Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. It is the property of Masashi Kishimoto; I merely borrow the characters for my own amusement.

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Not a Prince

It's funny. I can't really feel anything anymore. Hell, I don't think I even need to breathe. It's kinda cool, with all this water around me, and floating down mindlessly.

Haha. Floating down. Have to remember that. I seem to be remarkably lucid for someone who's been spitted like Bunta's Sunday dinner. Hah. At least my unsurpassed sense of humor hasn't deserted me yet. Admit it; you found me funny on more than one occasion. And of course I know you'd rather give up drinking than say that. …I wonder if you're thinking of me right now.

Tsunade.

Pride of Konoha Village, our princess—our amazing, incomparable, big-breasted princess.

I was the one who stole your bra, by the way. You know, the tiny one with the little red heart over your right-

I imagine if you heard what I was saying, you'd have punched my face in already. I don't think you're above mutilating a dying man. Like that other time. I was honestly unconscious after you slapped me once, you know. You didn't need to kick me too.

And besides. It's not like I saw all that much. It was quite frustrating actually, 'cause you were just huddling under the water and all that steam made everything hard to see.

Nah, the time I really got an eyeful was when you leapt up and screamed at me. Granted, I saw stars and the night sky next, but I tell you. I would've died happy then. Right then.

I mean, how could the angels of heaven compare to that? I'm pretty sure angels aren't allowed to flaunt F-cup racks as they traverse the heavenly streets (though if they did, then nobody would mind dying, ever).

Ah, yes. While I'm on the confessions, I might as well tell you that Dan didn't really read or look at porn (definitely not the mild-mannered Dan). I planted them in his room, as a joke. Sort of. Just so he could have the privilege of experiencing your patented pervert treatment as well.

(I'm so lucky you can't hear me right now or I'd be dead already.)

No, seriously, Dan was quite the gentleman. He was kind of boring that way, you know? But he that was how he was perfect for you, the prince to your princess.

I hope you don't feel sorry for rejecting me so many times. I know you joke about it, but I can see it bothers you. Rejection does make a man stronger, in a way. He ends up spending the time he would have spent with you burning frustration through intensive training. And composing porn indirectly written to – about – you (…but you didn't need to know that).

This should be making you feel better, eh? But I'm just talking to an image of you in my head the things I could never say to your face (because one, it would be suicidal, and two, pretty much pointless).

It's okay, really. I know where I stand. Dan was your prince and I was just… a toad. Not a prince, but a toad—just a measly toad (damn, I'm depressing).

That almost sounds like a new book. The toad who loved the princess. But princes are the ones who get the princess in the end, you know? Just a toad.

The princess of Konoha. Our princess.

My princess.

Tsunade.

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I love you.