Disclaimer: Pft, this is a bloody FANFICTION. I.e, I am a fan DGM and beansprouts and rabbits and womany-looking guy (gets Mugen shoved into nostril)
Disclaimer 2: I don't own the storyline but I own the translation. The original writer is 倒数3年
Please don't hate me. (some parts I cut out her joke and put in mine instead cos it's a Chinky joke and it won't make sense in English)
If, by chance, any of you've already read her/his (sorry I really don't know which gender, but I think it should be 'she') in Chinese, please tell me. That would be cool. -
Pairing: LavixKanda, (yes teh RK) but its very light pairing no hardcore stuff, erh, I guess everyone whether you like or not, can read this fic.
I must say this first chapter I didn't find it THAT good when I translated it, I thought the story got better (and cuter) from chapter 2 cos Kanda and Lavi's finally on the mission, so just take this chapter as a prologue and hope you can finish reading the story. It's short anyway. All the line spaces I waste….
Grak/Notes: (This is Australian spelling so don't complain.)
(Lame) Humour ensured, and did I mention hypocritical seriousness ensured? If you don't die of mouth/eye/nose twitches and vein pops I'll eat my monitor behind your eyes. Now that's something!
The Black Order
A legendary organisation.
Sometimes called the B.O.
"Strictly disciplined, with a straight untainted reputation, they are ruthless people who collect 'Innocence' from the commoners all over the world despite all (suffering) consequences caused. They are determined and holy."
"All the members of the Order are highly emotionally prepared, they are altruists who work three-hundred and sixty-five days a year (three hundred and sixty-six days for a leap year) without any holiday or break. Even though a certain general had abandoned his base apparently with no reason for Xn years, his apprentice was 'invited' back to the Order to pay more respect to the community by servicing them (and working to pay back his debts). Bringing tears to people's eyes.
beansprout exorcist commented: What a total altruist for himself!
Sob(pun intended you dumb-ass)…"
name had been changed for privacy issues.
Extracted from historical book《Legends and Folklores of the Himalayas' Drainage System》
Pft, who gives a damn if you don't believe it.
Anyway this story we're going to be talking about is this messed up Order's messed up people's messed up events.
Everything above has absolutely no connection to the story below, therefore it was • less.
Conclusion sorry minions I was just trying to scrape in a few hundred words; please don't throw eggs or tomatoes or bricks at me.
-------------------------------- Tis a DIVIDER even fatter than your mm -----------------------------------
Part I: Thanks to binge eating I got the mission with Yuu.
That day the waves were calm in the ocean, the wind was cool and collected, the sky was cloudless for a few million miles, and the little birds were jumping/hopping/bouncing/vaulting around the branches.
Anyway the weather was good.
So after three sleepless days and nights, Komui decided to fake death for now to escape the pile of unfinished files on the table and Reever's bitching. Of course Reever wasn't stupid, he grabbed Komui by his collar and shook him awake violently.
Drop (head-nose first on the table and fall asleep)
Shake Awake Drop Shake Awake Drop
After a few hundred repeats, Reever started whining that his arm was sore, so he gave the files that he was going to give to Komui to another person in the Chemistry Group. 'Revolution of waking Komui Li the SOB' had failed so he went for a rematch with the SAD routine,
"I'm not letting you sleep until you finish that three metre long report!!!"
Komui ended up have to wake up in a shaken death and he picked out a random sheet of mission portfolio and had a brief glance. The mission seems not very dangerous. He muttered to Reever about just give it to two random exorcists. After that he went back to signing the reports wearily while Reever repeated the SAD routine.
Time passed like that for Komui everyday…… unexpectedly quick.
-----------------------I'm even fatter than the line that said it's fatter than your mm---------------------
Just at the same time, Lavi and Allen were in the 'Mess Hall', sitting opposite each other, chatting because they stuffed themselves too much and needed to talk for faster bowel movements ie digestion.
"Lavi, so you arrived at the Order before Kanda did?"
"Yea, when I first came, it was quite boring cos there was no one my age." Lavi said in a frustrated tone, supporting his chin with his hand.
"So you were pretty happy when Kanda came huh?"
"Of course! The first time I saw him, I got totally excited so I ran up to him and yelled 'STRIKE! Oneesan, your name pleeeeas!.''' (in the gentleman style, one leg on the chair, while the teeth goes 'ping' like Rock Lee)
"He tried to shove Mugen down my throat"
"…… That's what I thought."
Lavi gave a small sniff, "But, I still got his name in the end, cos I was very determined." He grinned.
"And that's the beginning of the 'Mugen on your back' life?"
"Yes, it's very sweet indeed."
"……Lavi, you sure you're not a combination of sadism and masochism?" Allen wiped the cold sweat off his temple with a shaky laugh.
Instead, Lavi went on with him into an in-depth conversation about the difference between 'Tough Love'，where beating and verbal abuse are ways of showing love, and SM.
Just as they were conversing on the philosophical issue of 'Tough Love', Krory suddenly came out of nowhere, sticking his big ashen white face in front of them, making Allen spew his mouthful of tea all over Lavi.
"Wha…what's wrong Krory?"
"Woa, Kuro-chan, you're gonna give us each a heart attack!" Lavi wiped the tea off with a napkin, stared nervously at his friend's pale face which today was whiter than ever. Cold sweat was building up on his back.
"Um……ah….ano…" Krory hung his face down low, with an expression that somebody owes him three million pounds.
"Krory, what's wrong?" Allen said, sipping his black tea again, this time swallowing it properly.
"Are you…scared of ghosts?"
After that was said, silence dawned on the trio.
It actually wasn't the fact that you are, or not scared of ghosts, it was the way that Krory asked that was scarier than witnessing a real one.
'I'm one hell more scared of you…' "Of course… not!" Lavi laughed nervously, not like there was another answer.
"THAT'S GREAT! Please swap place with me for this mission."
"Huh, ok?" Lavi felt hair start to stick up on the back of his neck. Ah one, ah two, "What mission is't?"
Kuro-chan pressed the three of their heads down, like a group huddle, his voice spooked,
The silence was longer than the last one.
"It's not I'm scared of ghosts…" Krory finally said. "But I'm glad you're willing to swap, thank you Lavi." Business has been done, he prepared to exeunt.
"WAIT!" but Lavi had faster reflex, and grabbed Krory's hand. "Then, what exactly are you afraid of that you can't go on this mission yourself?"
Krory sighed, quack, let go of the hand first, "I'm scared of going on the mission with Kanda … that's all."
In two seconds, from all the directions NEWS including all the NE, NW, SE, SW, NNW, NWS (?), does that even make sense? Anyway, all the 1/16 th compass points, finders and exorcists rushed over to their table, raging on about how they felt utterly the same, while tears spewed out from their eyes the Komui -fountain-style.
They went on about how they'd rather go on the mission themselves than with Kanda because he was a human blizzard, every time they look at his face they felt like the temperature dropped at least sixty-nine degrees Celsius and every time if they dare disagreeing with him for something, Mugen will be shoved up, down, into their asshole/throat/belly button/ear/nostril, etc.
Lavi will never get it.
Think about it, right at the beginning when they just met, he was the only one that went on about how he wanted to be paired with Kanda for every mission.
'I don't get it, it's a once in a life time chance to go on a mission with someone as pretty as Yuu-chan, why doesn't anyone like the opportunity…?'
So off Lavi went, preparing for a lovely mission with his beloved Yuu-chan.
-----I am fatter than the divider that said it was fatter than the divider fatter than your mm------------
Good morning minions, it was the day of the mission; Kanda was waiting with impatience annoyance at the gate for his partner to arrive. Like always.
There was no mistake, that annoying, draggy voice and the only person who dares to call him-!$#, Kanda death glared at the mob of inflammable-hair.
"Why is it you (bastard) again?!"
Kanda gritted his teeth, the reason he used 'again' was such incidence happened not just today but on many other occasions. Last night he was assigned with someone else then the next morning he ends up with a rabbit.
"Shijou told me to look after yuuuuu." It's a pain that the rabbit wouldn't shut up and stop grinning.
"Don't worry about me, take care of yourself."
Note: 'Don't worry about me, take care of yourself' is a visually romantic sentence, it gives you those Titanic life and death scenes where he goes 'Take care of yourself after I'm dead, n don't cry over my dead body please.'
Too bad when Kanda says it with gritted teeth it meant:
"Make trouble for me n I'll shove Mugen down your throat and twist it around when it's inside."
Lavi used his usual tactic of ignoring him, and kept on blabbering.
"Oi, I doubt you know the objective of this mission, so don't bother coming!"
"Of course I know, it's a ghost hunt sa"
"……you're not scared?"
"What are you scared?"
The rhetorical question shut Kanda up; he turned his face to one side grudgingly with a loud 'tch' and said no more.
Lavi saw that and decided not to pester Kanda for another five minutes.
With amusement he started whistling "Little Little Twinkle Star" or in other words you can all it:
"THE ALPHABET SONG", just for the sake of pissing Kanda off in an indirect way.
TBC… ?------------------------------------------I'm the last and fattest divider if you haven't got sick of how much a divider can talk wateva oi oi don't ignore me---------------------------------------------
Flame me if you want, I don't really mind if you say this is the crappiest DGM fic you've ever read, come bitch to me, nah. COME TO MEEEEE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
bb. 1900hr 12/01/08