Sam, Dean and a very big bear...pure humour fic lol thought I could use some crack for a while hehehehe
Warning: language, pissed off Dean
Disclaimer: Pigs can fly, theres really 3 blind mice and my computor isn't slow...nawww don't own em, made up town (Dasen) don't sue all you'll get is a few fish and my coffee machine :)
Summary: Dean, Sam and a very big bear...the impala is too far away...and yogi's hungry-pure humour, crack fic. Evil plant life conspiracy
Sorry for any mistakes lol, and i hope you enjoy xxxxxxxxx dedicated to people with wild imaginations and ELKUG- Evil Laughter Keeps Us Going xxxx
Dean cursed loudly as he stepped in yet again, a puddle full of deep squelching mud.
"Aww for...ya' know Sammy, it would have been better if no-one ever camped near a tree again...ever"
Sam glanced behind at Dean's soaked jeans. "Well watch where your putting your half assed feet" Sam shook his head but couldn't hide the slight curve of his top lip when he heard a second splash and Dean's growl.
Campers had been going missing along a hikers trail in the woods of Dasen, Ilinois. Their bodies turned up along a large river five miles from the trail, ripped to peices. The officers and wildlife services have circled out Bear attacks but the number of simularities from the Wendigo case the Winchesters took on not so many months ago in Blackwater Ridge and Dean's ignorance to any official declaration told them it wasn't a bear.
And so here they were, trudging along in knee deep muddy inclines from the heavy rain and steep slopes that the rain fall turned to streams criss crossing all over the trail.
"I don't have half assed feet Sam, every friggin' puddle tries to pull me and suck me down into the evil puddle depths of the unknown..." Dean shuddered. "Puddle demons...and i'd never see it comin'" Dean gave a face of mock shock and widened his eye's, voice deeper "They think your a tree with all the hair and the height...me, yeah i'm easy target shrub boy..." He prodded his chest demandingly.
Sam didn't know whether to kick his brother or laugh and never stop he settled for commenting. "Shrub-boy...ha ha...your a weed, man..." Sam laughed.
"I'm offended" Dean placed his palm across his cheek and opened his mouth agape. "That hurt"
Sam shook his head, the rain making it stick to his face in crazed spiked curves.
Pushing through the undergrowth as they headed off the trail and down to the river where the bodies turned up proved to be a challege.
Vines and thornes clawed at their clothes, Sam walked into a tree he swore wasn't there before and Dean tripped and fell onto a legion of rabbit holes.
"Think there gonna come out and eat us..." Dean asked as Sam helped him stand and brushed the sludge from their arms and shirts.
"No...their rabbits Dean, fluffly little harmless rabbits-"
"No, no no no, their wild brown HUGE rabbits with claws and teeth and nukes" Dean waved at the said dug holes and motioned further downhil.
"Well ok, if they are then they'll come after you while I escape.." Sam took off into a steady jog infront of Dean.
"Why not you tree-boy...?" Dean asked.
"Because I didn't land on and destroy their homes, and your face is printed in the dirt, they'll know it's you" Sam sniggered. Dean stopped and processed the information.
Thought flitted across Dean's features, he glanced behind him, opened his mouth in a silent scream and soared forward with momentum making Sam stumble.
"DEAN!" Sam yelled cathing up.
"They'll find me, we gotta' keep going..." He panted.
Sam stopped and turned to look back up the hill, a few bushes rustled and the ground beneath his feet thumped. Sam's eyes grew wide.
Running beside Dean Sam said. "Why you gotta' piss everything off"
Dean just grinned.
Resting on a few rocks beside their destination, Dean washed his hands by the river and they took a breather from the marathon of escaping bunny frenzied killer's.
"So this is where they found em'...all the bodies"
"Yep, all beside the shore...there's wasn't any fresh blood or injuries so the cop's think they came from upstream...drifted from somehwere" Sam summed up.
Suddenly, large splashes and grunts followed by a huge roar of some very big animal echoed across the water.
Sam stared, mouth open at the huge five hundred pound grisly just on the other side of the stream, and closing in.
Sam grabbed Dean's shoulder and they back peddeled up the steep incline and hid beind the closest clump of tree's and brush. They sat quietly, watching the huge bear cross the stream.
"Shut up, one word and it'll hear us...stay hidden, he'll pass" Sam ushered through clenched teeth and an almost silent breath.
Dean sat wide eyed, leant againt the large oak, its shrubs and vegetation and excellent cover and cameoflage.
Rustling twitched from above Dean's head, Sam was too engrossed in the dangerous threat to notice Dean follow a small red fuzz scurry across a branch and jump down next to him, balancing on a large leaf of the ground plant.
The red bushy tail and black gleaming eyes of the squirel watched Dean carefully as it clambered forward, Dean jerked his head back stuffly, scrutinizing the little shit, and what it would do.
Mouthing the words " Get away from me you little fucker!, i'm gonna kill you...go...scram..." Dean hissed quietly only effecting the offending animal to come closer to his face.
Wide animal eyes blinked and it sniffed around Dean's face, paws extended and balancing, it seemed to move in a circle with it's head, only a few inches from Dean's face.
With trepidation he didn't move, the thing could bite him or something, it reared back it's ugly head and sneezed in a fast spray and squeak over Dean's face.
His mouth was open.
"AWWWWWWWW...fuck...ewwwwww...that's just gross!" Dean yelled and fell backwards into a madly 'shushing' Sam, twigs snapped and the bush around the heavy oak gave way. The brother's tumbled down and through bushes and leaves, with thumps and bumps landing in a mangled heap of limbs against the rocks at the shore of the stream.
"DEAN!...what the hell" Sam screamed pushing up and lifting Dean off his face.
"That damn squirel" Dean yelled back as if it was the most obvious thing in the world to cause destruction.
A slap on his head made Dean push back down on Sam's effort and they rolled in a fighting and slapping fit, grunting and snarling coming to a stop by a large rock with Dean on top, a hand full of Sam's shirt.
An animalistic roar from just above them caused all moves to stop and as one the brother's turned their heads backward and up and gasped at the sight of the bear, inches from their bodies.
Two screams and another rolling fight for who was to get away first made the brother's run in different directions.
Sam sprinted back up the hill and dove in a well sprouted bush with large thick leaves. Spying through a small gap what the bear and Dean would do next.
Dean jumped up and ran into water, ankle deep to reach a curved tree hanging over the stream, its branches dipped low into the flowing river and covered what lay beneath.
Dean lept and found purhcase on a branch, pulling himself up and shimmying onto a more outcropping higher ledge he sat and remained still, yet edgy and nervous.
For the next few minutes the bear didn't move from its earlier spot, jsut kept glancing at the water and pawing something through the currents.
Fish, it was just playing with fish?
Sam moved around so the sharp pine needles didn't jab his back anymore, glancing out the small leafy gap he noticed the bear's actions and frowned.
Sporting a frown similiar to his brother's, Dean leaned and peered through the tree's vines to see the bear more clearly. A rustle and shake of the branch he sat on made him spin and stare hatefully at the little red shit of a squirel that got them in this mess.
"Are you smiling at me?...you son of a bitch, wait till' I get my .45 on your ass..." Dean shook his fist ominously.
The small creature tilted its fury head to the side and seemed to grin, one eye blinked menacingly and it ran at Dean, tail thrashing and legs pumping it lept stright at him.
Shimmying along the branch as far as it would reach Dean leaned back over the water, before the squirel met it's mark Dean's grip slipped and he fell backwards and upside down with a loud splash and plop as he sank.
Sam spotted a tree shake, then his brother fall and considering the situation he couldn't hide the small laugh and evil thought of payback.
Dean came to the surface beneath the bow of the tree, he was hidden by it's vines touching the water. Glancing up he saw three of the bastards all peering down at him.
Raising two fingers and saluting the animals, he sloshed his way out of the gritty sand and slowly passed from tree to tree and bush to bush, blending in when he saw an arm extend out of a large hedge plant and wave him over.
Joining his brother, and noticing the smile Dean explained. "Those damn squirels just snook up on me again, there's an animal conspiracy here and the tree's are in on it too" He hissed.
"Yeah, right. Is the weed feeling small? aww" Sam pouted, then returned to watching the bear.
It was gone. "Shit, Dean where'd it go?"
Sam stood full height out of the bush and glanced around, it seemed to have dissappeared.
Dean mirrowed Sam's actions and gave him a hearty pat on the back.
The extra pressure made Sam stumble, he lost his footing on the rotten wood and mud and slid down the small hill flipping on his back.
"Shit, oh...shit, SAM!!" Dean skidded to a halt after him.
Leaning up on his elbows, Sam was met face to face with the huge head of the grisly. Eye's wide, face stock still Sam didn't dare breath.
The bears hot breath touched his face as it grunted, then snarled. reaching forward with his nose to meet Sam's and bite his head off it stopped and licked him.
A warm wet slimy tongue, roughed over his face leaving a shiny patch and gooey saliver.
Sam sat shocked and dumbfounded. He closed his mouth in awe.
Dean steadily walked up to the amaizng scene before him, it just licked Sam like a giant over sized pet.
Reaching the animal and his brother, Sam sat up further and leaned away next to Dean. They exchanged a 'wow'.
Dean reached out to stroke it, when it spun and roared loud and fiercly in their faces, pearly white teeth glinting threateningly.
Sam skidded backwards, limbs flinging up and round while Dean grabbed him and dragged himself back uphill using Sam as a personal climber rope. Sam pushed back and Dean toppled over, regained his footing and spun after his younger brother. Hearts racing and lungs filling in and out so fast by the time they reached a safe log and hid behind it panting.
"Told you...you...piss things off..." Sam breathed.
Dean did a double glance in mock terror, "Shut up". Sam smiled, he'd gotten to Dean this time.
The trek back up the hill to find the impala, which became Dean's ingenious plot was because as he stated cearly, for a number of reasons...
"We don't have any weapons..."
And a few minutes after that...
"The mud's gonna make this hunt a bitch to finish...or run in..."
And again, and again and again...still climbing the hill, Sam wanted to shoot himself... but ofcourse 'they didn't have any weapons' as Dean had said.
Sam ground his teeth together and marched on.
"And that bears still friggin' out there...were lucky it didn't eat you Sam"
"DEAN!...if you'd just shut up for a while, it wouldn't hear us...nor would anything else in these woods..." Sam held a finger sharply to his mouth and hissed a 'Shhhhh' aggressivly.
Dean stared at his brother like he had three heads.
"Well...there's no need to snap about it" Dean gave a jerk of his head and whispered "the bear will hear you"
Sam nearly lept at Dean like a caged lion set free to a big juicy Dean shaped steak, but he kept his cool, sighed and followed on when Dean took over leading.
Half way across the forest, two skids in the mud and an 'evil pigeon' as Dean phrased it, later, the boys were only a mile away from their destination.
"You really think it was the bear...?" Sam asked suddenly, frowning.
"I dunno'...that was a pretty friggin huge bear Sam, these woods give me the jeebies i'm glad to be leavin'"
"Your random mutterings are getting worse Dean, you thinking of any food while you just ranted that?"
Sam smiled at Dean's shocked expression.
"I...I would never think of food at a time like this...it's a hunt, gotta' get your head in the game, stay sharp..." Although after rubbing his chin and licking his lips, he did add. "Although I could eat a chilly cheese steak sandwich right now, oh and some onions...maybe a sundae" He stopped and poised in thought.
"yeah" Sam breathed.
Finally after yet another arguement about who'd win in a wrestling match, Mr.t or the tooth fairy which was mostly a one-sided arguement between Dean and his own characters in his head, Sam had snapped and yelled the life out of him. Now they were both cranky, tired and wet and felt like the mud was an ice skating rink and every move made another slide or jut forward. Sam had face planted a couple times, and Dean had a two brown knee's and one arm coated in the slimy ground substance.
"You look like a panda Sam" Dean pointed and outlined the mud on his brother's face, chuckling at the 'angry panda'.
"Dean, i'm tired can we just go to the car and get a motel, sleep for a week" Sam suggested as they reached barely ten feet to the impala.
Dean was about to respond, when he noticed a dark flash sweep by a small shrub behind Sam and put his finger to his lips.
They both stopped, Dean silently took out the key's, that flash was nothing human, but it wasn't supernatural. he had a feeling the squirels might want more revenge.
"Be very still...on my mark, run as fast you can to the car" Dean whsipered.
Sam frowned, glanced behind him and noticed the bush shake. "What do you think it is?"
"My sworn enemy, the squirels might have back-up Sam, get to the car ASAP, it's for your own safety" Dean patted Sam's shoulder as though they were heading into battle and he'd never see him again.
"This has gone on long enough, the squirels aren't out to get you Dean..." As soon as the words left Sam's mouth a well aimed nut hit and bounced off Sam's head making him flinch.
Another rustle behind Sam and Dean's eye's grew wide, arms at his sides he sprinted back to the car, fast and jerky movements to get the damn door open.
Sam wondered what the deal was, until he actually turned around himself.
In a near perfect half circle, there lined up squirel after squirel, a few racoons and two fat pigeons...all had in their grasp a large acorn.
A bristle in the tree's overhead confirmed Sam's suspicians when he saw reinforcements...and more nuts. He could hear hear Dean's evil laughter from the safety of the car.
I'm gonna' kill him! this is all HIS fault anyway...nice squirels...eek
He had to admitt later on, that they hadn't moved that fast out of firing range since a skinwalker hunt a few months ago when it was particularly fast panther, or when Dean wanted fast food and it was closing in thirty seconds, they made it in time with ten seconds to spare.
Both inside the car, Dean's smug grin and "I told ya' so!" were followed by a swarm of birds dive over their ride.
Starting the engine and skidding out of dodge, they found their way back to the main road, checking into a rather ramshackle motel.
Sounds so exotic...
Two steaming showers and nice warm...if not lumpy beds, the brother;s had the best nights sleep in a long time. All the trekking and hills they climbed not to mention wildlife they outran left them drained and exhausted.
The next morning, Dean was ready to leave the town, he began to pack their gear when Sam sighed loudly. The kind when you should 'notice casually'.
"What?" Dean asked, walking over to Sam who had the laptop out, scouring the day's headlines.
"Another person was found...a body up near the river, I don't think it was the bear Dean..."
Dean's face dropped, he scrunched his mouth up in distaste.
"Awwwww maaaan!" his shoulders hunched. "We gotta' go back to the only forest that has a grudge on us..." Dean said as they loaded the car.
"No..." Sam stated 'matter of fact'.
"really?" He sounded hopeful.
"No Dean, you said 'grudge on us', you pissed them off" Sam shrugged.
"You'd turn your back on your own brother and hand him to the clutches of the killer critters out there!" he said in mock hurt. Dean's lip trembled.
Sam shook his head, "You pis everything off.." he muttered. Sam mumbled and sat shotgun while Dean slammed his own door shut.
Dean took that as they'd go in again together. "Good, you can go first"
His brother's mega-watt grin didn't work this time and Sam couldn't help the tease.
"You know what, when those squirels had us surrounded...I saw some racoons, and pigeons"
Dean breathed deeply. "I..I can take em'"
"And rats" Sam coughed.
The look on his brother's face was priceless. "Now that was worth the last few days..." Sam laughed.
"What're you smiling at tree face, your the nature army bait..."
Silence filled the car.
"your gonna' get me friggin' killed"
Dean's loud evil laugh echoed off in the background as they made their way yet again to Dasen woods, and face off against the biggest furball battle yet.
The end xxx
EHEHEHE hope you enjoyed, just thought a random fic was in order lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanks for readin, heheh have a good day chiccies xxx Hope i leave you with a happy note.
A/N: little did the boys know, the killer frenzie rabbits had a plan too
Muah ahahahahahahhahahahahaahhahaha xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx