Mask of Happiness, Soul of Sadness

I wish I could die…I don't know why

I feel so stressed, that I want to cry.

I wish I could die…I don't know why

Everyone thinks I'm the happiest person alive,

But they don't know what I feel

They don't know what pain I go through,

The torture in my mind.

Every night when I go home,

I'm treated like a worthless piece of shit,

I'm told to go to hell,

They wish I was never born,

They tell me that life was so much better without me.

I believe them.

They tell me I'm fat.

I believe them.

And starve myself just to make them happy.

They hit me to make themselves feel better.

They always compare me to other girls at my school

And say, "Why can't you be more like them?"

I wish I could make my parents happier.

I wish my parents would love me for who I am instead of hate me.

I feel like I don't belong, like a foreigner, clueless of what's going on.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere.

I cry almost every night,

Hoping, Praying for someone to save me from my suffering.

But no one knows.

With sadness, loneliness, and anger pent up inside me.

The happy, hyper person who talks and smiles a lot,

Isn't really me.

It's all just an act. It's a Mask of Happiness, that hides the Soul of Sadness.

I'd rather sit in a corner listening to my iPod, reading a book,

Than have to pretend to be someone I'm not.

Afraid to be myself, afraid to be judged

But no one really cares about the Soul of Sadness,

No one even cares about the happy, hyper girl that disguises the Soul.

No one knows the pain inside of me,

That I have to endure.

I don't feel loved or love.

I don't know how to show my love for other people.

I wonder every day and every night,

What it feels like to be loved and cared about.

What is my purpose in life? What is the point of me being here?

I'm not helping anyone. Lord, how can I help people?

How can I affect the world?

Do I have a purpose? Do I even exist?

Or am I just something that's wandering the earth, wasting oxygen.

Would my parents be better off without me? Would my friends be better off without me?

Does anybody know it just an act?

Does anybody care about the Soul of Sadness hidden by the Mask of Happiness and Joy?

Do people notice me? Am I invisible? Am I hated by everyone? I know I'm hated.

I know I'm not wanted. I know I'm not loved. I know no one cares about me.

No one cares about the hyper girl. No one cares about the Soul of Sadness.

What's the point of me living if all I feel is sadness. My heart feels so empty,

So unloved, and uncared for.

I have to act like a different person, afraid to trust anyone.

Afraid to be myself, afraid to be judged.

But why should I care what other people think?

You know what? Go ahead judge me, I dare you.

I'll prove you wrong.