1Alrighty, you guys are in for a weird one. A triple TV crossover: Bones, Angel and Buffy. Supernatural and science meet. Will anyone survive? Post NFA (ergo, post-Chosen), spoilers for all Buffy and Angel. Buffy/Angel, Bones/Booth, slight Jack/Angela (in the sense that they will be mentioned as a couple). Spike, Illyria and Gunn will be present, as well as Willow and Xander. Oh, and Connor (Hey, he redeemed himself in Never Fade Away). Warning: I have not watched seasons 5-7 of Buffy. I know the basic plotlines, but I don't know enough about it to not make mistakes. Please feel free to correct me when I get facts wrong. I will be glad to make changes. But regardless, THERE WILL BE NO SPIKE/BUFFY. I can't stress enough how much that pair makes me want to gag. Just think of Connor and Cordy doing it and you might get some slight impression. That was part of the reason that I stopped watching Buffy. I defected to Angel, a fact that I'm slightly ashamed of, but not enough to watch Buffy and Spike together. Buffy and Angel live on in my mind, which is why I'm writing about them and not Buffy and Spike. Anyway, this has been very long, and I doubt anyone is actually reading this so, onwards and upwards.
Disclaimer: If I owned it, there would be pictures of Buffy and Angel on every bus. As there aren't, I don't own it. And vice versa.
His home had never been loud, so Jack Hodgins was not disturbed by the quiet of the lab on a Saturday morning. He knew Zack was. Growing up with a big family, the Addy house was always active and noisy, so although Zack appreciated the silence, it unnerved him slightly. But Zack wasn't here now; it was only Hodgins and a young lab tech named Fred. The two exchanged greetings as Hodgins made his way to his workstation. Usually Dr. Brennan would be here, working on a new (or, just as possibly, old) skeleton. But this morning Angela had dragged Brennan out to a new shop to get... something. Hodgins wasn't too clear on the details, he just provided the cash.
Truthfully, if Hodgins had his way, he wouldn't be here either. But the great, conceited, oafish bureaucrats who ran the Jeffersonian had designed paperwork that he had to fill out. He could have pulled out his rich donor club membership but it was not in his nature to ask for preferential treatment, especially based on his family's money. So he grabbed a cup of coffee and set to work. Beetles had never looked less interesting as he filled out the form describing the evidence they provided for the case.
It was around an hour later that he next looked up. Bright sunlight streamed through the windows and bounced off the glass and chrome surrounding him. He stretched a crick in his neck as two deliverymen came through the door carrying (wonder of wonders) a new corpse.
"Just put it on the table." Hodgins commanded, pointing to Dr. Brennan's table. The two men did as were told and one held out a clipboard for Hodgins to sign. As they turned to go, the other man turned and said, "By the way, the file's being faxed to you. And watch out. This is a weird one."
"We'll be careful." Hodgins smirked. This lab had seen everything. He doubted that they could be really shocked anymore. Although, then again, killers did tend to come up with new ways to murder every day, which is why they still had jobs.
Determined to think more cheerfully, Hodgins glanced furtively around. There was no reason to call Dr. Brennan. The corpse would be still be here and still be dead when she came in that afternoon, or the next day, or Monday even, if Angela had her way. So this left him and Fred and the lab... and its brand new music system.
It would be a shame to waste so many privately donated dollars by not utilizing the technology at our fingertips. Hodgins laid out his excuses for playing music on the job, just in case Brennan showed up and caught him in the act. And anyway, it's not like I'm actually working with evidence. It's just some paperwork. Really, really boring paperwork that I needed a little background noise for help...focusing.
He slipped in a CD, he wasn't even sure which one, from the extensive collection he kept in his bag, and adjusted the volume. As the opening song floated into the very sterile lab air, a familiar voice from behind him said "Can you go to track seven?"
"Sure thing," Hodgins replied, and as the first notes drifted out, he began to grin. "Mandy, Booth? I never had you pegged for a closet romantic. And anyway, I didn't hear you come in. Did you sleep in Brennan's office? Cause Ange would have a field day with..." Hodgins spun in his lab chair to face his coworker and his voice died in his throat.
As children, we believe in fantasy. To some degree, each child believes that somewhere out there is a Santa Claus or a monster under the bed. As we grow up, we usually lose most of that fear. But in some cases the feeling stays, lurking beneath the surface. Jack Hodgins had not completely lost his belief that aliens and fantastical creatures existed; he had retained quite a lot of it actually. And that was the only reason that he did not pass out as the body on the lab table sat up and spoke to him. His paranoia kept him alert enough to fumble for his cell phone and call a number he had hoped he would only dial for pranks. As the person on the other end picked up, Hodgins barked out "Booth, man, you better get down here, ASAP." He snapped the phone shut. This went way beyond weird and into the realm of unbelievable.
SC (This was borrowed from Myrah of the Maximum Ride fandom. Just thought it would be nice to credit her)
On the rare occasion that Temperance "Bones" Brennan took a day off, she liked to spend it relaxing. She would, for example, read or take a bubble bath or write a new chapter of her novel. But, as much as she loved her best friend, shopping with Angela did not even come close to being on her list of peaceful activities. Before that morning, Bones had not thought it possible for a human being to make a sound that high. Angela had one again proven her wrong.
"Sweetie, this is perfect!" she shrieked.
"Perfect for what?" Brennan asked, staring at the piece of fabric dangling from Angela's fingers.
"Perfect for knocking Booth's socks off!!" Angela told her, shoving her toward a dressing room.
"Why would I want to knock...oh, it was a figure of speech. But Ange, I'm not interested in Booth romantically. We're just friends. I don't need to wear sexually promiscuous clothing to impress him."
Angela rolled her eyes and started to argue back, but Brennan's cell phone beat her rebuttal. The tinny notes of 'Hot Blooded' caused Angela to raise an eyebrow.
"Booth...personalized his own ringtone." Brennan admitted, annoyed at the absent man in question for giving Angela more fuel for her Brennan/Booth train. "Just let me answer this."
"Fine, but if he says that he needs you for..." Angela began but Brennan cut her off.
"A case? (Please?) Where? The lab? Okay. I'll be there." Brennan ended the call and got her bag. "Ange, I have to go to the lab. Booth said something weird is going on."
"But Bren, what about our girls day? Shopping, ice cream, a little Sex and the City?" Angela whined.
"I have no idea what that means, but you'd better come too. Booth said Hodgins called him in and apparently he sounded a little freaked out."
Angela was immediately on the alert. "Why didn't you say so? Come on, I'll drive."
"Hodgins, this had better be good!" Booth shouted, striding into the lab. It wasn't like Hodgins had actually interrupted anything, but he didn't have to tell him that. It was good to keep up the appearance that he was semi-normal and sociable and not so totally head-over-heels in love with his partner that he spent their time apart moping that she wasn't with him.
He bounded up the steps, swiping his ID card on the way and took in the scene in front of him. Lab intact, Hodgins sitting on a rotating chair by his computer- all completely normal. Man who could have been his identical twin sitting up in a halfway unzipped body bag- so abnormal that Booth had to laugh.
"Okay, Hodgins what's going on?"
Hodgins opened his mouth to reply but was cut off by a voice from below the platform.
"Angel?" One of the squints, a pretty young woman with a slight Texas twang who Booth had met once or twice came up behind him. "Angel, is that you?"
"Illyria? Or have my brainy coworkers found a way to get Fred back?" As if things could get any more strange, the body spoke.
The squint's voice deepened slightly into one shivering with ancient power. "It is distasteful that you wish that the feeble shell would come back. And I find it degrading to have to work in this place and wear this pitiful human suit. But Spike says that I must do my part to help. Their frail mortal selves need sustenance. There was a time when they would have been satisfied to eat the fungus off my feet but that time..."
"Okay, I know who you are," the man chuckled, cutting her off. "But where am I? Is this the rebuilt Wolfram and Hart?"
"No, it's the Jeffersonian Institute in Washington DC," came the clear logical voice of Temperance Brennan as she strode in. "Booth, what's going on?"
Booth had rarely been so glad to see his Bones in his life. He had been tossed into a strange world where squints seemed to think they were higher powers (as if they didn't already, but most of them at least kept their voices normal while they insulted the regular Joes) and bodies came back to life and looked exactly like him. He could use Bones' calm rationality right now.
"Booth, Hodgins, what's going on?" Brennan asked again.
"Um, the body came to life." Hodgins finally croaked. "I was sitting here doing paperwork and these guys dropped him off and next thing I knew he was sitting up and talking." He abruptly hit himself on the forehead. "Oh, wait I get it. It's the prank from the guys in Paleontology. They usually do it in October, but they thought they could switch it to May and pull a fast one on Medico-Legal." He turned towards the door and shouted "It's not gonna work you guys." He faced his companions and muttered "This is gonna be a hard one to beat."
"Jack, we're the only ones in the lab." Angela told him, sidling closer to him. "Well us and..." She trailed off, not knowing what to call the seemingly reanimated corpse.
"Angel," he introduced himself.
"Us and Angel." Angela finished, thinking privately how well the name suited him.
There was an awkward silence. Fred/Illyria slipped off to go call Spike. He needed to know what was unfolding here. The rest of the group seemed to be suspending reality for a moment. It was the only way to cope with the idea that maybe there was actually a dead man who had come back to life in front of them. Finally Angel spoke.
"Do you guys have any clothes I could borrow?"
His request woke Booth up. He had seen some pretty weird things in his time, but this was just over the top. His sniper senses were on high alert. "Yeah, I keep a change of clothes in Bones' office. I'll go get them." He jogged off.
"Booth keeps clothes in your office?" Angela asked Brennan pointedly, always willing to be distracted, even from supernatural occurrences, to check on the status of her favorite non-couple.
"Yeah, just in case we have to you know, pull an all-nighter. To help solve a case." she added hastily, seeing the scheming look on Angela's face.
Angel looked around at them. They reminded him of his own team: fighting evil, but still managing to find time to tune into the ongoing office soap opera. "This might seem like a weird question, but..."
"Oh, believe me, nothing could be considered weird now." Hodgins remarked. When everyone looked at him, he held up his hands defensively. "Just saying."
"I know this is gonna make me sound completely clueless," Angel continued, "But what's the date? And the year?"
"It's May 19, 2007." Angela answered, but regretted it almost immediately as Angel's face crumpled.
It had been three years, precisely, to the day, since the battle in LA. Illyria had obviously survived, as, apparently, had Spike. Not the two members of his team that he would have chosen, but since when did he have choices in his life or even in his unlife? His heart hurt at the thought of what he might have missed. Connor could be married by now. Or he could be dead. And Buffy... Buffy might have moved on, as he had always wanted her to. Maybe the cookies were finally done and he wasn't the one enjoying them.
Booth's return pulled Angel from his melancholy reverie. "These should be about your size...or exactly your size, since we seem to be carbon copies of each other." He handed over boxers, a T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Angel accepted them with a nod, not failing to notice the drastic difference in taste in clothing between himself and his look-alike. He then realized the impossibility of his situation. He was naked and in a body bag. The latter problem had a simple solution: he could unzip it and climb out. But he didn't want to get dressed in front of the two ladies present. It was ironic. Two hundred and eighty years on earth, countless sexual encounters and he still couldn't bring himself to get dressed in front on a couple of women.
Realizing the cause of his discomfort, Angela turned around, despite her formidable wicked side wanting to see if he was as well muscled below the waist as his top seemed to promise. Understanding that Brennan was not going to think to do the same, Angela drew her out of the room, leaving the three men alone. Angel got up, despite the protests of his unused muscles, and promptly fell down again. Booth caught him and between the two of them, Angel was able to dress himself. He boosted himself back onto the examining table, realizing that he would not be able to support himself. The men stayed in uncomfortable silence until Brennan and Angela reentered the room. As always, Angela took it upon herself to relieve the tension.
"We haven't been properly introduced, have we? I'm Angela Montenegro, that's Jack Hodgins, Seeley Booth and Temperance Brennan." she said, gesturing to each in turn. Correctly determining that this was not going to be enough to break the ice, she asked, "Is Angel your first name or your last?"
"Neither. It's more of a... nickname." was his brief reply.
Angela racked her brains for a new topic but none was needed because at that precise moment, the lab doors swished open and 110 pounds of blonde muscle flashed through them, stopping short below the platform. Another figure, a male, stood just inside the doorway. They both faced the group crowded around the lab table and they spoke simultaneously in the same tone of wonderment.
A/N: Ok, first chapter done! It was actually longer than expected. Four pages and a bit, although I'm sure that was helped by the huge author's note at the beginning. I know the Bones characters were a little OOC, but I was thinking that maybe they would be in shock. Hugs and muffins to all of you who:
Guess who the two people who came in at the end are.
Spot the change in Angel. (Hint: something he can do that he couldn't do before.)