Forbidden Techniques by Trisar Alvein


After many requests, and more computer trouble than I can shake a stick at (luckily, I make backups, so I didn't lose any of my fanfics) I decided I needed a bit of lighthearted insanity to inspire my return to the fanfiction community, from which I've been away for too long.

So I present to you... Forbidden Techniques, the sequel to my famed Techniques Saga.

Normally I type up the stories in writer, but in the case of the Techniques, for the purposes of expedience (and to retain the "gag-a-day" spamfic feel) I just type them up in Notepad.

Sit back, grab the Creme Savers (and save me a bag of them, too!), and crank up Hare Hare Yukai for this one. It's just crazy enough to fit.

(Author's Note: The music I note in some stories has NOTHING to do with the stories themselves. It's just what I happen to be listening to when I start writing. I tend to pick songs that fit the mood--dark, angsty songs ala Nine Inch Nails or Evanescence for Karasu, fast paced and insane songs ala most J-Pop for Techniques, and so on and so forth.)

Chapter One: Drunken Owl's Landing Perch (Don't ask)

Ryoga was in Hell.

That had to be it. It was the only explanation for... for THIS.

That or he was having a nightmare again.

Little girls, dozens of them, with flaming red hair and blue eyes, who turned into hot pink piglets when splashed with cold water and back to little girls with hot. An equal number of black, wild-haired boys with brown eyes who turned into pigtailed redheaded girls with blue eyes when splashed with cold, and back to little boys with hot.

And then a petite, lithe-bodied redheaded woman in a housedress was walking up to him. Smiling lovingly, she stood up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss...

...and then he woke up with a scream of terror, shooting bolt upright. Hoping for the past few months to have been a dream, he glanced to his side and down. And there he beheld his new wife, Ranma Hibiki, blinking sleepily and sitting up.

"What's the matter, dear? Did you have a bad dream?" she asked, smiling at him just as she had in the dream. She reached up to touch his cheek, and when flesh met flesh, he saw the change in her eyes. Adoration was replaced by boiling rage. Once again, Ranma Saotome--pre-marriage, that is--was running the show.

"Bacon-brain, I'm gonna kill you if you don't figure a way out of this! Your hitting me on the head AGAIN just made everything worse!" she yelled, socking Ryoga and launching him painfully into a wall. Well, it used to be painful, but being woken up by a right hook did wonders for one's stamina. And there went the change again, with Ranma Hibiki taking over.

"I'm so sorry, my love! I don't know what came over me!" she exclaimed in what seemed to be genuine horror and shock. "I'll go get some ice for that right away!" She hopped out of bed, running downstairs in her frilly, translucent white nightgown. "Mother Hibiki! Ryoga dearest needs an ice pack! I'm afraid I lost myself this morning!"

"'Again, dear?'" said Ryoga in a mocking tone, echoing the question his mother asked Ranma every morning. She knew of Ranma's psychosis as well as he did--well, not AS well, since she still had no idea what triggered it all while he did--but kept playing along with it regardless. Glancing down at the floor, the husband of four months followed the wide, yellow-painted line to the bath, where his wife met him, handing him the ice pack she'd gone to retrieve. "Thank you, d-d-dear," he stammered out, his eye developing a tick at the last word.

"Any time! But now it's time for the good morning kiss!" she replied with a smile, leaning in before he could stop her and doing just that.

"Get yer lips off me, porcine pervert!" CRASH! "Mother Hibiki! Ryoga dearest is going to need another ice pack when he finishes his bath!"

Sitting in the heated water, having managed to disrobe, toss it all aside, and clean up mid-flight into the bathroom (he'd gotten a LOT of practice at it), Ryoga just mumbled to himself.

Then his wife joined him in the bath. And out came Ranma Saotome again, who just shot glares of death at Ryoga. The pigtailed bride-boy threw a punch that Ryoga just barely caught, and back came Ranma Hibiki.

"Oh! I'm sorry again, dear... I didn't mean to try to hurt you!"

"Don't worry about it," mumbled the lost grom.

The bath quickly finished, whereupon Ryoga quickly reverted Ranma to female form (having long discovered that bride Ranma was easier to deal with than boy Ranma, who would invariably try to kill him in a weird reversal of their former status) and followed her down to breakfast.

Somehow, Ryoga just knew it was going to be a long week.



Really, I don't know what came over me for this one. I have no excuse. But I love it anyway.

-See you next mission