They Want Me to What his What

We need an attempt at comedy.  And here it is that I offer….and attempt.

I own nothing except for a few souls…and this story, of course.

PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!  It'll make or break my day.

They Want Me to What his What?!?

"Now, if you need any help whatsoever, you just let me know." 

"All right Beast, and thank you again." 

"I'll just be down in the lab, but if you feel the slightest hesitation-" 

Storm let out a laugh as she walked Beast to the door.  "Beast, really, it's all right.  I think I can handle it, but thanks for your concern." 

With Beast fully out of the room, Storm quickly shut the door and locked it.  She didn't want to be interrupted.  She had a new toy to play with.  The orange Apple computer looked out of place in Storm's attic room, the modem looking absolutely ridiculous next to her wooden fertility goddess collection, but she didn't care.

Earlier that morning, after she had finished swallowing her last bite of oatmeal, and pride, she had made the startling announcement: she was going to buy a computer that afternoon, and had all intentions of learning how to use it. 

After she had wiped the last flecks of chewed up Frosted Flakes from her hair, thanks to Bobby's more than surprised response, she listened to what her teammates had to say. 

"A computer?  Sugah, are you sure what one of those things are?" 

"You *laugh* on a *laugh*  computer?  Oh, just think of all the porn you'll have!" 

"Bobby!" 

"What?  Women have urges too…or so I'm told." 

"Listen, Ro, darlin, do you really need a computer?  It's a bit odd." 

"A bit odd? Stormy, you be wit' de devil's child or someting'." 

"Which very well might explain her need for pornography." 

"BOBBY!" 

Ororo cleared her throat.  "Really it's not that big of a deal.  I can afford one, and I do believe it's high time I bought one.  The Goddess needs to get in touch with technology."

And now here she was, with technology staring her strait in the face.  With the push of a button, she black screen stumbled to life, as her harddrive began making all sorts of beeping noises.  Ororo's smile grew larger as the screen came into focus.  Step One was completed; she had managed to turn it on without blowing it up. 

Hmm, what should I do first?  Beast did say that he hooked me up to the internet…I guess I'll do a little surfing…oh, look at me, already using the lingo! 

Clicking her internet ready icon, she found herself on the web.  I guess I should create an email address first.  Jubilee had told her that hotmail.com was a pretty decent email provider, so Storm first went there. 

Ok, let's see…Ororo@hotmail.com sounds fine.  She typed that in as her new address and waited for approval.  A small box popped up on the screen.  "We're sorry, but that name is currently in use.  Please try again." 

I didn't know that there were that many Ororo's out there.  Oh well, I'll just uses Ororo_munroe . 

"We're sorry, but that name is currently in use.  Please try again." 

"What?  Someone took my name?"  She clicked on the "More Options" box, and soon another dialog box popped up. 

"Here are alternative choices to choose from:  Ororo_munroe3902, Ororo_munroe3903, Ororo_munroe3904…" 

"There are that many of me?  What in the name of the Goddess?" 

She entered and reentered names for the better part of half an hour, windrider, Ororo_the_windrider, goddess_Ororo, storm_goddess, Ororo_storm, but to he dismay, all were taken.  She threw her hands up in frustration as thunder rumbled in the sky.  This was ridiculous.  Every plausible name that she could think of was taken, except for… "I guess I'm ros_not_a_ho@hotmail.com," she mumbled to herself as she regretfully signed on. 

Why do so many people have my name on their email addresses?  Although I'm sure there are some Ororo Munroe's out there, I thought I was the only weather goddess.  Just then, a faint voice in the back of Storm's mind called out to her.  It was a memory she had of Jubilee, snapping her gum and talking with Kitty. 

"So, yeah, I like, totally needed to know what was up with that Backstreet Boy going into rehab and junk, so I just went to atlavista.com and typed it in, and it turns out that he's in rehab because he's gay and junk or something!" 

"Hmm…search engines. Maybe that'll give me a clue about why my name is so popular." 

Ororo quickly typed in the new address and soon found herself there at no time.  Here goes nothing.  Her smooth fingers hurriedly picked out the letters from the keyboard that spelled her name.  She guided her mouse and clicked enter, her breath catching in her throat as she waited for what was to come. 

"We have found five hundred and seventy-nine matches so far-" 

"WHAT THE HELL?" 

The screen was full of her name, links to pictures of her, everything that Ororo had ever imagined that could be used to invade her private life was staring her in the face.  She clicked on one of the links. 

"By the Goddess, what is fan fiction?"

 Her blinking screen revealed to her a fan fiction story, about none other than the weather witch.  Ororo's blue eyes narrowed in rage as she read on. 

"Logan's sentence was cut short as Ororo's lips melded with his.  She tasted like mint to him.  Her large lips, full and pouty, began greedily devouring what she claimed as hers, what had been hers for the last few months.  And Logan, being a gentleman in this certain area, was only too happy to oblige in her sudden surge of sexual desire.  Her lips began working his, up and down, back and forth, in such earnest and fervent passion that Logan began feeling aroused almost immediately.  Storm felt it too, and had a hard time suppressing a smile as she felt his "fleshiest limb" grow thick at her waist."

   "His 'fleshiest limb'?  What the hell was the lame ass bitch thinking!  Ohh, she's definitely a virgin." 

Ororo continued to read, her eyes and her mouth penning wider with each line.  "THEY WANT ME TO WHAT HIS WHAT??" 

***************************************************

"Hey, Bobby, hand me the remote." 

"Hell no, Jubilee, I told you, we're not changing it 'til we finish watching Smackdown." 

Jubilee frowned and sat down on the couch next to Bobby.  "Well, then at least give me some of your popcorn."  The metal bowl was quickly passed as Jubilee reached down to grab a handful.  The cool, blue light of the TV filled the room as both teens were engulfed by the Rock and his sexy dominion. 

"Hey, Bobby, how do you think Storm's doing with her new computer?" 

There was a muffled scram, reverberating from upstairs, the sound of broken glass and a flash of lightening.  A blur of orange electronics flew past the window and landed with a dull thud on the grass.  A mouse and tower soon followed, with thunder rumbling in the distance. 

"Oh, Jubes, I'd say things are going fairly well." 

A fiery printer fell from the sky, landing in a nearby tree and setting the brittle leaves on fire. 

"As well as can be expected."

TBC when I have a little bit more time….have patience and REVIEW, PLEASE!!!!