The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters had to go to the bathroom after drinking a lot of coffee. I keep having these cute ideas of Goose being hyper. And I need to get them out of my head and into other people's heads. You know what that means…
Goose Plus Caffeine Equals Trouble
"I am not going to get angry," Commander Walsh told the two men in front of him. "I just want to know which one of you had the bright idea of having a pie eating contest in commissary!" He glared at the first man, Walter 'Doc' Hartford. A man infamous for his pranks and schemes as well as his skill with a computer and a sword.
"Actually sir…" The other man coughed. It was Captain Zachery Foxx. "It was my idea."
"Your idea?" Walsh was stunned. "You? The perennial boy scout started a pie eating contest?"
"It's not like we had Lingling berry pies on the menu!" Zach defended. "And we did have a good reason."
"Oh this I have got to hear," Walsh sat back in his seat.
"Look you know how on these new regulations all Rangers are required at least five days a month on desk duty unless there's an emergency?" Zach said.
"Yes and this week it is the Series Five's turn," Walsh said. "And today is only day one. Go on."
"You also know that Ranger Gargenoff is going on maternity leave? Well we all wanted to find a way to liven up her baby shower," Zach scratched his head. "And I remembered a few times at the academy we had pie eating contests in our dorms. So we all got a bunch of chocolate pies and had a mini pie eating contest."
"And is that when Ranger Gargenoff started throwing pies because she lost or something?" Walsh asked in a tired voice.
"No, she wasn't really throwing pies," Doc explained. "She was mad because there weren't any more. She came in second against Goose and would have won if Zachery had gotten a few more. Anyway she still had a craving and was trying to score some more chocolate. That's when she got a bit cranky."
"Cranky? She sent two men to the infirmary!" Walsh snapped.
"I told them to give her the pie," Zach shook his head. "I warned them. Anyway the injuries weren't that serious and everybody who wasn't hurt had a good time. And the mess is almost cleaned up so what's the problem?"
"I think you are finally cracking up," Walsh gave him a look and pointed to Doc. "His insanity is rubbing off on you!"
"Lighten up Commander," Doc waved. "Even Gooseman lightened up. He did a pretty funny dance on the tables after drinking all those cups of coffee."
"You let Gooseman drink how many cups of coffee?" Walsh did a double take.
"Just seven or eight," Doc blinked. "Plus he also had a soda or two…dozen."
"Oh no…" Walsh's face turned very pale. "Not again!"
"Well it's not like he ate some Lingling berries," Zach said.
"This is just as bad as if he ate some Lingling berries!" Walsh snapped. "Maybe even worse!"
"What do you mean?" Zach asked.
"Foxx, Gooseman is a genetically engineered mutant who's bio defenses are designed to react to certain substances," Walsh said. "Especially those that activate the adrenal and nervous system. Caffeine is one of these substances."
"But Goose has had coffee and soda before," Zach blinked.
"Yes and usually its before going into battle or something like that isn't it?" Walsh snapped. "And he usually only has a cup or one soda am I right?"
"Yeah…" Doc blinked.
"Think! What happens when you have a hyper charged Supertrooper?" Walsh snapped. "And what happens when that hyper charged Supertrooper has nothing to do and no fighting to burn off the energy he has accumulated?"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Shane zoomed by on a chair with wheels.
"Oh…" Zach blinked. "I see your point."
"God I remember the first time he had a soda," Walsh moaned. "Correction, he had twenty seven sodas! It was a disaster! That was also the day I got my first gray hair."
"But Goose can't be that bad, can he?" Doc asked.
"Imagine a child hyped up on caffeine and sugar," Walsh gave him a look. "Now imagine that child nearly seven feet tall and having enormous strength and a couple of blasters!"
"Oh dear…" Zach realized where this was going. "This is not going to be good is it?"
"No it is not," Walsh snapped. "After all this time haven't you people figured out that a hyper over stimulated Gooseman is a very dangerous Gooseman?"
"That does explain the look in his eyes during some of our shootouts we've been in," Doc remembered.
"WHOO HOOOOOOOOO!" Shane whizzed by again on the chair.
"Of all the times for Niko to be called away to a conference on Andor," Zach groaned. "Lucky, lucky Niko."
"I can honestly say that I can not think of any worse punishment for the two of you than to watch Gooseman for the next twenty four hours!" Walsh snapped.
"Twenty four hours?" Doc blinked.
"That's usually how long it takes for all that caffeine to run through his system safely," Walsh smirked.
"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS GREAT!" Shane zoomed by again.
"Hey if you don't like the way I drive get out of the hallway!" Shane shouted.
"Oh boy…" Doc grimaced. "This will not end well."
"Don't worry Doc," Zach waved. "I know Goose. Just let him loose on the target practice range and all our troubles should be over."
A few hours later…
"You and your stupid ideas," Doc glared at Zachery from across the desk. "Let's have a pie eating contest, you said. Take Gooseman to the target practice range, you said."
"Da, da, da, da, da!" Shane sat at his desk hitting it like it was a bongo drum.
"Okay in hindsight I should have known he'd blow up the entire target practice range and put it out of commission for a few days," Zach sighed.
"Indulge him with a few chair races down the hallway, you said," Doc glared at him. "I nearly broke my nose because of you!"
"Da, da, da, da, da, da!" Shane sang along and hit his hands on the desk to the rhythm that sounded suspiciously like the song 'Tequila'. "Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da! COFFEE!"
"Don't you have some reports or something you should be working on?" Zach gave him a look.
"Did 'em!" Shane showed them a huge pile of papers on his desk. "It's like what the saying goes! I put my mind to it and I got it done in no time flat!"
"Yes…And you made some very interesting drawings in the margins as well," Zach looked them over.
"Yeah I wanted to jazz them up a bit," Shane smiled. "It gets so dull looking at the same papers day in and day out. A little illustration ought to brighten it up."
"It's imaginative," Doc blinked. "Like this little picture of you kicking MaCross's behind into a giant Nebraskan Cactus Patch."
"You know normally I hate office work," Shane said. "I mean I hate doing paper work. I really hate it. I really, really, really, really, really, really…"
"We get the picture Goose," Zach interrupted him.
"Anyway when I heard we were going to be stuck here for five days I was really mad because I hate paperwork. I really, really, really hate paperwork…" Shane said excitedly. "Really, really…"
"WE GET THE POINT GOOSEMAN!" Zach snapped.
"You don't have to yell," Shane pouted as if his feelings were hurt.
"I'm sorry," Zach sighed. "I'm a bit tired now."
"You should get yourself a cup of coffee," Shane said cheerfully. "It will perk you right up! Hey do we have any more coffee around here?"
"NO!" Both rangers snapped.
"Okay my point is that I thought these five days were going to be really dull but I don't know for some reason my mind kept coming up with these great ideas!" Shane said excitedly. "I mean really good ideas that would increase efficiency around here!"
"Like drawing doodles on the arrest reports?" Doc asked casually.
"Exactly!" Shane pointed out. "Visual aides! So people can not only read what happened, they can see exactly what happened! It's brilliant! I don't know why no one ever thought of it before!"
"You can't huh?" Doc asked.
"Maybe instead of writing reports we should get professional cartoonists to draw reports?" Shane thought of another idea. "Then no one would get bored reading them! And a lot of people might actually like working on them!"
"It's creative, I have to admit," Zach sighed.
"And I have another idea," Shane went on. "You know on those wildlife shows when they want to study the bears they just put tracking collars on the bears and follow them around? We should do that to the crooks we catch! I mean half of 'em just break out of jail anyway. It'd be a lot easier to track them down! Look at Slade! He's gotten out of the Deltoid Rock more times than pop stars break out of rehab! How does he get out anyway? There must be some kind of secret spaceport or something the criminals use to go on holiday."
"If we had the collars on them we could find out," Doc said cheerfully.
"Exactly!" Shane pointed.
"Doc! Don't encourage him!" Zach groaned.
"Oh! Bears! We can put bears with collars in the cells with the criminals to help keep them from escaping! And if they do escape, we can have the bears follow them and we can follow the bears because they have the collars on!" Shane thought again.
"You're quite the one Supertrooper think tank today aren't you?" Doc drawled.
"I know! It's uncanny!" Shane nodded excitedly. "Ideas are just flying out of my head! Oh I just got a great one! A really good one!"
"I can't wait to hear this one," Zach said. "Go ahead Goose."
"I can't tell you! I have to show you!" Shane ran out of the room. "This is gonna be great!"
"Doc how much longer to we have to put up with this?" Zach sighed.
"Walsh said twenty four hours and it's now hour…three," Doc looked at his watch.
"We're dead aren't we Doc?" Zach asked.
"I'm afraid so Captain," Doc sighed. "Should we follow him or something?"
"And ruin the only moment of peace we are going to get today?" Zach gave him a look.
"Right I like my disasters to be a surprise," Doc sat back at his desk.
Two hours later Shane wheeled some strange contraption in. "Ta Da!"
"What is that?" Zach did a double take. "It looks like a mechanical bull made from a desk!"
"It is a mechanical bull made from a desk!" Shane said happily.
"You built a mechanical bull machine?" Zach shouted. "Are you nuts? Dumb question…"
"I tell you this is a surprise," Doc remarked. "I'll bet you're happy Captain. You get to try riding the bull with your clothes on."
"I thought we all agreed to never bring up that incident again?" Zach gave him an evil look.
"No, we didn't," Doc smirked.
"Ranger Hartford let me remind you that I am not the only one that has had an embarrassing drunken moment," Zach glared at Doc. "However you arethe only one of us that has his embarrassing moment caught on tape."
"Oh right…" Doc gulped. "So Goose where did you get the uh, parts for this thing?"
"Everything you see here from the mechanics to the wood is from Commander Walsh's office!" Shane smiled. "His chairs and desk were kind of beat up anyway and I thought this would be a great way to recycle them!"
"You built a mechanical bull out of parts of Commander Walsh's desk and chairs?" Zach blinked. "Oh boy…"
"And for the more delicate gears I used several of his pens and an old clock he had on his desk," Shane smiled. "And the horns are made from staplers!"
"Quite resourceful isn't he?" Doc groaned.
Shane then took a sniff of air. "I smell coffee," He had a wild look in his eye and ran out the door.
"Sorry Frank!" Shane shouted.
"Owie…" A battered ranger moaned. "Who put that wall there?"
"And to think," Zach sighed. "I thought five days of office work would be dull."
"Kind of makes you long for our normal quiet days when people are shooting at us don't it?" Doc asked.
"Oh wow! More coffee!" They heard Shane crow. "French Vanilla! Yummy! I'll have another three cups of that!"
"Four more days of this?" Zach groaned. "I think I want to shoot myself!"
"WHAT THE DEVIL HAPPENED TO MY DESK?" Commander Walsh roared down the hallway. "CAPTAIN FOXX! HARTFORD! YOU BETTER NOT HAVE LET GOOSEMAN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!"
"Don't worry," Doc sighed. "I think Commander Walsh will do it for you."