Disclaimer: Ok, first things first, I did not write this. And I take no credit at all. I got this from a different fanfiction website, if you want the name leave me a message and I'll send you the link. I thought this was Hilarious! So why not share it with everyone else? I couldn't find the person's name who wrote this, otherwise I would have mentioned that first. So thank you Person for writing this wonderful fanfiction:3

Disclaimer: If I owned them, do you REALLY think that I would be writing this?

WARNING: yaoi mentioning-you no likeyou no read

Disclamer:though I would LOVE to run around teling I own Naruto and the gang, but I'm afraid that would be an even less believible lie than Kakashi getting lost on the road of life...


Temari's eyes narrowed in a dark glare, one hand shooting out to grab the front of Kankuro's shirt and drag him down to eye level. He scowled right back at her.

"Keep your voice down, idiot!" She hissed, glancing over her shoulder briefly to see if Gaara had reacted, "You have to do it because you're his big brother and there aren't any other men around to explain these things to him!" Kankuro snorted and removed Temari's hand from his shirt with a disdainful wrinkle of his nose.

"So? You're his big sister! You know more about this shit than me, anyway! You go explain it!" He raised an eyebrow at his sister, shifted into an expectant, impatient stance. He then very narrowly avoided the hard end of her closed fan, swung just over his head.

"Why the hell would I know more? Did you just call me a slut! COME BACK HERE AND GIVE YOUR LITTLE BROTHER THE TALK, YOU BASTARD!"

Just twenty minutes earlier, Kankuro had been minding his own business. He had been very happily sitting alone in his own bedroom, nodding his head to the thrumming beat of the music in his headphones while he carefully adjusted Karasus joints. He hadn't been thinking about sex, or Kiba- who was all the way back in Konoha, damn it- or anything even remotely like that…For once.

And then he'd felt it. That strange, yet familiar tingle across the back of his neck, that feeling that made him shiver, then grumble, and then twist around out of sheer nervous habit to make sure that there weren't any enemy nin waiting there to jump him.

There were no enemy nin, of course. No. Just his little brother, arms folded over his chest, troubled, faintly irritated look on his face, sand gourd strapped to his back.

It took Kankuro a moment longer than it should have to register who it was standing in his doorway. When it did, he made an undignified sound that he would have much preferred not to remember, yanked his headphones off, and jumped to his feet. Even after almost three years of relative sanity, sometimes- just sometimes- Gaara still unnerved him.

The silence that stretched out between them was thick and heavy. Kankuro's instincts had long since kicked in, telling him that he should run, and he should run immediately. No good could possibly come of whatever was about to follow.

Unfortunately, Kankuro had gotten into the habit of ignoring his instincts.

"What do you want, squirt?" He grunted at length, shoving his hands into his pockets. Something in the back of his mind was screaming at him- Don't piss him off! Even if he won't kill you, he can still kick your ass!

Gaara's face twisted just a bit, just for the briefest moment; almost as if he was trying to figure out just what it was he was doing there, looming in Kankuro's doorway. He hesitated just a bit longer before answering.

"There's a problem." Was all he said, forehead creasing minutely in agitation. Immediately, Kankuro's mind began racing. "A problem?" Hesitantly, he gave a slight nod of his head, an acknowledgement.

"What sort of problem?" He spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. To his immense surprise, Gaara's gaze darted away for a split second.

"Its hard", There was a slight gesture and Kankuro's mind was sluggish, trying to work out his little brothers reply, "This has never happened before."

"It- wha- "And then it hit and Kankuro's eyes were impossibly wide, Whoa- WHOA! You- TEMARI!


Gaara had no idea Kankuro could move that quickly.

And now, here he was, sitting on Kankuro's bed, waiting as patiently as he could- at Temari's request- half listening to his siblings argue down the hall. It sounded as if the fight had become physical. He recognized the dull thunk of Temari's fan missing Kankuro's head and hitting the wall instead.

A moment later, the puppeteer shot back into his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind himself just in time to block the flurry of shuriken that had been thrown after him. He immediately spun around and glared, presenting the closed door with both middle fingers.


Then, slowly, he turned back to Gaara.

... Fuck.

Kankuro rubbed his temples and set to pacing, occasionally glancing in Gaara's direction and grumbling to himself. He paused every now and again, crossed his arms over his chest and gave his little brother a thoughtful one-eyed stare, only to quickly start pacing again. Once or twice, he made an attempt at saying something, but didn't get out much more than I- you- its just- GAH! before he threw his hands up in the air in frustration and gave up trying to speak.

Finally, he realized that the longer he stalled, the longer he'd have to suffer through this. Might as well get it over with. Right? Right.

With a long, maybe a bit overdramatic sigh, he grabbed his desk chair and spun it around to face the redhead sitting across the room. He flopped down in it and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to sort out his scattered thoughts.

This was so not normal, it wasn't even funny.

He opened one eye to look at Gaara again, taking careful note of the younger teens posture and expression. Opened his mouth, then shut it again with an audible click of teeth. He had no idea how to even start.

"... Is it still...?" He trailed off, making a vague gesture, and fought down the blush that was threatening to rise to his cheeks. For a moment, he thought he'd rather be out in the hall, dealing with Temari and her fan. There was a slight quirk of a nonexistent eyebrow.

"Hard?" Gaara's gaze flicked down between his own legs so quickly that Kankuro had to wonder if he actually saw it, "Yes. And its becoming uncomfortable", Which was easily translated into Fix this now or Ill change my mind about that whole no more senseless killing thing, and Kankuro knew it.

"Uhh... Okay, okay", The puppeteer shifted a bit nervously, folding his arms over his chest again as he slouched lower in his seat, "What were you doing when it... happened?" Gaara was silent, something like thoughtfulness on his face, before he tilted his head just barely.

"I was sitting on the roof, thinking about fighting Uzumaki Naruto", He replied with a small frown. He seemed to be attempting to figure out what pondering techniques and strategies had to do with his problem.

"... Fighting?" Kankuro echoed with an incredulously raised eyebrow. Gaara blinked back at him.

"Yes, Fighting."

"Just fighting?" Now Gaara seemed suspicious. tipping his head back just marginally to give the older teen a careful, measuring look.

"... Yes", He repeated slowly, "What else would I be thinking of doing?" Kankuro made an odd noise at that and shook his head quickly,

A long, awkward pause. Kankuro was trying desperately not to think about his little brother and Naruto, and at the same time trying to come up with some way to explain this. Without utterly humiliating himself, thank you.

It wasn't helping that Gaara was very quickly getting impatient. Who'd have thought he'd ever see the great, terrifying Shukaku no Gaara fidget?

"How long has it been?" Kankuro asked suddenly, forcing himself to break the tense silence.

"Forty-eight minutes," The younger boy said, glancing at the clock on the wall, and then back at his brother. He was frowning again. Kankuro swallowed and froze mid-sympathetic wince, "Why did this happen and how do I fix it?"

"How the fuck should I know why? Fighting doesnt normally turn people on," He stopped, and rethought that, memories of a certain Leaf mutt shoving him back against a wall and kissing him roughly after a morning spent training trickling into his scattered brain. Well. Maybe it turned some people on...

Kankuro coughed and shook his head again, shoving the impending mental images away before his body had a chance to react, "A-Anyway... Just go jerk off, and you'll be fine."

"Jerk off?"

Oh, his day had just reached a whole new level of disturbing. Kankuro couldn't stop the faint tinge of pink in his cheeks as he realized that Gaara had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, and he was going to have to explain that too. Nothing was ever simple, was it?

"Yeah, you just... you..." He made a vaguely obscene pumping gesture with one hand and hoped beyond hope that Gaara would understand. Gaara's deepening frown clearly stated that he did not. Kankuro threw both hands into the air, frustrated again, "You're almost fifteen! How can you not know?"

Kankuro was wholly unprepared for the next thing to come out of his brother's mouth.

"Show me", Monotone. Dead serious. Kankuro choked, then doubled over in a coughing fit. He wondered if he could make it out the window before Temari caught on and beat the crap out of him for it.

"Dude- no", He didn't sit up again. Couldn't quite bring himself to look at Gaara right then. He hid his face behind his hands, sure his ears were going to burn right off of his head, "Just-just... Fuck. I dunno! Go take a cold shower or something!" Gaara hesitated, giving Kankuro a measuring glance.

"A cold shower will... fix it?" Kankuro twitched, just slightly.

"Yes", His voice was tense and pained. He was just short of begging the redhead to leave so that he could piece his mind back together and suffer through his trauma alone. There weren't enough words to describe how relieved he was when Gaara got up and walked swiftly out.

Temari- who had remained vigilantly outside of Kankuro's door, just in case he decided to try running again- had the decency to wait until Gaara was out of earshot before she burst out laughing.


Gaara stared at the shower head for a very long time, suspicious, before he finally stepped under it and turned the water on as cold as it went. To his credit, he held in the shriek that clawed its way up the back of his throat at the sudden shock.

He didn't, however, stop himself from jerking away from the icy spray and flattening his body against the opposite wall. His eyes were wide. His hands were shaking. He was still hard, damn it.

And Kankuro? Kankuro was dead.


He'd slammed the door in Temari's face with a scowl and another flash of his middle finger, and then returned to poor, forgotten Karasu, keeping his hands busy while he pondered over the advantages of having his brain bleached. It wasn't terribly long, though, before his peace was disrupted again. This time, Gaara was a bit more than irritated.

He was fucking pissed.

"I'm going to kill you", Gaara informed his brother rather helpfully, voice dropping down into a low and dangerous place. Kankuro made his second undignified noise of the day and scrambled away from the tendrils of sand creeping across the floor.

"Wait!" It came out as more of a squeak than Kankuro would have liked, but at the moment, his pride was rather lower on his list of priorities. Gaara's eyes narrowed.

"Its still hard," Slow, even, dripping with impending doom, "And it hurts", Kankuro's back hit the wall. Luckily, the sand had stopped coming at him, pausing halfway between Gaara's feet and his own.

"I know! Just- just listen, okay?" He took a deep, shuddering breath, "Theres a plan C, alright?" Gaara's left eye twitched, "Just... calm down... And think of something not related to fighting or that Uzumaki idiot. Think of... of the most disgusting, nonsexual thing you can come up with."

The tiny, often ignored optimist in him said that Gaara's hesitation was a good sign.

"... This will fix it?" Gaara asked carefully, drawing the sand back. Kankuro nodded quickly.

"Yeah. Just wait it out. Keep your mind on something else," Another deep breath, eyeing his little brother cautiously, "And don't... yknow. Touch it."

Gaara blinked. Kankuro froze.

"... Why would I touch it?" Kankuro decided that brain bleaching would definitely not be sufficient. He'd just have to kill himself and get it over with.

"Why would you- Gah!" He smacked himself in the forehead, cursing his own stupidity. Now he was back where he'd started, "Because... because! That's what normal guys do! That's- you- I don't even-"

He went on spluttering and making useless gestures- pointing, flailing a bit, even tugging on handfuls of his own hair- for a few minutes longer. Gaara didn't seem to notice. His pale green eyes were glazed over with the unfocused look of someone coming to some sort of an epiphany. Suddenly, things were falling into place.

"Wait," Gaara's voice put a quick stop to his brothers flustered fit, Kankuro freezing and looking up with an almost frightened expectancy on his face, "You mean, if I..." He copied the lewd gesture Kankuro had made before, "It will... go away?"

"That was plan A, yes," Kankuro mumbled, laughing weakly and avoiding Gaara's steady gaze, "Masturbation leads to orgasm, orgasm leads to lack of hard dick," He rubbed the back of his neck and hoped the embarrassed flush on his cheeks wasn't too obvious.

"... Alright, Gaara" nodded slightly, then gave Kankuro one last measuring glance before he turned on his heel and strode out of the room once more.


Gaara stared down between his own thighs with the same suspicious hesitance he'd looked at the shower, earlier. He wasn't so sure how much trust he was willing to put in his brother, at this point, but it hurt. It ached. And despite what Kankuro had said- maybe because of what Kankuro had said- he couldn't really stop thinking of Naruto anymore. He was really running out of options.

So, it was with a slow, deliberate reluctance that he pushed his pants down, just past his hips, just far enough. His eyes widened minutely as he gazed down at himself, at the purplish, almost bruised look of his flesh and the trickle of clear fluid from the tip. He found himself wondering, again, what Naruto had to do with this.

This should be easy, right? Kankuro made it sound that way. Made it sound like something normal, natural. Gaara had never been very good at either of those things.

It was a good five minutes before he finally brought himself to do it. Touch, that is, brushing his fingertips over the swell of his cock, surprising himself with an odd tingle down his leg and a quick, sudden intake of breath. Was that supposed to happen?

Cautiously, he wrapped his fingers around his erection, and pumped once. Just once, and paused, wondering inwardly at the strange, quiet noise that had slipped off of his tongue. And then, he did it again. Because really, this wasn't so bad.

A few more times, and Gaara felt his eyelids drooping, his heartbeat quickening. The tingle was becoming more a shock, an electric crackle over his skin, along his nerve endings. A foreign feeling pooled low in his stomach, curling his toes against the bed sheets. His hips jerked, his spine arched. He wanted to stop, to figure out why his body was doing things against his will, but he couldn't quite bring himself to.

It was sort of a burning, but not, because burns were supposed to hurt and he was positive that this was the farthest thing from pain he'd ever felt. It made him want something, planted seeds of near frantic desperation in the pit of his belly, but he couldn't even begin to fathom what it was he was scrabbling for.

He was distantly aware of the sound of his own breath as it left him, panting as he rocked against his own hand, confused by everything but too far gone to really care. The world was dimming, narrowing down to the shaky rhythm, the rub of his palm against his aching arousal, the slick slide of pre-cum being spread against his flesh. There was a tense pressure building in his stomach, and muscles and between his legs, all at the same time, threatening to snap or explode or maybe just collapse altogether. The strange part was that Gaara wanted it to, whether he understood why or not.

He could feel his skin prickling, sweat beading. He could feel the shivers along his spine every time he drew his palm up, the jerk and buck of hips every time he slid back down. He wanted things that had no name or shape. He wanted this to be over and done with, but never wanted it to end. He wanted.

And then, he had it. He was there. He didn't even register the sand rushing up behind him to protect his skull from the wall as his head snapped back. His eyes were wide, but unfocused, the ceiling fading out as his vision went blindingly white.

There was a choked, startled cry over the rush of blood in his ears as that feeling he couldn't name swelled and finally crested. It came crashing down around him again with a jerk and shudder, leaving him unreasonably exhausted. He slumped back against the wall beside his bed and waited patiently for this strange contentedness to drain away.

It was a few minutes before he noticed the stickiness against his skin, and found it much harder to lift his arm than it should have been. The white liquid was spilled over his hand and dripping down his wrist, bringing about a slow, lazy blink, and with a certain level of lingering childishness, he popped one finger into his mouth. Then immediately he regretted it, yanking his hand away as he turned his head and spat.


Kankuro could only hope for so much. Peace, quiet, only two emotionally scarring incidents per day. That was all he wanted, really.

He hadn't left his room since Temari had chased him back in that morning, and wasn't planning on it anymore. He'd tried to lose himself in the blare of his music, the concentrated precision of chakra training, even the complete bliss of sleep.

Unfortunately, he couldn't get very far with any of it before his mind dragged him, kicking and screaming, back to the events with Gaara. He couldn't even think about Kiba, his brain going full circle on him. Kissing, touching, groping, rubbing, hands, cocks, masturbation and finally... little brothers masturbating- which he really would have liked to keep out of his thoughts.

He was making another attempt at a nap when there was a light knock at his door.

"GO AWAY!" Irrationally angry, maybe, but he thought he had a right to be at least a little bit irrational after what he'd been through. He picked his head up and frowned when the door was pushed open anyway, and there was Temari, hands on her hips as she walked into his room without waiting for the invitation.

"Dinners ready," She announced, staring at him expectantly. His frown slipped into an outright glare before she spoke again, "I made hamburgers", He perked visibly.


"Yes," Temari rolled her eyes, "Now quit sulking and come eat", She gave a slight jerk of her head, in the direction of the kitchen. Kankuro scowled, but pushed himself up anyway.

"I don't sulk," He pointed out petulantly. She snorted back at him, but made no comment, waiting patiently as he sat up on the edge of his bed and stretched. He was just getting to his feet when an odd, somewhat disconcerting thought came to him out of the blue, "Uh... Temari?"

She tilted her head a bit, "Yeah?"

"You're not... Kankuro rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking very slightly sheepish, "I mean... You don't have like... a secret girlfriend or something, do you?"

He honestly didn't see her fist swing around to meet the top of his head and knock him back onto his bed again.

"Of course not! What the hell kind of question is that!" He winced and scooted away from her- just in case she decided to attack again- before folding his arms over his chest, staring down at his lap, and mumbling his response. Temari's eyebrow quirked upward. "What was that?" The pink tinge to her little brother's cheeks was actually sort of cute, if she thought about it.

"I said I was just wondering if it was genetic or something," He repeated, a bit louder, looking up at her through his bangs.

"If... what?" She was genuinely confused, and Kankuro colored a bit more, quickly glancing away again.

"Well... Cause I guess Gaara's got this thing for that Uzumaki idiot, and then there's me and Kiba, and... Nevermind," He stood abruptly and slipped his hands easily into his pockets, "You said you made hamburgers?" Temari blinked at him, and then gave a slight smile, shaking her head at the utter weirdness her brother had grown up into.

"Yeah. Gaara wanted them."

Kankuro winced, but followed his sister down to the kitchen, anyway.


Dinner was uneventful, and Kankuro was thankful for that. Gaara was completely silent through the meal. In fact, he hardly looked up from the nearly raw hamburger patty he was poking at the whole time. At Temari's tentative questioning- "Is your food alright, Gaara?"- he simply shrugged and took a bite to appease her.

It wasn't until after dinner, while Temari was grudgingly washing dishes, that Gaara cornered his brother again, staring at him hard. Kankuro had cursed inwardly and scowled outwardly. Gaara did not seem put off in the least.

"What is it now, shrimp?" The puppeteer wasn't about to admit how much that familiar, thoughtful look on his younger siblings face scared him.

"You never explained why that happened."

Kankuro ran.