Author's note: Gotta love the crack, right? So I started writing this for New Year's but I missed the deadline…and I lost inspiration for a while. I finished it yesterday but I still don't like the ending. I wanted something funnier to happen, but my brain refused to think anymore, so I gave up :P I really love Hidan, but it's so easy to humiliate him. I want to draw him now…hmmm.
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, this would be completely canon. I'd put it in one of those 'Conversation with Akatsuki' things at the end of the anime :D
It all started with a hat.
"Why do I have to wear it?"
"Because if it were to be placed on either my head or Deidara's, it would look ridiculous."
"So? What makes you think it'll look better on me?"
"It matches your eyes, un."
"But my eyes are—"
"We know, Hidan. That is why it would look better."
"You're fucking messing with my head, aren't you, Uchiha?"
"Not in the slightest. Just put on the hat."
"No fucking way! Look at it! It's got fluffy, frilly stuff attached! I'll look like a fucking pansy if I go out wearing it!"
"But it matches your eyes, un."
"Shut up about that, blondie! I don't give a fuck if it matches my eyes! I'm not wearing it and that's final!"
Hidan didn't like the look in Itachi's eyes. A few seconds later, Hidan found the pink frilly hat on his head. He didn't know how that had happened but he suspected the Uchiha had hypnotized him to do it. He was sneaky like that. And when he attempted to remove the ugly thing from his perfect head, Itachi gave him a look that promised death should he do anything. Hidan knew he wouldn't die, no matter how ruthless the other man could be, but he still would prefer not to be charred bits of flesh from whatever the Uchiha had in mind.
So Hidan was forced to walk around the Akatsuki lair with a pink frilly, fuzzy hat on his head. He could hear snickers around every corner. Kakuzu was giving him that look he only gave when he was thinking really hard about something. "What the fuck do you want?" Hidan finally grumbled out.
"The hat…really compliments your eyes, Hidan," Kakuzu sneered.
"Fuck you! You know what, fuck the hat too! I don't give a shit what that Uchiha does to me! I'm sick of wearing this fucking pansy-ass hat!" And with that he ripped the hat off his head…or at least…tried to. "The fuck? Why won't it come off?" He pulled harder and let out a yelp of pain. "Oh shit…he didn't…he wouldn't…" He pulled at it again and stared in open-mouthed horror as he realized what Itachi had done. "He…He fucking…"
"He glued the hat to your head," Kakuzu stated. "Clever."
"It is NOT fucking clever!" Hidan spat. "He glued it to my hair!" he wailed. "What kinda messed up fucker does that?!"
Hidan's cursing could be heard all across the Akatsuki hideout. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Itachi took a delicate sip from his tea cup and picked up the stick of dangos in front of him. Deidara was sitting across from him, his arms folded on the table. "Don't you think gluing the hat to his head was a little extreme, Itachi, un?" he asked.
Itachi took a bite of a dango and swallowed. "It matched his eyes."
The blonde gave him an irritated look. "…you didn't answer my question."
"He would have ripped the hat from his head if I hadn't glued it on."
"I should like to enjoy seeing him with that hat on a few more times."
Itachi smirked as he finished the last of his dango. "Pink suits him."
Author's note: Oh Itachi...you funny man, you. Like I said, I thought long and hard trying to use some funny last line...but there's only so much humor you can use for Itachi and my brain just wouldn't come up with any ideas :( Ah well, I've got several fics I need to work on now and a Sasori pic to color for my friend...as well as other pics O.o Bye for now!