Ass Junior

Summary: If you looked up ass in the dictionary, you would without a doubt see my picture. If you looked up jerk in the phone book, you'd find my number. If you put in worst father in history on Google, I'm sure you'll have a million links to videos, pictures, and everything else. What can I say? I'm Chuck Bass, not Bill Cosby.

Author's Starting Notes: Guess what, it's finally here! Chapter Six of this story which took so fricken long. I'd like to apologize in advance for this chapter. One reason I took so long to post it was because I didn't like the way the emotions were portrayed. I don't think I really sent out the message I wanted to here, but it's something and hopefully you guys don't resent me for taking so long.

I would also like to dedicate this chapter to Blood Red Kiss of Death because I said I would forever ago and I stick with my promises. Dedicated reader and reviewer, Blood Red Kiss of Death deserves it. Hey, maybe you should review, you might get the next one dedicated to you.

Time Stamp: July 17th, 2008.

Chapter Six:

The Next Morning- Gossip Girl

R-e-s-p-e-c-t. Find out what it means to B. After a long and hard twenty-four hours in the Bass household, B was seen knocking back a few… heads. One of them being her very own King N's. Watch out, boys, looks like that kitty's claws aren't retracting anytime soon.

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

April 23rd, 2017- Bass Residence

Charles Bass had officially resigned himself to never being able to sleep in again. For all of the week thus far, he had been awoken at an ungodly hour for some idiotic reason that didn't truly have anything do with him. His problems, in his eyes, went all the way back to Nathaniel Archibald ever being born. If he hadn't been born, he wouldn't have met Blair, which would mean Chuck would have been the first boy Blair could fall for, meaning all the shit that was his fucked up life would never have happened. But there were no time for what ifs, there wasn't even enough time for him to make his miraculous hangover cure as the pounding of his skull (and the front door) grew louder and louder.

He tried to roll from the bed and found a set of arms wrapped around his waist. His patience was already gone, so, he just threw them off and stormed down the stairs. He went down the stairs to find that Serena was starting to tend to the issue. She was arguing with Nate quietly while Blair - who was obviously hung over - lay at their feet.

"Look, having her here right now is a bad idea. I know I took her in before but she can stay with you today," Serena said

"She doesn't want to. She doesn't want to stay with me at all. She doesn't love me," Nate said with pain evident in his face

"Nate," Serena stroked his face softly

"Forget it, Serena. It doesn't matter. I don't care… much. Obviously, what she wants she can't find with me. So, you just take her in and I'll file for the divorce she's probably been craving for since the moment she said 'I do'."

Nate made it painfully obvious that the two had fallen out, and the grave tone he took assured Serena that it was really over that time. Serena seemed to feel sorry for him. Sorry or not, she knew still where good friend and good sister met. She couldn't afford to piss off Chuck anymore than she already had. She lived with him for Pete's sake.

"Nate, I really can't help you here. As much as I'd love to do so, I can't," insisted Serena

"Serena," Nate looked up into her eyes, "All these years, I've thought… I never knew…. One week, Serena, just one week and I'll have everything ready. She'll be wherever and I'll be out of your hair. No more calls, no more emails, and no more text messages,"

"Whoa, you two have been chatting?" Chuck asked stepping forward

"Not like that, Chuck. About Blair, the two have been having issues for the past year. I can't tell you the amount of damage control I've done. I thought it was just Blair being Blair but…. Chuck, we have to let her stay another day, or four," Serena said

"No, I refuse to put up with her any longer. Get her out of here!" Chuck roared, Serena looked at Nate and Blair cautiously before dragging Chuck closer to the stairs

"Your only problem is that she's still with Nate," Serena hissed lightly

"Not for long by the looks of it," Chuck said with a hint of smugness

"Chuck, just let her stay and I will find someway to make it up to you," Serena said

"The only way you could do that would be to ensure that you'll move out by the end of the year," Chuck said

"But… for Blair, for Blair, fine! I will move out by December 31st," Serena said

"Alright, then, she can stay," Chuck said, Serena quickly went to get Blair from the couch, "But keep her the hell away from me and my stuff,"

"Done. Nate, mind giving me a hand?" Serena asked, Nate shook his head and the two went off to bring Blair upstairs. Chuck went into the kitchen to prepare yet another miraculous hangover cure. He was midway through a second batch of the disgusting green goo when Serena came into the kitchen with her 'forgive me' face on.

"Chuck, can I just say how great of a person you are?" Serena began

"You can but it will make me significantly suspicious as to why the heck you are doing so," Chuck said

"It's just, I was a horrible person to you earlier. I brought up old memories of heartache and pain yet you still agreed to help me by taking in Blair for the week," Serena

"Wait, week?"

"Time is irrelevant. I really want to thank you for all you have done and maybe you can forgive me for what I've done,"

"Consider it done," Chuck said knowing he'd have no peace without agreeing

"Great because, well, I need one last favor," Chuck groaned, she continued on, "To make sure Blair doesn't do something else she'll regret, I need to keep my eye on her, meaning I need to shirk my babysitting duties for the day. So, can you watch Aaron?"

The temptation to yell no and kick the blonde out of his house was very high. Chuck wanted nothing more than to do so. He knew he couldn't though. Aaron truly was his responsibility. He was his son after all. Reluctantly, Chuck agreed to yet another request of Serena van der Woodsen.

It took at least two hours for Chuck to feel well enough to brave the mentally traumatizing experience that was a seven-year-old boy. He prepped himself in all aspects of his persona ranging from the 'don't-mess-with-me' to the 'Charlie-the-unicorn' faces. No amount of prep could have prepared him for what it was he found though.

April 23rd, 2017- Somewhere that I won't tell you

"There you are, where on Earth have you been?"


"Where? Were you at that orphanage again?"

"Yes, Mother,"

"What were you doing?"

"What do you think I was doing? I was seeing him,"

"If I would have known you'd still spend so much time stalking the boy, I would have just let you keep him,"

"No, you wouldn't have. You would have just put him further away where I couldn't find him as easily,"

"True…. So, how does he look?"

"Like his father,"

"And who pray tell is that?"

"No one you need to know, Mother,"

"I still feel it would be important to know who the father of my grandson is,"

"And I still feel that it's not something you need to know. Just know he's someone… different,"

"As in good different or bad different?"

"As in between the two of us, I'm surprised Aaron isn't more fucked up than he already is,"

"What color is his hair?"

"Dark. Why even ask? It obviously wouldn't be blonde. Just because I dyed my hair doesn't mean his would be that way,"

"You never know, he may have gotten my genes and had lighter hair,"

"Yeah, and his dad is probably throwing a party now,"

"Why wouldn't he? It's not like you… oh, God, tell me you didn't! Gosh, Nicky!"

"It's not as bad as you make it out to be, Mom,"

"How did this even happen?"

"Well, I could take it back to when he first noticed I was there two years ago,"

March 2015 - The Orphanage

There was a rule at the Orphanage down on Silcox Boulevard. It was a law that all the kids knew forwards and backwards. The big kids were in charge. You could be the cutest baby at the center but you couldn't go down to the adoption meetings without getting approval first. Approval wasn't something that easily came by. Most kids spent years where they had to purposely screw up just because the big kids wanted a chance at getting out. Aaron was not most kids. He usually screwed up his own damn self, so, he was always at the interviews. There was something different about that specific free day. The little five-year-old could feel it in his bones, like something special was about to happen. He could feel eyes on him and turned around to find the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen in his life.

She had soft golden curls and an even fainter smile. She seemed to be studying him from beneath the rim of her expensive Coach sunglasses. As if pulled by an invisible force, Aaron Jacob Bass found himself before her within moments of recognizing her presence.

"Hi, Lady," he said waving his hand energetically at her

"Hello," she said almost apprehensively

"I'm Aaron, who are you?" he asked

"I'm… Nunya, Nunya Business," she said

"Otay… why you here?"

"Just came to see you actually,"


"Because it's kind of a habit now,"


"Because I always come to see you,"


"Because then I can make sure you're still alive,"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're at an orphanage,"


"Because your mother couldn't keep you,"


"Because her mother is a bitch,"


"I don't know! Gosh, stop asking questions,"

Aaron looked downcast and the blonde immediately cursed her short temper. She survived a PMSing Blair Waldorf; she could certainly handle a five-year-old boy.

"Aaron, do you ever wish to meet your mommy?" she asked

"Yes," he said lightly

"What if I told you, you already have?" she asked

"I'd say you're a liar," he said

"Well… I'm your mommy," she said


"Yuh-huh! I've been your mother for five years now, little boy,"

"If so, what's my birthday?"


"Lucky guess,"

"Look, Aaron, I just came to see you and say happy birthday. I'll be going now,"

"Wait! Where you going? Aren't I coming too?"

The blonde looked at her son, self-loathing and pure regret coursing through.

"No. No, you aren't," she said

"But why not?" he asked as tears welled in his eyes

"I'm not ready. I can't take you back, I'm sorry. But I can give you something,"

She reached into her bag - it was a duffle bag - and pulled out a small backpack. She handed it to him and lowered herself to his eye level.

"This is a magic backpack. It lets you hold more stuff than any other, and, it has a picture holder," she said

"I don't see it," he said, she turned it over revealing a small section where she had a picture taped. It was pretty hard to find unless you knew it was there. He looked at the picture with wide eyes. It was her, but she looked all sweaty and she was holding a baby in her arms.

"That's you," she pointed at the baby, "It was taken the day you were born,"

Seeing that his eyes wouldn't leave the picture, she decided it was okay for her to start walking away. It wasn't.

"Mommy," her breath caught in her throat as he called her that. She didn't think she'd ever hear anyone refer to her as mommy, "Why don't you love me anymore?"

"What do you mean, Aaron?" she asked, her back still to him

"You leaveded me here and now, you're doing it again,"

"That doesn't mean I don't love you. I do. I really do. I'm not supposed to, I was supposed to give you up, I mean, after all, how many Upper East Side teenagers do good raising children, right? I was so messed up. I wasn't on a good path and…. I'm sorry you think that, Aaron."

"So, you do love me?"

"With all my heart,"

"What about my daddy? Do you love him?"

"…. Good-bye, Aaron,"

She turned away from him and started walking. He called after her screaming mommy left and right. He even chased after her and tried to grab hold of her arm, her leg, anything. It didn't work. She wouldn't stop. In fact, she went faster. She started sprinting out of the small home and towards a waiting cab. She slipped inside and looked at her young son with tears in her eyes. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to be anyone but herself.

Present Day - Bass Residence

Chuck stared on silently listening as Aaron went on speaking. It seemed the little boy knew more than he let on.

"Mommy said she loved me, Teddy. She just couldn't take me with her," Aaron said, "I don't think she loved Chuck though. …No, teddy, he told me to call him that. He said until a D-M-K test was done, he wouldn't say I'm his son,"

Chuck looked down shamefully.

"No, it's okay. I just hoped the D-M-K test will come soon. I want a daddy who'll love me like mommy does. You'd really like her. She's pretty. Her hair like Auntie Serena's but more brownish. She's not as small as Blair, but not as tall as Serena either. She not happy though. Her eyes are always sad and gray…. I don't like gray that much,"

Chuck felt kind of like he was intruding on the time, but he couldn't move. He was lost in thoughts. Who did he know with gray eyes? Most of the time the gray was some kind of light blue, pale green, something of the sort. He couldn't think of any girls with eyes like that. He needed to know more.

"Aaron," he said pushing open the closet door - yes, the boy was inside a closet.

"Yes?" Aaron said looking up from his teddy bear

"I was wondering if we could talk about your mom," Chuck said

"I was just telling Teddy about her!" Aaron exclaimed happily, "Sit down,"

Chuck obliged looking with interest, as Aaron seemed to be communicating with the stuffed animal telepathically. Interest dwindled away with time and impatience came in its place.

"Aaron, hello," Chuck said

"Oh, hi! Teddy says you make him nervous. So, you have to be quiet, or Teddy won't talk," Aaron said

"But the teddy doesn't-never mind, I'll be quiet," Chuck said, Aaron smiled

"Well, Mommy is really nice. She took me from the orphanage and brought me here. First we got in a taxi, but then she saw she only had gold and silver rectangles and no money. So, she got out and gaved him the little green monies. Then we was walking. She was holding my hand the entire time to make sure nothing happened. We stopped to eat food and she was wearing big sunglasses. We talked when there about lots of stuff. Then her phone rang. She gots really mad," Aaron said

"Phone? She had a phone? What kind?" Chuck asked, Aaron gave him a look and Chuck remembered the bear.

"She started like yelling into the blue phone, but quietly so no one could hear. She called the lady she was talking to Mother, but, one time, she called her Tina just to piss her off," Aaron said

"Where did you hear that language?" Chuck asked

"Her. Mommy says after that she only calls her mommy Tina to piss her off. Now, shush, you're scaring Teddy. … What now, Teddy? Oh, yeah. Mommy and Tina kept arguing until Mommy just hung up on her! Then Mommy paid for our foods and dragged me out of there. We went to a hotel after that 'cause it was nighttime. She tucked me in and I asked her to tell me a bedtime story. She told me a story about a ducky and a wolf. The ducky had a messed up wing from a life of guava-"

"I think you mean trauma," Chuck corrected

"Yeah, trauma. The ducky was coming from a far away kingdom to the one here, the Palace. It was going by when it seent the wolf, all sad and lonely. The ducky went over to talk it. And do you know what the wolf did?" Aaron asked looking at his bear and Chuck

"Let me guess, it offered the duck some magic juice," Chuck proposed

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Aaron asked, Chuck smirked slightly

"Lucky guess," Chuck said.

June 2008 - Palace Bar

"Blair this, Blair that, I am so fricken' sick of that stupid, little bitch!" Chuck snarled to no one in particular as he sat on his usual stool at his dad's bar. That day, they weren't really expecting a Chuck Bass breakdown. It was graduation day after all. Yet, there he was ranting and raving to his imaginary bar buddy while he downed his weight in liquor. They'd card him if they didn't think they'd lose their jobs for doing so. It was nights like those that the Palace staff really missed Blair Waldorf. She had the ability to keep him away from the bar for months at a time, but also the ability to keep him there.

Chuck ordered another scotch moodily complaining about how slow the service was that night. In reality, they had drinks right opposite where he sat in preparation. He didn't catch that though. The only he caught was the looks of the passing females as they saw how handsome he was. He wouldn't do anything with any of them. He already knew that. He'd tried a little while after his dad's wedding to sleep with their new interior designer, but he'd ended up actually to the chick about interior designs. How fucked up is that, America?

The sound of female body on stool brought Chuck away from his thoughts. He could always tell when someone joined his company. He turned his head to the left spotting a teen, who looked no older than himself, watching him closely.

"Can I help you?" Chuck asked

"Not really, but I can help you," she said

"Look, I'm not in the mood for any whack sex you can offer, alright. You can hit the streets if that's what you're after," he said

"Whoa, slow down, tiger. I'm not after some one night stand. I just saw you looking pretty down and felt like I should talk to you. It's the least a girl could do," she said. Chuck looked her over judging every aspect of the girl. Her make-up was pretty bare, obviously the slut look was to be saved for another night. Her hair, while beautiful in blonde, looked a bit off to him. He figured she'd look better with dark brown hair. But maybe that was just the part of him that wanted Blair talking. Her eyes were brown, however, they were vacant of any expression. Almost as if she was missing her soul. He wasn't quite sure what possessed him to do so, but he soon found himself ordering her a drink.

"Oh, I-I don't drink," she said quickly once he proposed it

"Then why the hell are you in a bar?" he asked

"Just passing through. I'm just in town for today, then it's back to Michigan," she said

"Why'd you choose to honor our little isle?" he asked as the bartender dropped off her drink

"Felt like home to me, haven't been here in ages though. I actually used to know you," she said

"Why'd you say used to? Don't you still know me?" he asked

"Buddy boy, I haven't known you since like before senior year even began, and even then it was a fleeting relationship. Didn't really care to know much more about you, moved on to other things, other people. And eventually, other places," she said

"Interesting," he said, "Here, drink up,"

He pushed the drink towards her and she just looked at it with abnormally pale features. He found her behavior peculiar and instantly downed a shot as if to show her how. She looked even more hesitant as she saw him much he was drinking himself. After a bit more persuasion, she took the drink and threw her head back to make it go down smooth. It burned her throat in a way nothing had in quite some time. She felt it hit her gut almost as if it soared right through the digestive track. She knew it was probably a bad idea, but she ordered another one. After only one more, she was fumbling around on her chair talking about dancing on tables and running away from all bonds. Chuck, who wasn't nearly as hammered but still a bit tipsy himself, mentioned how little he knew about her. To which she replied,

"Baby, you know a lot about me. The thing is I don't know much about you," she said quite drunkenly slurring her words as she placed a hand on his lower knee

"I'm a Bass, that's all there is to know," he said

"Well, I'm smokin' hot and that's all there is to know about me," she said grabbing one of his shots of scotch and knocking it back

"Hey, that was mine," he declared, she shrugged

"It was good. You should try one," she said

"I know what I want to try," he said

"What?" she asked leaning closer already having a pretty good idea what he wanted. He smirked and grabbed the other shot in front of him draining it in seconds. Then he rushed forward attacking her lips brutally. She didn't pull back, or freeze up, like most. She embraced it kissing him back hard. He wasn't sure why but something about her seemed a bit too familiar. Probably some ancient fling of his. Yet something in the back of his head told him she might have been more than that.

Present Day - Same unmentionable place as before

"Look, Mom, if you don't want to put up with my tortured soul. Why not just let me do what I want and stop keeping tabs on me?" she asked angrily

"Because I'm not going to lose my daughter!"

"You already lost her! I'm not your daughter. I'm just some replacement you and a few hundred other people created when your daughter bored you,"

"Trust me, darling, you never bored me. You were about as boring as a tornado ripping through Broadway,"

"How lovely, New York is mentioned!"

"Honey, I'm not trying to pick a fight,"

"Well, too late!"

The blonde rose from her seat storming to the door.

"Where are you going?" her mother roared

"New York!"

Gossip Girl

Uh-Oh, Upper East Siders. Looks like what I said before was more than right. I managed to catch sight of a pretty lonely looking Archibald man today. Something tells me we might be having a repeat of the C/B fiasco from junior year. A nosy gossip could only hope.

XOXO, GossipGirl

Author's Ending Notes: Well, guys, I said a name for MysteryChick this chapter, not like it helps much. And, I even brought her inside the chapter this time. If you think you know who she is, make a guess. From here on out, guesses for who the mom is will be accepted. All those who get it right will get honorable mention awards at the end of this fic. Which I must say is a ways from now with how long I took to right this. I promise that will not happen again guys. I was just so out of it and distracted by other stuff. So, review if you're still reading.


© Dezi. While everything above was written by myself, the characters, and the world they live in was not. I don't own Gossip Girl, The Upper East Side, or anything else. I only own dear Aaron. Sorry for any confusion.