Another crack!fic from our community. Written by boundary, pocketsun, whisperwords, Oosez, and simmeringly on livejournal. We don't own the characters. It's gross, it's mature. We are clearly insane. Working title was "BLOODGASM".


Bella had imagined her first time with Edward for months. She knew that soon after they'd gotten married, that the time would come. But Edward wanted it to be special and so Bella waited until they had a night alone before they tried to do anything.

Bella was sitting on her own in their shared bedroom at the Cullens' when Edward walked in and sat beside her.

"Everyone's gone on a hunting trip. We're on our own for three days… finally. " The final word was like a sigh of relief. Edward's eyes smoldered even more than usual, their topaz hue was darker than normal and Bella found herself staring much too deeply into them. "Breathe, Bella," Edward chuckled.

"Sorry.. I've.. just wanted this for so long," Bella said quietly.

Edward smiled and held her face gently, "I have too."

Edward held her shoulders in his cold granite hands, leaning forward to nuzzle her neck. "You smell fantastic tonight, love. I hope I won't disappoint you."

Bella's breath hitched as she felt his marble lips graze against her throat, and she ripped off her shirt, turning to straddle him. He laughed as she began to fervently attack his lips with her own, her kissing frantic as she unbuttoned his shirt.

Edward reached for her pants, and instead of sliding them off just ripped them away from her legs, leaving them bare. He picked up Bella and laid her back on the bed, removing his own pants, and positioning himself over her. He looked deeply into her eyes, and she lost herself in the deep lakes of topaz that his eyes were.

"God, Bella, you're so beautiful," he whispered against her lips while his cold hands caressed her body. The icy temperature of his body against hers was enough to pull her over the edge, but she was determined to make this perfect.

He began to kiss her neck and quiet sighs began to escape her lips. He slid himself down her body until he was near her most sensitive region. The thoughts that raced through her mind caused her body to flush in heat and anticipation. A crooked smile appeared on his beautiful face and she squealed in delight as he ripped off her white panties. She was naked before him now, and her insecurities began to take over. She quickly wrapped her arms around her chest. She'd never been this exposed before.

Edward eased himself back up her body and took a hold of her arms, removing them from around her.

"Darling, don't hide yourself. I love you, and you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life."

She smiled softly and opened her mouth to speak, but was silenced by his lips crashing against hers. Her fingertips trailed down his body, coming at a rest against the fabric of his silky boxers. His hands gripped hers, and he smiled.

He stood up and removed them. He was before her now, looking as perfect as she knew he would be. It was like all her dreams were becoming a reality.

He settled himself back above her, and looked into her eyes. "Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" he asked with a serious tone.

"Edward," she breathed, "I've wanted this for so long. Please."

"As you wish," he whispered.

The moment he entered her she let out a gasp.

Not from pleasure, but from shock!

She felt the warm liquid dripping onto her legs, and tears began to form in her eyes.

Edward looked at her, not fully understanding what was going on. "Bella, have I hurt you?"

She tried to push him away, but he wouldn't move. This was so embarrassing!

"Bella, darling, tell me what's wrong!"

"Edward, what do you think is wrong!" she yelled, more blood making it's way down her legs. Edward disentangled himself from her and crouched down. "Let me see, I did complete medical school twice."

"Oh, all right!"

He slid down her body and lowered his head. "OH HOLY CRAP!" he shrieked and jumped back.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

He was standing with his back to her, so she couldn't see, but as he turned around, she cried out in agony. His face was covered in her blood!

"It just – you're squirting blood and it hit me in the face. I've heard of bleeding during the first time, but you're like a fountain down there!"

Bella's face was streaked with tears. She wanted to cover up, but she also didn't want to get blood all over everything they owned. So she sat very, very still. She pulled her legs closed, trying to stop the squirting. The bed was warm with her blood.

Edward licked his lips.

Just then, the door flew open.

"It is I, Jacob—WHAT THE FUCK!?"

"Jacob, what are you doing here!?" Bella shrieked, giving up on keeping most of her sheets nice and pulling them around her body as fast as she could. Jacob looked at her, and then looked at Edward, and then back at Bella. He narrowed his eyes.

"Got thirsty, huh?" he asked Edward, who muttered something about dogs under his breath. Bella whimpered.

"Jake, why are you here?" Bella asked. Jake took one look at the blood-soaked sheets she was lying on.

"Apparently, I'm rescuing you from certain doom," he replied. Edward, his face still covered in blood, stepped between him and the bed.

"Bella doesn't need rescuing," he said, "She needs a tampon."

Bella sat on the bed, completely still to the world, feeling the rolling drops of heat slide down her thighs onto the sheets. She lowered her head, knowing her face would be as red as the dead blood between her legs. What she didn't realise however, was that the red smudge was spreading from her cheeks, down her neck, onto her chest...

Hearing heavy panting she looked up tentatively into the smoldering, topaz eyes of Edward. He seemed to be looking elsewhere however, and she blushed even redder at how hard her nipples were becoming. She looked to her best friend, her sun, for support and saw him sliding a long, wet tongue over his canines, a smirk forming. One eyebrow crooked upwards, and he said, "I think she needs to clean up first"

The two boys, men – no, beasts – converged on her, fingers stretching out to pinch at her nipples and spread wildfire along her skin. She was panting, horribly embarrassed yet completely aroused.

"I can't," she moaned, "there's blood all over me – Edward you'll –"

"Bella, my brilliant meteor, I can only exert so much control..." he whispered, as he licked slowly up her thigh. Bella gasped and arched her back only to be interrupted by another.

"Look, you – you leech – she's mine!" Jacob swiftly scooped her into his arms. Without a word of warning, he left the bedroom and carried Bella into a nearby bathroom. Carefully he turned around to close, lock and bar the door. "Now we have some privacy" he said huskily, raking her body with his eyes.

He turned on the tap in the bathtub and soaked a towel with the water. He wiped the tears of embarrassment from her face before wiping the blood away from her skin. He then squeezed the towel, hot drops of water splashing onto her most sensitive region, making her gasp and squirm. Jacob smirked sinfully, "You like that, huh?"

She nodded shyly. He dropped the towel into the slowly filling tub and slid his fingers all along her legs, before penetrating her. As she gasped his lips met hers, and they kissed, wildly, passionately, better than all her controlled kisses with Edward.

BOOM.

The door crashed open, splinters flying in all directions.

"She's not a bitch you can just mate with, you mongrel"

Edward stood in the doorway, black eyes smoldering with anger, passion and desire. Bella's breathe hitched, but she was shocked to hear Jacob's breath speeding up also. She looked up when his hand had stopped moving, and saw the roiling emotion in his eyes.

"Jacob, what is going on..."

Jacob stood up, dropping her onto the toilet, and walked over to Edward, standing chest-to-chest with him.

"Let's finish what we started back in that tent..." he whispered lowly, menace lacing his words.

Suddenly Bella watched as both Edward and Jacob pulled into each other, each hastily pulled at the others hair and skin. Both trying to find a connection in the other through touch, through the lust that was apparent now.

Bella didn't know whether she should look away or not, she was so intriguied at the men before her. Never did she imagine that these supposed enemies, sworn ages before her parents were born, would be doing what they were doing.

Edward broke from Jacob and looked to Bella to test the waters. She smiled dully and stood to stand beside them. Jake looked down at her naked form and sighed quietly. Edward looked from Jacob to Bella and soon the question in the air was answered as Bella's mouth was against Jacob's and her hand was searching for Edward. Edward's mouth trailed kisses down her collarbone before ripping her from Jacob's embrace.

Bella kissed Edward hard and then pulled back and put her hands behind each boy's head. They understood her intent and started to kiss even more passionately. Bella wrapped a towel around herself and found her way to Edward's bedroom.

No sooner than she left did she hear growls and snarls and broken home furnishings. Mirrors were crashing, it even sounded as if the shower had been pulled from the wall and soon she saw the water seeping under the wood door.

The crashing suddenly stopped and she heard a snap and a window shatter. Moments later Edward entered the bedroom covered in blood and holding huge chunks of hair.

"What… where's Jake?" Bella asked gingerly.

Edward smirked and wiped the blood from his arms and chest. "He had enough and went home."

Bella lowered her head as Edward slid in behind her. "Wolfboy is alright. Promise. But I can't say the same about his.. backside."

Bella tried not to look angry or jealous, but it didn't help that Edward had a grin on his face that she was sure would be there for days.