Title: Lost 1/1 John's POV
Warnings: Strong Language, Sexual Situatons
Disclaimer: Vince McMahon owns all WWE names, terms and logos; Faith Hill owns the song (lyrics in italics) and I own the OCs of Ashley and Haley.
Summary: John Cena and his girlfriend live together across the hall from his best friends, Randy Orton and his girlfriend. During a week-long vacation from being on the road why does John feel the need to reevaluate his current relationship? Will he leave her? What happened? Will their friends be enough to help or will all be lost[Cena/OC & Orton/OC Pairing
Lost 1/1 Is it obvious to you
When you walk into a room
John's POVI felt a heavy sigh pass my lips as I sat down in our living room; I leaned back into the couch rubbing a hand over my face. I just couldn't shake this feeling and it was starting to really get to me. I couldn't make this bottomless feeling that seemed to sit in the pit of my stomach go away. It's like there's something eating away at me and I don't know how to stop it. But what gets me the most is I have no idea what's causing it... I guess it's just me being paranoid but I could have sworn I felt her push me away this morning and I'm pretty sure that's what it is. We were still laying in bed and I tried snuggling closer to her, hoping to get the first-thing-in-the-morning kiss that I had become so used to but before I could get even halfway there she pulled herself out of bed mumbling something about needing a shower. She didn't need a shower at 7:30 in the morning...
We still have another three days of our vacation left and I really want to spend them with her, laid up in our bed, just talking-- passing the time just being with each other but now... now I'm not so sure that's going to happen. Hell, I'm not sure of anything anymore... Ever since we have been home it feels like there is distance between us that has never been there before; it feels like no matter what I try to do for her it doesn't seem to matter, she doesn't notice me like she used to. I honestly feel like I'm being forced to beg for the attention she used to give.
It scares the hell out of me to think she doesn't love me anymore... that at any moment she'll just push me away for the last time and tell me that she's over me and we're done. I love her more than anything in this world, more than I've ever loved anyone-- she taught me how to really love someone but maybe she's found someone else... I know it's been difficult for us since I was moved to Raw but I thought we had worked past that by now. Dave would have told me if he had seen her with someone else on their brand... wouldn't he?
I know my movie didn't help matters any but I was always here on her days off, I always went out of my way to make sure of that; I think we saw each other more during that time than we do now in a normal week with being on different brands. We've been together almost three years now; just the other day I was sitting on a plane heading to the next show and my mind started to daydream. I thought about what it would finally be like to ask her to marry me, to move out of this apartment and buy a house back home, somewhere near my pops-- maybe even eventually raise a family together.
At first I thought I was never going to get married again... hanging out with Adam Copeland every night for two years will do that to a guy real fast; he was full of horror stories. After my first two serious relationships failed I didn't think I'd ever what to see a ring on my finger. But then, I was living the life of a WWE Superstar-- when I was young, stupid and immature. Well, I still am young, stupid and immature but back then I loved the feeling of going out to clubs every night, partying-- getting all the women and booze I could handle in a 12-hour period. It was the easy life, the life I could live forever... or so I thought.
I met Ashley when she came into the business straight from OVW, the same way I had. We instantly clicked; our sense of humor and our common interests were like a magnet that drug us together except for the fact that she didn't drink or party. I thought that would be the only thing that would separate us... Until I got to the point where I found myself wanting to spend more time just hanging out with her instead of going out to party with the rest of the boys. And eventually it finally got to the point where the only time I saw most of the guys was during my matches, sometimes I didn't even work-out or train more like I should have been. She had consumed that much of my life; but I was okay with it, she captivated me that much.
She is absolutely gorgeous, unlike any female I've ever been involved with. She has long, dark brown hair with small tints of red; her eyes are just as dark, except they have a spark to them that I get lost in every single time I look at her. She's 5'7" with just the right amount of tan; like every other Diva but her body is more amazing and she has this sexuality about her that drives me insane. That's what makes her more than just a Diva to me... and I thought I made sure to tell her that everyday. She used to just laugh, playfully hit my arm before leaning in to kiss me, telling me I was absolutely crazy for thinking so highly of her and now... Now, she just gives me a small, half smile-- one that I can almost tell is fake before she turns and walks away, not saying a word.
God, I wish I knew what the hell I did wrong; whatever it was, I swear I didn't mean to do it. She knows how much of a dumbass I can be at times. I would take it back or change it, I would do whatever it takes to have things go back to the way they were between us but somehow I just don't see that happening--- it's just different this time. I'm afraid; for the first time since I was a kid I'm scared, and I don't know where to go from here, absolutely no clue. I know I want to be with her forever but it just seems like we're drifting further apart the more I try. This wasn't how things were supposed to end up; I just don't understand where things got so screwed up and the worst part of it all was the horrible feeling of being completely helpless that hangs over me constantly.
I sighed again, kicking my shoes off under the coffee table. I stood up again, pulling my black t-shirt off over my head as I continued up the stairs toward the bathroom. The silence around me was starting to get to me mentally and she wouldn't be home for another couple of hours yet. If there was one thing I was absolutely sure of was that she loved shopping, especially when my Discover Card was in her purse. A small smile passed my lips in light of our current situation as I walked to wards the shower.
Throwing my shirt in the hamper, I started pulling on my belt as my mind continued to roll a mile a minute-- all my thoughts circling around her, and her only. I wasn't used to being alone in the house like this, not since I knew she was in the same city tonight and not a million miles away; it just felt a little too strange.
As I stepped into the running water, I let the hot steam and water consume my body. I thought about going to see Randy when I got out--- before just going straight to bed. I wasn't about to push her to make love tonight, especially when I wasn't even sure if she was in love with me anymore. God, that thought tore me up inside, I was completely in over my head with this and she was the one drowning me against my will.
I leaned against the shower wall, my head laid flat against the tiles. I definitely needed to talk to Orton, maybe he knew what was going on with her, we were all best friends here; even if he didn't the least he could do was give me some advice. He and his girlfriend have been dating almost as long as Ashley and I and they are already engaged which made me feel even worse, like I had been the one to hold us up within our relationship; like it was somehow my fault... Where did I go wrong with her?
Your face is all I see
And my heart races so fast Ashley's POV "I can't believe we have been here six hours..." I breathed heavily, getting in the drivers side door after throwing my third round of bags in the thankfully spacious backseat. I pulled the keys out of my purse as Haley got in beside me, slamming the door of John's dark red Hummer H2. I loved this car, John loved this car, it was almost like our-- ...nevermind.
"I can, we're shop-a-holics my dear, it's what we do." I laughed a little, shaking my head at her, faking my front a little more. I started the engine and pulled out of our parking space while trying to rid my mind of the thought I had almost processed... the thought I had almost accepted.
"I know that Ley, but seriously, even six hours at a mall we've been to numerous times is a little much for us." She smiled, sighing a little before laying back against the seat in a tried heap. I had warned her about wearing those heels to shop in but she never listens to me, like she obviously should.
"I know, but things seemed kind of tense this morning at breakfast and I thought we could both use some time together; besides, Randy wanted to lay around the apartment all day today and watch Sports Center... or something like that on ESPN. Gahhh... He's such a guy sometimes," she laughed again. She started to search the radio for a good channel as my eye caught a glimpse of the rock on her finger some people called a ring... I just called it a drowning device.
I lifted my elbow to sit against the side of the window as I held my temple against my balled up fist. I couldn't even stare aimlessly at the road without thinking about John; I couldn't do anything anymore without thinking about John... the song on the radio, the random things we're driving past on the street-- it doesn't matter what it is, all I see is John.
"Ash, what's up with you? You've been acting kind of strange lately." I hadn't even noticed she was talking to me until she started snapping her fingers in front of my face. I looked over a little, eying her as I confirmed my suspicion that she was staring at me waiting on her answer. I passed her a weak smile, trying my best to brush her off.
"Nothing's wrong-- I'm just getting antsy with this week off is all. I'm ready to go back to work..." She barely missed a beat before I saw her cross her arms over her seat beat out of the corner of my eye as I continued to drive back to our duplex.
"You're ready to go back to work or you're really ready to get away from John?" Well that was the last thing I expected her to say; she usually wasn't this straight forward, or that blunt. I sighed again, probably for the millionth time since we had left the mall alone. I stopped at a red light as I shook my head a little making up more bullshit in my head as I went.
"No Haley, it's nothing like that... I just miss--" she cut me off before I could get any further into my lie. She had always been good at telling when I was giving someone a load of bullshit, especially when it was her I was trying to give it to and now was no different.
"Ashley, stop okay? Just stop. I know something is up with you and John, Randy's seen it too. You've been acting different around him almost for the entire week; so, what is it? What did he do this time? I'm tried of everyone having to walk on eggshells when we're all together-- what the hell is up with you guys?" I gently laid my head back against my fist as I continued to drive, wishing I could just make the questioning stop. I felt the first tears start to sting my eyes; I wanted to think she couldn't see them through the darkness of the vehicle but I wasn't about to lie to myself. The street lights would give it away even if I didn't all on my own.
"We're just going through another one of our moments is all..." I whispered, hoping she'd take that for what it was-- a lie. I should have known that never would have been good enough for her; not even on my best day and her worst would she have believed something that obviously half-hearted.
"Um, no? You're moments with John only last a few hours and then by the end of the day you've already made up with each other; but this is different, and you know it. It's almost ten'o'clock Ashley and I haven't seen you on that cell phone once today-- have you talked to him at all? I've never seen you two like this before, it's driving me insane! Now spill it woman, don't make me beat it out of you... you know I will!"
I sniffled a few times as I pulled into my normal parking space in our apartment complex. Granted, even though they were more like condos, we never referred to them as such. I glanced over at her again and she was still staring daggers through me, waiting for me to answer all her questions. I wiped a finger underneath my eyes as I pulled the keys from the ignition.
"Do you want to come up and.. uh, help me put up all the stuff I managed to charge to John's credit card today?" I looked at her dead in the eye this time as I noticed hers instantly soften. She knew I meant we were actually going to talk about this but I just felt the need to sugarcoat it incase John was around and I needed an excuse.
She nodded slowly, "sure, let's go." I pulled myself out of the car, getting all my bags from the backseat before locking it up for the night. I dug through my purse with one hand while trying to walk up the stairs at the same time, searching for the keys to my apartment silently hoping John wasn't there and I wouldn't need that excuse.
When we walked in I immediately knew he in fact wasn't home; I couldn't smell his aftershave like I could when he was around, I couldn't hear any of his normal sounds; I knew he wasn't here... which may have been what's best at the moment. I knew Haley wasn't going to leave me alone until I spilled to her the truth of what was going on with my relationship and I damn sure didn't want John to hear any part of that conversation.
"Come on," I whispered, motioning her to follow me back to the master bedroom. I threw my handful of bags up on the bed as she sat hers by the door. "Here's not here," I said calmly, kicking off my heels next to the nightstand. I didn't know where he was or what he was doing... probably because I hadn't cared to call him at all today so I didn't have any right to be mad at him for going MIA.
"He might be across the hall with Randy... you know how those men like watching Sport Center and junk." A small smile broke on my face but it didn't last very long. I turned back to wards the bed as I started to unload all the bags I brought home from the mall as Haley took a seat on the other side of the bed; she watched me closely with her eyes, it bugged me a little but I knew she was just waiting for me to explain myself. I took a deep breath as I hung up my new skirt in the closet.
"This whole week has been weird between John and I..." I sighed, turning back again to see her still staring a hole through me.
"Why?" She asked. "It's never been like this before, did he do something wrong?" I instantly shook my head to wards her in defense.
"No, no-- it's nothing like that. John is absolutely wonderful to me and hasn't done anything wrong. He's never done anything wrong like that to wards me... it's my fault. I'm the one that's trying to push him away..."
"Ash, you're starting to scare me-- are you going to break up with John?" I shook my head again, my eyes shifting to wards the ground.
"No... that's not what I'm saying at all. I want to be with John-- I want to be with John so bad it hurts." I could feels the tears water up in my eyes but I was trying so hard not to let them fall but it didn't take long for them to make themselves known on my face. I sat down on the edge of the bed, a few feet away from her as I just continued to cry; I had barely been able to stop for the last few days.
"...I'm just not sure if he will still want to be with me when he finds out.." I choked, wiping away as many tears as I could although they were quickly replaced with new ones. I thought I heard her gasp as I turned to look at her out of the corner of my eye.
"Ashley... you didn't cheat on John did you?" She asked, shock covered her words as I could tell she even had trouble asking it. I couldn't believe she would think I'd even think about cheating on him. He's my life-- my world, I love that man with everything I have and there's no way in hell I would ever cheat on him.
"...No Haley! God-- I would never... ever, cheat on John and you know that!" I sobbed, my chest heaving as I tried to calm down but it wasn't helping the more I thought about it. She instantly moved a little closer, rubbing a hand over my back to try to help the situation but I knew it wouldn't. It wasn't about to make this any easier.
"I'm sorry Ash... I know you wouldn't do that but I couldn't help by ask; it's the first thing that popped into my head. But if that's not it-- then what? What is it?" I guess it was just my mental reaction to the question mixed with actually knowing the truth to the questions she asked but I knew as soon as I heard her second gasp as my hand laid against my stomach-- she knew.
"Oh my God, you're pregnant, aren't you?" As soon as I heard it come out of her mouth I instantly started to bawl all over again; it was starting to get harder to see clearly but I didn't know what else to do-- I was scared to death... I don't want John to leave me.
"Ashley-- why? Why are you crying? You should be happy-- you're having a baby! This is good news... isn't it?" I shook my head, holding my hand still flat against my stomach as I could feel the very tiny bump already. I could feel the lump in my throat as I tried to calm myself down again. I knew this wasn't good for the baby-- and the last thing I wanted to do was put my child in danger.
"John doesn't know yet-- I'm--I--I don't know how to tell him... I don't wa-want him to--to leave me..." I lowered my head to lay it against the palm of my other free hand. I could feel her hand moving up against my back again.
"John isn't going to leave you because you're pregnant-- he'll be happy Ash, you know he will."
"He's said be--fore he doesn't-- want children." I stuttered, sniffling a couple million times.
"That was before he started dating you-- that doesn't count in the least. Have you talked with him about children or marriage?" I shook my head no, without saying a word.
"Hunnie, you need to tell him before you work yourself up like this... You know this isn't good for you or your baby-- calm down, please? Here, why don't you try to calm down, collect your thoughts for the time being and get ready for bed-- you'll need to get all the rest you can from now on... and I'll go over to my place and see if John's over there with Randy. If he is, I'll send him over here right away-- if not, I'll give you a call and let you know, ok?" She asked, getting up from her position on the bed as I followed in suit. She hugged me, as I cried on her shoulder for a minute. As I pulled apart from her I looked in her eyes and could tell she was right; I knew she was right-- he needed to know, whether he was going to leave or not.
"Okay..." I whispered, sniffling again as I watched her walk to wards the bedroom door.
"Ash-- it's gunna be okay, you know that right? I know John, he's not going to walk out on you or his child-- ever; and even if he did, Randy and I will always be here for you." I nodded, swallowing hard, thinking about the task that laid ahead of me.
"I know, Haley-- thank you." She just smiled lightly before exiting. As soon as I heard her pick up her shopping bags and the front door slam behind her I instantly fell against the bed again letting my tears and emotions take me over.
I never knew a rush to feel like that
Every time you're touching me
I grabbed my bags by the door and as quietly as I could exited her apartment. I silently prayed to myself that John really was with Randy watching that damn Sports Center. He needed to get his ass back to this apartment and find out he had a kid on the way; I'm not sure how much more she could take.
I couldn't help but smile everytime I thought about it though. I knew Ashley had been more than a little upset about Randy and I getting engaged before her and John but now she was pregnant with his child-- how much more could you ask for? Randy and I haven't even talked about children and she's already going to have a baby-- who was made from the love and passion they share between each other; I honestly thought that was the most beautiful thing in the world.
I hope John saw it that way as well-- I don't know what I would do if he left her high and dry, a single mom; not to mention what she would do-- she's already in shambles from just the idea of him leaving her. I could never imagine John leaving her-- baby or no baby... but with the way things have been between them lately, I'm pretty sure it's an all or nothing situation; this will make or break their relationship and I could only stand by and watch, hoping for the best.
I pulled out my own set of keys to our apartment, quickly opening the door in front of me. I could faintly hear the television in the living room as I walked in through the kitchen. I threw my bags down on the table along with my keys, purse and cell phone.
"Baby-- I'm home!" I half-yelled into the next room hoping for some sign of life. When I expected to hear Randy reply back with some cheesy pick-up line like any other night all I got was a manly guttural yell from two obvious voices.
"AWW! COME ON!" Instantly I rolled my eyes, yep, they were watching Sports Center, if not an actual game. Professional wrestlers were just the same as normal guys when it came to time off; football games, potato chips and a couple of beers... it really didn't take much to satisfy them.
"That pass was totally incomplete!" I heard only John's voice this time and I sighed in relief, I definitely hadn't wanted to make the phone call back to Ashley just to tell her no one knew where he was. Not to mention I would be the only one to get his ass in gear and back to his apartment without question. Leave it up to Randall and they would sit there in front of that television all night.
I walked into the living room to confirm the previous thought; there they sat, in front of the big-screen-- beers in one hand, a hand-full of potato chips in the other. I shook my head as I went over to sit in the recliner... the one Randy happen to be sitting in. I plopped down across his lap only to hear him complain.
"Ow, good God Ley-- I didn't hear you come in." Out of the corner of my eye I could tell John was looking at us now but I knew I couldn't jump the gun on him. I didn't want him to suspect anything about Ashley's news. I wanted him to find out the truth from her, and only her.
"That's cuz' you have your fat head stuck in ESPN." He smirked at me, but as I waited for another cheesy pick-up line all I got was an annoyance.
"...and now you're blocking said ESPN." He continued to grin, trying to look around me to catch a glimpse of the game. I rolled my eyes at him but I knew the only way I'd get this game off the screen and John over to his apartment is if Randy was with me, not against me. I used the one thing I knew Orton could never, ever resist, even over any sports game... me.
"Oh really... I am? I hadn't noticed." My voice dripped with that sweet and innocent gimmick that I knew would get his attention immediately; the voice I used when I was in the mood. I got closer to his face, brushing my nose along his jawline softly before wrapping my arms around his neck. He sat his beer down on the table beside us then, a knowing glance in my direction told me he was catching my drift.
"Yeah, you're kinda obstructing my view..." I lightly laid my lips on his as I brought my hands from around the back of his neck down against his chest; gently, I raked my nails against the fabric of his t-shirt. He growled deep against my mouth as I smirked into him. Hook, line and sinker... it worked every single time. And yes, I take pride in that.
I pulled back, giving him that equally knowing glance, that one that said there would be more instore for him if we were alone and there was no football game to speak of... I stood up off of him, finally acting like I noticed John sitting on the couch, he was obviously trying to ignore the small show.
"Oh, hey JC-- I didn't see ya there..." I smirked, he knew it was an obvious sarcastic lie. He rolled his eyes at me this time but I could see the right emotion in his eye. The tension with Ashley was eating away at him, it was so obvious by the look of him it hurt.
"Surrrre you didn't Haley-- uh huh... I really believe that one." I laughed a little as I watched Randy stand beside me only to flip the television off, throwing the remote down. I sighed triumphly, I worked like a charm, every time.
"Well, Cena-- I think it's time I hit the sack for the night... Uh, it was a pleasure hanging out with you tonight and um... I hope you use my advice." John stood, grabbing his beer can to throw away on his way out. John was always a polite gentleman, no doubt. But I couldn't help but wonder what advice he had gotten-- and from Randy no less; that worried me.
"Alright, alright-- I can tell when I'm not wanted; I'll go quietly. Just make sure, when you 'hit the sack' try not to hurt her, ok?" He grinned, motioning to wards me as I felt a blush take over my cheeks. Randy had been a little obvious in what our intension's were so I couldn't blame him for such a joke.
Randy laughed a little before he turned to start walking him to wards the door; he hadn't made it two steps when John threw his hands up in protest.
"No, no-- don't bother-- I wouldn't want you to lose your mood," he told Randy, laughing a little as well, but I could still see that it was half-hearted. "I'll see myself out, goodnight guys."
I never did believe in anything
I couldn't hold between my fingers
John's POV I exited out the front door, pulling it closed behind me. I sighed heavily, my gut full of worry as I stared at the door in front of me. They lived right across the hallway from our apartment so it wasn't like I could prolong the inevitable anymore than I already had. I knew I had to talk to her about all of this at some point, it was now or never either way you look at it-- as if there was more than one. I just really hoped it wasn't something serious-- she really does mean the world to me and I definitely don't want lose the only woman I've ever really loved.
I took my key out, sliding it in the door to unlock it. Walking in, I could instantly smell the strawberries and cream scent that was only her so it was obvious that she was indeed finally home. I couldn't stop my mind from wondering how much longer she would actually call our apartment home, though if things couldn't be worked out between us.
I headed up to wards the bedroom we shared, she had already turned off all the lower lights so I knew she would be there. I could already hear the shower running before I even walked in the door. I'd have to wait just a little longer to talk to her I guessed as I sighed heavily again-- somewhat in relief and frustration as well.
I pulled my t-shirt off, over my head, throwing it into a pile on the floor. My jean shorts were soon to follow suit as I stripped of them as well. I laid my dog tags on the nightstand before I climbed into our bed in just my boxers; all I could do now was wait.
The cool sheets felt good against my skin but at the same time, it just didn't feel the same. I could still smell her scent stronger than ever on the pillows which just made the tightening in my chest that much worse. I was driving myself insane thinking about the number of things that could be going on with her... I guess that's why I went to Randy in the first place-- that's just how crazy it had made me.
"Randy, man, I don't know what's going on with her man-- it just doesn't make any sense... It's like I thought we were going to come home and have this amazing week off, finally a vacation and for the first couple of days it was. But, ever since I came back from the gym Tuesday she's been acting like I've done something wrong. I swear to God I don't know what I did! If I did, I'd sure as hell do whatever I needed to do to fix it-- I can't take much more of this..."
He stared back at me, his hand stroking his chin thoughtfully as he nodded a little bit.
"Yeah, I've noticed she's been a little edgy lately no doubt. But it makes it worse when you don't even know what you did to piss her off-- women hate that, especially when you ask them about what you did. They expect you to just know and be able to fix it... But, at the same time-- all I can tell you is to talk to her about it. Maybe she'll say something that'll give you a hint as to what your dumb ass did this time."
I rolled my eyes at his suggestion, even though I knew he was right; that's all I could do to work this out. It was starting to really get to me, especially this morning when she pushed me away. That hurt me more than I ever thought possible, she blew me off like I wasn't even an issue.
I sighed heavily, trying to shake those thoughts from my mind. I was jumping the gun, I knew I was-- but at the same time, I couldn't help it. It was an automatic reflex to the situation she was putting me in right now.
"I guess you're right-- there's nothing else I can do. I just hope she's found someone else or she wants to leave me... I don't think I could handle that. I don't know what I'd do without her, man." He reassuringly slapped his hand against my back before squeezing my shoulder; we stood in his kitchen, at the bar over a beer as we waited for the big game to start.
"Cena, she's not going to leave your ass so don't even think about it like that. Have you not noticed you're the one person her world revolves around? Damn dude, it can't get anymore obvious-- there's no way in hell she would break up with you. She looks at you the way Haley looks at me; trust me, man-- I know someone in love when I see them."
That arrogant smirk washed over his face as he suggestively looked at me. I nodded though, agreeing with him. Ashley and I were in love, I knew that-- I just didn't know what was bothering her and that wouldn't stop eating at me until it was taken care of.
"You know I'm right man," he finished, picking up his bottle of Bud from the counter. "She's probably just upset you keep leaving the seat up your something..." A light chuckle passed my lips as I stood up from the bar stool, grabbing my beer as well.
"Yeah... something like that." He nodded, picking up a bag in his hand.
"Come on, the game is about to start." He chuckled, walking into the living room and to wards his big screen as I followed behind him. Somehow I didn't think I'd be able to pay that much attention to the football though...
But the way you make me feel
It's just so real the way it lingers Maybe I should have gone to Haley instead of Orton-- I'm almost positive she would have had better advice than that guy, for sure. I don't know what I was thinking... momentary lasp of sound mind is what I summed it up to.
I didn't have time to dwell over it though-- as soon as the thought processed through my system I heard the bathroom door open as the steam that filled the room was finally able to escape and disappear into nothing once inside our warm bedroom. I turned my head a little to look over at the doorway as I watched her walk out; a small smile inspight of the situation crossed my features as my eyes scanned over her.
Her obviously wet hair was tossed up into a towel on the top of her head-- that simple task brought out some of the most beautiful things about her. It made her neck seem even that much more extended, the hair removed from her face so her big, bright eyes stood out that much more. Not to mention the second towel wrapped around her mid-section. It stopped about mid-way between her hip and her knees and dipped low between the valley of her breasts-- leaving little to my imagination. Her skin was tan and smooth, I could already feel my body ache with the desire and want to just touch her.
She stopped for a beat, her darker eyes locking on mine as she silently watched me, watch her. I wish she would be the first to say something but I knew that wouldn't be the case. I knew how awkward it made her feel, and that's the last thing I wanted her to feel right now.
"Hey baby," I whispered, trying to make the smile on my face a little bit wider, hoping the mood between us would lightly a little-- I didn't expect that to work and I'm glad I didn't because it failed. The indescribable emotion on her face seem to fade a little as she walked to wards her side of the bed to sit down on the edge.
She took lotion from her bedside drawer as she started to work it into the skin that the small towel left uncovered; something she always did after she got out of the shower or a relaxing bubble bath. That's where the real scent of Strawberries and Cream came from, nine times out of ten.
"Hi Johnny," she barely whispered. If I hadn't been so into watching her the way I was, I probably wouldn't have heard her. She almost sounded sick or something-- it was strange, no doubt. I decided it was then obvious I would have to take matters into my own hands now.
If I was going to get a reaction out of her, I would do it the best way I knew how-- physically.
I get lost inside your stare
Lost when you're not there
I could hardly breath feeling his body so close to mine like this-- finally... I didn't know what to say or do and it was driving me insane. I still wasn't one-hundred percent positive Haley was right about this. I didn't know if John was really going to take the news that I was now 8 weeks pregnant with his child like she thought he would-- or should, at least.
I couldn't get the image of John yelling and screaming at me, before leaving me completely to raise our child on my own out of my head; it was on constant replay. I know Haley and Randy will always be there for me but that just isn't the same, no where close. I want my baby to have a mother and a father-- I want my baby's father to be there for the both of us... But I'm still not sure if I can bring myself to tell him yet or not...
I jumped a little as I felt movement on the bed behind me. I only had to turn my head ever-so-slightly to tell it was John. He had gotten out from under the covers, moving to his knees as he sat on the bed right behind me now. I could feel my body stiffen a little with him being even closer than he was before.
I had already applied my lotion to both my legs and feet and I was getting ready to start the first one of my arms but I stopped when John reached over from behind me to gently take the bottle out of my hand. I let him take it, knowing he was just trying to let me know he was there for me with whatever it was that was causing me to act this way-- but then again he had no clue that involved his growing son or daughter from within me.
"Here..." he whispered, his husky, hot breath sending a chill down my spine as he started to unwrap the towel in my hair. "Let me," he stated evenly, tossing the damp cloth to the ground at my feet. I just continued to sit there as best as I could.
My wet hair fell down against my back and around onto my face but it only stayed in it's place for a moment before he had gathering it all onto one side, leaving the opposite side of my neck still completely exposed.
I let out a small, soft gasp as I felt his lips against the skin there; his lips worked magic as they lightly sucked and nibbled at me. He followed a trail of kisses as far down as he could go before going back up in reverse to stop just behind my ear.
"I missed you today," he hotly whispered against my ear, causing another shiver to retreat down my back. He nipped a few more times in the hollow of my neck from behind me before taking to the task at hand.
"I missed you too, baby," I almost had to choke that out-- I'll be honest. Not because I really didn't miss him, because I did. I missed the hell out of him and it was absolutely killing me now while he sat here doing on these things to me and I couldn't really enjoy them.
He put some of my lotion into the palm of his hand before rubbing it into both of his much larger, stronger hands. When he was satisfied with the result he slowly started to work his hands over my shoulders and down the front of my chest, stopping just above the towel.
I let my head lean to one side or the other depending on his movements as he massaged my body into oblivion; he was so good at this, words couldn't even describe it. I subconsciously let out a small moan every once in a while when he worked on a sore or tightened tendon.
As he started to slow his motions finally, with most of the lotion completely rubbed into my arms, chest and back- he returned his lips to my flesh again, this time the sucking and nibbling on the opposite side of my neck. A some-what louder groan escaped me as his arms wrapped around my waist, playfully tugging at the towel that covered the rest of my body. His hands slide up underneath the bottom of the cloth to rub gently up against my thighs, his bare chest pressing up against my back as I leaned into him now.
I wanted so bad to continue this with him, obviously knowing where it would end up but the longer it went on, the worse I started to feel about it. I couldn't make love to him knowing that I hadn't resolved anything with him-- that I hadn't told him the truth about becoming a father, 7 months from now.
I stopped him, my hands pressing his into my thighs for the time being just to make sure the movement stopped. I pulled myself up off of him, turning around a little to face him directly. I could hear the voices in my head again with all the negative thoughts I'd had about this and now that I was finally sitting in front of him, his crystal blue eyes piercing mine-- I knew it was going to be even harder to tell him than I had thought it would be.
Tears stung at the back of my eyes as he continued to stare down at me in confusion as to why I had stopped his foreplay moments ago after obviously seeming so into it. I sighed a little as he gently took one of my hands into his own, waiting for me to speak up.
"John, I know things haven't been normal between us for the past couple of days... and I'm sorry about that, it's all my fault... You didn't do anything wrong-- in fact, you're perfect... I know we were getting pretty into it just now, and I'm sorry too for having to stop you like that. Don't get me wrong, I want to make love to you, especially now-- it's just that... it's just-- there's something I've got to tell you first..."
When everything I have doesn't mean a thing
If it's without you I could feel the first few tears start to slide down my cheeks, but they didn't last long. John reached up and wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs as he held my face in his hands. He held onto me a little bit longer before bringing my face to his as he lightly brushed his lips against mine in a soft, barely-there kiss.
"Ash, you know you can tell me anything-- you can talk to me about anything, no matter what. I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what and there's nothing that will ever change that, ok? I love you-- through thick and thin... just tell me what's been bothering you though, please? I've been driving myself insane trying to figure it out..."
His voice trailed and I sighed again, leaning up against his chest, my forehead against his chin. I realized I instinctively had a hand lightly pressed against my stomach but I don't think he noticed at all, or could see it for that matter with our current positions. But more tears rose up into my eyes away, I knew it was now or never-- win or lose, he had to know about the baby growing inside of me-- his baby... our baby.
"Johnny," I half-choked, pulling back away from him again so I would be able to look up into his eyes-- even though I'm pretty sure it would make it harder, I didn't care. I couldn't take the cheap way out of this-- it wasn't fair to him.
I took both his hands in my own as I continued to stare up at him; my semi-wet hair clung to the sides of my face and back, the towel still wrapped around me and John sitting before me in his boxers. This wasn't exactly how I envisioned the perfect moment to tell him but I wasn't about to complain. We were here, at home, alone, together and no matter how scared I happened to be-- John Cena was going to be a daddy... and I had to tell him, now.
"John, I--I know we haven't talked too much about our future together... I love being with you and around you so much it's never really mattered to me that much-- that we didn't have a plan, that we--we just went one day at a time... but I can't do that anymore. Everyone knows where you stand with the thought of marriage and.. and-- children but..."
I stood up, quickly trying to whip the tears from my face even though I knew he had already seen them. I thought he would try to butt-in on me now, given the pause but he didn't. I think he sensed how serious this was now so he just kept quiet, waiting for me to continue. I turned back around to see that he had moved to my previous spot now, his bare feet touching the carpet in front of me; I stood almost in between his open legs as he gently took my hands back into his, squeezing gently, pushing me to continue.
If it's a dream, don't wake me up
I'll scream if this isn't love
If it's a dream, don't wake me up
"...J--John, I don't know how to t-ell you this... so.. so I'm just going to say it... I'm-- I'm... I'm pregnant." I broke down, taking one hand away from his to press against his knee just to hold myself up. From what I could tell he hadn't said anything or even moved yet with made this that much more nerve-racking. I hadn't even looked at him yet, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid the realization would hit him and he would leave me to raise this baby all by myself...
I was completely stunned, I wasn't even sure if I was breathing at this point. I couldn't believe it. Me. John Cena. A father? I hadn't expected this-- it was the last thing I would have thought would be the reason for her behavior but it did explain a lot. But, ready or not, there's a baby on the way... my baby.
I subconsciously reached out to her, wrapping my arms around her waist as I pulled her to me. I pressed my cheek against her stomach through the towel; I could feel her body shaking against mine but a little relief washed over me when I felt her arms go around my neck, her cheek pressed against my forehead. Her wet hair caused chill bumps to rise up on my arms but after that news I honestly couldn't feel anything but her.
"...how long?" I asked, muffled against the fabric of her towel but still loud enough for her to hear me obviously.
"12 weeks," she choked. God, three months and we didn't even know? How was that even possible?
"When did you find out?" I asked again, even though I'm pretty sure I already knew.
"Monday morning-- while you were at the gym." She answered quietly, almost like she was actually afraid to answer my questions. She didn't have a reason to be though-- I hope she didn't think I wasn't okay with this; the truth be told... I couldn't be more happy or excited for that matter-- especially knowing she was honestly the love of my life, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and only her. "Why did you wait so long to tell me?" I continued, wanting to know exactly how she felt about this on the inside-- sometimes she wore her emotions on her sleeve, sometimes I had to dig for them but either way I wanted to know how she felt now knowing she was pregnant with my child.
"...I wasn't sure if you would be happy, I was so scared you would leave me if you knew-- I didn't know what to do... I still don't." I slowly pulled back away from her but I kept my arms wrapped around her waist. Looking up into her watery brown eyes, I studied her for a minute before speaking.
"Do you want this baby with me, Ashley? Do you want to have my child? I know we never really had the marriage/kids relationship conversation but I never wanted you to think I didn't want any of that. You are my life, the most important person in my life and I want nothing more than to marry you and to have a family with you-- no matter how people thought I felt about it in the past. You have made me realize, especially now, how great those things can be. But, I want you to want it too..."
She instantly smiled, bringing a sigh of relief over me as I continued to watch her stare down at me. She put her palms on either side of me, flat against the tops of my shoulders-- the immediate happiness beamed from her now.
"Of course I want this baby with you John, I've never wanted to have anyone else's child. I was hoping I could one day talk you into marriage and starting a family, I just never got up enough courage to act on it. When I found out about being pregnant, I was so happy but my mind instantly went into worst case scenario mode... I'm sorry for doubting you but I want nothing more than to have a family with you and grow old together. Nothing could ever make me happier or more complete."
If bein' lost means never knowin'
How it feels without you
If bein' lost means never knowin'
"I can't believe that's our baby..." I whispered, smiling a little more as her tiny hand covered over mine as it laid against her. I gently laid my head against her, hand hands going back to rub through my hair as my ear pressed against her stomach; I held onto her with my arms around her and I honestly never wanted this moment to end.
I never knew I could be this happy... When I finally pulled back and looked up at her, her deep eyes glistening over with tears yet again; more than likely from the wild hormones running through her. She definitely had that glow around her and I started to wonder why I hadn't noticed before now. "You know, you're glowing... you're absolutely beautiful..." I gently clasped my hands in hers and gently pulled her to wards me as I laid back against the mattress, her body resting lightly on mine.
She leaned down into me, kissing passionately as I felt her straddle my hips slowly; she was trying to concentrate on her lips pressing into mine than anything else. I knew at this point she would obviously feel me pressing against her, hard and yearning if only because of our new reality.
"Ash, is it safe? What about the baby?" I held my hands against her hips to still them when I started to feel her grind against me slight. I never well knew where this could lead and how fast without thinking.
"...it's okay.. really..." she whispered, her voice laced with lust. "I want to show the father of my child how much I love him..." she leaned down without another word and starting placing hot kisses down into the nape of my neck. My eyes instantly closed at the sensation, rolling off to one side to give her more access.
I wanna stay lost (forever)
(I wanna stay lost forever with you)
I moaned as Ashley nipped and licked her way to wards my ear. I reopened my eyes to easily roll our bodies over so that she lay on her back now. I looked down into her eyes, only lit now from the dim light she had left on in the bathroom after her shower. All I could see was the deep love she felt for me; it radiated from her like the glow she had now acquired.
Our lovemaking went over leaps and bounds compared to any other time we had shared together in recent memory. This time it was different, we were different. I now saw her as my girlfriend who I love more than my own life, the woman I plan to marry one day-- and now the mother of my child that is currently growing inside of her. I wanted nothing more than to show her how much she really means to me, in every way I knew possible...
My hands expertly explored her body as I gently pulled the towel from her body, throwing it off the side of the bed randomly. I made sure to ignore no curve, dimple or sensitive spot on her soft, tanned skin. Tonight was about us, our love and celebrating our new child.
No, this feeling doesn't end
It's with me everywhere I am
Hope it never goes away
It's like defying gravity
Losin' all control and bein' free
And I always wanna stay
I can't remember a time where I've felt so cherished and loved; not that John didn't show it all the time-- because he did, don't get me wrong, but now it was increased 10-fold. He is an absolutely amazing lover, it was sweet, with the upmost gentleness and care. At times, I had to wonder if he thought he was afraid he would hurt me or something... It means so much to me though, I'm glad he thinks that much of me but at the same time, I wish he wouldn't worry so much.
John's mouth was currently placing open-mouth kisses on my now-sensitive nipples before trailing his way down to my abdomen, pausing, I could tell. A part of his life grew inside of me now-- in there. It amazed him obviously as he stared down at it. He starting placing tender kisses all over my stomach as I couldn't help but wiggle beneath him at the ticklish attention. He prolonged the foreplay that much more by sinking down further, kissing my inner thighs, feather soft. John left tiny love bites in his wake, it was absolutely driving me crazy...
I decided to surprise John by suddenly turning the tables on him. I rose up and gently pushed him onto his back, watching him stare up at me with a small half-smile on his face; his dimples shining, making my heart melt. I leaned over him, taking his earlobe between my teeth gently, smirking as it pulled a groan from his lips.
"Let me take care of you," I whispered into his ear, before kissing his cheek a few times for affect.
"Mmmmm Ash," he moaned as I lead the kisses down his hard jaw line, neck and finally to his chest.
He had already stripped himself of his t-shirt and jeans, leaving my job that much easier. I leaned down over him further, pulling off his boxers as they slipped into the floor as well. I took a moment to silently admire his amazing, hard body briefly. I still couldn't believe how I somehow ended up with such a handsome, caring man who only belonged to me.
I resumed my ministrations by doing exactly what John had done to me. My mouth nibbling at his chest and phenomenal six-pack abdomen. I slowly started to continue down to his own inner thighs; I smiled to myself as I sensed his frustration on how slowly I was moving.
I looked up to stare into his eyes for a few beats before I went to it and enveloped him in my warm mouth. John moaned with pleasure as I swirled my tongue around the way I knew would drive him insane; they way he liked it. I moved up and down on his hard member, sucking slowly. He arched his back somewhat, sinking his head back deeper into the pillows behind him.
"Oh God Ashley, that feels amazing," he placed a hand on the back of my head and I smirked to myself as he haphazardly moved my hair back and out of my face. A few minutes passed and I could sense him start to tense up more and more.
"Wait baby," he sighed, pulling gently on the hair his fingers were now threading through. "I don't want to come yet," he whispered.
I immediately knew exactly what he wanted. I climbed up on top of John, positioned him with me, and came down slowly. We both let out a moan in ecstasy at the final contact we had both been seeking. John gripped his hands on my hips and lead me to move up and down on his member. After a few minutes his hands moved up to my breasts as he kneaded them and I continued to move up and down in pure bliss.
I never thought that I'd let go
Long enough to fall for someone deeply
Who had the power to erase my fears
And find me so completely
I watched her progress into a faster, harder pace even though my version was a little blurred. I was intent on meeting each one of her movements with one of my own, quicker. I thrust up with as much force as I possibly could without hurting her as she came down equally as hard, repeatedly. She lost control and climaxed with a scream and I soon came close right after her.
Ashley laid on top of me, completely out of breath. I'm sure she could hear my heartbeat pounding against my chest without trying very hard. She felt good on my hands as they roamed up and down her back which was now slick with sweat.
I gently removed myself from her and laid her back on the bed beside me, leaning over to kiss her supple, already kiss-swollen lips. "Are you okay?" I asked, softly as I held her close, against my chest.
"Of course Johnny, more than okay," she sighed and luxuriated in the aftermath of their lovemaking. I could already see that her pregnancy was giving off that glow that made her look more beautiful than ever. I promise myself right then it would be the experience it was meant to, with me as an attentive father to be.
I get lost inside your stare
Lost when you're not there
When everything I have doesn't mean a thing
If it's without you
If it's a dream, don't wake me up
I'll scream if this isn't love
If bein' lost means never knowin'
How it feels without you
I wanna stay lost (forever)
(I wanna stay lost forever with you)