Disclaimer: Not mine, they all belong to the BBC.

The Problem with the TARDIS

The Doctor was tinkering with the TARDIS again.

His pants and leather jacket were all she could see of him, as his head was so far under the console that Rose couldn't see it at all from the angle she was at. Although from this angle, she could see other things. The blue light and familiar buzzing sound of the sonic screwdriver indicating he was mucking about with something important.

Rose had a flash of rather unworldly insight that the Doctor was doing this just for something to do, because she was sure that the TARDIS was working fine without her insides being played with like this.

This almost reminded her of...well, rape.

Or at the least some serious form of sexual or physical assault.

"Doctor? What are you doing to the TARDIS this time?" she asked, and she saw him poke his head out from under the floor grating.

"Something's wrong with the climatic stabilizer. Haven't you noticed it getting a bit too hot in here sometimes?"

"No, never felt that at all. Probably just the TARDIS playing with you. Can't blame her really."

The Doctor crawled out of the space he was in and stretched out when he was able to stand up properly. "Oh? And what's that supposed to mean?"

Rose raised an eyebrow. "Well, if I had someone playing with me like this all the time when it isn't needed or wanted, then I'd go about shouting rape at the top of my lungs. But, unfortunately for the TARDIS, she's a machine."

The Doctor blinked a few times and straightened suddenly, his hands going around his chest in an angry gesture. "Are you telling me that I'm doing nasty and sexual things to my TARDIS?"

"Well, have you actually asked her how she feels about all this tinkering? Or do you just lift up her grating and go for it?"

Shifting from foot to foot, the Doctor tried to put his hand on the console to rub it slightly, in a comforting gesture, but pulled his hand away quickly as shots of electricity passed from the TARDIS to him.

Rose grinned sweetly up at him. "See, told you she didn't like it. If you're bored why not do something else? Maybe you could try playing a game or something. Cards? A board game? Dominos? Just...unless something really is wrong, try not to fix the TARDIS."

"Well, it's not like she's ever done this before...you're probably egging her on or something silly like that."

With a calm breath, Rose shook her head. "Maybe if you stopped doing this, she'd actually, you know, GO where you want her to."

She could swear that the Doctor stopped breathing for a moment at that little piece of information. "Oh, Rose Tyler, how would you know things like that? She's always mucked up."

"That's no excuse. Maybe if you paid better care to her, she wouldn't do things like that. I'd still like to go do things you promised but didn't get around to showing me because the TARDIS took us to the wrong year, or the wrong place, or the wrong side of the universe."

The TARDIS hummed around her and while she couldn't pick out what she was trying to say, the Doctor could, and he immediately went into a defensive posture.

"Alright! Alright, I will stop. I'm sorry alright. You could tell me about these kinds of things you know." He went silent for a few seconds as the air about her pulsed in what Rose thought was a menacing way, but the Doctor smiled. "Yeah, well, if you muck up, don't expect not to get the hammer."

Rose stopped at that. Hammer? Oh god...what did he do to his ship?