Disclaimer:I do not own Honey and Clover.

Warning:Angst and slight yaoi

Author's Notes: My first oneshot.


Start of Love

When did I start feeling this way?

When did I start to hurt as I looked at them? Holding back the tears, and quiver in my voice. When did I start wanting them both?

I remember so clearly when I fell for her…for Hagu. It was the start of spring; soft wind blowing through my hair, mild heat of the sun against my cheek like a soft kiss, and the smell of flowers wafting through the windows.

So clearly I remember that moment when a part of my heart was no longer mine but hers. Hagu was standing behind Hanamoto-Sensei; so shy she once was. It felt like a part of my heart slipped through my fingers like grains of sand. It felt like eternity as I stared into those large glassy eyes.

I remember so clearly when I fell for her, but with him…it was as if he slipped through and took a piece of my heart without notice. It was the same time that Hagu came that he came back as well. Came back with the same weary expression, and ruffled clothes. I lost count of how many times I laid him to bed.

Although at first it was simple friendship, now my feeling towards him are of love…the same love I feel for her. I realized that I loved Morita-san as well.

Just to be near them I feel my pulse race, an uneasy feeling in my stomach, and my head starts to feel warm as if I have a fever. I can no longer think rationally when around them, no longer am able to think about anything, but them.

But being in the same room as them hurts. Something hurts inside that I can't fix with medicine or rest. I feel my breath start to speed up and a burning sensation around my eyes; I know that I'm about to cry because I notice…I notice the subtle glances at each other even though the other doesn't notice.

I know I can't have them both, or even one of them. I should be happy for the ones I love, be satisfied with their choice but I still feel the stinging pain, like rubbing alcohol to a wound.

So when did I start feeling the pain?