Author's Note: OMG OMG WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THISSSSS? SKITTY UPDATED II?! It's a miracle, I know. x.o; Well... I had most of this chapter written already, and then I went through and edited it for better-ness today, and finished it up real quicklike. X3 Enough Cultural Week fun for this semester; it's getting distracting! D: Hope you like the end of it, and I'll try to update sooner next time.
PS: I actually have most of their (by most, I mean a few) outfits planned out. XD; I could only refer to a few of them, though. If you want, you can ask, and I'll fill you in on anyone's outfit! Granted I know what they wore... (PSS: When it refers to the Doctor, it's Doctor Who. The fourth Doctor, to be precise.)
"Are you going to be the one in the skirt?"
Deidara gave a violent start, dropping the lighter in his hands, simultaneously snapping his head up to glare down his unwanted visitor. He was surprised, however, to find that it was neither Kabuto nor his roommate--it was Haku, of all people. "What the hell do you want, yeah?" he snapped, hoping his aggression would scare the younger boy away.
"Kabuto is looking for you," Haku said, pulling at the bottom hem of his purple sweater.
"How did you find me first, then?"
"Zabuza saw you sneaking up to the roof," he said with a smile. He sat down beside Deidara, drawing his knees up to his chest. The blonde saw how it was that Haku was able to sneak up on him then; he was wearing some sort of furry moccasins, probably made from real animal hide. He was silent, as opposed to those in regular shoes.
"Why didn't you turn me in, then? As you pointed out, I should be in a skirt right now." He wasn't in a skirt, of course. There was no way in hell he'd get into a skirt without being tortured. Deidara was, however, in one of his outfits from New York, so technically he was following the rules. He tugged his hood down lower around his face, just in case Haku had brought someone else with him. Hopefully he wouldn't get recognized right away.
"I actually asked if you were going to be the one to cross dress…" Haku replied quietly, playing with the tassels on his hat. "I wasn't sure which of the Americans was going to. You and Kakashi both look thoroughly…male."
Deidara snorted, not dignifying that with a comment.
"Are either of you going to dress as a girl?"
"Probably not, unless someone catches us, yeah…" Deidara hadn't brought anything remotely feminine, and he doubted Kakashi had, either, so he wasn't even sure how they were expected to cross dress and stay culturally stereotypical. True, either he or Kakashi probably had enough fashion sense to throw something together from some of their clothes and some borrowed skirts, but it didn't mean they were going to.
"Kakuzu is in a dress," the brunette said conversationally, smiling. "Kabuto rounded up a few friends and stared down both Kakuzu and Pein…"
"Is that a threat, yeah?"
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Deidara asked cautiously. He and Haku only knew of each other. This was the first actual time they had said anything past a nervous greeting to each other.
"Are you going to be staying another year?" Haku asked instead.
"Don't know, yeah."
"I think I am. And this clause would catch me next year, and while I would be uncomfortable, I would probably be pressured into doing it. But not if I could look back in this year and see someone else get away with breaking the rules for the full week…" So it was in self-interest that Haku was helping him. That was better than pure kindness, Deidara decided. He could trust someone looking out for himself first, and then others as a product of that self-preservation instinct. "Plus," Haku continued after a few moments, "You and I both already look feminine. I've heard you've been mistaken for a girl several times already. I have, too. Why make it worse for either of us to dress like a girl?"
Deidara nodded thoughtfully. He was just beginning to trust Haku when a hand came down from above and grabbed the top of his hood, hauling him upright. Instead of fighting it, Deidara just raised his arms and slipped out of the hoodie, landing on his knees as he rolled to see who it was this time. Zabuza--of course. He shot a betrayed glare at Haku before darting off, just in time to avoid a second grab by the taller student.
"Damn," Zabuza remarked just as Deidara reached the stairs. "He's fast when he wants to be."
"Yes, he is. He's only protecting himself, however." Haku nodded, only feeling a tiny bit sorry for Deidara. "Well, we've done our part. Can we go to lunch now?"
Sasori had always known that Kabuto was an excellent strategist, but he had to admit he was a bit surprised when Kakashi turned out to be one, too. They had agreed to send Haku up as potential bait with Zabuza as backup, but they had their exits covered, anyway.
Sasori was currently camped out with Kisame at the foot of the main staircase, hiding just behind each corner. In pairs, others had eagerly helped the cause; why should they suffer when Deidara got off scot-free, right? The French student was pathetically amazed at the school's depravity when it came to the phrase 'misery loves company'. They weren't going to let anyone get away with anything less than what they were suffering.
"I think it's funny," Kisame said, breaking into Sasori's thoughts.
"German. You're supposed to be speaking German," Sasori corrected sourly, though he was also speaking English. Mostly.
"Eh." He shrugged, adjusting the armband on his uniform. With all of the ruckus caused by Deidara, he had been free to change back into his Nazi uniform, which he did gleefully. So he also benefited from Deidara's potential pain, Sasori noticed. "You're over thinking this. It isn't a Psych assignment."
"I'm not over thinking anything," Sasori replied, peeking around the corner as he did so. Still no sign of any fleeing Americans. By this time, he had to assume that Deidara had taken the other staircase down, or had been caught by Zabuza. "I'm just… Thinking. Un peu."
"Ja, yeah right…" Kisame sighed, resting the back of his head against the wall. "How much longer do you think we will have to wait here? Lunch is almost over, and I didn't get to eat…"
"I didn't get to, either, you know," he said irritably, shooting a glare across the hallway to his comrade. "Deidara will either come down this way, or he'll go down Kabuto's hallway. They'll send someone once he's captured."
Just then, the door above them banged open. Both pressed themselves flat against their respective walls, hearing footsteps clomp down the stairs in leaps and bounds. Kisame held out his hand, counting down silently. Five, four, three, two…
Deidara streaked out of the stairwell before they reached one. Kisame had faster reflexes than Sasori, and also the bulk to back it up; he tackled Deidara and they both went sliding down the hall. Sasori barely got out of the way to avoid getting tackled as well. "Shit! It was a trap, wasn't it?!" Deidara howled, struggling to get away from Kisame, but the German held him down firmly.
"Shall we send him right to the gas chambers? Or do you think he's worthy of a camp?" Kisame asked, grinning broadly at Sasori.
The redhead regarded him flatly. "You're the reason there's so many neo-Nazis in the world right now, I would bet."
The pair force-marched Deidara back down to the lunchroom, which was mostly empty, mercifully. They had a sparse few minutes left of lunch, but they were definitely going to make use of it. There would be no dodging the rules when it came to Cultural Week, after all.
Most of the exchange students were assembled, plus a few of the students who stuck around to see the plan through to the end. They formed a ring around the main interests: Deidara and Kabuto. The Brit was standing in front of him, looking for all the world like the leader of some evil organization. Deidara was seated at one of the tables, Kisame on one side, Kakuzu on the other. Even the hilarity of seeing Kakuzu in a dress couldn't do anything to lighten Deidara's mood, unless it was to let him die laughing.
"Maybe he should be the one wearing this uniform," Kisame whispered to Deidara, nodding towards Kabuto. He grunted in response.
"I heard that," Kabuto said flatly. Kisame didn't seem in the least apologetic.
"Just put him in a dress and be done with it," Hidan remarked around a sandwich. Most of them had gone without lunch, but he was the only one attempting to multitask in eating as well.
"It's not so simple…" Kabuto faked a sigh, shooting Kakashi a glance. "See, with an infraction of this sort… It will just have to be rectified." He snapped his fingers, and Kakashi was suddenly sitting beside the condemned Deidara. He looked somewhat confused, probably wondering how he had gotten there so quickly. The answer was that Zabuza had done the same thing to him as Deidara; snuck up behind him and acted silently.
"Both of you have disobeyed the rules," Kabuto cut off his boyfriend. Kakashi caught on with a horrified expression. Deidara smiled for the first time, a dark, nasty smile. He wasn't getting dragged down alone, it seemed. "The rules state that both sexes must be represented. And yet, neither of you could pass as female."
"Unless it was a dyke," Hidan added.
Kabuto rolled his eyes. "…Yes, that. Regardless! Here is what will happen. Both of you can dress however you'd like for the rest of the day. I'm not going to make either of you dress as a female today. But--tomorrow, both of you will."
Kakashi had come up with the plan of using Haku and Zabuza to capture Deidara. But now, Sasori saw, Kabuto had out-planned even that; he had used that to his advantage to get what he wanted. The silver-haired student smiled contentedly like a cat as the bell rang and they all filed away for their classes. Sasori exhaled, glad it wasn't him this year.
It was halfway through sixth period--Psychology for both Kabuto and Kakashi. The two were studiously ignoring each other, having had one period to cool themselves off, which was entirely too much time for either boy to think about the situation. Kabuto, on one hand, wasn't going to listen to any begging or arguments. His decision stood firm. And, let's face it, he wanted to see Kakashi in a dress. Kakashi, on the other hand, was feeling mutinous and betrayed by his boyfriend. He had been nothing but loyal in the capture of Deidara, and look how he was treated! Despicable.
"All's fair in love and war," Kabuto hissed out of the corner of his mouth.
"Which one is this supposed to be?" Kakashi replied, equally venomous.
Kabuto didn't reply.
Unfortunately, it was hard to ignore each other when they were supposed to be working together in a group. The third member of their group, Haku, was completely lost. He knew the situation, but he had no idea what to do, so he was doing his Algebra homework instead. They weren't getting very far on their project, but he certainly wasn't going to be the one to tell them to get to work.
The bell rang, not a moment too soon.
The last period of the day also had its dueling pair, too: Deidara and Sasori. And unlike their roommates, who took the passive approach and ignored each other, these two were antagonizing each other every turn they got. Or rather--Sasori was instigating things, and Deidara was trying his hardest to defend himself.
"I am wondering what American dresses will look like," said the French student, grinning evilly behind his steepled fingers.
"Shouldn't you be teaching, yeah?" Deidara shot back.
The rest of the French class, quite used to this, either talked with each other or watched. No one was going to interrupt them; they didn't want class, either, after all.
"You are the one who constantly says I am not le prof."
"If you're not teaching, I'm not staying."
"If you leave, you'll get a detention. I'm picturing you in a tutu, and I'm wondering how far off I will be…"
"Or one of those dresses--what are they called? A prom dress, oui."
Deidara got up and walked out of class.
"What do you think you two are doing?" Kakashi asked critically, raising an eyebrow as Kabuto and Sasori came into their room so assumingly. He had been doing his homework, quite peacefully, too, when the interruption came. While it was Latin work and he usually would have welcomed Kabuto's help, tonight was not the usual.
"Vous allez dormir chez vous, naturallement," Sasori replied, sitting down on the empty bed. "Ou est Deidara?"
"English, please!" Kakashi didn't have the patience to deal with the both of them, but until Deidara got out of the shower, it looked like he'd have to. Lovely. He didn't need one, having taken one that morning, but he decided to take one after his roommate vacated it. Anything to get a few moments of peace.
"We'll be sleeping in here tonight. To make sure neither of you sneak out and try to skip out tomorrow," Kabuto told him in a businesslike tone. He set down a pile of blankets and a pillow on the floor, dropping his backpack by the items.
"Both of you…?"
Kakashi didn't bother replying. It would be impossible to do any more homework that night, but it seemed as if the teachers were more lax during Cultural Week, so he supposed he'd be fine with this tiny slip-up in his usual schoolwork schedule. This, too, only increased his indignation. Did Kabuto honestly think he'd be the sort to skip out? Deidara had already proven himself as that type, but Kakashi had a bit of honor.
…Not that he wouldn't have skipped out.
"Ou est Deidara?" Sasori repeated flatly, setting down his things at his feet.
"In the shower," Kakashi replied curtly, guessing at the question. "He should be out soon…"
On cue, the bathroom door opened and Deidara walked out. He looked at Kabuto, then Sasori, and then finally Kakashi, and walked over to the closet as if nothing was out of the ordinary. Kakashi grimaced, expecting a bigger reaction. Deidara grabbed his brush from his pile of things, and then walked back into the bathroom, the lock's click quite audible.
"He seems used to being babysat," Kabuto drawled.
"I suppose it would come with being a delinquent."
"Assholes," came the response from the bathroom.
The next morning, Kakashi woke up just as Deidara fell out of the top bunk. He had been trying to get down from there, but instead fell, waking up the other two, and successfully erasing any chance they had of escape. As the blonde American was clutching his head where he hit it, the other three got up and stretched as if nothing was wrong.
Inwardly, Kakashi was cursing his bad luck. If Deidara hadn't been so clumsy, then they both could have snuck out, and avoided this twisted sort of amusement. He was also inching towards the closet, wondering if he would be able to get to it first and take out a few of the things he needed to.
A knock on the door interrupted his plan, however. Sasori, being the closest, opened it. Surprisingly, it was Tenten and Karin on the other side. The girls shifted nervously, glancing at each other when they saw that it was Sasori who answered. "Donde esta Kabuto?" Karin asked, tilting her head to the side. "We checked your room, but--"
"I'm in here!"
"How many languages do you know?" Kakashi asked suspiciously.
"I'm only fluent in English," he replied vaguely. He wiggled out of his sleeping bag and opened the door wider after kicking it out of the way. "Ah, girls. …Why are you two here? Did you need something?"
The two looked at each other again, before thrusting out their hands. They had all sorts of different makeup products in their grasps. "If you are going to dress as girls, you need to look the part!" Karin exclaimed.
"…Humanity is depraved when it comes to torture," Sasori remarked wryly, glancing back to see Deidara and Kakashi backed into the corner, terrified.
"Hey, Kakashi, nice--"
Kakashi was as hostile as he'd ever been in his life. By fourth period, it came naturally, and he snapped at anyone to look at him the wrong way. Kisame was the latest victim of his anger, but he just wouldn't let it drop.
"I just wanted to say that you look pretty." There were entirely too many snickers around the classroom for Kakashi to pretend that no one had heard that. "You make a fine drag queen," Kisame added with a barely restrained grin.
"Teacher, can I go puke?" one of the girls asked, raising her hand. She was one of the few who wasn't amused by the demonstration. Kakashi peered at her more closely, trying to place her name, in case he needed an ally. He recognized her vaguely, but only from English class…
"No, you can't," the teacher replied, not looking up from his book. "Keep reading, class."
"Konan, why do you have to be such a spoilsport?" Kisame pouted, turning to her.
"I'm all for mental torture, but not when it interrupts my reading," she snapped in reply. Kakashi finally placed her; she had been the one to speak up and dismiss the teacher on the first day of English class. Now he busied himself--getting his mind off of his own predicament--trying to figure out which nationality she was dressed as. He would guess Dutch or one of those Scandinavian countries, but he wasn't good with geography, so he would probably be off.
Her blue hair was braided into pigtails, sticking out slightly because of the short length. She wasn't wearing her usual heavy makeup, instead just sticking with blush to make her cheeks rosy, and she was wearing a white and blue dress that made him think of windmills and tulips and pointy hats. Was that Dutch? Or was it another country he was thinking of?
"This is hardly torture," Kisame replied, reaching over and snapping her book closed. She glared at him; she had just lost her place, thanks to him. "See? That was a form of mental torture."
"No, that was stupidity," she said hotly, smacking him in the shoulder with her book. "And need I remind you how you looked last year--?"
Kakashi perked up. That was right! Sasori and Kisame had had to cross dress last year. "Hey, Konan, are there any pictures of last year's Cultural Week?"
It was obvious what he was asking. Konan smiled at him prettily, setting her book down on her desk. "Why, yes, there are."
Kakashi's day just got a lot better.
…Even if he was in a skirt.
"Smile, everyone!" At lunch, Kabuto ambushed them yet again. Kakashi looked up, mouth full of fries (or chips, as they called them there, apparently), and out of the corner of his eye, he saw several other heads go up. Imagine their collective horror as Kabuto took their picture, looking at the camera, pleased. "That one was pretty good. Kakashi, were the chips really necessary?" he asked, laughing.
Kakashi swallowed. "Yes," he gasped, washing them down with the nearest drink. "I didn't get to eat breakfast, if you recall. And I'm not anorexic like the supermodel over there."
Deidara growled at the nickname, poised to throw a fistful of fries when Kabuto shot him a glare. He set the food back down on his plate, cowed. "Dressing like this just makes me sick, yeah."
"If it's any consolation, you both look good," Konan said primly. After coming to Kakashi's rescue in their last class, she joined them for lunch. She was also brandishing pictures of last year's Cultural Week, though no one but she, Kisame and Kakashi knew of that just yet. "Oh--you, too, Kakuzu." The Russian grunted, arms folded over his chest. He was wearing the same dress as yesterday, but at least today he was wearing a shirt and pants underneath.
"Some guys just look good cross dressing," Kakashi said airily, shrugging. He was in too good of a mood, now; he would soon get to see Kisame and Sasori in drag, successfully shutting them both up for the day, and he finally got to eat. Win-win situation.
Though the constant pictures Kabuto was taking were a bit depressing. It meant that next year, these pictures would also be seen by laughing exchange students.
"Deidara, Kakashi, Kakuzu--stand up, all of you. I want to get the full effect," Kabuto said with a smirk.
Kisame reached over and plucked the camera from his grasp. "What about you, huh? We need some pictures of you, mein führer."
"No! I'm not very photogenic."
"Neither am I when I'm in a dress, yeah," Deidara snarled, making a grab for the camera as well. Kisame held it well out of his grasp, above his head, where the blonde couldn't reach from his spot on the other side of the table. Kakashi ducked his head to avoid the flailing limbs and continued eating, wondering when it would be a good time to ask to see the pictures. Probably when Kisame started acting up again.
"I thought you were all fags before." Hidan also decided to join them for lunch, apparently. "But this takes the cake. The whole fucking cake."
"Shut the hell up," Deidara snapped.
"Make me, bitch," Hidan replied without hesitation. Soon, the two of them were at it, arguing loudly, until Kakuzu intervened and pulled them apart. He then sat between them, stopping any further conflicts.
"Such anger you boys have," Konan sighed.
"They're only in a bad mood because of their ensembles," Sasori said blandly, sipping his coffee.
"Oh, yes, I quite agree with that," she said with a nod. "…I also remember you being quite irritable this time last year."
Suddenly, the table got deadly quiet. All eyes were on either Konan or Sasori, who were at opposite ends of the table. Sasori narrowed his eyes a bit. "…It is a cause for anyone to get irritable," he replied warily.
"Still, it seems that the cuter you look, the angrier you become. It's some sort of law of Cultural Week. Why, look at Deidara." Konan gestured towards the blonde, much to his annoyance. Sasori relaxed as another was dragged into the conversation, and nodded. He was still on guard, though. "He does look a bit more feminine than you did, though."
"Oh, really?" Kakashi asked, unable to resist.
"Oh, yes. Want to see?"
"Merde!" Sasori swore, burying his face in his arms on the table. He knew where that was going.
Kisame took a different approach. As Konan pulled them out of her backpack, he reached over and picked a few out of her hands. He couldn't get quite all of them, however, and she held her hands away from him before he could take any of the others. "Give me them--!"
"No!" she replied with a chuckle, passing them around.
Kisame's face joined Sasori's in the buried-in-their-arms group.
"I was wondering when these would surface," Kabuto said innocently, looking at one of them before passing it on to Kakashi. "I remember taking a few of these. Oh--that one I distinctly remember. Luckily, I didn't take it. Hidan did. And right after he did, Kisame decided he'd had enough and punched him in the face. Knocked him out and nearly broke his nose."
"It was a lucky shot," Hidan huffed. Most ignored him, though he did elicit a small chuckle from Kakuzu.
"I like your beret, Sasori," Kakashi said with a grin, finally getting his first glimpse of last year's Cultural Week. Sasori didn't take his head up from his arms, but instead raised one hand, two fingers. Kakashi looked to Kabuto for help; a peace sign?
"He is… Well, it's the British version of that gesture," he said helplessly, pointing at Hidan, who, always happy to help explain customs, was holding up his middle finger.
"Oh, cool." The British even had a cooler way to flip someone off. His awe was short-lived, though, since the next photograph was a full-body shot of both Kisame and Sasori.
"I want to see!" Deidara exclaimed, reaching across the table to take it from a laughing Kakashi's grasp. He, too, cracked up and passed it on to Kakuzu. "Th-That's amazing, yeah! Very artistic, Sasori. Was the fishnet comfortable?"
"At least he didn't have to shave his legs," Kisame grumbled. That only set off a new round of laughter, and a bit of relief for the two Americans; they hadn't been forced into shaving, at least.
"I knew there was something I forgot…" Kabuto said to himself.
"I think Sasori is wearing the same beret," Konan added smugly. And, to the others' collective amusement, it turned out that he was.
Cultural Week seemed to end soon after that; nothing could compare to the drama of getting the two American students into drag and the embarrassment of the veterans. Or maybe, perhaps it was the fact that too many other things happened that made the time fly by. Having a mock Triwizard Tournament for all of the Brits dressed as Harry Potter characters, Kabuto getting stalked and hugged by several enthusiastic girls after dressing as the Doctor (whoever that was, Kakashi didn't know; he just kept them away), Haku getting carried off again by similarly enthusiastic girls, and Kisame recruiting several of the younger students into his supposedly harmless, supposedly fake Nazi group were only a few of the highlights.
Kabuto and Hidan emailing the parents of all of the exchange students with pictures of their children in full stereotype (and drag, in some cases) wasn't a highlight, though.