by thatreevesgirl/Lemon Drops (both me)
Author's Notes: Cracky humorous romance. Please do not take this fic seriously, it isn't meant to be so.
Gaara waited patiently in Tsunade's office for the Hokage to go over the new revision of their villages' treaty. He didn't mind passing time with daydreaming. Gaara daydreamed a lot when he was in his own office, so this was no different. At the desk to his left was a very busy looking assistant named Shizune, and to his right was Sakura, Naruto's teammate and love interest.
"So," Sakura whispered quietly at the Kazekage, "You have to tell me what is going on with Shikamaru and your sister."
Tsunade eyed her young apprentice warningly. The Hokage assumed such questions would annoy the Kazekage, but in reality, Gaara enjoyed studying the people around him. He had even begun forging new bonds from the things he learned. He and Sakura, for instance, had become fairly good friends. Their friendship started when she had saved his brother from Sasori, and had assisted in saving him as well. Gaara liked the idea of friendship, and though it was a difficult path for him, he tried his best to forge new and better bonds with the people he was acquainted with.
This was what led Gaara to his new hobby. Deciphering what caused people to become close with one another. He could spend hours pondering relationships. The idea of friendship and companionship intrigued him. Gaara also liked discussing what he observed. So talking about it with people like Sakura seemed natural. He didn't really understand how he'd become the source for much of the rumor mill in Suna in all actuality. Gaara was a quiet and allusive gossip, but a gossip none the less.
"I'm not sure," he told Sakura, speaking about Temari and Shikamaru. "They are very secretive."
Sakura giggled and shook her head. "I bet they are just hiding it from you. You are her brother after all, and the Kazekage. I'm sure Shikamaru considers the whole thing troublesome."
Gaara's brows perked as he considered Sakura's words. He very slightly cocked his head to one side and then nodded at her. "Probably. I have been very protective of Temari in the past." Gaara folding his hands carefully in his lap, then looked over at Sakura again. "And you? I hear that you are going to Naruto's for dinner tonight?"
Sakura looked a bit shocked by his words, like they were unexpected or wrong. "Naruto's place? Well, we always eat together on Tuesdays, but tonight I have a date."
Gaara's brow rose again, curiously, because he distinctly remembered Naruto telling him all about the special dinner he'd planned for Sakura that evening. His face quirked into a questioning look, and then waited for Sakura to explain.
"Since Kankurou's in town," Sakura said blushing, "We…" Sakura let her voice trail off.
Gaara understood. The puzzle was falling into place. He had remembered his brother mentioning something about a Leaf Kunoichi he had started dating, but Gaara never thought that woman was Sakura. This was bad, even he knew that. Naruto must not have been clear enough with his intentions, because Sakura had been stolen away right under his friend's nose.
"I must have forgotten to cancel tonight," Sakura mumbled. "Darn, I was sure I had. Gaara, would you do me a favor?"
Gaara's eyes lit up curiously as he gave her a slight nod.
"Do you think you could go over to Naruto's and tell him I'm busy tonight? I don't have time after my shift, and if I don't let him know at all, he probably won't speak to me for a week. Besides, then the two of you can go have a guy's night out instead. He won't be left completely high and dry."
Gaara watched as Sakura gave him a shy smile and then he took in a long breath. Naruto probably won't want to talk to you, me, or my brother for at least a week, Gaara thought to himself, but answered, "Yes, I can do that."
Sakura looked very relieved and ripped a piece of paper out of her notebook. Her pen made haste as she scribbled down a note for Naruto as quickly as she could. Thrusting it over to the Kazekage, she practically beamed. "Have fun, Gaara," she told him with a smirk.
Gaara wasn't sure about that. Something told him that Naruto was going to be pretty mopey this evening.
Naruto had just finished setting up the final touches to his apartment when someone gently knocked on his door. He smirked as he glanced over the elaborately romantic set up he had made for himself and Sakura. It was just right—candles, expensive takeout, a dozen roses in his hand, and even a box of her favorite peach flavored candy. This was the night he was going to tell Sakura how he really felt, and hopefully it was also the night Sakura would fall head over heels in love with him.
The sound of knocking came again, a bit more insistent than the last time. "Coming," Naruto shouted at the door, unable to contain the wide, cheesy grin on his face. She was going to be so surprised. This was perfect! Rushing to the door, roses in hand, Naruto opened it and struck what he thought was the most incredibly handsome pose any shinobi could muster.
"Hello, Naruto," Gaara said as he was suddenly greeted with a bouquet of roses thrust in his face.
This was not who or what Naruto had been expecting. He gaped at his Suna friend, mouth open wide as he tried to figure out what to say. Naruto quickly took back the flowers and released the manly pose he'd been attempting. "Gaara, what are you doing here? You know I have my big night with Sakura soon."
Gaara pushed past Naruto and sauntered right into the blond's apartment. "Sakura asked me to give you a message," he told Naruto. "She asked me to let you know that she has a date tonight and is unable to attend your normal Tuesday night dinner together."
"Wha…what?" the other man nearly screeched. Naruto's shoulders slumped and his normally bright eyes dimmed as he processed what Gaara was saying. Gaara wasted no time in giving his friend the note Sakura had written, which confirmed that what the Kazekage was saying was indeed true.
"No! Tonight was supposed to be a special surprise. Who in the hell is she going out with on a Tuesday? Who the hell dates on Tuesday?" Naruto growled.
"You were going to have a date tonight," Gaara reminded him. He waited for a minute and added an almost silent, "Kankurou," as an afterthought.
Naruto's brows quirked together in confusion, "Your brother? What does any of this have to do with your brother?"
"He's dating Sakura," Gaara answered.
Naruto wasn't known for being able to hold his temper, it was almost as infamous as he was. So as the blond stomped around the room, Gaara just sat in the chair reserved for Sakura and let Naruto have his tantrum. He munched on some of the appetizers as he waited for his friend to calm down. Gaara was biting down on a rather delectable crab puff when he realized Naruto was glaring daggers at him.
"Don't blame me for this," he said with his mouth full. Gaara licked his thumb and leaned back in the chair. "You're the one who wasn't clear with her about your feelings."
"And your brother is the one who stole my girlfriend!" Naruto hissed.
Gaara couldn't believe how incredulous Naruto was being. He returned the scathing glare for a minute, and then returned to eating crab puffs. "She isn't your girlfriend, Naruto."
Naruto almost choked on his anger. He knew Sakura wasn't his girlfriend…yet. That was why he had put almost a month's worth of his salary into this one evening. He wanted to woo his teammate into being his. "Those," Naruto ground out, trying to take the plate away from Gaara unsuccessfully, "Are for Sakura."
"Who isn't coming, so I guess it doesn't matter who eats them," Gaara replied coolly. He didn't let himself get caught up in Naruto's fury, he remained impassive and just kept on eating in lieu of arguing.
Naruto was known for his stubbornness, so it wasn't a surprise to the Kazekage when Naruto seated himself across from Gaara and narrowed his eyes menacingly at the redhead. He didn't move from that position for a whole ten minutes. By that time Gaara had managed to work his way from appetizers and hors d'oeuvres to a glass of wine and the first course.
"I hate you," Naruto finally grumbled. He slouched his shoulders dejectedly and grabbed a slice of bread from the basket on the table. Shoving most of it into his mouth, he chewed slowly and rolled his eyes when he caught Gaara watching him curiously.
"You'll find someone else," Gaara told him casually, as if Naruto's crush on Sakura hadn't encompassed the blond's entire lovelife for the last five years. The Kazekage was drawing this from the vast knowledge he'd gained while watching people. He was positive it was true.
"Sure, when pigs fly," Naruto whined and balled up Sakura's note and sent it flying at Gaara's head. Paper wasn't exactly something that triggered Gaara's sand defense, so it thwacked him softly right between the eyes and bounced into the salad he had been enjoying. Naruto chuckled, "Beating you up via candlelight, there's something wrong about that."
Throwing paper balls at him was far from "beating him up," but Gaara made no attempt to dispute Naruto's logic. He did, however, take notice of the room's ambience as he continued the meal he'd procured from his unwilling friend. It was nice, and what many considered romantic. The sun had already gone down, so it was dark in the apartment other than the spattering of tiny flames throughout the room. The candles gave off a muted glow which seemed to soften Naruto's handsome features. Gaara couldn't help the embarrassed flush of heat which crept across his cheeks.
Naruto also noticed it almost immediately. "What the…why the hell are you blushing?" he criticized sharply, crinkling his nose as he studied Gaara's face. As much as he didn't want it to, Gaara's blushing caused some kind of chain reaction and Naruto's face quickly followed suit.
"You're blushing too!" Gaara told his friend angrily.
"I am not!" Naruto blurted out, knowing it was a lie. The two of them were completely red, sharing a candlelight dinner, and suddenly they both realized how truly strange it seemed. Naruto almost had a conniption when he looked over at the reddened Kazekage and thought how cute his friend looked when flushed. "Oh crap," he whispered under his breath.
"Oh crap what?" Gaara threw back at him, a hard line drawn across the kage's mouth. Now Naruto wouldn't even look him in the eye, let alone speak to him. "Naruto, explain yourself."
Gaara was a much less violent person since the removal of the demon inside of him, but every now and again the remaining residual temper of his younger years would flare up and exert itself. Naruto rubbed his temples slowly with one hand, and when he finally looked up at Gaara he witnessed the angry scowl of the Kazekage.
"Oh shit, can this night get any worse," Naruto moaned, laying his head down on the empty plate in front of him. This had gone from Naruto's romantic dream to some horrifically wrong nightmare. Why him? He mumbled incoherencies into his plate and then looked up and saw Gaara was watching him and still blushing. This was about the point where all hell broke loose.
"Stop blushing like that!"
"I'm not blushing."
"Yes, you are!"
"No, I'm not."
"Trust me, you are."
"Why in the hell would it matter if I was?" Gaara finally gritted out through his tightly clenched teeth and jaw.
"Because you look cute when you do it!" Naruto accidentally admitted.
Then there was silence.
And then more silence.
Lots and lots and lots of silence.
If a person could be killed by awkward silence, both Gaara and Naruto would have been dead a hundred times over. It was finally broken when Naruto griped, "This is why I need a girlfriend, this is why I need to get laid."
Gaara looked at the door and considered leaving, but at this point, was there anything that could make the night worse? No, not really, so he might as well enjoy the nice pot roast Naruto had ordered from the most expensive restaurant in Konoha. He helped himself and slowly chewed the food, not taking his eyes off of his friend.
"You're never going to let me live this down, are you Gaara?" Naruto asked as he stabbed a chunk of meat with his fork and shoved it in his mouth.
"I'm not cute."
"Yeah, well back when we were genin, I never pictured you as the heroic and selfless Kazekage of Suna either, but you are. Weirder shit has happened." Now Naruto stabbed a potato and chomped on it for a bit, still put off by everything that had occurred that evening. "Gaara, what in the hell is happening?"
Gaara took a small bite and ate it rather daintily. Not girlish, but rather with the very well-practiced etiquette of a foreign dignitary. He had impeccable manners, Naruto noted, and then realized that his eyes were focused completely on Gaara's mouth. He couldn't tear his eyes away from it. When Gaara swallowed and started to speak, Naruto was mesmerized by the plump, pink lips of his friend's attractive mouth. He must have been harder up for a girlfriend than he thought, because he was daydreaming about his male friend's mouth.
"Naruto," Gaara spoke sharply. "Did you hear anything I said?"
Naruto shook his head without any verbal response. His eyes were still oddly transfixed on Gaara. Once again, instead of listening to Gaara, Naruto took off into his world of daydreams. This time he couldn't help but notice how slight Gaara's frame was beneath his kage robe, and how his darkly lined, jade eyes seemed to shine brightly in the candlelight. Naruto also noted the soft spikes of curled, red hair which were parted just slightly to reveal the kanji on Gaara's forehead.
Gaara had just finished lecturing his friend again, and like before Naruto hadn't heard a word. There was a frustrated look on Gaara's face, but that was quickly swallowed by surprise as Naruto reached across the table, wrapped a strong hand behind his neck, and pulled the two of them together, crushing his mouth to Kazekage's. It was shocking to the Sand leader. Gaara tried to remain still until Naruto stopped kissing him. He waited, but the more the kiss slowed and became tender, the harder it was to deny. Naruto's mouth worked slowly against his, and finally urged Gaara to kiss back.
Gaara had never been kissed or experienced anything like it before. He'd seen other people do it and he'd read books on the subject, but he'd never attempted something this intimate himself. He had expected to find kissing another man to be nothing short of unpleasant, but with Naruto it was…gratifying, perhaps even addictive. The Kazekage moaned lowly into Naruto's mouth. Naruto responded by winding his hand in the hair on the back of Gaara's head and pulling him to a standing position. Once standing, Naruto and Gaara's kiss turned heated as the Kazekage's shorter, lithe body was pressed fully against Naruto's.
This feels…wonderful, Gaara thought to himself as Naruto pushed a warm tongue into his mouth. Then he realized exactly what he was doing. He was standing and kissing another man while that man stuck his tongue halfway down Gaara's throat. It might have felt great, but Gaara still had his hang-ups, so he pushed gently against Naruto's chest until the kiss broke off and the two of them stood eyeing one another with one another's hands still loosely gripping a hip or a neck or gently pressed on a chest.
"What was that?" Naruto asked breathlessly.
"I don't know. You were the one who kissed me," Gaara replied. The awkward silence returned, and Gaara stayed in Naruto's embrace for a moment before moving away. "I…should go," he finally responded.
"Yeah, you probably should," Naruto told his friend. That was the end of the discussion and the dinner, not another word was said as Gaara walked out the door.
(eight months later)
Naruto was trying it all again. He had candles lit throughout the room, some soft music playing in the background, great food from a local eatery set out on plates, and a single rose in his left hand. He was going to get this dating thing right if it killed him. It was five minutes before his date was to arrive and he was done setting up. It was a good thing he got done early, because there was a knock at the door not a second later.
Running over to it, Naruto plastered the sexiest smile he could on his face and prepared his handsome manly pose for when he opened the door. He turned the knob and thrust the rose out as he stood there gallantly, looking as though he expected a hello kiss. Instead, there was a smiling pink-haired kunoichi waiting for him, and she held up a bottle of very expensive wine in her hand.
"Sakura, I didn't think you'd actually make it!" Naruto exclaimed happily, taking the bottle of wine inside and setting it in the ice bucket to chill.
"Well, you told me to bring you some good wine from my aunt's vineyard, did you think I'd let you down?" she asked with a smile.
"It was already so late, and I didn't think you'd be able to tear yourself away from Kankurou long enough to bring it to me."
"Silly, Naruto," she told him. Then she grabbed his wrist and pulled him down to her height so she could give him a small peck on the cheek. "Have fun tonight, and play nicely. I swear one of these days you and your boyfriend are going to cause a diplomatic incident."
"Nah, Gaara and I are fine," he told her with a smile. "Maybe I'll even get lucky tonight."
"Woo him hard, Naruto," she told him with a wink as she left, giggling all the way. As she walked out the door, a nervous looking Kazekage walked in, holding a package of intensely spicy instant ramen. It was a commonplace variety in Suna, but rather rare in Konoha. It was a perfect gift for a hotheaded blond with a penchant for ramen.
Naruto smirked and took the package out of Gaara's hands and kissed him for all he was worth, then the two of them sat down to a romantic dinner date.
Author's Notes: Ha! I almost tricked ya, didn't I? XD I hope you liked the cheesy little story. It really had no point, but sometimes it is just fun to read fluff.