A/N: Yes, another new story.
This one takes place IN KAYFABE because Spiffy's been bothering me to do one.
If you don't know what kayfabe means (because I've realized that a lot of you don't), it means that it takes place within the storylines. Meaning, the storylines are real. There is not "real life." Edge and Christian are brothers in this.
I can't remember who the commentators were, so I'm keeping it as JR and King on RAW. I think that's actually right, but I'm not sure.
"Two thumbs down!" Edge yelled.
"Two thumbs totally down!" Christian concurred.
Edge and Christian were sitting with JR and King. They were the special guest commentators for the tag team match: The Hardy Boyz versus the Dudley Boys. Edge and Christian held the World Tag Team Championship. This match would determine who the number one contenders were.
"What are you giving a thumbs down to? That was an amazing display of Poetry in Motion!" JR raved.
"What are you talking about, JR? If Edge and Christian say that it gets a thumbs down, then it gets a thumbs down!" King refuted.
"No, King, it gets two totally awesome thumbs down," Christian corrected. "After all, the Hardy Boyz are pretty much a couple of fantastic reekazoids."
"Correct you are, Christian," Edge agreed. "I think that Matt and Jeff Hardy just might be the most magical and fantabulous reekazoids to ever exist! The only reason that they're around is because the WWE is an equal opportunity employer. They need to fill their reekazoid quota for the year."
"Excellent explanation," Christian said, admiring his brother's elocution. "Shall we give them a two kazoo salute for being such reekazoids?"
"Wait until after they lose, baby brother. Then we can follow it up with a five second pose!" Edge suggested.
"Well, isn't that just cruel," JR admonished the local pranksters.
"Jim Ross, quit being such a pansy," Christian said. "I know what will cheer you up!"
"And what is that?"
"I'll let you wear my glasses!" Christian said. He excitedly took off his huge goggles and placed them on JR's head.
"Get this off of me!" JR yelled, pulling the green and blue goggles off of his head and tossing them back at Christian.
"Jeez, you try to do something nice for someone…" Christian said, putting his goggles back on.
"GET THE TABLES!" D-Von and Bubba Ray yelled while in the ring.
"What? Earl Hebner, stop them!" JR called from behind the announcer's table. "This is not a hardcore match!"
King started laughing. "JR, do you really think that the Dudley Boys care? They just like smashing people through tables, and the crowd doesn't seem to disagree."
"If they smash Lita through the table, then I'll give the crowd a ten second pose!" Edge said. Lita was standing in front of them, and she heard what Edge had said. She turned around and glared at Edge.
"Why do you hate me so much?" Lita asked, tossing her hands up in the air.
"Lita, why don't you just pull your pants up and watch as your boyfriend gets smashed though a table," Christian said, pointing to the other side of the ring.
Bubba Ray had already set up a table on the outside. They tossed Jeff on the outside. Bubba hopped back into the ring and they gave Matt a 3D to the outside of the ring, smashing him through the table.
Referee Earl Hebner called for the bell to be rung, disqualifying D-Von and Bubba Ray. Edge and Christian stood up and tossed down the headsets that they were wearing. "Come on, ref!" Christian yelled. "You reekazoid! That wasn't a disqualification!"
"You're going to let the Hardyz win for that?" Edge yelled.
The Dudley Boys hightailed it out of the arena after losing the match. Edge and Christian grabbed two microphones and jumped in the ring. Lita and Jeff were still on the outside of the ring, checking on Matt.
"This is a very happy time," Christian started off.
"That is correct, dear brother," Edge said. "I think this calls for a song!"
"Indeed it does!"
Edge and Christian reached into their pockets and pulled out their kazoos. They stood up straight with their title belts strung over their shoulders. They faced the three on the outside of the ring and blew into their kazoos. They were playing the slow, funeral march.
Lita was the first to step up. Since Edge and Christian both dropped their microphones for their performance, Lita picked one up.
"You two are complete assholes!" she screamed. "Why would you do that? How would you feel if you got your asses kicked and people were playing music to celebrate?"
Christian started laughing hysterically. So hysterically, in fact, that he was rolling around on the canvas. "That is hilarious, Lita!" he said as he reached for a microphone. "We're the tag champs. We don't get our asses kicked."
Trish ran down to the ring and attacked Lita. "What the hell is this for?" Christian asked.
"Shh, Christian. This reeks of awesomeness!" Edge said, tossing his arm out in front of Christian.
Jeff jumped up and separated the ladies. "Aw, Jeff, you party pooper," Edge frowned.
"No cake and soda for you!" Christian threatened.
After Jeff untangled Trish and Lita, two thirds of Team Xtreme left the arena. The medics came down to help Matt out. Trish hopped in the ring to join Edge and Christian. She gently took the microphone away from Christian's hands and brought it up to her own mouth.
"Christian, do you think we should tell them?" Trish innocently asked.
"Tell them what?" Edge wondered. He had no idea what his little brother was up to.
"Listen up, everyone! Trish and I…are dating!" Christian announced to the crowd. The crowd booed back at them as they hugged in the ring.
Edge rolled his eyes. "Good job, little brother. Really, I didn't know you could land something this awesome." Edge walked to the other side of the ring and peered down at Matt Hardy being tended to by the medics. "Christian, we never did our five second pose!"
"You're right, Edge!" Christian remarked, breaking away from Trish.
Edge and Christian hopped out of the ring and scared all of the doctors away. After all, who would want to mess with the tag team champs?
Edge and Christian each lifted a leg and did a Captain Morgan like pose on Matt Hardy's stomach and Trish cheered them on from inside the ring.
A/N: Kind of rushed, I know. But this was mostly a set up chapter. Everything will pan out…eventually.