his friend's utmost sincerity, and now, Chuck had betrayed that trust. He had betrayed that trust ever since he first fell in love with his girlfriend. But it was more than just the first (and second) time he screwed with Blair. Even afterwards, he had done everything within his power to drive them apart. The Debutante Ball was a start. Telling Nate all those lies did not take any toll on Chuck. Nor did ordering Blair to stay away from Nate ever since they got back together, with the threat of telling him what had happened between the best friend and the girlfriend. But now that he had lost both, he was starting to feel guilt.
And he felt bad for what he had just told Blair. "Rode hard and put away wet." He had said, and Blair, the only girl he had ever loved, left nearly in tears. But he still loved her, and now, was just beginning to hate himself.
Perhaps Nate would forgive him with time, perhaps not. But if he made the same mistake again and spent the night with Blair, any chance of reconciliation would be gone forever. Chuck valued Nate's friendship more than anything else he had - what else did he have? And he would try to repress his feelings for a girl who may never truly love him back for the best friend, or rather, former best friend.
But Chuck knew in his heart that he would be so much better for her than Nate, and she for him. Chuck could understand her in a way Nate never would. He and Blair were alike in so many ways. He knew what she wanted, and so did he. They were both decisive and ruthless, the top of the social ladder, taking clever bites out of anyone who got uppity. Or at least, they had been. They were nothing now.
Chuck took another drink out of his wine glass. But the alcohol wasn't taking effect like it should have been. Blair's stricken face as he said he no longer wanted her was clearly etched in his mind. And Nate's furious expression was right behind her, telling him to just stay away. What was to come next?
So, here's my version of Chuck's feelings. Please review to tell me what you think.