A/N: - Heya guys. I'm having some issues with my laptop but I finally got this story finished. I fixed up the whole chapter last night but my stupid computer didn't save it properly and when I opened it up this morning to post it, the entire fic was jumbled up. Anywayz I managed to fix it up and here it is.
(I'm also having issues with this site at the moment – it's taken me 2 hours just to post this chapter. Is anyone else having problems.)
So sorry for leaving you on a cliffy last chapter, I really didn't think it would take this long for me to post again but what do I know! I hope this chapter makes up for it.
Anywayz – thanks to all the people who read the last chapter (and the whole story, hehe) and extra XOXO goes to all the wonderful people who left a review, I love you guys.
So RandomSelection (x2), Uma-Thurman, Sapphire1022, katyscarlett76, Dobby's Socks, ZemISHly, Copperboombaby8, TheCullens, heyyodude, CrystalClearElphaba444, KH, Irish-Chick13, Ombrerose92, Estelle Tiniwiel, cutieme012, EragonandArya, Bai and Cinderella912 – here's to ya.
"OH MY GOD!"
Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!
I felt my eyes go so wide that I thought they were going to pop out of their sockets as I leaned against Remus' bedroom door for support, my heart pounding in shock at the scene before me. My face flushed a deep scarlet red as both occupants of the room stared back at me in obvious disdain, thanks to my dreadful sense of timing I'd clearly interrupted a rather private moment. My mouth opened and closed several times as I desperately searched for something, anything, to say but the words refused to come to me. It wasn't just my vocabulary that refused to co-operate but my whole body was no longer in my command. It was like I'd come across a horrific accident, I felt nauseous and I was in complete shock, I knew I should look away, the scene before me was utterly devastating, but I couldn't bring myself to.
Instead I stood stock still at the doorway, my gaze continuously flitting between Remus, who was standing only a little away from me, to Adrianna, who was draped casually across his bed, dressed only in a lacy red bra with matching panties. My gaze once again turned to Remus and a new sense of shame washed over me as I found him watching me with his intense gaze, staring at me expectantly. How could I have been so stupid? Here I was feeling guilty about judging him too quickly, thinking that he was so gutted by my harsh words that he couldn't bear the party, when in reality he was just avoiding the party so he could come up here and shag blondie.
I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable and shameful and all I wanted was to go home and forget this tragic night ever happened, but as hard as I tried I couldn't bring myself to move my feet. It was like a body-bind curse had been cast on me and I was forced to stand there staring blankly at Remus, who had long-since looked away from me and found something more interesting to stare at on the ground. I followed his gaze down and involuntarily let out a soft strangled cry when I found a bunch of red fabric pooled at his feet, it was the exact shade of red as that of the dress that Adrianna had previously been wearing. How on earth could I have thought that Remus would even look twice at me when he had someone like her waiting for him? It was Adrianna's scolding voice that brought me out of my self-deprecating stupor.
"May we help you?"
I know that it was stupid, after all I'd seen them together downstairs and had literally just walked in on them in various states of undress, but when I heard the word 'we' spill from perfect red lips it was like a icy dagger slashed right across my chest, the overwhelming sense of disappointment becoming almost unbearable. I tore my gaze away from Remus and forced myself to look at Adrianna and the pain from tonight deepened just a little more. Whilst Remus at least had the sense to look away, Adrianna had made no move to cover herself as she brazenly sat exposed on the bed, her red undergarments and blonde hair providing a stark contrast to Remus' dark blue bed covers.
Adrianna's eyebrows rose high on her forehead, disappearing beneath her wispy blonde fringe, as she shot me an expectant look. I knew that she was waiting for me to answer her but I was still waging a war against the speech part of my brain, so I stood there for a while my mouth opening and closing, gulping at air like a fish out of water. When I finally managed to gain some semblance of speech back my words came out choppy and almost incomprehensible, I sounded like an inarticulate fool.
"Sorry,... The door was... And I ... Didn't know... I should've...I didn't mean..."
I shot them a nervous smile as I steadily took a deep breath and desperately tried to compose myself whilst Adrianna looked at me impatiently.
"I should've knocked louder or erm,"
"Actually waited for a response."
Adrianna shot me a catty smirk and I felt another heated blush race across my face as I desperately cast my gaze around the room, unable to meet her unyielding eyes. She made me feel like a disobedient first-year.
"Yeah, sorry," I stared at the floor as I pointed towards the door over my shoulder, "I'll just go now."
I started backing out of the room slowly as I spoke only to feel my heel catch on the mat at the door and I sent a silent plea to Merlin not to let me fall, not in front of them, as I teetered precariously on my heels. Merlin must have decided that he'd answered enough of my plea's already because I soon felt that all-too-familiar drop in my stomach that I associated with falling, and before I could do anything to stop it, I felt my bum make contact with the ground as I fell backwards out the doorway.
The first thing I heard was Adrianna's muffled chortle as I pushed myself up to a sitting position on the hard-wood floor. I saw Remus start to make his way towards me and I put my hand up to stop him.
"No, don't," I quickly scrambled to my feet as he shot me an inquiring look, "I'm fine, really."
I turned on my heel and practically raced down the hallway towards the room I used when I stayed here, more tears threatening to spill with each harried step I took. When I finally reached the safety of my room I slammed the door shut, as if to ward out the embarrassment, and lent back against it, breathing heavily as I desperately tried to stop the tears from falling from my eyes. I felt the lump in the back of my throat steadily grow bigger until at last a strangled sob escaped from my throat as the emotions of the night flashed in my mind in a series of moments.
The tears fell steadily as I silently recalled feeling the growing anticipation throughout the day in the lead-up to the party, the nervousness as I picked out my outfit, the joy at Sirius and Charlie's reaction to it, the first stab of pain when Remus walked in with Adrianna, guilt at using Charlie then turning him down, humiliation when I overheard Charlie tell Remus about my crush. I could still vividly remember the excited electric energy that flowed through me when I flirted with Remus in the kitchen pantry, the conflicting emotions when he bent down to kiss me, the ruthless anger that passed through me as I yelled at him in the corridor and then the overwhelming shame as the spark left his eyes and his face took on a defeated look as I walked away from our fight, away from him but the most devastating feelings of the night came when I walked in on them minutes ago.
I unconsciously started to thump my head against the hard oak door, as though if the physical pain became strong enough to concentrate on then I would be able to forget about the emotional pain that was currently slicing through my veins. It wasn't working. I could feel the dull onset of a headache and the skin at the base of my skull grew more tender with every doleful thud but that didn't stop visions of Adrianna and Remus racing across my mind, her perfectly manicured fingers running across the skin that I yearned to touch.
I brought a hand up to my face and gently rubbed my fingers across my eyes, as if trying to clear the disturbing visions my brain was forcing me to watch, and I used the other hand to push myself away from the door, my feet instantly aching as I forced myself to stand fully on them again. The boots turned out to be a mistake after all because not only had they caused me to fall at least once tonight, they'd been constantly pinching my toes and rubbing against my heel. I leant against the door again as I bent down and removed the painful boots, my feet immediately stretching in relief as they felt the comfort of the cool wooden floor.
After a moment of relief at the fact that I could actually feel my feet again, I started to walk towards the cupboard, flinging the door wide when I reached it and throwing them on the floor inside to join all the other shoes I'd sworn to never wear again. I turned away from the dark closet and had planned to throw myself on my bed in the hopes of sleeping to find out, upon waking, that this had all been a horrible dream but I stopped when I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror hanging on the inside of the cupboard door. I turned so that I was staring directly at my reflection and was so shocked when I almost didn't recognise the witch staring back at me. My hair had turned a shabby shade of mousy brown, I had mascara running down my cheeks and my eyes were red and puffy from my little crying fit. I looked miserable.
I morphed to hide the puffiness of my eyes and grabbed a tissue off my bedside table to dab at the stubborn mascara trails. When I was done I dropped the tissue on the ground and stared into the mirror again, it was a slight improvement. I shook my head slowly at the sight before me; I couldn't believe that I'd dressed this way just to impress him. I'd had such high hopes for tonight but all I really wanted was a kiss from him or maybe some declaration of his feelings, instead it turned into one of the worst nights ever. I raised my hand from resting at my side and gently ran it over the silky material of my shirt before grabbing a lock of my hair that was resting below my chin. I morphed it back to the honey blonde colour that I'd chosen for the night.
I'd told myself that I'd chosen the colour because it complemented the outfit best, which was true, but if I was completely honest with myself then I'd have to admit that there was an ulterior motive behind the decision. I'd hoped that if I chose a normal hair colour, instead of the outrageous ones I usually sported, than Remus might consider me more mature instead of a rebellious adolescent punk, so much for not wanting to change myself for some guy. As I twisted the ringlet of my hair slowly around my index finger I recalled the moment in the pantry when it was his finger around which my hair was spun. He'd thrown me when he told me that he preferred my hair pink, he comes across so proper that I hadn't expected it from him.
I morphed my hair to my usual shade of pink and in the mirror I saw the corners of my mouth curve up in the beginnings of a smile as I recalled that moment in the pantry, the intimacy of it all as we stood so close together, his finger gently entwined in my hair. The crooked smile only lasted momentarily until I remembered what I'd just witnessed and I watched it falter a little before it fell off my face completely. I know that realistically I had no right to feel this way but I couldn't help it, I felt betrayed. Which is stupid because we're not together, it's not like he cheated on me, but I'd been planning 'us' in my head for a while and just knowing, let alone witnessing, that it couldn't happen just hurt too much. I morphed my hair back to honey blonde, I don't think that I'll ever be able to wear my hair that particular shade again without thinking about that moment. I could still feel his breath on my face, the tingles jolting through my skin at his touch, the seductiveness of his actions as he tilted my face towards his. Before I could completely lose myself back in the moment, I was jolted by a knock at the door.
I had fully intended to ignore it but when I heard his voice calling from the other side, I looked away from the mirror quickly and turned my head towards the shut door, my hair whipping across my face at the force of my movement.
"Tonks – Please open the door, I need to talk to you."
I made my way over to the door but there was no way I was going to open it, I'd had enough 'talks' with Remus tonight to last a lifetime, more 'talking' would surely only lead to more embarrassing situations for me. I was so close to the door that I could hear him on the other side but when he began to jiggle the door knob, I jumped back in fright as I let out a small gasp, sending a silent thanks to Sirius for helping me cast the auto-lock spell on my door. Remus voice startled me again.
"Tonks – I know you're in there," I held my breath as I stood stock still but it was too late, "I can hear you breathing and I can see your shadows under the door."
Damn, I let out the breath I'd been holding as I looked down to see that he was right, I was casting shadows. How could I not have realised that? I'm an Auror for merlins sake – stupid stealth.
"Remus I'm not really in the mood for talking. I'm kinda tired – I think I'm just going to go to bed."
My voice came out surprisingly strong and added validity to my lie. I wasn't tired and I definitely wasn't going to be able to sleep with the events of this evening constantly racing through my mind. I just didn't know if I could face him because he featured so prominently in many of the humiliating moments. I listened closely next to the door in the hopes that I would hear the floorboards creak in acknowledgement of his exit, the sound never came though.
"Tonks, please. I just want to explain what..."
I cut him off.
"Remus you really don't have to. It's fine, really, I'm fine."
He didn't owe me an explanation and quite frankly I didn't want to hear one. Why was he out there anyway trying to explain something that was none of my business instead of back in his room endeavouring to remove the rest of Adrianna's racy lingerie? I heard Remus give out an exasperated sigh.
The effect at hearing my name was instantaneous and I swung the door open, ready to chide him for using the forbidden word but Remus stopped me.
"I know, I know – don't call you Nymphadora, but I knew that it would get you to open the door."
He looked so adorable as he bowed his head lightly and shot me a sheepish smile and I felt my annoyance about his use of my dreadful name dissipate just a little. I longed to reach out and brush the bits of stray fringe that had swept into his eyes, but it was his own masculine hand that came up to do it as his unwavering gaze settled on me again. He pushed his way past me, rubbing against me slightly when I refused to move out of his way, and walked into the center of my room before turning around to face me.
"Like I said, I really need to explain..."
"And I've already told you that you really don't have to."
He closed his eyes briefly and let out gruff little sigh as I cut him off again, he was starting to get annoyed and I knew it but I really didn't want to hear an explanation from him, it would only hurt worse. There was no possible way for him to explain this to make it better but he was determined to try anyway.
"No, but I do. You see it wasn't what it looked like."
He gave me a little half smile as though what he'd said had just dismissed the event entirely and I felt my rage from earlier bubble to the surface again, as well as a little extra added in. I couldn't believe that he'd just said that, that he'd actually tried to use that line. I thought he was better than that but the realisation that he wasn't made my anger grow bit by bit, aided by the fact that he was still standing before me with that cocky little grin, until I exploded.
"Really. Really Remus. You really want to play that card. Never mind the fact that I walked into the room and saw what was going on with my own two eyes, you really want to stand there and say that it wasn't like that at all. That she was simply having a hot flush and you helped her remove her dress to make her more comfortable. Is that what happened?"
Remus' cocky little grin slipped off his face and was replaced by a look of shock as I aimed all my focused anger at him, a scary angry persona taking over my once calm facade. He realised that I was expecting and answer from him and he struggled to find the words, shifting nervously from foot to foot.
"Well, no but..."
"Oh I know what it was. You spilt your drink on her and then just had to get her out of her wet clothes before she caught a cold, right?"
I stared at him as I shook my head from side to side in disbelief.
"You know I can't believe you would come down here and insult my intelligence by trying to tell me that I didn't see what I really saw. What did you hope to achieve by doing that?"
Remus had gone a pale shade of white and the cockiness had completely faded from his demeanour as he stared blankly back at me, his eyes wide in unapprehended shock. It was in that moment that I realised I'd gone too far, I'd let my emotions run wild and I taking it all out on him again. I was once more left regretting it. I took a deep breath as I saw him gearing up to answer and I stopped him before he could even begin.
"You know what, don't answer that. Because it really doesn't matter, it's really none of my business."
Remus looked relieved at the fact that he didn't have to answer a loaded question but a look of sadness flickered in his eyes as he looked away from me, down to the ground.
"I was kind of hoping to make it your business."
He mumbled so low that I hardly heard what he had to say but when I finally put it together, my mouth dropped open in shock. Why would he want to make that my business? If he wanted to shack up with Adrianna than that was his business, why would he want to bring me into it? I would join You-Know-Who and his band of merry followers before I jumped in a bed with those two, why would he think I would want any part of their perverse love lives? When I finally managed to find my voice, there was no sign of the calm tone that I'd tried hard to regain, the anger was back.
"Wait, what. Why on earth would you think that I would want you to make that my business? That's just sick and twisted and... wrong. I don't know what Sirius has been telling you but I'm definitely not interested in that."
A blush stole over Remus' face and as he looked up at me, embarrassment in his eyes, I felt bad for being the one who made him feel that way. No matter what he did, I still had a rather large crush on him and to be the one that made him look so defeated was really eating me up inside. When he spoke, his voice was garbled and strung with emotion.
"So you don't have feelings for me?"
His question caught me off guard and I was left stunned, my eyes widening in shock as I looked away from him in case he could see into my thoughts.
"Why does... I mean... What does... I don't... That's completely besides the point, I'm not going to get 'involved' with you and your girlfriend."
Remus stared at me blankly as his eyebrows knitted together on his forehead, a look of utter confusion etched across his features. He looked as though he was about to question what I'd said when suddenly his eyes widened in surprise, a look of comprehension dawning across his face before he let out a nervous breath of laughter.
"No Tonks, you've misunderstood what I've said. I don't want to be with you and her, together, like that."
A nervous smile appeared on his face and I let out a quiet breath of relief at the fact that the guy I liked wasn't that erotically adventurous after all. I gave him a shy smile in return as he continued.
"And Adrianna is not my girlfriend."
I looked at him in disbelief, where we really back here again? Had we not just established that I'd walked in on them?
"Fine your date then."
I watched Remus shake his head vigorously from side to side, his silky short hair swaying along with him, as he let out another loud sigh.
"She's not my date either, Tonks. I was picking some things up for Sirius in Diagon Alley and we just happened to arrive here at the same time. I helped her with her coat and before I knew it she'd grabbed my arm and asked if I would escort her to the dining hall. I agreed because it was the polite thing to do and I guess I just assumed that we would part ways once we got to the party but she never removed her arm, and I didn't want to embarrass her by drawing attention to the fact that our arms were still linked, so I ignored it."
His story sounded plausible and made perfect sense, and I really wanted to believe him, but it still didn't explain what I'd witnessed down the hall mere moments ago.
"Well if that's the case, then how do you explain what I walked in on in your room?"
A small smile spread across Remus' face as he let out a deep breath.
"I had literally walked into the room just moments before you did. I didn't know she was in there. I walked in, sent a spell to light the lamp, and then almost fell over in shock when I saw her almost naked in my bed. Turns out Sirius had a word to her, whilst we were, erm, occupied in the kitchen, and he told her that I liked her and she just... I was just as shocked as you were."
I wanted to believe him, desperately I did, and I had no reason to suspect that he was lying to me as other guys had in the past but I couldn't be sure. Remus was a kind and honourable man but the events of tonight had shocked me to say the least and I wasn't quite sure what to believe. It wasn't until I looked into his eyes and saw the honesty in his gaze that I knew, I would've believed him even if his story didn't make sense, because I had literally fallen for him. I let a small smile tug at my lips as I saw him do the same.
"So you really didn't ask her to come here with you tonight, it wasn't a date."
Remus shook his head as his lips curved up into a full smile that reached all the way to his eyes, the spark in them returning as he answered.
"Why would I ask another woman to the party when I'd spent the day desperately trying to work up the courage to ask you?"
My smile widened to an impossible length and I felt as though my heart would surely jump out of my chest it was beating so wildly as the realisation that Remus really did like me too dawned on me. I was barely able to suppress the urge to jump up and down screaming 'He likes me, he really likes me,' but I prevailed in the end as I shot him a teasing smirk.
"So you got a little thing for me, huh."
I was momentarily surprised when Remus shook his head, a serious expression returning to his face, I'd thought for sure that he'd liked me. All confusion cleared, however, when he walked towards me, one hand reaching out for my hand that was resting on my hip, the other coming up to cup my cheek like he had earlier. When he spoke his voice was husky and raw with emotion.
"No," he shook his head again before looking deeply into my eyes, "it's a big thing."
The whole world seemed to be moving in slow motion as he brought his lips down to mine and when they finally met - it was everything, I felt it everywhere. The kiss was so hot, so raw with emotion that I felt as though I would die from happiness and when he moved his hand around the back of my head to deepen the kiss, I felt my knee's buckle a little from the intensity of it all. He let my hand dropped from his grasp and instead wrapped his arm around my waist as he slid his tongue along my lips, begging for entry. I opened my lips slightly and when our tongues lightly grazed I felt a giddy wave of pleasure rush through me.
Kissing Remus wasn't like I dreamed... It was so much better.
Ok – well I think that that's about it but as usual I write for my readers so if you want me to keep going with this story then send me a review and let me know. I really don't mind either way.
So loved it/hated it – send me a review to let me know – It'll only take you like a minute but it'll make my day.
HUGZ N KISSESEllaQueenB