Ah, first oneshot of 2008!
This oneshot is more or less an experiment for Circles. No, they aren't related, but I'm messing around with different kinds of tone in dialogue and narration. And as you read on, the tone here is clearly very casual and slang-like. But hey, this is Antithesis Link that's narrating, so no surprises there. So you can expect dialogue in Circles to be more dynamic than it's been in my previous stories. At least that's what I'm hoping for.
I do not own The Legend of Zelda.
Seducing Miss Perfect
I never knew saying, "I love you" would be so hard. But then again, I'm a guy. I think it's written into our genes that we guys can't confess our emotions properly.
I've been going out with this girl at my college, Zelda Harkinian, for a few months now. Neither of us have said, "I love you" to each other in that time. Word on the street is that she's waiting for me to say it first. At least that's her friends are telling me.
"Hey Link!" They say, tapping me on the shoulder. "Have you told her yet?"
"Tell who what?" I'd reply, usually in the middle of chewing my food or something like that.
"You know!" They smile. "Zelda! You tell her the magic words?"
"What are they?" I go. "'Hocus pocus', or somethin'?"
Hey, that's what I really thought they were talking about. Cut a guy some slack, will ya?
Then there comes the smack upside the head, the mandatory reprimand when your girlfriend's best friend talks to you about love and you have completely no clue as to what the hell she's talkin' about. You know that sorta thing.
"'I love you!'" They'll cry out in exasperation.
Then I just smile and look away. "That's cute, but remember? I'm dating Zelda."
There comes that second smack upside the head.
"No! To Zelda! Have you said it to Zelda!? Gods, you're thick!"
That's when it all comes to a screeching halt. "…What?" My jaw drops stupidly. "…No, I haven't."
Granted, I've had my share of girlfriends… I don't think I should call 'em, "Girlfriends", but more like, what's it called… A good ol' ride in the sack, if you know what I mean. Yeah, that's it. But all the same, I've been with more girls I can count on my two hands, and maybe my toes included—scratch that, I know with my toes included. But I can honestly say that out of all 'em chicken-head girls, none of them I've said, "I love you" to. That three-word phrase that those trashy romance novels and manga books chicks dig so much… Don't know why they like 'em; they're all filled with nuttin' but cheap clichés and dudes who're probably gay.
But when I think about Zelda, maybe she deserves my first "I love you". She's special, you know? A hell of a lot more than what I can say for the girls I've been with before her. Something about her attracted her to me. She's damn hot, that's for sure. But it wasn't just that rack—granted kinda small for my speed—or those legs—but then again, Zelda ain't the tallest girl in the world. What was it… Her brains? Yeah, I think that's what it was. She's real smart, y'know? She's a real intellectual… if that's even a word. She's… she's pefect, I have to say. Can't find a flaw about her.
But how to say it? How to tell her I love her? I'm no good at this romantic crap. All it usually takes for a girl to fall for me is one flash of that charmin' smile and unbutton the shirt ever so slightly… and boom! They're all up on me screamin' for more. That's as romantic as I've ever gotten, probably. But something tells me that with Zelda, that ain't gonna work so good.
I tried only once before. It was a few weeks ago, at Error's Café… It wasn't so successful, I think…
"So what'd you want to talk about?" Zelda looked at me as we stood in front of our usual table. We stared at each other for a while. I was waitin' for her to sit down first, because that was the gentlemanly thing to do, right? But I saw her steal a glance at her seat, and it told me that not only was I supposed to wait for her to sit first, I was supposed to pull open the chair for her.
Goddesses, so high maintenance.
So I played along and pulled the chair open for her, since I was goin' to tell her how I really felt, and I wanted to set the mood just right for it.
"Just… You know," I shrugged as I sat down across from her. "Just to talk."
To be honest, I didn't exactly plan out what I was going to do at that meeting. Maybe that's why it flopped.
The waitress came over to us and gave Zelda the usual cappucino, and my favorite bottle of beer.
"What about, exactly?" She asked again. She wanted specifics, I figured out.
"…Y'know," I smiled at her. "About us."
She stared at me long and hard as I took a few drinks of my beer. "…Are you breaking up with me?"
Beer spurted out of my mouth as I choked embarrassin'ly. The liquid dripped out of the side of my mouth, like in the videos Sheik and I watch in our dorm.
"W-w-wha…?" I gave her a stupid look. "You think—"
"What!?" She stood up and slammed her hands against the table. The entire restaurant fell silent and a million pairs of eyes turned to us. "You found a girl with a bigger chest than me—again!?"
"No!" I shook my head. "That ain't it!"
"Why'd you have to do it here, of all places!?" She started to cry. Damn, you know how much I hate it when a girl cries on me? "Why'd you have to do it in front of the whole world!?"
And with that, she took her cup of untouched coffee and poured it right there—on my crotch. And Goddesses, it burned so damn badly, I thought I'd never be able to have a kid.
It took days, maybe weeks, to convince Zelda that I wasn't breakin' up with her. But it totally ruined the moment for me.
Note to self, and to all ya guys out there: never try to tell your girl ya love her while she's PMSin'.
But that's when I hatched the plan. The perfect way to tell Zelda that I love 'er, without actually tellin' her that I love 'er.
Okay, so I rented this skywriter, see? I got 'im to come out at Hylia Square at five PM on the dot, and write in the sky, "I LOVE YOU, ZELDA HARKINIAN!" The price? A pretty good deal in fact, especially since I told the dude on such short notice: 26,960 Rupees.
Oh, hey! Here's Zelda!
"Hi Link," she smiles, pecking her soft lips 'gainst my chapped ones.
"Hey, Zel," I smirk, using her nickname I made for her. I remember when I first intr'duced it to her, she hated me callin' her that. I'd tease her with it, until she finally caved into me after we started datin'.
"So what restaurant are we going to tonight?" She tilts her head to the side. Her hair moves with the gesture, revealing a pretty expensive lookin' drop earring danglin' from her earlobe.
"That's up for you to decide," I wrap an arm around her, putting me hand on her shoulder.
"Oh, really?" Her eyebrows shoot up slightly. I steal a glance at the TV HYLIA building, where the screen built into the side is showin' the time. It's 5:00, just in time.
I hear the plane fly overhead. Thankfully Zelda doesn't hear it. Or at least she don't pay any 'tention to it. We just casually walk down the sidewalk, pushin' our way through the people. Gods, it's like we're those salmon fish or somethin'. The ones that can swim backwards or whatever.
A few minutes later, the plane flies away, judgin' by the sound of the engine goin' away.
"Hold up, Zel," I stop her. She turns around to look at me with a questioning glance.
"No, it's all good," I shake my head. "But I wanna show ya somethin'."
"What is it?" She smile curiously.
"Look up," I grin, pointin' at the sky with an index finger, and puttin' my other hand in my jacket pocket. She follows my finger and stares at the faintly orange sky. But the gleeful smile slowly turns into a disappointed scowl. You know, guys. The kind ya girl gives you when you forget somethin' like Valentine's day. She turns back to me, now with a pretty pissed off glare.
What? Should I have said it myself?
"You're breaking up with me!?" She yells in outrage. My brow knits tightly, and I jerk up to the sky, where the message is supposed to be. My jaw drops at the message.
"WE NEED TIME OFF…"
…The hell is that message!? Where's the "I love you" that I specifically told that pilot guy to write! This some joke!?
"You thought you'd butter me up with a nice dinner, and then you're going to break up right after!?" Zelda stamps her foot. I take a step backwards, babbling stupidly.
"You're the WORST, Link Avalon!" She yells. She rears her hand back and smacks me so hard, stars are all over the place.
…So as you can see, I ain't too good with all this romance business. I ain't too good of a time keeper, too; little did I know that the message Zelda and I saw that day wasn't mine. I gave the pilot the wrong day. Dammit, of all the stupidest things in the world…
But it's all good. Even without all that stuff, I've got the Avalon charm to fall back on; it'll definitely gimme some time until my next plan, and it's sure to be foolproof. And before she knows it, Zelda'll be comin' back for more.
She always does.
If you've read A World of Lies Cliff's Notes, you'd know the Rupee is equivalent to the Japanese yen; 25960 yen/Rupees is equivalent to USD $250. Now that I've cleared that up, you can quit having your seizure.
This oneshot, I have to say, was inspired by another story of mine, The Antithesis of Academic Perfection. Maybe this can fit in between Antithesis and Just a Little Bit. But I'm not officially confirming the three to be related to each other. I'm saying that based on the theme and the scenario of Link and Zelda's relationship, it could be a nice trilogy, yes?
The title, however, was inspired by the Korean romantic comedy, Seducing Mr. Perfect. I have to say that movie was the cutest, albeit cliched, movie I've seen in a while. I reccomend you watch it. Daniel Henney and Uhm Jung-hwa have awesome chemistry.
Not exactly my best work, but it's a sign that I haven't given up on you all. I'm still writing, even though you haven't seen anything from me since AWoL 22. Circles progress is coming along very nicely. I just finished chapter four, and I think I'll start chapter five tomorrow, maybe. I still don't know when the first chapter is going up. But I'll definitely keep you posted on my blog, so just keep reading it until then.
Oh yeah, I redid my profile, just a little bit. It promotes Circles better than the old message, in my opinion.
Enjoy Life and Smile.