Ass Junior

Summary: If you looked up ass in the dictionary, you would without a doubt see my picture. If you looked up jerk in the phonebook, you'd find my number. If you put in worst father in history on Google, I'm sure you'll have a million links to videos, pictures, and everything else. What can I say? I'm Chuck Bass, not Bill Cosby.


January 2008

Her parting farewell was bittersweet and it was the only sound he could hear. It kept replaying in his head and he was sure it would never stop. He couldn't believe he was so damn stupid. He let her back into his life, even when all signs told him not to, and it came back to bite him in his ass as hard as Katrina hit New Orleans. He didn't know what he would do without her now. She was his foundation. He had actually loved someone and what had it amounted to? A cold bathroom of the twenty-fourth floor of the Palace.

"Your bed would be more comfortable you know," came a voice he knew all too well but did not want to deal with. It was his, dare I say it, sister.

"Get out and I promise never to speak with you again,"

It was an empty threat, or promise. They were related. They had to speak to each other eventually.

"Now, you know you love talking to me, I'm almost as entertaining as Victrola when I'm drunk,"

"Are you drunk now?"


"Then leave,"

His voice was laced with pain and fatigue and it was sad to see him that way. He had always been so tough, untouchable, frozen; yet there he was kneeling on the bathroom floor beside a dirty toilet. He groaned and emptied the contents of his stomach once more. He couldn't remember the last time he had drunk that much. Alcohol never had that effect on him. He'd drink all night and still be sober enough to kick out the sluts in the morning. In the back of his mind, he knew that it wasn't the drink having the effect. It was her, the self-centered, self-conscience, bitch that controlled him in a way he hadn't even thought possible.

"Chuck," Serena's tone was soft and soothing. For some reason, it kind of put him at ease. It seemed that maybe she could be useful for something, even if it was only settling his stomach. "You've got to leave the bathroom."

His gaze rose from the white piece of metal, or was it steel, and hooked onto hers. He never thought he'd see so much concern in a person's eyes besides his mother's. No one ever cared about him. He was an egotistical womanizer. Who would ever love someone like him?

"She hates me,"

It was his biggest fear. It was his only fear. He fell for someone and they didn't catch him. They watched him and once he hit the ground they laughed, talk about adding insult to injury.

"She doesn't hate you, nobody hates you. We may hate everything you do and say but we don't hate you."

"Surprisingly, those words are not comforting,"

He saw guilt cross his companion's face and couldn't help but smirk. He could make her feel guilt, concern, and anger in less than twenty minutes. Maybe he wasn't completely lost.

"What is the matter with you?"

"She chose him,"

"She always chooses him, Chuck. And she will continue to choose him until you man up and make her choose you. Show her what he can never give her. Be who you are and reveal to her who he is,"

"Who is he? Who is he, Serena? Who the hell is he!? I've been friends with Nathaniel for years and I feel like I don't even know him anymore,"

"Then get to know him,"

"He won't talk to me,"

"God! You are Chuck Bass, damnit! Make him talk to you. You don't apologize, you don't cry, and you certainly don't let Blair Waldorf turn you into some sick little puppy. If you want to be a wimp, go do it somewhere else because as long as you're here, you're going to be the bastard I know and loathe."

"Aww, you really loathe me?"

"With every fiber in my being,"

He smiled.

"Fine, I'm getting up, but you better have a barf bag, if your mother is in the suite, I will surely need it,"

She laughed and he momentarily went back to the last time a woman laughed like that around him. It surely had been a long time.

"I missed you, Bass," Serena was sincere and he knew it, but he couldn't resist mocking her once more.

"Don't they all,"

June 2009

They say your high school graduation should be the third best day of your life, beaten only by your wedding day and the birth of your child. Chuck Bass didn't know who they were, but he was sure they were in a mental institution. It was June and that meant only one thing for the seniors of St. Jude's and Constance, graduation. It meant they were finally spreading their wings, lifting off and going away from the humongous shadows of their fellow peers and their parents. It meant they were on their own. To some, it was welcomed; to others, it was dreaded. You may guess which category he fell under.

"Now, it is important that you show everyone exactly who you are out there. You are no longer the children you were when you first walked through those doors so many years ago. You are now men and women of a higher order. You are high school graduates, or at least, you will be in a few hours. Any questions?"

"Yeah, is there an open bar here? I'm gonna need some Vodka to make this day and that speech seem less shitty,"

All eyes were on him and that was the way he preferred it. He shrugged lightly and draped his arm over dear Serena's shoulders. They had somehow grown a bond in the year and a half they had been stepsiblings and although the very idea of being related to her had once repulsed him beyond belief, he was glad to have her. Especially at moments like those when she did something utterly embarrassing to make what he had done seem a little bit more reasonable.

"Blair is going to law school!" yelled the blonde and suddenly, the pressure was gone. Well, the pressure of their eyes was gone, but there was a new pressure building up inside of Chuck just hearing Blair's name. It had taken forever to revive Blair's reputation, and after all was said and done, the princess did what was completely expected of her. She found herself a brand new pushover who she could control and manipulate until she rolled over and died. Her and the new guy began dating practically the second she was back in power and they had survived until graduation, in fact, they survived for two years after, but that's not the point.

Graduation flew by in a haze of lousy speeches, fake smiles, and even faker friends. In high school, Chuck learned that the only people he could count on were himself and his family. Well, himself, his real mother, Lily, Eric, and Serena. He took his diploma, and the second he could he took off. He had spent five hours with the only thing to watch being his girl and her boyfriend. He couldn't wait to get away from them and he did the same thing he did so many months before with one minor change.

A door flew open and a bundle of arms and legs came through. Straight through the door and towards the bed with such effort that it's almost a shame the two didn't make it. A grunt escaped his lips as his back hit the ground hard. His next groan was drowned out as she captured his lips with her own once more. Maybe he shouldn't have let her drink anything. Her tongue was in his mouth soon after and, before he could even realize, he was moaning in pleasure. He hadn't felt like that in quite a while and it was surely about time. It occurred to him somewhere in between that grunt and that moan that she seemed to be in charge. Chuck Bass was always in charge. In a matter of seconds, she was on her back and he took a second to look at her. Through the alcohol, the adrenaline, and the testosterone he was able to make out two things, blonde hair and brown eyes.

April 2017

Knock after knock broke through the crisp morning air. What the hell was happening? He did not know nor did he have time to ponder it because the knocking would not stop. It was like someone was pounding on the inside of his skull and since he had been sober for little over two days now it was very odd. He stormed from his bed, into the hall, down the steps, through the kitchen, and yanked open the door, all the while the little vibrations ceased to well cease. With the door open Chuck expected to see some persistent mailman or maybe 'Lonely Boy' coming back to haunt him, but what he did not expect was what he found.

"Down here," called a small voice causing Chuck to look down. Upon looking, he found a young boy; his guess would be the age of six or seven. The boy had short, scruffy looking black hair and was looking up at him with chestnut brown eyes. His nose was, as much as Chuck hated to admit, cute and buttony. But the unmistakable adorableness of the boy did not change the fact that he had woken Chuck up at an unreasonably early hour on a Thursday.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" Chuck asked

"I'm Aaron," said the boy simply and Chuck couldn't resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"Well, of course you are! That certainly tells me loads about you," the sarcastic man droned on, "Why ever would I expect to hear more? I don't know, it's six AM on a Thursday morning in April, my only question is, why the hell are you here, on my doorstep, waking me up?"

"My mommy dropped me off,"

"Why did she do that?" asked Chuck through gritted teeth, children were not his forte especially children he didn't know who knocked on doors for five minutes straight.

"She say I can't wander the streets," replied Aaron

"But that still doesn't explain why you are here! Why aren't you with your mother, boy?"

"Because she dropped me off, don't you listen?" It seemed Chuck wasn't the only one getting frustrated.

"I heard you the first time you said that, but why did she drop you off here?"

"That's simple, why didn't you ask that?" Chuck's brow started twitching, and he couldn't help but to feel like strangling the boy. "My mommy said that I should see my daddy,"

The twitching stopped as quickly as it began and his eyes narrowed into slits. Daddy? Didn't that mean father? He was the only guy that lived here and he sure as hell didn't have any kids. He hated kids. Having one would be hypocritical.

"Well, I'm the only guy who lives here and I sure as hell am not your father. I have never once had a child and I don't plan on having any in the near future. Now if you'd please-"

"Chuck! How dare you try to send this poor boy out onto the streets! He is clearly lost and that is no way to treat a child," roared Serena pushing her brother out of the way and ushering Aaron into the household. Chuck watched through his forever tight eyes as the boy looked around with big, round eyes. The child was also clearly used to small places.

"I'm not a child, I'm a big boy," Aaron said turning to Serena

"Of course you are," cooed the blonde as she ruffled his hair affectionately. Aaron quickly jumped back as if her touch was toxic. Chuck chuckled, at least the kid had taste.

"Okay, kid, who the heck are you?" Chuck asked trying once more to figure out something worth knowing about the brat,

"I'm Aaron and I'm seven. My mommy dropped me off because she said this is where I should be right now," Aaron said with a little hint of anger in his voice. The kid, who should probably be known as Aaron, had an obvious temperament that sort of resembled a certain someone's own anger issues.

"Well, where does your mom live?" Serena asked jumping in between the two boys to stop what would surely be one of the most entertaining fights in the history of the UES.

"I dunno know,"

"You don't know where you live? Surely you'd know it if you saw it," insisted Serena but Aaron just shook his head, "do you remember the car?"

"We took a cab," Aaron said

"Damn the Upper East Side and their lack of automobiles," cursed Chuck quietly but not quietly enough

"Chuck, no cursing in front of the c-h-i-l-d," scolded Serena

"I can spell you know," Aaron said

"Right, of course you can, what's your mom's name, Aaron?"

"Um… Kalvin,"

"Kalvin? What female is named Kalvin?"

"Chuck, shut up. Does she have a last name?"


"Business? That is not a last name,"


"She say her name is Nunya Business, but her jacket say Kalvin,"

"What's your last name then?"

"Bass," replied Aaron nonchalantly

"Bass? Chuck is there something you'd like to tell me?" Serena asked turning on her brother who looked as surprised as she did.

"Not specifically," mumbled Chuck

"You have a son,"

"No, Serena, I do not. There is, however, a seven year old who claims to share my DNA,"

It was a horrible response and it got both Aaron and Serena to shake their heads at him. Serena looked a bit more pissed than anything but Aaron looked a bit confused.

"What's DNA?" he asked

"It's something you'll hear about many years from now, why don't you just go into the first room on your left, that's the kitchen, just get the old lady to fix you something to eat," Serena said shooing Aaron out of the room. Aaron walked out and once the door closed she rounded on Chuck with a look he had never seen on her face. She had the oddest smile and she looked mischievous and he knew for a fact that when she looked mischievous she was usually up to no good.

"I swear to you that kid is not mine. He's way too young to be my kid anyway, I've been a much better person since college," Chuck said

"I know, but he's seven. Chuck, remember graduation,"

Serena was smiling crazily now and Chuck knew what she was referring to but it could not be possible. It was one night and he was safe, wasn't he?

"It's not happening, Serena, this is just some cruel prank, I don't have a son," Chuck said

"Well, we better be sure. I'll get you the best lawyer money can buy," Serena said

"Best lawyer money can buy or best lawyer you can afford?"

"What's the diff?"

"The best you can afford ends up with me having some crack pot, skinny ass, junior princess, bitch who doesn't know the difference between a law suit and a suit of armor,"

"I resent that, you act like I can't do anything right,"

"Serena, you burnt down your apartment trying to make ice,"

"No, I was putting the water in the freezer and my robe caught on a candle,"

"And that sucker burned, baby, burned,"

"Well, whether that is true or not, I will be calling you a lawyer. You're going to need someone who is dedicated, hard working, intelligent, and probably not too bad on the eyes…. I know just the girl, or woman,"

Serena's eyes lit up and she risked a glance towards the phone. He saw her look and knew exactly what she was doing. Sadly, before he could stop her, she had the phone.

"Serena, call her and I swear-"

"Hey Kathy, may I please speak with Blair, it's urgent,"

And just like that, everything Chuck had worked so hard for was gone. His head hung low as he started walking back up the stairs.

"Oh, and Chuck," he turned at the sound of his name to see Serena holding onto the phone and looking at him tenderly, "Happy birthday,"


©forbiddenfiction. While everything above was written by myself, the characters (minus Aaron) and the world they live in was not. I don't own Gossip Girl or anything associated with it. I'm simply a fan with an interest in writing.